Site hosted by Build your free website today!
It's 4 in the morning, and I don't know what happens at 4 in morning but something definitly changes. I've always just kept everything to myself all my feelings, even with my best friends, I never really told anyone how much they really mean to me or how I feel about them. I read this quote one time, I forget where I saw it, but I'll always remember it. It said, "People might not remember what you said, but they will always rememeber how you made them feel." I thought about that for a long time and to me, it means that trying to show your feelings towards someone is never a mistake, no matter what. But my biggest probelm is I don't do that, I don't go out on the limb and show people. I guess I just don't want to say the wrong thing or not get across what I really mean and I worry about getting embarrassed, so I don't say anything. I'm 21 now, college is half over and the one certianty about life that I know is that no one ever knows what is going to happen next, weither or not you are going to loose something or someone. Sometimes through jokes and trying to be funny, I can never really just come out and say what I really want to sometimes. And keeping everything inside and staying in my world is not the way I want to go through life anymore. I sit at my desk and I wish that I could go back to when I was high school or middle school or anyother time I missed an opputinity to tell my friends what they mean to me. But sitting here having regrets about who I was, when my friend is going through a hard time, sitting 6 feet from me at his desk, I am making the same mistakes by not telling him how much I care about him, and that compounds my regrets. I know you can never change yesterday but you also can change today. Alot of the people I care about probably don't know how I really feel about them. I don't rememeber the last time I told one of my friends that I care about them and I can't even rememeber the last time I gave my Dad a hug and told him that I loved him. But I think about all of them everyday. You can call me a pussy or sensitive or girly, call me whatever you want. But to me the worst thing I can do with my life is not share it with the people I love.... even though no one knows it. I keep a journal at home and I wish everyone that I know can read it. I just guess I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want the people I care about, not know how I really feel about them. I don't want to go through my life laying down thinking to myself, passing through life. Mabye thats not the way some other people are, but thats the way I am. Take it or leave it.... If your laughing, I don't really care, I'm not embarrassed right now, cause the people who actaully understand know how I feel. And it took me 21 years to say what I really wanted to say and share it with you. I guess I'm just growing up and at least today I have no regrets, at least today I said what I wanted to say. Life goes by way too fast to skip a day or a mintue or even a second.... Like I said at 4 in the morning something changes, mabye at 4 in the morning you grow up a little more, I just didn't realize it cause I've always been asleeping dreaming by myself. If you took the time to read this and you know what I am talking about, you are probably someone I care about, so thanks.. you mean a lot to me.