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My Rant On…

 

        OK… well, it was the beginning to middle of February, and it I obviously was in school.  My schedule went like this.

 

1st Pr – Art

2nd Pr – Gym

3rd Pr – German

4th Pr – History

5th Pr – Lunch

6th Pr – Study Hall / Band

7th Pr – Mathematics 

8th Pr – Science

9th Pr – Language Arts

 

Notice the highlighted period (2nd Period Gym).  This was extremely massively important to me because, I had not really had any interest in any girl this year except for some talk about specific girls, and their body parts with Justin, affectionately called “Elmo”.  The point of this is, I really really really liked this girl in the co-ed class… I know this sound massively gay, but it was volleyball.  She was about five feet three – four inches tall, shoulder length blonde hair, she is just so hard to describe because when I start thinking about her I can’t stop.  Seriously, even now, when it’s been over, almost all of my time that isn’t dedicated to something life threatening, is dedicated to thinking about her.  So, I find out her name is Danielle, but I don’t know her last name, which sucks.  So, 3rd nine weeks end, A-B average with one F.  Only my first two periods are changed.

 

1st Pr – Technology Education

2nd Pr – Health

 

Now, I am in the same health class with her, which totally kicked ass.  So, I think to myself, what the hell Dan, show her how much you like her.  So I do.  For the majority of it, it worked (in my mind).  Then, I am in band, and one of her friends, Chelsea Sheppard (who happens to be a friend of mine too) tells me that Danielle really likes me, which I deny a little, hoping that she will tell me the truth.  So eventually I am going to ask her out, but Easter Break comes up real fast and I couldn’t.  When we come back I take the first big chance and ask her out.  One problem comes up that I still feel massively guilty about shows up.  My brother pisses off my mom, so when I ask my mom to take me to the dance, she says no.  This is shit, I beg and plead, but I didn’t get shit.  Now I feel like the lowest possible piece of shit you would have ever encountered.  Maybe this will make you understand more. 

 

Take this for example, there is a man hanging off a cliff unable to pull himself up, but if someone helped him he would have a 100% of surviving.  There is a man contained behind a glass wall who is unable to help but witnesses this moment.  I walk up to this guy hanging off the cliff, and start insulting him every time his grip slips, and point out his every fault until this guy falls.  Imagine what the guy behind the glass felt about me.  That is how I felt about myself.

 

So I tell her this, and I don’t really get a response, but everyone still tells me that she still likes me.  Next dance, and every one behind me pressuring me to really ask her out, and she says yes.  (To clear one thing up, I had a friend who was kind of “not great” with his “Happy Friend”, so you know, I kind of help him out, and he really broke through with her.  This took up a lot of my time at the dance) So, I am really screwed up here, not acting like I should, not doing things I almost ALWAYS do, and most importantly, I didn’t even really get to actually talking to her.  The rest of the week goes like shit, I am too afraid, yes, AFRAID, to screw up by saying something wrong, which I do so often, so I barely talk to her that week.  Next week, she dumps me, and all I have to say for that was three things.

 

1.    I deserved it, I screwed up, I know how I screwed up, and I can’t influence her decision even though I want to drastically.

2.    I still like her a lot more than people think now, and, well, I just still really like her and I still wish and go through everything I did wrong ever time I think of her and how I could’ve not messed up.

3.    What is better than to learn your last faults in this subject from the most perfect person…

 

 

I am DANK, and this is my pitiful manifesto.

 

 

BTW This was hard for me to write, I don’t know why.  Well I think I do, but I am kind of reluctant to release that.  There are really only two persons that can probably get it out of me.  Kayla C, and Danielle herself.