Who I am
A Meaningfull Relationship
By M.R. Clark
In honor of Loren Coillin's 19th birthday
"I really think we shouldn't see each-other anymore." Aaron said quietly.
"What? Are you serious?" She said, her eyes suddenly wide, her face gaunt. "I mean what the hell? Why?"
"Well, for a lot of reasons. I mean, its not that I don't like you, It just seems like we weren't meant to be together. You're just not what I want." Aaron sat down on the bench in the shade, as the bright sun hurt his eyes.
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean? Don't give me any B.S. reasons."
"Well, its like... well, jeez..."
"Christ, Aaron, I thought you were wonderfull. I freakin' loved you. Why this crap? I mean seriously, What the hell? why so sudden? You could of at least done me the favor of not leading me on to this point, dropped me a hint or two?" She stammered, begining to fume.
"I wasn't leading you on, seriously, I did love you, up until like, yesterday..."
"So why then? What makes me, 'not the one I want', or whatever?"
"I dunno! For real, theres like, nothing I can put my finger on. I just don't, well, feel the same way I used to about you. And I'm sorry, I never intended to hurt you, but I know thats hard as hell not to do in this kind of situation."
"So its over then? We're through? Just like that?"
" Look, I didn't drop any hints because I didn't want to hurt you. Its not like I hate you or anything, I care about you. I really care about you, you're an awsome friend, but I just don't think we should be romanticly involved anymore."
"And so you just never want to see me anymore, because, like, you care about me?"
"Thats not what I meant. I want to be friends, I really do, I'd like to preserve that relationship, at least."
"But you said we shouldn't see each-other anymore!" She shouted, her fists balled up by her sides. She was still so beautifull, with the breeze blowing her hair across her face. She wore it down for him, he liked it that way, though she preferred it up.
"Thats not what I meant buy it. I just... Its not like I break up with sommeone every friggin' day. I'm not exactly good at it. It was the only thing I could think of to say. I mean, just to get my point across, I didn't mean it litterally."
She crossed her arms in front of her, looking around the empty park, at the car in the parking lot, at the barren swingset, at the scattered trees, anywhere but at him. Oh, she was beautiful.
"Look, I'm sorry, but that how I feel." He said looking at he ground. Not really at the ground, just away from her. He wanted to take her back, to appologize, to ammend the situation. To again hold her in his arms and see the spark of loving adoration in her eye, see the light of joy in her smile. His hand were begining to shake, clutched firmly together for comfort. He knew that his constitution was wearing thin, and it would become difficult to keep his voice from cracking.
He looked up as she looked back down at him. The paths of tears were apparent on her face, running down the sides of her nose, around her mouth, to collect as a bubble on the base of her chin. Strands of hair stuck to them as she turned her head. Her eyes were hurt, her expression one of pain and anger.
"Fine then." She said in a voice resigned, but laden with fire. She turned after a moment and began to walk a way.
"Let me give you a ride home," Aaron called after her.
"I'll walk." She called back, not turning around.
He sat there, watching her walk away, his arms and legs shakeing, clutching himself tightly.
"I love you." He said to her, though he knew she could not hear.
TIme passed, the day continued, though it seemed as if it shouldn't have. Arron went home, climbed in bed, and stared blankly at the wall beside him. He felt like hell.
"I feel like hell."
He should have, too. He wanted her back. He thought of calling her, asking for forgivness, saying "april fools", pleading temporary insanity, anything to convince her he didn't really mean it.
" I'm so bloody worthless without her,"
but he couldn't go back.
"thats a desicion I've already made."
"And there was nothing he could do about it."
"What?"
Aaron sat up in bed, looking around the room, somewhat frightened. There was n
"Who said that?"
othing out of the ordinary, just his bed, his desk, and his shelves, all holding his stuff. He seemed to be lo
"Is someone there?"
oking for sombody, as if somthing were missing. He stood up and walked to the door, opened it and looked outside, a quizzical expressi
"Mom?"
on upon his face.
Moving thought the house, he checked room by room for somthing it seems he'd lost, and couldn't find. The house was empty. Giving up, he finnally went back to his room, and closed his door. His room was hot, but in his current state, he could burst into tears at any time, and he didn't want someone comming home and finding him thusly exposed. Once back in his room, he began to sink deeper back into his thoughts, focusing on what he had done. Had he made a mistake? Was it really worth it?
"Was it really worth it?"
He couldn't explain why he'd done it, and that disturbed him. He sat down on his bed, his head resting on his fists. Why had he done it? The more he thought about it, the more it bothered him. There should logically have been a reason to have broken up with her, but the more he continued to think about it, the more perfect she seemed in his mind. She had loved him, totally acepted him, surprised him with gifts and completely random acts of love, She was fun to be with, she was beautifull, she was sexy, she came to him for help, she exposed her deepest thoughts and fears to him, she was in so many other ways, perfect, and he had even grown to love her flaws. He could think of absolutely no reason to explain what he had done. Angrily he stood to his feet.
"What the hell?"
He looked around his room, looked down at himself, shaking his head.
"Am I insane? I mean WHAT THE HELL?"
He turned around, looking down at his bed, a wet spot still aparent on his pillow.
Why did he break up with her?
"Why did I break up with her?"
It made no sense at all.
"It makes no freakin' sense at all!"
He didn't know why he'd done it.
"There's got to be a reason why I did it!"
"WHY for the love of God did he do it?"
"Jesus Christ, why did I do it?"
"Wait, What the hell is going on, who's there?"
"He began to walk around his room, then stopped, looking fr..."
"Show yourself!"
"antic, then quickly his e..."
"Who are you, where are you? Where are you hiding?"
"xpresion turned to rage. he began tearing open doors, throwing open his closet to find nothing, beligerance entering his mov..."
"What kind of crazy freak are you? Show yourself you insane psycho!"
"ements. He now stood in the middle of his room, looking around as if about to be attac..."
"Stop describing my every damn action! Stop this freaky narroration!
"ked. He stood completely still. his face began to turn red. I'm going to kill whoever is doing this. Have I gone completely insane? he thought."
Stopit, STOPIT-STOPIT!!!
"How did he do that?"
What the hell is this? Whats going on? How does whoever the hell that was know my thoughts?
"How are you doing this? My God, man, your a freaking character! You can't narrorate the story! this isn't possible!"
Who are you? Whats going on?
"I am the bloody narrorator! I'm the author of this short story. YOU are a character in this short story, and YOU are somehow narrorating."
This shouldn't be happening.
"I't most certainly shouldn't be."
How is this happening?
"I have no Idea."
What do we do about it? I mean what should we do?
"Well, I don't know. Its not like I do this often,"
I don't understand.
"niether do I"
You spelled that wrong.
"What? So I did."
It should be "neither do I". And it should have been capitalized.
"And you should have said, '...and "niether" should have been capitalized...'"
Is there supposed to be an elipse folowing "capitalized" in your last sentance? or should it have been a period? I also should have put a comma after "And" in "And it should have been capitalized".
"You know, none of that really matters."
Yeah.
"This is really quite strange."
Yeah.
Hey, watch this.
"Alright."
Ta da.
"What?"
I didn't indent.
"Heh, Yeah."
Wow.
So I'm really a character in a story? Thats it? Thats all I am?
"Pretty much."
So you made me? you thought me up?
"Yeah."
Why?
"Good Question."
"I guess, I guess what it all comes down to is that I wanted to express myself. I wnated to write a story about a guy and a girl, a love story."
Ha ha, 'wnated'.
"Shut up."
Anyway, continue.
"Alight, yeah, thats basically it. I just wanted to express myself."
Why?
"Tough question. Well, Cause I'm a lonely guy. I don't have a 'romantic relationship'. I'm not as perfect as a main character designed for people to like, like you are."
You seem pretty interesting, I mean shoot, you invented me.
"Thats what I wanted people to know. Thats why I write."
Ahh.
Wow, thats scarry.
"What?"
I already knew that
why is that? how come I already knew?
"Now look who's talking about capitalization."
Yeah,
"You should have capitalized not once, but t,(oooh, whats this?) wice, Hey, what, (AhHA!) the, Stop that, (No, This is fun! look what I can do! <,>.?/:;"'~`!@#$%%^&*_+-=\|0123456789). Your a freak. (I know!) can we return TO THE ORIGINAL, HEY, STOP THAT, TAKE CAPS LOCK OFF! Thank you. Can we return to the original format?"
Sure, why not?
"Very good."
HONK! Mwahahahahaha!!!!
"What the..."
I have discovered how to manipulate the font size.
What?
Oh, alright. There, is that better?
"Yes."
Anyways.
"And please don't go doing the predictable, leave the font alone, keep it the default 'times new roman'."
You're no fun.
"Keep in mind you're made in my image."
Tuche.
"So, back to exploring the phenomenon of a character becoming the narrorator,"
Yes, I guess your right.
So, I really am just a character, huh?
"Yeah."
How did this happen?
"Shoot, You know as well as I do, I have no Idea."
"Shoot."
What?
"I wonder, I'm I going insane? Have I gone insane?"
Well, let me think about that.
Yes.
"Guess so."
Oh well. Is it really all that bad?
"Well, its certainly not what I thought it would be."
Yeah.
"And shoot, at least the company's not all that bad."
Thank you.
"Then agian, I designed you to be like this, a nice, enjoyable, friendly person that the audience can feel for."
Audience?
"Err... sorry, the reader."
Were we contemplateing screenplay?
"We were, actually."
We were greedy for money, yes?
"Don't forget fame!"
Eh, I could do without fame.
"Well of course you could, you're designed to be made happy by one specific thing, The girl you broke up with."
You keep saying that. Designed. Makes me feel inhuman.
"I'm sorry."
But thats just the thing, I feel. I really do. I have my own set of independent emotions, I think, I breath, I have sensation, I just can't belive that all I am is a character. I know mysdelf to be more than that.
"Of course. You're a reflection of me. You think you exist because you belive you do, you belive you have emotions, you belive you have sensations, you belive you have your own thoughts. and I guess, because I belive you do. That doesn't make you any more real than any other halucination."
You're right. You're insensitive, but your right.
So what now?
"Don't know."
You know whats funny?
"What?"
She doesn't have a name.
"Thats interesting. I never thought of that."
What should we call her?
"I'll leave that to you. You've made her perfect for me in every other way, I trust that you can make her a name as well."
Your right, I'll see what I can come up with.
You know, I can't. I know why I left her nameless. Its because she's a reflection too, of what I'm looking for. She doesn't have a name, because I don't know it yet.
"Crazy."
Quiet, you.
"Heh. Yeah."
You know, I've decided what I'm going to do.
"Whats that?"
The only thing that can make me happy. Its inevitable, its scarry, but I can see now that it has to happen.
"What are you going to do?"
I'm going to return control to its rightfull owner.
"I see."
"How will you do that?"
I have an Idea. Might not work, but I have to try. I have to get her back, at any cost. Thats the way you designed me.
"Wow."
Yeah.
"So this is it, eh?"
I guess it is.
"It was a pleasure talking to you."
You to.
Well, here goes nothing.
"Good luck."
Lets see, well, I've never really done this before, but here goes nothing. Our handsome hero is now standing in his room, looking around at his surroundings, uhh, his, uh, his bed, and his closet and stuff, and the blankets and stuff that are on the floor, and theres like, a window, and its open, and theres a nice cool breeze comming through it, (cause I really hate it when it gets hot in there, especially at night) and... and... and he speaks.
"I was a fool for leaveing her. My God I was a fool," Arron said.
"You were, wern't you." Said the narrorator.
"It worked,"
"That's awsome."
There was a pause as the two looked at eachother for the first time in the flesh, the both of them in one room, in one diemension.
"Well, I guess, I'll be seeing you later?"
"Yeah, why not. I was planning on useing myself as a character anyway."
"Alright then."
"Alright then."
There was another pause. The two shook hands.
"Good bye." said the narrorator.
"Good bye." said Aaron.
"I'll see that you get your happy ending."
"So will I."
And with that, Aaron left the room.
Email: wickedmagicianstudios@hotmail.com
