Some loony Robbie Williams fan sent this article to me. Apparently she thought I gave a damn about Robbie saying he was gay. She was, needless to say, sadly mistaken. I was, however, very interested by Robbie's extreme hatred for Teddy Bears...
-Robbie Williams has thrown his sanity into doubt again in a bizarre outburst. During a fan-only gig in Paris, he abused fans, claimed to be about to strip and insisted he was gay.
The 200 invite Radio NRJ-special began with the ex-Take That-er reminding us after the 'Rock DJ' fiasco how his lyrical skills ain't all that. 'Mon, nom est Robbie Williams et j'ai un **** ** ** ass,' he announced.
When a teddy bear was thrown at him, he booted it backstage only to retrieve it and began a rant. 'In England, we call these teddy bears,' he jibbed 'What do you call them here? Robbie Williams?'
Locating the well-meaning teddy-launching fan, he abused her until she cried. 'You see the truth is I really hate teddy bears! They remind me of the days girls threw teddy bears at me when I was in Take That.'
As the singled-out fan began to cry, he turned on her 'Oh I'm sorry, don't cry! Have you just come? Anyway, if you want to throw something at me, throw condoms. With your name on.'
A fan obliged and Robbie suggested, wrapping the condom around his fingers, that security take her backstage for him. But despite these lurid heterosexual advances, Robbie then proceeded to declare he was gay. His song-writing partner was then introduced with: 'Guy and I have been in a steady sexual relationship for three years now.'
Clearly confused or just capable of saying anything for attention he added: "So, this is my coming out party. I'm now officially known as Roberta Williams. I'm joking…"
Finally he announced 'Rock DJ' with: 'This is the song where I take all my clothes off…The crowd went wild as he added:'…in the video.'
*Shakes finger* You've been a very naughty boy Bob-o, I mean, uh Roberta. Hey, at least she wasn't throwing rocks at you, those would have really hurt. However, I do see your point, Teddy Bears are pure evil, sent straight from the depths of hell by Satan himself...now aren't they? Damn right. They may look soft and cuddly but don't let them fool you, they=E V I L. I remember my sister use to have this gigantic white one that would sit on her bed and at night it would threaten to kill me when I fell asleep. One day our cat, Robert, no I swear his name really was Robert, suddenly vanished and that night, as teddy told he we was going to poke my eyes out with a wire hanger, I noticed that on it's plaid little bow-tie there was a blood stain....poor kitty, he was never seen again. Sad story huh? Yeah, and it's all true, that's why I hate teddy bears. I might not have been in a boy band where they were chucked at my head nightly, but I'm still a victim of teddy bear torture. Oh, but we must move on...Now I've come up with a small "Top 5 List" for all you confused fans who want to throw something at Robbie's head during a concert but aren't quite sure what.
Top 5 Things Not to Throw At Robbie During a Concert
05 A "Take That Rules" T-shirt
04 Teen Bop, "Robbie the Heartthrob" issue
03 Your younger sister's Little Mermaid undies
02 Your glow in the dark retainer
01 "Love Me Tender" teddy bear
Top 5 Things to Throw Instead
05 A "Take That Rips" T-shirt
04 Playgirl, "Chicks with Dicks" issue
03 Your younger brother's He-man undies
02 A few glow in the dark condoms (Name printed neatly on them...Yohoo, Pierre)
01 Atomically Correct "S&M Buck Wild Rogers" teddy bear