melo: triple

[ edit ] @230 Oct.06.2003 09:32:01pm pst
Doyle

One awesome guitarist...simply put.

[ edit ] @803 Oct.06.2003 11:17:42am pst
My soul Brings tears...to angelic eyes..

Ive went ahead and fucked things up with the only person who loves me...I can sense the end. How you ask? Its blowing through my mind like a tornado through a house. And, the sad part is...I was only trying to get her to understand. I didnt say she was fucked up...or anything, I just said I was. And I shouldve known...as I figured out the night when I was walking the street alone..that anyone I open up to, will run from me. And why did I do it again? I dont know...I really dont. This is the last relationship I will ever be in. THeres a calling, a known factor to me that im supposed to be alone in my life. And I will stop denying it, and Follow. what am i writing...nothing anyways...

Your my angel...without wings...and you were always there for me...and when I was dying, you never left my side....

-Matt

[ edit ] @330 Oct.05.2003 11:55:40pm pst
Brooke read this...

I LOVE BROOKE!!!!

[ edit ] @280 Oct.05.2003 10:43:45pm pst
Could I care?

God, I hate myself...I want to fucking die this instant...everythings making my life hell...I cant pick out feelings, I dont know what fucking emotions to take, which to throw. Why am I so socially fucking retarded that I cant figure out the simpliest things....I want to break down..and kill all feeling...Why do these feelings haunt me...I dream about memories of my past in my sleep. Feeling when I was young the times where I should have been happy, then there was my father..who was drunk, and telling me shit. Or the times where I should have been doing fun stuff with friends..I was crying in my room from getting yelled at. WHo the fuck really cares about me anymore? My lifes one big ramble. GOd, I hate my fucking past so much, to everyone in it, youve fucked my whole life up, damn you all. God, I cant see an end...this is endless frustration, endless sorrow, endless fucking anger. I swear to fucking hell...if anyone fucks with me tomorrow their dead. Im feeling very fragile, and I will not tolerate anymore shit. I hope maybe one day i wake up dead. Cause as far as I see....no one would care anyways...Ive never been so fucked up in my life...I need reds...I need brandy, I need to drown out my pain. I cant take much more...I fear one day im just gonna leave this place. and no one will care. not you....not me. And I have to spirit to ascend...The only spirit i Have is the depressed fucked over one inside me. God, I wish I could get this shit to leave me...I cant speak to anyone, IM some fuckin hybrid..I have false confidence...and im so fuckin lost on who i really am that im starting to believe the real me doesnt even exist anymore. its jsut a memory, or maybe this is me....a person of abject misery. from teh beginning of my life to today...and people iming me with my words...askign what they mean, go figure...im out. later.

Touched: 1
[ edit ] @803 Oct.04.2003 11:17:27am pst
Can you Feel?

So I gave up today. I stopped trying my hardest to be reasonable. If someone says they like you, isnt it a natural reaction to believe them? I cant seem to hit this nail on the head. I believe someone and they dont. I dont believe someone and they do. I guess it all lies within the proof. If someone constantly says they miss someone else, yet they say they like you...Maybe it comes time to end it. Detach it. Maybe thats what I will do today...just maybe...Even though I really dont want too. I guess there are the things in your life you really dont want to do..But they benefit you later. I really hope I understand what I read wrong. Cause if I did...it would make me the fuckup, and it would be understandable cuase nothing ever went right in this life of mine anyways...I have this little dream world I think back to everyday...The only place I could see myself enjoying my life for a single second. I wonder what it would really be like...to be there...In some unknown city...driving down between plenty mediocre sized buildings, while the sun sets...having no worries...no difficulties...nothing to bother me, just a simple life Ive always dreamed of. I dont think Ill ever live my dream. People tell me I have nothing to be depressed about. So, if theres nothing to make me depressed, why am I? Ill be damned to say there isnt a reason. I could name plenty off the top of my head. so lost...im confused...i dont know what kind of person I want to be...or how I want people to see me as. I feel like Ill never be happy again... Everyone Ive ever gotten close to just shuns me later on. Then give me some excuse why it wasnt there fault...I dont believe its done... I cant accept that everything Ive ever dreamed to be great is already here...

I pray for the day, where I turn over a new leaf, and my leaf stops turning over on me...

Maybe sorrow, is just my best friend....

-Matt....

Touched: 1
[ edit ] @358 Sep.28.2003 12:36:05am pst
lip piercing...

So, I gave myself a lip piercing tonight...I was expecting pain...yet, I had none at all, lets see what the morning brings...much love...later.

[ edit ] @136 Sep.27.2003 07:15:56pm pst
I will laugh last....

Which AFI Song Are YOU?

[ edit ] @126 Sep.27.2003 07:02:06pm pst
Total Immortal...

Which AFI Song Are YOU?

[ edit ] @690 Sep.27.2003 08:34:12am pst
the creeping cold sound of yesterday...

Yesterdays day...lets see. I went to school and me and this wrestling coach got into a big screaming match and then it ended, so I left and the class that saw, the few people i knew in it, were telling me how brave I was and shit, and i was confused, so I asked why. They said its cause no one even talks to the guy cause hes such a dick...i just said ok, and attempted to change subject. SO then after school ended and all that, i saw this really pretty girl, who I never noticed before...well, i noticed her, but i never took that kinda look till today.so then I came home hung out in my room, and my friend ryan showed up. that was pretty cool. gave me something to do. he wanted to overclock his pc...I have to tell him today its impossible to do...hes gonna be pissed. haha, oh well...tahts yesterday...bye.

[ edit ] @077 Sep.23.2003 05:51:09pm pst
New Colors!

yep...so i made my colors all new and cool...pretty cool...yea, brooke is sexy...see ya round.....

Touched: 1
[ edit ] @751 Sep.20.2003 10:02:04am pst
Grades!

Yea, so today is saturday...man, Ive waited all week for this day...I really enjoyed sleeping in...Alex got a big laugh out of my cupcake joke. You can go see Alex here. So that was fun. I got my grades yesterday...I was disappointed...
Math-B+
English-B+
History-A
Science-A
Compu ter Science-A
CSS-A
P.E.-A (retarded course)

I cant seem to understand why I didnt push myself that much further to make my math and english grades go up. Math is by far my worst subject...But english is usually my strong point. Im not complaing, jsut wondering. Oh well, maybe I will later...its cool though...see ya round...much love, Matt "the creepy guy"

Touched: 2
[ edit ] @749 Sep.17.2003 09:59:36am pst
Confused....

Im really confused and lost in this world of mine...internal decisions are never easy...and I will have to deal with them...and I will...These days so hollow.....

Touched: 4
[ edit ] @386 Sep.13.2003 01:16:29am pst
swp

sheesh...im so depressed.....i hate liking people....

Touched: 1
[ edit ] @038 Sep.08.2003 04:55:23pm pst
So Sorry!!!

Heyyy Everyone!!!!! Im so sorry I havent gotten to all your messages, Ive been really busy trying to get my new color thing looking half decent, and between writing history essays and trying to recall html, It doesnt give me much time, But Im makin my way around right now to sign em all....thanks for stopping by!............much love..........Myself

Touched: 12
[ edit ] @179 Sep.07.2003 08:18:20pm pst
500!!!!!!!!

500 karma!

Touched: 6
[ edit ] @173 Sep.07.2003 08:09:36pm pst
karma issues...

so like I cant get karma...its pissing me off...

Touched: 2
[ edit ] @130 Sep.07.2003 07:07:55pm pst
A Fall Farewell....

In a time of quietness I reflect on childhood memories
Caught wisping through my mind
Falling leaves create the stage
Words spoken were not cherished

On the last day of our friendship
And those words were possibly the last
What were your thoughts

As a dreaming child I awaken to a nightmare
After a gentle nudge I find out you're gone

The machines that kept you alive were careless
Did you ask Him to forgive you
Before, before you passed on you slipped
You slipped, you passed on
The machines that kept you alive were careless
Did you ask Him to forgive you
Before you passed on

You slipped on away into the ground
You broke the vanity
You brought the silence

[ edit ] @125 Sep.07.2003 07:00:20pm pst
Resistance...

I won't allow it. I won't let it happen. This weakness will be strengthened. Take away this battle. Let our fire burn within. Purify. Purify. Don't release your hand from me. I must surrender, must lay it down. What's to gain in my selfishness? What will I promote, and what will be pushed back? My hope must rise, strength come forward. Linking my hand in yours. Let your chains uphold me. I won't break the bond. No more will I remain the same. My God has ever loved himself in me. I am convinced. I must stay.

[ edit ] @123 Sep.07.2003 06:57:38pm pst
To think of you is to treasure an absent memory....

When you shut your eyes and fell asleep
Dark clouds descended on the souls of the ones
Who held you close to their hearts
Close to their hearts

My heart broke
Open

The beauty of an embrace a place
To lay down the pain
Where blood and fire bring rest and peace

I sit away in a secret place the shadow of wings
I think of you
And my heart breaks open

[ edit ] @092 Sep.07.2003 06:12:32pm pst
Endure....

I will endure. It will endure in me. Until the end, forever. I will endure. If we continue in these ways, rebellion bends towards hatred. We rise up for our cause, and forsake the outsiders. Where is this love, this understanding? Who will stand? What will break down. if this uprise of self is left to reign? This age screams for a standard to uphold, and an answer for the questions. The wavering of beliefs lead to destruction. Nothing remains constant to its origin but the unchange faith of Christ. The one stable since creation. Thoughts have come, and theories have gone. Nothing has lasted through resistance. But who can deny, who can dispute the faith that's been throughout since the foundation of the beginning? It has always ben and always will be. Forever. It has been proven. It shall remain. This faith has stood the test. It persists through the conflict. Through the revolt against its ways, nothing has held true like this. No other has revealed such strength. The roots run deep within. Entangling around my rock. Never letting go of this truth. The power that has sustained me.I will endure in what I believe and what I believe wil endure in me...