whoa nellie. this guy seems to like me, despite my 19th century vocabulary, tendency towards flamboyant weirdness, and a fundamentalist christian mother.

bluu423: asl?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I JUST SAID MY ASL IN THE CHATROOM
bluu423: 17 female ca?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: IOWA!
bluu423: sorry!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: IT'S OKAY!
bluu423: what are you doing?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: CHATTING ON AOL, ENJOYING THE INTERNET
bluu423: cool
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: MELTING DOWN SOME FUDGE TO POUR ON MY BODY LATER
bluu423: yummy
bluu423: can i see your pic?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: YOU KNOW MY POLICY, BLUUUU, S2R
bluu423: what race are you?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: NASCAR
bluu423: haha
bluu423: okay
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I ALSO ENJOY WORLD RALLY
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WITH THE TOYOTAS AND THE SUBARUS IN THE DIRT!
bluu423: cool
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: YOU KNOW, ALL VROOM VROOM AND TREES GOING THROUGH THE WINDSHIELDS
bluu423: what type of guys are you into
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: USUALLY THE SMARTER, SWEETER ONES, WHO CAN BUILD THINGS AND ARE GOOD AT RUGBY
bluu423: cool
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: BUT I'M AN OPEN-MINDED WOMAN
bluu423: cool
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WHAT KIND OF WOMENS ARE YOU INTO?
bluu423: sexy women
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WELL WELL
bluu423: with nice legs and nice tits
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: HIGH STANDARDS!!!
bluu423: and a cute face
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: UUAHHUUAAH!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I KNEW THIS CHICK ONCE, HAD THE NICEST BODY BUT HER FACE WOULD MAKE AN AMTRAK GO IN REVERSE
bluu423: haha
bluu423: just cover her face up and hit that shit
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WELL IF I WERE A LESBIAN, I MIGHT DO THAT
bluu423: youre lesbian?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WATCH MY TYPING VERY CLOSELY BLUUUU
bluu423: well thats too bad
bluu423: then
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: IF
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WERE
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: A
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: LESBIAN
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WOULD
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DO
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THAT
bluu423: okay
bluu423: then you would do me
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: IF YOU'RE A NICE NICE MAN
bluu423: i am nice
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: KEITH EMERSON PLAYED KEYBOARDS FOR THE NICE
bluu423: cool
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SO TELL ME BLUE, WHAT DOES YOUR FATHER DO FOR WORK?
bluu423: i dont live with my father
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OH I'M TERRIBLY SORRY
bluu423: no need to be
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DO YOU WORK, BLEU?
bluu423: im a student
bluu423: and yes i do work on campus
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: HOW NICE! AT WHAT INSTITUTION IS THIS?
bluu423: i go to ucla
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OH WOW! YOU KNOW, I HAVE A COUSIN AT UCLA, I HEAR HE TORCHED A CAR
bluu423: what about you?
bluu423: haha thats awesome
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: YEAH, SADLY IT WAS THE DEAN'S
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: AND THE DEAN WAS IN IT
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THIS WAS BACK WHEN OLD JACOB WAS A FRESHMAN
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: LUCKILY THE DEAN MADE IT OUT, BUT HE PUNCHED OLD JACOB AND HE HAD TO REPEAT HIS FRESHMAN YEAR
bluu423: sounds unlikely but okay i guess ill believe you
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OH BELIEVE ME, OLD JACOB REMINDS ME OF IT EVERY DAY
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I THINK IT TURNED HIM TO THE DRINK
bluu423: haha
bluu423: okay
(bluu423 receives an anonymous warning, not by me)
bluu423: why did you warn me?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I DIDN'T
bluu423: who did then
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WHY WOULD I?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I HAVE NO IDEA
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WAS IT ANONYMOUS OR WAS IT UNDER MY NAME?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: BLEW?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: ARE YOU STILL WITH US?
bluu423: yes
bluu423: i dont know who it was
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: PRIME
bluu423: i dont cae
bluu423: care
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY TANDY 386, SOMETIMES HER ROM CHIPS ACT UP AND START SEQUENCING THE UPLINK DATASTREAM
bluu423: okay
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: EVER SINCE MY UNCLE CARROLL SPILLED GARLIC SAUCE ON THE MOTHERBOARD, SHE HASN'T BEEN THE SAME
bluu423: i see
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: HE WAS MORE THAN A LITTLE DRUNK
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: STUFF GOT KNOCKED OVER THAT NIGHT
bluu423: okay
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SO TELL ME, DO YOU PULL A LOT OF "BONER MOVES" UP ON THE OLD QUAD?
bluu423: no
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DAMN
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: NO "FRAT PARTIES?"
bluu423: not really
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OR GAMES OF "BEIRUT?"
bluu423: nope
bluu423: i just get drunk and go to apartment parties
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WELL WHAT DO YOU DO OUT THERE, BLUUUU?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OH I SEE!
bluu423: and try to hook up with girls
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: HOOK UP, EH?
bluu423: yeah
bluu423: i just want to fuck
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THAT HAS MADE MY LIBIDO GO THROUGH THE ROOF
bluu423: really?
bluu423: are you horny?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: QUITE RIGHTLY SO!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WHY DON'T YOU JACK MY DANDY
bluu423: jack your dandy?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SINK THAT BIRDIE!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WE'RE GOIN' FOR A PAR 3!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: MY FRIEND COMES UP TO ME ALL THE TIME AND SAYS "JOHNNIE, YOU'RE THE SEXIEST BEAST"
bluu423: are you a girl?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I WISH YOU COULD SMOKE SOME OF THIS DANK NUGGET I HAVE
bluu423: i quit pot a while back
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I BURNT MYSELF WITH A TOASTER LAST YEAR
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I COULDN'T PLAY FLAG FOOTBALL FOR TWO MONTHS!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I HATE TOAST NOW
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SOMETIMES WHEN I GET REALLY MAD AT TOAST, I WIPE MY ASS WITH IT
bluu423: cool
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THEN MY MOM TELLS ME I NEED TO LISTEN TO THE WORD OF JESUS AND I START SCREAMING BECAUSE I GET MAD AT JESUS
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
bluu423: yes
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DO YOU PRAY?
bluu423: im gonna go take a shit
bluu423: sometimes
bluu423: ill brb
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: NO STAY!!!!!!! DON'T GO!!!
bluu423: im horny
bluu423: i need to get off
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: BY PINCHING A LOAF?
bluu423: yes
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OH MY HEAVENS! THAT'S AVANT-GARDE!
bluu423: im gonna jack off
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: TALLY HO!
bluu423: do you want to?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: TAKE A SHIT?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OR PRAY?
bluu423: get off
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I'M TOO WORKED UP ABOUT TOAST
bluu423: do you want to call me
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WE HAVE NO PHONES, THE GOVERNMENT TOLD US WE COULDN'T USE THE PHONE BECAUSE MY BROTHER STOLE ROADSIGNS
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: HE DRESSES UP STRAY CATS AND HAS THEM PERFORM "BRIGADOON" FOR THE NEIGHBORS
bluu423: what folly!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: CONESCRATION OF NIKOLA TESLA!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I HATE MY BROTHER
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: NOW I MUST GO AND BURN HIM IN EFFIGY, I MUST GO!!
bluu423: yes indeed
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I LOVE YOU
bluu423: i love you too
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: BYE BABY!!!! KISSES
bluu423: bye
bluu423: how old are you?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: 17 HON
bluu423: how do you know so many big words and shit
bluu423: haha
bluu423: do you study a lot?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WELL MY FATHER, HE WORKS FOR THE MERRIAM-WEBSTER CORPORATION
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DICTIONARIES, YOU KNOW
bluu423: so you just read dictionaries?
bluu423: im impressed by your knowledge :-)
bluu423: im not that smart
bluu423: i just study hard
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: NO, I ALSO READY GAZETEERS, BAEDEKERS AND ENCYCLOPAEDIAS!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WHY THANK YOU, BLUUUUUUUU, IT MEANS A LOT TO ME
bluu423: cool
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DO YOU LISTEN TO THE SUPREMES?
bluu423: however, you sound like your from the 19th century
bluu423: no i dont
bluu423: never heard of them
bluu423: but i like the way you talk
bluu423: nothing wrong with it
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OH, DASTARDLY SACROSANCT
bluu423: haha
bluu423: what the fuck?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WELL THANK YOU! I'M ALL A-TWITTER
bluu423: youre so random
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SO I'M A FREE SPIRIT, LIKE JERRY SEINFELD MAKES A GOOD CRUMB CAKE
bluu423: what does your father do for a living?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: LIKE I SAID, BLUE, HE WORKS FOR THE MERRIAM-WEBSTER DICITONARY PEOPLE
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: AS A MANAGING COPYEDITOR
bluu423: okay
bluu423: cool
bluu423: are you wealthy?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WELL, I DO NOT KNOW
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WE OWN A SIZABLE PORTION OF SUN MICROSYSTEMS
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THEY MAKE THE GREATEST COMPUTER PRODUCTS IN THE WORLD, LIKE THE TANDY 386!
bluu423: haha
bluu423: i see okay
bluu423: are you in school?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: MY MOTHER IS A FINANCIAL ADVISOR FOR BRISTOL-MYERS-SQUIBB-PRICE-WATERHOUSE-COOPERS
bluu423: haha
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: IN HIGH SCHOOL
bluu423: sounds like fun
bluu423: what grade?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I'M A BIG SENIOR!!!!!!
bluu423: are you a straight A student
bluu423: ?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: MY BROTHER PLAYS KEYBOARDS IN A NU-METAL NEO-BRITISH PUNK EMO TRANCE BAND
bluu423: do you talk like this in real life?
bluu423: that sounds tight
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I TALK HOW I PLEASE
bluu423: sounds like you really love your bro
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: MY BROTHER OWNS EIGHT KEYBOARDS
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I HATE HIM SOMETIMES
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: ONE TIME I GOT SO MAD I PUSHED OVER HIS NORD LEAD 3
bluu423: he must have been terribly horribly distraught
bluu423: or something like that
bluu423: :-)
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: LET'S JUST SAY HE WAS FUCKING RIPSHIT PISSED
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THEN THERE WAS THE TIME THE PIANO FELL THROUGH THE SECOND FLOOR AND CRUSHED THE FABERGE EGG COLLECTION
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I WAS SO SCARED I POOPED MY PANTS
bluu423: youre bad
bluu423: youre a bad girl
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WHOA TELL ME ABOUT IT
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I HAD TO REPENT TO JESUS FOR FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT OR MY MOM WOULDN'T LET ME USE THE SHOWER FOR A WEEK
bluu423: i see
bluu423: are you catholic?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: MY MOTHER IS A STARK RAVING INSANE RELIGIOUS FANATIC NUTCASE
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SHE'S ALWAYS SCREAMING IN HER SLEEP, SHE GETS ALL WORKED UP ABOUT JESUS
bluu423: i can imagine
bluu423: i understand
bluu423: what religion?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SHE'S LIKE "WHOA GLORY! PRAISE THE LORD!" AND SO ON
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SOUTHERN LUTHERAN ZIONISM
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OH GOD SHE'S COMING IN THE ROOM
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OH GOD INSDIEEEAAEDFC
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: hello, who is this?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: hello! please respond, it is your duty as a child of The Lord
bluu423: this is billy
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: Billy, have you heard the good news?
bluu423: yes
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: Have you found the ultimate and true way of The Lord Our Savior Jesus Christ?
bluu423: no i dont think i have
bluu423: i believe in Jesus
bluu423: but im not a STARK RAVING INSANE RELIGIOUS FANATIC NUTCASE
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: Leviticus 9:18 tells us that "thou must follow the everlasting light of thy Lord, let Him praise you and Anoint your Soul with Fire"
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: sweet mercy! who said anything about a "nut-case?"
bluu423: i made that up
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: Ah, I see
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: PRAISE THE LORD
bluu423: PRAISE THE LORD!!!!
bluu423: :-D
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: Billy, tell your mother that she must repent for her wayward sins and anoint your head in the holy water
bluu423: my mother is sick and disabled
bluu423: she has already done enough for me
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THE POWER OF THE LORD WILL HEAL HER
bluu423: now it is my job to make her life somewhat happy
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WHOA GLORY
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: Billy, this is a serious situation
bluu423: well
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: let The Lord help you, let him run your life
bluu423: im dealing with it
bluu423: im sure the Lord is backing me up
bluu423: no reason to be a STARK RAVING INSANE RELIGIOUS FANATIC NUTCASE
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: Let The Lord Deal With It
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: Billy, I do not appreciate those words
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WHOA GLORY
bluu423: but i love to get drunk and have sex
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: ACK! BILLY! WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?
bluu423: im a sinner
bluu423: jesus was in love with a prostitute
bluu423: he enjoyed her presence more than others
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: PAINT YOUR FACE WITH THE COLORS OF SALVATION!! CURE YOUR BODY OF THE SYPHILIS OF SIN AND EVIL!!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SCREAM HIS NAME
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: uuAAHuuAAHuuAAH
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THE RISING OF THE LORD WILL CRUSH YOUR BLACK SOUL, YOU WILL PAY!!!
bluu423: i know i have sinned
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DIP YOUR HEAD IN THE STEAMING VAT OF REDEMPTION!
bluu423: i have asked the Dear Lord to forgive me
bluu423: and he knows my needs and my struggles
bluu423: and he helps me
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: FLUSH THE TOILET OF THE UNDERWORLD!
bluu423: and that is all that matters
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: BEELZEBUB IS KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR
bluu423: and he knows that i love him and his creation
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THE HALOGEN LAMP OF JUSTICE WILL DECIDE YOUR FATE
bluu423: and that is all that matters
bluu423: he will decide me fate
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THE SHEEP OF TIME WILL MOW THE LAWN OF YOUR BLACKNESS
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DEATH TO HARRY POTTER!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THE UGLY PENIS OF GUILT WILL SHADOW YOUR PLAYGROUND OF FILTH

“bluu423” signed off at 6:44:56 PM.