this is a momentous occasion. a REVOLUTION in prank IMs. with the assistance of the lovely emily, i was able to have this flamboyantly cool and literate kid CALL ME. a short audio tape of part of the conversation was made, and the available dialogue is transcribed below at the proper place.
scurfer87: hey sexy 16 m fla
scurfer87: pic?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: NO PICS!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHEHE
scurfer87: asl
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DIDN'T I SAY THIS IN THE CHATROOM?
scurfer87: ya
scurfer87: are uhorny
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OKAY, I CAN SEE I'M DEALING WITH A LESS-THAN-STELLAR LEVEL OF COGNITION HERE
scurfer87: lol
scurfer87: im ricjk hard
scurfer87: lets ge tit on
scurfer87: whatsur #
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OKAY, IF I UNDERSTOOD ANY OF THAT, I'D HELP YOU
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: ARE YOU HUNGARIAN?
scurfer87: lol
scurfer87: ima maerica
scurfer87: i am rock hard
scurfer87: what your #?
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WAIT WAIT WAIT
scurfer87: k
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: TELL ME WHAT "IMA MAERICA" MEANS AND I WILL HELP YOU
scurfer87: ok
scurfer87: grea
scurfer87: can i call u
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: YES
scurfer87: great
scurfer87: whast ur #
scurfer87: and ur name
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OKAY MY NUMBER IS (xxx) xxx xxxx [censored], MY NAME IS WILMA-JEAN
(at this point, "Matt" calls me up and Emily answers the phone under the guise of Shelby, my roommate. She gives me the phone and I talk in a girly voice to him. For this part, the recorder was able to capture only my voice, and not all of the conversation. I say the following: "You wanna say a little more or something?...How old am I? Well, should I tell you that now or should I tell you that later?...I should tell you that now. Well okay, well I'm 18...excuse me?...do I SOUND like a male?...well okay, there you go!...so uh..." (clip ends) after a short while, Matt is disconnected.)
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DAMMIT MATT!!!! WHY DID YOU HANG UP!!>?!??!?!>>DSHIJ
scurfer87: my phone is meesed
scurfer87: ill try agianina bit
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: DAMMIT
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I WANT IT NOW!!!
scurfer87: wow
(at this point, Emily receives a personal call on my phone, because her roommate redirected the caller to my phone as Emily was in my room)
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OKAY HOLD ON DON'T CALL YET, SOMEONE'S ON THE PHONE
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I'LL TELL U WHEN SHE'S OFF OKAY!!?
scurfer87: are ui american
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: THE BETTER QUESTION IS, ARE U???
scurfer87: yes u
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OKAY SHE'S OFF THE PHONE, CALL ME PLZ!!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OF COURSE I'M AMERICAN, SLOW LESLIE
scurfer87: what ur rommies name
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SHELBY
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: SHE'S VERY OPEN ABOUT SEX
(at this point, Matt calls back, and I answer the phone using my normal voice as Shelby's boyfriend. Matt asks for Wilma-Jean, and after I call out 'WILMA-JEAN!" I put the girly voice back on. Matt falls silent after the first sentence, followed by grunting noises that sound like he is either in derision or masturbating. He then hangs up)
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: MATT WHAT THE SWEET HELL IS GOING ON HERE??????
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I AM VERY WANTING TO MAKE WHOOPEE AND YOU'RE NOT GIVING IT TO ME!!!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OKAY SINCE UR NOT GOING TO TALK TO ME, I'LL PUT SHELBY ON
(at this point Emily takes the keyboard)
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: MATT!!! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO?!!??!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WILMA WAS ALL WET AND READY AND YOU'RE JUST LEAVING HER HANGING
scurfer87: lol
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: NOW SHE'S GOING TO START GETTING RANDY WITH ME AND MY BOYFRIEND
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: LOL???
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: ITS NOT FUNNY!!
scurfer87: i woul rater have shelby she sounds like a girl
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: WELL, IF YOU CALL BACK, MAYBE WE CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT :-)
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: PLEAZE??
scurfer87: lol
scurfer87: hold a minute
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: HURY UP IM WAITING
scurfer87: hold on
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OKAY HOLDING
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: MATTTTTT!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I'M ABOUT TO ORGASM SITTING RIGHT HERE
scurfer87: is ti shelby
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: YOU BETTER HURRY UP BEFORE ITS TOO LATE
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: YES!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: OKAY TWO MORE MINUTES THEN I'M GOING TO BED
scurfer87: k
scurfer87: whos gunna answer
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: I AM!!
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: (SHELBY)
scurfer87: k
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: KKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
ALLIOAFSWATKINS: CALL!!!!!
(at this point Matt calls back and Emily answers as Shelby. For the better part of the conversation, I have the volume of the phone receiver pegged and am able to position the recorder's microphone so that it picks up both Matt and Emily. The audio transcript is as follows:
Emily: Hello?
Matt: (sub-audible)
Emily: Hi.
Matt: (sub-audible)
Emily: Not much, how are you?
Matt: (sub-audible), how're you doing?
Emily: Uh, doing well!
Matt: Yeah.
Emily: So...
Matt: Who's with you?
Emily: Who's WITH me?
Matt: Yeah.
Emily: Um, nobody right now.
Matt: Is your boyfriend still there?
Emily: No, he left.
Matt: What about that other girl?
Emily: The other girl? Oh, my roommate? She had to leave too.
Matt: Are you sure?
Emily: (chuckles) I'm positive.
Matt: You sure?
Emily: Um, yeah, does it matter to you?
Matt: No, just wondering.
Emily: Is anybody with you?
Matt: No.
Emily: No? (pause) Yeah.
Matt: What are you...what are you doing right now?
Emily: Um...hanging out.
Matt: What are you wearing?
Emily: (cracks up in laughter, saying it's too weird)
(at this point, Emily hands me the phone, and I act as the boyfriend)
The iBook Kid: Hello? (no reply) Who the hell is this? (no reply) Allright, whoever this is, if you call this fuckin' number again, I'm gonna track it and you're gonna be in some trouble, okay shithead? (no reply) Now, who the fuck is this? (no reply) Hey! (no reply) Allright, well, you know who the fuck you are, so don't call this number again, allright?
(I hang up the phone).
“scurfer87” signed off at 11:57:49 PM.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA