My Rant On…
OK… well, it was the beginning to middle of February,
and it I obviously was in school. My
schedule went like this.
1st Pr – Art
2nd Pr –
Gym
3rd Pr – German
4th Pr – History
5th Pr – Lunch
6th Pr – Study
Hall / Band
7th Pr –
Mathematics
8th Pr – Science
9th Pr –
Language Arts
Notice the highlighted
period (2nd Period Gym).
This was extremely massively important to me because, I had not really
had any interest in any girl this year except for some talk about specific
girls, and their body parts with Justin, affectionately called “Elmo”. The point of this is, I really really really
liked this girl in the co-ed class… I know this sound massively gay, but it was
volleyball. She was about five feet
three – four inches tall, shoulder length blonde hair, she is just so hard to
describe because when I start thinking about her I can’t stop. Seriously, even now, when it’s been over,
almost all of my time that isn’t dedicated to something life threatening, is dedicated
to thinking about her. So, I find out
her name is Danielle, but I don’t know her last name, which sucks. So, 3rd nine weeks end, A-B
average with one F. Only my first two
periods are changed.
1st Pr –
Technology Education
2nd Pr – Health
Now, I am in the same
health class with her, which totally kicked ass. So, I think to myself, what the hell Dan, show her how much you
like her. So I do. For the majority of it, it worked (in my
mind). Then, I am in band, and one of
her friends, Chelsea Sheppard (who happens to be a friend of mine too) tells me
that Danielle really likes me, which I deny a little, hoping that she will tell
me the truth. So eventually I am going
to ask her out, but Easter Break comes up real fast and I couldn’t. When we come back I take the first big
chance and ask her out. One problem
comes up that I still feel massively guilty about shows up. My brother pisses off my mom, so when I ask
my mom to take me to the dance, she says no.
This is shit, I beg and plead, but I didn’t get shit. Now I feel like the lowest possible piece of
shit you would have ever encountered.
Maybe this will make you understand more.
Take this for example,
there is a man hanging off a cliff unable to pull himself up, but if someone
helped him he would have a 100% of surviving.
There is a man contained behind a glass wall who is unable to help but
witnesses this moment. I walk up to
this guy hanging off the cliff, and start insulting him every time his grip slips,
and point out his every fault until this guy falls. Imagine what the guy behind the glass felt about me. That is how I felt about myself.
So I tell her this, and I don’t
really get a response, but everyone still tells me that she still likes
me. Next dance, and every one behind me
pressuring me to really ask her out, and she says yes. (To clear one thing up, I had a friend who
was kind of “not great” with his “Happy Friend”, so you know, I kind of help
him out, and he really broke through with her.
This took up a lot of my time at the dance) So, I am really screwed up
here, not acting like I should, not doing things I almost ALWAYS do, and most
importantly, I didn’t even really get to actually talking to her. The rest of the week goes like shit, I am
too afraid, yes, AFRAID, to screw up by saying something wrong, which I do so
often, so I barely talk to her that week.
Next week, she dumps me, and all I have to say for that was three
things.
1. I deserved it, I screwed up, I know how I screwed up,
and I can’t influence her decision even though I want to drastically.
2. I still like her a lot more than people think now,
and, well, I just still really like her and I still wish and go through
everything I did wrong ever time I think of her and how I could’ve not messed
up.
3. What is better than to learn your last faults in this
subject from the most perfect person…
I am DANK, and this is my
pitiful manifesto.
BTW This was hard for me to
write, I don’t know why. Well I think I
do, but I am kind of reluctant to release that. There are really only two persons that can probably get it out of
me. Kayla C, and Danielle herself.
