Amanda,

    Not in an unlimited amount of time could I tell you everything that I feel for you. Never could I find words to describe how amazing you truly are. I have spent the last year of my life with you, and, honest to God, it has been the greatest year of my life. Nothing I have ever felt compares to how I feel for you right now Amanda. The feeling never fades, it never grows tired. I will continue to love you for the rest of my life, I know this for a fact. I have never been happier sweetheart, but I know that only good things are to come. I wish to spend every year from now on with you by my side.

    I know that you and I occasionally have our problems, and I know that I've said this a million times, but please allow me to say it again, so that we may enter our next year together knowing what we truly have for one another. We may fight, yes, but what is important is how we handle them. We fight for a while (never too long), and then we kiss and make up. After a fight, we are always BETTER than we were before the fight, because we can always trust that the problem won't come back. It is very seldom that we have the same fight more than once. I know you know this (as you would say, "I know, I'm there"), but I can never get over how very special that is. Usually when people fight, they push each other away. You and I, on the other hand, draw each other closer. After an argument, we want each other. We don't want less to do with the other, we want more. We always go out of our way to prove that we are trying to change in order to make the other person happy. It truly is a very special feeling to know that no matter what happens between us, we will patch it up, move on, and continue to enjoy our life together.

    I've pondered for countless hours about what you and I have. I'm not wondering whether it's right, or whether it will last - not by any means at all. When I daydream, my mind floats away to a world in which you and I are one - a world in which the greatest moments of our lives are spent in each others arms. I long for those moments that we can spend together. I dream of our first picnic, our first walk on the beach, our first night spent staring at the stars, our first walk through the woods, and our first night in each other's arms. We have so many great things to come, and I get excited just thinking about all the amazing things that you and I have left to do with one another.

    I don't know if I can put all of the meaning into these words that they deserve... I can't possibly mean it any more than I do (sweet, I know :P but it's very true). You truly are my everything. I just need you to understand how much I mean that. It really isn't easy for me to admit, because I really am a selfish guy. I'm not sure why, but I'm not selfish when it comes to our feelings. Completely naturally, I would choose your happiness over my own. But in no way to I want it to feel like you're my EVERYTHING. I don't want it to feel like you are my entire life. I know you want to be PART of it, not all of it. I know that. And you are part of it - a very large part.

NOTE: The following section may scare you at first if you don't understand beforehand that it is NOT BAD. I believe that all of the following is the greatest gift that I could give to you today. It is very hard for me to say, and I have thought long and hard about it. Please read it, and please understand that it is coming from the deepest parts of my heart and how much I care about you. I spent a very long time on this message. Your present may be a bit later, but I think this will mean more to you than that ever could. Don't be scared *holds your hand*

    Today obviously got me thinking about how I view our relationship. I know that we talked this topic to death, and I know that we are both firmly resolved to fixing the issue. That's not what I mean. I feel like I get too worked up about "the future, the future". I know that sometimes, you might too. But I know your stress about the future has a lot in it - college in particular. I don't want your worries about the future to be about me. I don't want either of us to always worry about "the future". I realize now that what is important for both of us is to enjoy the now; enjoy what we have together. Do you trust that we'll always be together? I do. So why do we need to worry about it all the time?

    We don't need comments like, "I can't wait to live with you" or "I can't wait to always be with you" as much as we have them (I would prefer not to assign blame to who causes them all the time, because I know I don't need to). I trust that the day will come to live with you; and you know what? I AM always with you. I am with you every moment of every day. Not in text messages, not in phone calls, not in IMs, and not in person. In my heart, I am with you every second of every day. THAT is what needs to be the most important. We don't need to talk 24/7 for me to be happy; we don't need to see each other every second of every day. I have all that I need in the love that you show me. I really, really would like to keep that as the focal point of our relationship. I know that deep down, you've always longed for this, and I really have too.

    I've just always been afraid to accept it. I've always been afraid to trust (not you, just people in general). I've always been the guy that follows his head, never his heart. I've always been afraid to throw my heart all the way out there and trust someone to catch it for me. But I know that you are the someone that can. I have known it. Now it's time for me to close my eyes and throw it.

    I know that the transition to college and the transition to making decisions for yourself is going to be tough for you. But I need you to make them for you. I need to know that you can be the person you want to be. Going to college for you is going to be about YOU, not me. I'm not by any means saying that I want out of your life. Far from it Amanda, please trust that. But I realize that I need to step back once in a while. I need to let you make decisions for yourself. They are your decisions to make, not mine, and I need to let you make them. You know that I will always be here for advice; that much is a given.

   The #1 thing we have to do is support each other, but still let each other have our own space, time, and interests. Otherwise, we're going to end up drifting apart. I know that neither of us could ever possibly want that. I know we love to talk to each other, and we love to be together as much as possible. But I feel like we need to remember that talking 24/7 isn't how we're going to have the best relationship. We'll have the best relationship when we can know that we will always have one another there for us, but not consuming all of each other's time.

    I know that I've spent a lot of my time trying to talk to you more and more. I've done less of what I used to do in order to talk to you. I know you've seen this, and I know it's always bothered you. I'm not at all saying that I don't want to talk to you a lot. Please don't ever think that. I love talking to you, I truly do, but I know that you want to see me do other things as well. You always try to egg me on to go do other things, and I've always resisted. I know I shouldn't have, because that is both what is best for me and what you want.

    I'm not saying that we should purposely avoid talking for the sake of not talking. I really wouldn't like that at all, nor would you. But I'm saying that neither of us should ever put a few text messages ahead of any other activity in our lives (well, appropriate ones obviously). If we follow this rule, we won't have to feel confined. We can be who we are, and still have each other. I know that that is what is best.

    I'm sitting her, crying my eyes out right now - not with sadness. I'm crying with the happiness that I feel that I can finally stop being the stressed-out, un-trusting boy that I have always been, and finally find my true place with you. I've repressed my feelings for so long, that it really just needed to come out. I could not honestly say that there is a single part of me that doesn't love you, Amanda. I know that this is what you've always wanted, and I'm sorry with all my heart that it took me this long to give it to you. I don't want us to be any less close. I know that this will make us closer.

    I know that this means some changes in our relationship, and I understand that it won't be immediate. I honestly do feel, however, that this is what you've ALWAYS wanted. I also realize I've wanted it too. I want to enjoy my life with you, Amanda. I don't want to live for what "will be", but what IS. I want to support you, but allow you to be Amanda. You are Amanda, I am Brian. We are two different people, and we need to always be those two different people. If we worry about becoming one person too soon, we may never make it to that point. I trust that the time will come, and there's no reason to always focus on it. Of course we can talk about it sometimes, but we really don't need to plan everything about our lives right now. Let's live them instead.

    I love you with all that I am. This is all because I want us to be TRULY happy together. I know that we've been happy together. This has been the greatest year of my life, and you know that I mean that. But I know that this is what you've always wanted, and this is what you shall have. As the greatest anniversary present that I can give: I give you the relationship that you have always wanted.

I truly love you