Dear Amy,
You know, ever since November 16th, 2002, I always thought of you as someone that was just so much fun to be with. I thought I was on top of the world when me and you were together and I also thought we were the type that would never fight. So as time grew on, stress on money and parents and time with eachother grew on us so fast. So fights emerged and we never really truly saw eye to eye for a while. We loved eachother so much that we hated eachother. I gave you everything a girl could want... or so I thought. What I didn't give you, and should have gave you... was my love for you. Past relationships tore me apart from how I truly felt about you. I didn't want to be crowded by you fearing I will risk everything, then just get a slap in the face when I gave my all. I can't express how much pain you feel when you become broken hearted over your true love in life, by your downfall. For months I blamed it on you, too blind to see that it was me all along that made everything occur. You had some faulty days, but 90% of all our fights occured from my depression and anxiety. So I can only think to myself why I was so.. so .. Stupid! I mean you gave me everything that a guy like me wanted, and that was an ever so tender heart, a beautiful smile, and eyes that I just get lost in.
And now.. all I can do is sit here, in front of a computer, and cry about what I did wrong. I.. I can't explain the absolute pain you felt. I can barely breathe, I can't sleep, I never eat... and I always cry to myself. Everytime I turn around.. there is something among the world that makes me think of you. I can't tell you sorry enough, but I can tell you how much I love you.
Amy, it seriouslt felt like the world just disappeared. I don't feel like walking without your hand, i don't feel like seeing unless it's your eyes, and i don't feel like breathing because you have taken all of my breath. I just sit back and think of the memories that we shared, and just cry about how much I fucked up.. every... single... one...
When I used to ditch Nicole to go out to lunch with you. En Vogue blaring in your car. The sneaking behind manager's backs about 'us'. JACKASS the movie, Sarah's house and the constant fighting then makeup sex not even 10 minutes later. New Years Eve when we just sat alone in the dark around candles and drank. Our cute names for eachother (Beanie, boochie, Fwuffy, Fuzzy).. Venus and the kittens... holding you tight in my bed staring at you while you sleep. You having the touch of a cloud when I lay on your shoulder and pass out within seconds. Tummy, how we used to tickle eachother, video games, Ratchet and Clank, Molly's house, having to go on the floor of my room because we shook the walls, Rico's when I proposed to you, North Park Clubhouse, drinking @ bars, sneaking into Club Laga, me mooning Chase and Sean and you getting a call from bill westerman, you seeing me at work, everyone picking on us.... I just.. I dont even want to go on anymore, because I can't stop crying right now.
So now you are doing your own thing with other guys and girls, and I am the one who is alone right now.
And finally, my apology...
I ..
I can't even imagine myself with anyone else. I miss the love we had so much, that I don't even remember half the fights. I can't believe I had done this to you. I just want to let you and the rest of the world, that I am the most selfish, inconsiderate, jealous, stubborn, two faced fuck that ever stepped on land. Because now I am the one who is upset for the wrongdoings... me and Amy have completely switched shoes. Because right now I wish I was holding your hand, bringing it up to my face, letting you wash away my tears, and you saying "I love you Ralph, don't cry, because I don't want to lose you either." I need you...so...bad.. I am nothing without you. I have found my inner demons, and your departure from me was the pin that struck the heart. And now, I sit a new man, but I can't share it with the person who deserves it most. And that right there, hurts more than anything... If only you knew how much you meant to me Amy.
Well, as I conclude this letter, I want everyone in the world to know that I had the greatest girl ever, and no one deserves her... not even me. Which is the hardest thing to break.
I love you Amy Lynn Anderson....
I love you so ... so.. (crying)
......
...much.
Please give me one last chance...
There isn't any 'Fuzz' without the 'Booch and beans'
(crying)
Oh God...(crying)
What have I done? (crying)
I love you Amy...
please give me one more chance....
.... please...
Love,
The only person who would risk his life to make you and him together again...
Your Beans... Ralph...
(crying)
