Love, Frustration, Anger, Addiction, Fear

I sit in the corner, angry. The addiction is effected me greatly. Why canít I fight it? Why must I sleep late? Why must I be afraid? I am only afraid because I kept myself captive in this house, this house I call home. The addiction gets worse everyday. How can I break it? Itís too much to handle! The pain, the fear itís baring down on me! I canít breathe. I just want to sit here, in my corner. I donít feel like doing anything I feel like shooting myself to end this frustration, this fear, this pain. I fall asleep at night thinking about how I could be better. I want to wake up and be different. But the addiction takes over. I canít fight it its winning this battle. Itís the same thing over and over again. Iím getting sick of this! Why Must I be doomed to this fate? Have I been chosen to feel like this all my life!? Itís all too much. I try harder everyday. Noone Believes me they think Iím doing it willingly I cry in bed at night because what I have done if I could only change the past that has caused this problem. Days go by one by one and I sit here watching them fly by. You push me 2 steps forward but I take 4 steps back. Why must I feel this way? Is it destiny for me to live a life of such frustration? Why do I feel so sad? I never smile. I try to help other people but It seems to blind me from seeing my own problems. No one seems to understand. They say Iím perfect. They say I'm sweet. They say Iím so nice. But Iím not! You havenít seen the inside of me! Inside is an angry person waiting to burst. Fear, pain, frustration, anger, Iíve buried them deep inside myself to hold them down in the darkest place. But the Hole can only hold so much. I feel it, its coming out now. The anger, the frustration, the pain, the fear itís all here awaiting the perfect time to strike and hurt me the most. And it thirsts for revenge. I feel like screaming, letting it all out but I think about the people around me. What would they think? Would they be afraid of me? Would they run away in fear as I let it out? Or would they help me? All the questions run through my head and I stop I hold it back. One Day itís going to come and God Help anyone who is near me. I donít know what I will do. I dream of losing it and going on a rampage hurting my friends as I become something I fear the Most. Fear me for I am not the person you think I am. I hide it well. But you can see that itís close to blowing. If you test me. Make me mad, insult me, watch as I fight the anger buried deep within. Watch me suffer as it rips the hole bigger. The Pain is too much I have to let it out. No, I look at you. I canít take the chance of hurting you. Hurting some one is the one thing I hate most. So I swallow it deep inside. Ripping the hole bigger and the barrier is getting thinner. Soon it will break and I shall lose control I shall leave myself and watch myself become something I fear most. You Say this canít be true how can some one who only has such little problems be so full of anger? Think about your whole life just taking everything thatís come at you never fighting back when you wanted to. And Holding it inside for years as more and more pile on top of it every Fight, every time you yelled at me! Every time you made fun of me I just took it like I didnít care, but I did care. Inside I wanted to rip you apart. I wanted to make you suffer for what you have done to me! But I canít allow that to happen! I hate hurting people! WHY MUST PEOPLE HURT EACHOTHER! Itís wrong! All the people in the world they donít give a dam! They just sit back and only think of them selves! No one understands! Every time you hurt someone, you hurt me! Iím sorry but I care that Much! Every living person has a place in my Heart! But everyone hates each other! Religion, greed, Havenít any of you stopped to think about Love? Love is what fuels me itís what keeps me alive! The person that is a hero to me is some one who can accept anyone or anything into there hearts and care about them! Care! Donít you know what that means? CAN YOU GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEADS?!
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