Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

 

 

 

Crazy Pictures
Jokes
Interesting Facts!
 
 
Crazy Pictures
 
 
How many black dots do you see? Now how many white ones are there??
 
 
How many legs does this elephant have????
 
 
Stare at the black dot - slowly the grey will appear to shrink!!!
 
 
What do you see? An indian woman - or an eskimo??
 
 
Focus on the dot - then move your head back and forwards - wahooooo
 
 
Okay look carefully - are the horizontal lines parallell or sloping????
 
Back to the Top
 
Jokes
 

BLIND SKIES

The passengers on a plane are waiting for their flight to leave when > two
men, both wearing dark glasses, dressed in pilot uniforms, walk
up the aisle. One is being led by a seeing-eye dog, and the other is
tapping his way with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the
cabin as the men go into the cockpit, the door closes, and the
engines start.
The passengers are all looking around for some sign that this is just
a little practical joke, but there is none. As the plane moves faster
and faster down the runway, the people at the windows realize that
they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As
it begins to look as though the plane will never take off and will
plow into the water, screams of panic fill the cabin. But just at
that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
In the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know,
Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're going to
die!

 

VENTRILOQUIST

A ventriloquist is touring the country and stops to entertain in a small
town. He's going through his usual run of off-colour "dumb blonde" jokes,
when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and
shouts:
I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you
think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair
colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being? It is
morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work
and in our communities and from reaching our full potential, because you and
your anachronistic kind continue to perpetuate negative images against not
only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs. You are a
pathetic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to
Discrimination laws in every civilised country, it is deeply offensive to
people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow
citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little
maggot."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologise when the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this Mister! I'm talking to the idiot on your knee!"

 

HARD-BOILED DEFECTIVE

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing
down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail
and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other,
figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you
throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's
pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If
it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"

The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron!
The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the
other side of the house!"

 
FALLING INTO TEMPTATION

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his
parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit,
he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone
who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until
the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new
priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very
concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in
town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking
about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new
priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger
at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about.
Your wife fell three times this week." >

 
WHY YELLING AT A MAN DOESN'T WORK
What a woman says:

This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying
on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right
now!

What a man hears:

blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW

 
Back to the Top
   
 
Interesting Facts
 
  • Did you know that if shop mannequins were real women
    they'd be too thin to menstruate?
  • There are 3 billion women who don't look like super
    models and only eight who do.
  • Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.
  • If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all
    fours due to her proportions.
  • The average woman weighs 144 lbs and wears between a
    12-14.
  • One out of every four college aged women has an eating
    disorder.
  • The models in the magazines are airbrushed - not
    perfect!
  • A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes
    spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70% of
    women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful.
  • Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the
    average woman.
    Today they weigh 23% less.
  • An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without
    her man is nothing," on the blackboard and directed
    the students to punctuate it correctly.
    The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is
    nothing."
    The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
 
Evrybudy:
N-joi this wun ..........

EuroEnglish

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement
has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for
European communications, rather than German, which was the other
possibility.

As part of negotiations, her Majesty
Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will
be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the
soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news
with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only
will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less
letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This
will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of
double letters, which have always been a deterent to
akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent
"e"s in the languag is disgraful, and they would go.

By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz
year ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.

After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten
styl. Zer vil be no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivum vil
find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.


 
Back to the Top