I feel worthless, as though I mean nothing to anyone. No one has ever really told me that they care about me. Tell me, am I just a fucking fly buzzying around you and you just are to lazy to swat me away?! I'm sick of this feeling. If you hate then just fucking say it. I hate being lied to. I sit in my room is total darkness, listening to music, trying to convince myself that people actually do give a shit about me. People care too much someone said to me. Thats bullshit, if everyone actually gave a shit about other people and not themselves everyone would be alot happier. Fuck this, no one is even listening to me. I'm getting nowhere.
Did what I say above too harsh? Yeah, well its the fucking truth! Tell me if you actually give a shit about me or not. So I know if I should just stop being nice to people I know and just say "FUCK EVERYONE" and get on with my life!
I was Dreaming, There was so many people. They were all looking at me. I tried to run into the next room, but there was more people there. I tried the next door. It was a Long hallway lined with people stairing at me. I ran and ran down the long hallway trying to get away. Until I reached the end of the hallway. There was no door, just a wall. All I could do was sit in the corner and cry. I want to be alone, I want to be alone with you. You are the only one I can stand to be with. So please stay with me.
If love was to come between us, would you run?
If I was imperfect, would you tell me?
If I left, would you follow me?
If I died, would you cry for me?
If I hurt you, would you ever forgive me?
To a Girl I want to Hold|
Everday, I think about you. I wonder when we will talk again. I wonder if I will ever see you. You've told me I've always been there for you. But really your the one who has been there for me. Whenever I talk to you I'm filled with happiness. I don't think about the problems in my life. All I can think about is you. I goto sleep everynight hoping I will dream of you. Tears come to my eyes when I say "I would give up everything to Just once Hold you in my arms. If Destiny is why we met that day, nearly 3 years ago. I wish Destiny would take us farther than we have ever reached. Even in Pain from not being able to hold you. I still can't deny how I feel about you. I've told you before and I'll say it again, I Love you, I'll love for the rest of my life. Even if we are torn apart and never speak to eachother again I'll never forget or stop loving you.
My mind is clouded, yet, it is so very clear. I know I’m crazy, I know my thoughts will one day drive me insane. These evil thoughts I have of causing pain to others, I enjoy, but I hate to enjoy them. The thoughts inside my head not only pleasure me, but they make me act uncertain about most things that involve some ones feelings. Why must I have these thoughts? Why did I start thinking about something so evil? I sit and stare into darkness, asking myself these questions while the thoughts cycle though my head again and again. With a sick grin on my face I finally give into the thoughts I just enjoy them with no rejection of what I am doing in these thoughts. Finally they stop and I fall to my knees and ask, “What have I done?” “How can I just sit there and enjoy the pain I am causing to my friends?” I lay on my knees for some time trying to figure out why I enjoy causing so much pain. I hate to cause people pain. When I just barely hurt some ones feelings, I feel really bad about it until they forgive me, but even after they forgive me I still feel some guilt. So here I stand, plagued with thoughts of evil, but also blessed with peaceful heart full of love. All I can do is sit and cry in pain as my heart aches about these evil thoughts in my head.