The scene opens at a ranch deep in the heart of Houston, Texas. The Duchess and Regal are out checking out the scenery, as they relax and prepare for the Elimination Chamber. Regal is focussed on victory but he must chill out… Regal has never been to Texas… a place renowned for its country living, strict rules, religious background and even, George W Bush! Regal and The Duchess are not impressed, as they are sat in front of a long fire in a wooden chalet!
' English Elegance ' William Regal: A bloody ranch… and they call this flipping five-star accommodation. I should go out there and give these bloody yankee-doodle Texans a piece of my bloody mind!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: How did we end up in this god awful place?
' English Elegance ' William Regal: It was merely a requirement to stay in the vicinity of the arena… I didn’t expect to be stranded in this grothole!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: This wasn’t quite what I expected when the brochure said… top facilities! I mean, they don’t even know how to put the toilet seat up!!!
' English Elegance ' William Regal: That is quite frankly disgusting; I shall have words with our tourguides about this at once. Pass me that roten technical device you make me carry... bloody things are taking over the world, we survived perfectly well without those flipping things before.
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: Where is the phone William?
' English Elegance ' William Regal: It is in your handbag Duchess!
The Duchess fishes into her handbag and pulls out the phone, she passes it to Regal.
' English Elegance ' William Regal: THERE’S NO BLOODY RECEPTION! WHY DID I PAY FOR THIS BEASTLY MACHINE IF I CAN’T EVEN USE IT?! I hate these Texan peasants… and I hate America, I hate it!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: Calm yourself down at once William… This place is not worth it.
' English Elegance ' William Regal: It’s not worth a penny of my small change ma’am, I would just love to give a right royal beating to the next cowboy-hat wearing, lasso-swinging munchkin that walks through that bloody door! I am just not in the mood to take another moment of crap from these intolerable bastards! I just want to give them what for… right now!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: You have 5 opponents to take your anger and frustration out upon… you must save all your energy for your ordeal on Monday.
' English Elegance ' William Regal: Quite. Nothing else should get under my skin… BUT THESE BLOODY TEXANS ARE GETTING ON MY NERVES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: There’s no need to rant and shout about them…
' English Elegance ' William Regal: I cannot help it your Highness. Texans are nothing but filthy scum. They think it is impressive to ride bulls around in a circle… they eat like they have not seen food since the 13th century and they refuse to stop eating until the cows come home! They make ridiculous noises like “wahooooo” and “yeehah” and to be quite frank, they are the most pathetic Americans I have ever laid my eyes upon.
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: Is it not true that Booker T and Shawn Michaels are Texans?
' English Elegance ' William Regal: Indeed they are… both of those foul creatures are rotten to the core. Shawn Michaels come some insignificant little place up the road called San Antonio… I do not believe you will ever have heard of that ungodly place but it even makes a slum look more appealing!!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: I do not believe I have seen such a place… What about Booker T?
' English Elegance ' William Regal: Oh dear… it gets worse! He is from right here in Houston.
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: The poor child, I always wondered why he walked funny… He must have got scurvy or rickets from all the malnutrition he must have had in this dire part of the world.
' English Elegance ' William Regal: I always assumed that his appearance was due to his heritage… I have come to realise that it was the best his family could afford living in such a deprivated area as this. How did we end up in such a grotesque suburbia as this?
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: This was your choice William!
' English Elegance ' William Regal: Don’t you dare blame me your Majesty… THIS IS THE FAULT OF THE BLOODY TEXANS! I tell you what, I’m going to give Shawn Michaels and Booker an extra ticking-off… just for the fact that we had to stay in this stupid state!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: It is nothing less than they deserve.
' English Elegance ' William Regal: What is wrong with Shawn Michaels? He is ACTUALLY PROUD of being a Texan! He even comes out wearing the cowboy boots and the cowboy hat and talks like some of these numbskulls from here… HE NEEDS HIS HEAD CHECKED OUT FOR CHRIST SAKE!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: It is not right to dress like a complete imbecile… If I was to walk back home dressed like they did here, I would be laughed at, stared at, pointed at… I would be the talk of the town… and a shame to my family!
' English Elegance ' William Regal: I would be ashamed too if I was Shawn Michaels… He may have been successful back in the olden days of wrestling but now that there is some real competition, he cannot complete… He is no longer a legend, he is a disgrace to this industry and should have given it all up a long time ago! Watching Shawn wrestle is like trying to watch my grandfather get into a bath… hard to do and even harder to watch!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: Could we please not make references to your grandfather? I have become quite queasy…
' English Elegance ' William Regal: Sorry ma’am… I believe it was quite an effective contrast. It is truly painful to watch an icon of this business make an absolute fool of himself. And I shall make him look pathetic and idiotic once again this Monday…
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: Just like what you shall do to Booker and your other three opponents…
' English Elegance ' William Regal: Exactly. Booker T will feel what it is like to be at the bottom of society once again… there will be no-one there to help him as I show him the meaning of elegance and honour. I have been educated in the arts of respect and dignity… and he shall learn some respect from someone who truly knows… someone that is truly a gentleman.
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: You are a gentleman and a scholar William…
' English Elegance ' William Regal: And Booker T is a good for nothing bum! I shall send him back to the slums of society where he belongs… he shall join all of his other brothers and sisters at the front of the dole queue. He will have nothing left to live for after I defeat him on Monday… no title… no job… he may not even be able to remember his name after I knock his brains out with the power of the punch.
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: Booker T might have trouble with that already…
' English Elegance ' William Regal: Booker does not struggle to remember his name, he has been told that enough times… he does however struggle with basic concepts, basic English, basic grammar… In fact, he struggles with anything that is remotely basic… and anything that is more complicated just does not exist. Booker T lives inside a very, very small world your Highness… and once he steps into the big, wide world with me, once he steps inside the Elimination Chamber, he will wake up and see the big picture… the reality of what has been happening in nSa for the previous month… the domination of William Regal. I am still undefeated, I will remain undefeated and Booker T will be just one of my 5 worthless opponents that shall be eliminated one by one… and even Booker T does not need an explanation to understand that… it’s just bloody obvious!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: It sounds like a horrible film I saw the other day… I switch it off immediately; it was horrific! It was something about Texas… and a chainsaw I think!
' English Elegance ' William Regal: Ohh yes, you are referring to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre… what a horrible and vulgar film that was. I do not understand why the British Broadcasting Council allowed that in the first place!
' The Duchess ' Of Queensbury: Quite.
' English Elegance ' William Regal: In a way though ma’am, this Monday will be like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre… The normal lives of 5 men shall be changed forever… It will be a rude awakening to say the least! They shall be defeated in the bloodiest battle that has ever been seen in Texas… The Elimination Chamber… and only 1 man shall stand tall, 1 man shall survive the turmoil of the day… that man is I, William Regal!
William Regal may hate Texas… he may hate Booker T and Shawn Michaels… he may hate every living American but this Monday, 1 thing matters… the nSa World Championship. The question is… can William Regal be victorious?