Robbie Williams is the best thing since sliced baloney. Huh, what's that? Baloney's always been sliced? Oh, well smarty pants, you know what I mean. The first time I saw Robbie was in the Back for Good video, only, at the time, I had no idea who the freak spinning in the rain was. Back then my best friend loved this song *Coughs* Loser *Coughs* and she would torture me by constantly watching the stupid video. I mean, have you ever seen it? Which one of those fruitloops came up with that lame idea? I bet it was Gary Barlows' wasn't it? "I know we can dance and sing in the rain!" Um, why? "Because girls will find us sexy!" Sexy? With you wearing that bear skin coat?!? Think again, Skippy. My friend's favorite member was Howard.
See, I told you she was a loser, didn't I?
Now, I wouldn't see Robbie again until years later. Back when I use to watch MTV, that would be back when they actually use to play music videos, I happen to see the premiere of Robbie's Millennium video. I thought it sucked. Wheat field? No thanks, I'll pass. Besides I took one look at the guy in the white Wham! shorts and I almost lost my lunch. I'm not a very big fan of videos that make me gag so I didn't think anymore of Millennium. Then, about 2 weeks later, I was again watching MTV and TRL was on. Carson was interviewing this guy named Robbie and I was like, "what's this shit all about? Where the hell's my idol, Britney Spears?!? Oh, I know who that guy is, he's the hoochie short wearing dork from that wheat video. I was really mad they had that crap on, but I watched it anyway and by the end of the interview I was completely infatuated. No longer was Robbie a dork in white Wham! shorts, no, he was a studdly dork in white porn shorts. See the difference? Yes, I knew you would.
After that interview I couldn't stop talking about him. That's when it happened. I was going on one of my usual rants, trying to convince my friends to just listen to Robbie's music, when my friend Sarah said to me, "Robbie Williams? You mean that dork in those white hoochie short? Didn't he use to be in that boy band Take That?!?" *Gasps* That bitch was always trying to bring me down, so I didn't believe her at first, but then I checked it out and, oh the horror, it was all true! *Bangs head on desk* He had been in a boy band.
I tried to move on, but I just couldn't. I had fallen into a downward spiral of Robbie Williams Cds and Take That flashbacks. Now, instead of my friend forcing me to watch Back For Good, I voluntarily watched it. *Sobs* I even sang along. I was worse than a junkie, I was an ex boy band member junkie! You can't get much lower than that. Please don't hate me...I'm weak.
I really don't know what it is, but Robbie just has this thing about him that makes you love him. Charm? No, I think it's more than that. My money's on that he's an alien who has these mind altering powers and after he uses them to achieve world domination he's going to kill us all with a laser gun. Hey, it could happen...
Seriously though, Robbie is more than just a talented song writer, singer, and performer. I mean when someone can take a complete bitch like myself and make me swoon over white Wham! shorts, they've got to be a brilliantly gifted entertainer and Bob-o is just that- absolutely brilliant.
Or, at least, damn close to it.