I have forgotten about the blog till now.
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Reno 911.
Topic: Whirling Dervishing
UPDATE:
I remember I have this.

So, uh, yeah.

Captain Planet Tribute
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Ask Regal Cinemas. Not I.
Topic: Dead Sexy
Awesome poem I wrote, drawing greatly from "Taws the Night Before Christmas. It's still pretty good, and about Captain planet. Hope you like. Or not. I don't care. Go the fuck away.

A Poem by Ryan Wirth

A School Night Hero

It was 2 in the morning, an all through the house,
not a modem was whirring, not even the click of a mouse;
No homework done, ignored without care,
in hope the next day the teacher would not be there.

I wriggled in frustration, when my mom gave a shout,
"Turn the damn T.V. off before I punch you in the mouth...".
I sat in my jammies, apprehensive and too scared to move,
cause Captain Planet was on, that righteous dude.

When in my yard occured such a clatter,
I bolted to the window to see whats-a-matter.
I speed-walked to the window, and busted it open,
forgetting that it could open.

The light of the moon on the objects below,
reminded me that I needed to mow.
When, to my spectacled eyes,
five kids did appear.

One with red hair, and one with blonde.
One was African, the other a asian,
and I think that last one was of South American persuasion.

"Now Earth,
Now Fire,
Now Wind,
Now Water,
Now Heart!"

And five lights churning,
sped up in the sky,
knocking down airplanes and air balloons,
as it went by.

And in a catchphrase,
that I hold so dear,
my hero Captain Planet
announced he was here.

He had on a get-up,
so tight and so red,
I had perverted thoughts
invade my head.

His teeth, how they shined,
his torso, so muscled,
his hair lime green,
combed, but still tousled.

A ninja he carried,
so covered in black.
While my homework sat in my bookbag,
unpacked.

He looked really pissed,
and I was scared.
He glared at me,
and I let out a swear.

He spoke not a word,
and flew down real quick.
The ninja sped off,
in his Hatchback so quick.

He looked at me slightly,
and said really slick,
"Quadratic equations won't do themselves,
dick.".

Robots Are Everywhere: So Why Can't I Have Sex With Them?
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Some movie. It came on after "Office Space", and I've lost the remote. It makes me sad.
I recently went to Tops...this morning actually. And I realized how many different robots and computer programs that our around.
There was about 9 different price scanners, and I saw what looked like a conveyor belt/robot arm in a back room. So, here comes by big point.
How much longer before sex robots? I mean, I could try. But no amount of protection could save your wang from a can opener.
I think this is a serious problem. We're wasting all our money on "senior citizens" and "the homeless". Hey, it's sunny out now! There fine. Old people are still kinda intelligent. They can forage. Until then, I'm stuck with a toaster that can only make me toast. Thanks for nothing, you damn hippy liberals, and you robotic rights....

A Little More About Myself
Now Playing: ....STFU, okay?
I figured I would let everyone know about my religon. So, here it is.

Buddhism

Buddhism is based on the teachings of Siddhartha Buddha. The general creed of Buddhism is based on the "four noble truths" and the "eightfold path."

The truths are:

1)Life's a bitch.

2)The reason life's a bitch is that people are attached to material things.

3)Life doesn't always have to be a bitch. You can achieve nirvana.

4)The way to achieve nirvana is by following the eightfold path.

When you hear about these truths, you're going to be curious about the eightfold path, which consists of:

1)Right views, i.e., smarten up.

2)Right intentions. Once you're smart, try to do the right thing.

3)Right speech. Say the right thing.

4)Right action. Knowing and saying the right thing isn't good enough, you have to actually do the right thing.

5)Right livelihood. Make your living in an honorable way, i.e., don't work for Halliburton.

6)Right effort. All of the above doesn't just happen on its own. You have to work at it. You can't get "Saved" here, buddy. Whatever you do, be prepared to save some drowning puppies in case you make some of the naughty.

7)Right mindfulness. Once you've beaten your physical self into submission, you have to start working on your mental state, seeking the ability to think clearly and see things as they really are. And no, that doesn't mean X-Ray glasses.

8)Right concentration. Focus, focus, focus! The path is only complete when you have refined your mind into a state of total focus on reality, which is generally thought to be accomplished by the process of meditation.

Following the eightfold path is key to Buddhism's system of spiritual advancement, in which doing the right thing (as outlined above) earns you karma, metaphysical bonus points which can be exchanged for only one fabulous prize, Nirvana. In order to make the trade, however, you have to accumulate an unspecified number of karma points, a process which usually takes several lifetimes. (Your karma points roll over when you're reincarnated.) Alternatively, you can lose karma points by engaging in wrong views, wrong intentions, wrong speech, wrong actions, and so on. So keep both hands on the keyboard, Trigger.

The Buddhist concept of karma comes from Hinduism, and some Buddhists revere Hindu deities. Buddhists also believe in yin and yang, which is drawn from Taoism.

Of course, if you read the back of a chinese take out menu, this is already all outlined.

Update!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Give me an essay on why this info is relavent?
I just wanted everyone to know that I am dead sexy.

Very, very dead sexy.

Secondly, I have to do this project in English on Romeo and Juliet. XD

I finally got my group to decide on something. We're doing it about Secret Agents. I'm going to see if I can get my dog in it. I'm her manager you know.

Anyway, hope you're lives have finally been fufilled by reading this. Bye-bye.

U SUX!!1!! I PZWN U!!!!!11

Best Movie Ever? You bet your ass.
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: "No Rain" by Blind Melon
I just saw Fight Club again, for the billionth time, and that movie pwns & ownz you. Do I know you? Doesn't matter. It just does. Sweet ass ending too.

Even though I just broke the first rule about Fight Club, who cares. Plus, that soap scene is just freakin' awesome.

Chapelle Sucks. Deal Wit It Yo.
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: ...Must you know?
Why do people like Dave Chapelle? He's not funny. I guess if your a vulgar ass you might find the people who writes his jokes funny. If one more person says
"I'm Rick James bitch!"
or
"Is this the free 5 o'clock crack giveaway?!"
I will violently rip off their faces. Or just stare at them smoldering. Yeah. That'll show him.

Oh, and wiccan liberal hippies. WTF does a pregnant woman need to snort up her uterus to make one of these freaks? Be wiccan. Be liberal. Be...a...hippy...if you really want. But togethor, thats just...apocalyptic.

And one more thing. I saw a MAN WEARING GLITTER. That is absolutely f'd up. Absolutely. Plus, I think he had those man-boob things going on. I didn't really look. But...I'm not sure I really wanna know.

Um...Uh...Ran out of tuff to complain about. Um...I had some cereal this morning. It was not as crunchy as advertised. Mother-f***ing Captain Crunch.

I Dislike Volleyball
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Like you care. Seriously. Do you? If you do, thats really sad.
I dislike volleyball. It is really, really stupid.
I have ten reasons why.

1) Hitting a ball over a net will never be a needed skill. If I'm attacked by a grizzly, I'm seriously screwed, and this won't help.

2) It sucks.

3) Volleyball doesn't seem to have cheerleaders.
DOWNGRADE!!!!

4) Craig keeps hitting me with the f****** ball. And no, that word is not Finnish.

5) People think its funny to qoute Napoleon Dynamite and go "Ahh, idiot." at me, whenever I miss the ball. F*** him, and his stupid movie. It wasn't even funny. Not even Revenge of the Nerds part whatever-the-hell was as bad as that movie.

I ran out of reasons. There happy?! But I made my point. Now, more urgent business is at hand.

I wrote this about France. Read it. It's freakin' good.

What Happened France?
By: Ryan Wirth

Sometimes, you just have to wonder...

Normally, I do not discriminate by country of origin. But occasionally, too much stupid comes from one stretch of land in too short an amount of time. Such is the case with France.

Now, I love that skunk. The one always sexually harrasing the cats. But when a country, in 50 years, can only produce a cartoon skunk, and supply us with croissants, theres something wrong. As Americans, I believe it is our duty to mock a country such as France. They have so much potential. Yet, it is constantly put to waste.

France originally was an excellent country. They helped us gain independence from Britian, which is something I'm very grateful for. I'm not a tea drinker. Then...well, they had there little revolution too. Some beheading, some mobs, all around seems something very 18 century-esque. Things were good for awhile. They screwed around with Canada, made some beaver pelts, not too much trouble.

France wasn't always a waste of space though. Nay, they once were very cool. After Frances Revolution, it seemed to me they were actually stable and fair. Napoleon limited the power of the Catholic church, made equal opportunity in the goverment, and lowered economical inflation. And gave away fabulous prizes! Well, not really, but it's better then before. However, after he made some major mistakes, he was defeated, de-throned, and exiled to St. Helena, a remote island in the South Atlantic. He lived in lonely exile for six years before his death. And, as inevitible as death, France sunk slowly, slowly, into a deep pit of mundane mediocroty.

And were now at World War Two. Not a great time for anyone. It's a very touchy issue, that many people feel isn't something to talk about. But France was not very courageous. On June 22, 1940, France surrendered. They could have, and should have kept up their front. Germany marched right through to the English Channel, and started beating up on Britian.

I'm not cynical of France. Every nation has its moments of embarrasment. After the war finally ended, the massive casualties affected everyone. Things were calm for awhile. But, for some reason, during the next fifty or so years, France got a little...uppity towards America. "Oh no, France, please forgive us for saving your keister on multiple occasions! Far from us to save you in times of need! Beg our pardon!".

And we made our way into the Cold War. There really wasn't much interaction bewteen France in that time, and things were fine. But it was when I was learning about this is when I started realizing why France doesn't like us. Which believe me, they hate us.

France is jealous. Jealous of everything we have and they don't. They are upset because we best them in all aspects. I say this because I am a proud American. They have the Eifel Tower. We have Mt. Rushmore and Niagra Falls. They have some of the best ballet performers and dancers. We have Britney Spears and Sylvester Stalone. You get the point though.

And, the War on Terror. Couldn't they at least wish us luck? Even say hello when we walk by in the hallway? Not even the head nod? Thats just rude. Though people disagree on the war, wouldn't you at least want it to go over well? And, if it doesn't go well, what will France say? They will probably mock us. And what will they say when the U.N. can't save them from South Koreas nukes? Nothing, because they will have been vaporized.




Sweet, eh'? ...OMFG....I just typed that with a Candian accent in the back of my mind. I'm hungry now. Bye.

Eh'
Mood:  irritated
I really should let all of you know how lucky you are to learn about my life. I'll try and keep this regually updated so you pathetic existence has a purpose. I am the only one who has the right to judge human worth in all of existence, as I'm sure your know.

To be honest, a blog is a giant crap waste. As if anyone cares about anyone's life. Except mine. I'm different and superior to everyone. Especially you.