Seven Days of Pet the Kitty
Everyone's been giving him sugar. Him being Katsuya. They learn to regret it.
Honda's POV, Monday, and so it started.
Warnings: Sugar, and caffeine. Not a good combo. Hyperactive Katsuya. Mild yaoi insinuations...or maybe a little more than mild. We're not sure yet. We'll get back to you on that. It gets bad. Very bad.
Disclaimer: We donít own them though we wish we did. So Yu-Gi-Oh! ain't ours.
Author's Note: Rabid plotbunny that foamed at the mouth. And everything. Even had fleas. Humor fleas. Rabid humor fleas. Even they foamed at the mouth. *shudders* It was scary... We creepy combo on sugar high. Especially when it's both of us on the sugar high... Wheee!! Hyperactive, late, sugar, Rolos, M&M's and now soda pop. And we were hyper without the sugar. POTSTICKERS!!!!!!!!! Sorry. This is also why you shouldn't eat black & white M&M's while writing a humor fic. Feeling like Quicksilver. Wheee!!
Chapter Word Count MSWord: 3580
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Chapter 1 - I Should Have Known Something Was Wrong
I should have _known_ something was wrong; the way he was sitting on the bicycle rack should have given it away. If you've ever read Ranma 1/2, think neko-ken, only twitching. And the way he was looking at me.
"MNYA!!! HONDA-KUN!!!" And jumping, did I mention jumping? Even _that_ was hyper. And for the first time that week, I found myself on my back, under Jounouchi. "So nice to see you!!!" Even his voice shook from suppressed energy and cheer; he was still fighting it at that point.
"Umm...what are you doing, Jouno?" I asked frightened, disturbed, and in more than a little pain, as he had landed rather heavily on my chest. I still have bruises from that...and the other times; but we'll get to that later.
"I'm a KITTY!!!" He was milk-treading* my chest. That felt weird, very weird; not to mention the looks we were getting. And then he turned and apparently saw Yuugi. "MNYA!!! YUUGI!!!" And pounced. "You're cuddly!!!"
That's about when I realized that something had to be wrong with Jounouchi. And when I heard the maniacal laughter in the background, I knew it had to be so. Malik. I wasn't surprised; he always does that, or else he looks drugged*, but that's beside the point.
"Jou, what are you doing?" Anzu, and she just had to catch his attention...
"MNYA!!! ANZU!!! Padded!!!" Was he...he was petting her breasts. The laughter escalated, and the other evil freak joined in. No idea when Bakura showed up. It was somewhere between me and Anzu, I do know that.
"HENTAI!!!" And then, he was flying again; this time, away from her. Thankfully, for her sake... or his.
"MNYA!!!" he called as he flew towards you guessed it, Malik. "MALIK!!! YOU GOT MORE!?! YAGOTMOREYAGOTMOREYAGOTMOREYAGOTMORE!?!?!?!" Then he proceed to, I think, grope Malik very thoroughly.
"Jouno, I didn't know you felt that way!" I wasn't sure if it was just me, but he seemed to be enjoying that...too much. He was flat on his back, being straddled and groped...under his clothes... by Jounouchi, who was practically twitching. "You should have just said something." Malik was arching into Jounouchi's questing hands. There was no way I could have mistaken that for _anything_ else. Perv.
"Huh!?! OH SKITTLES!!! SANKYUU!!! OH, OH, OH!!!" Then he pulled some sort of drink out of Malik's clothes. How he managed that...well, I'm not going to ask Houdini*. "OH, OH!!! RASHID!!! MNYA!!!" I think that's his war cry, because he always yells that right as he's leaping. And he flies, he doesn't jump; he flies.
"Oh my god, oh my god! What's wrong with him?" She sounded halfway between laughter and tears. Much like I myself would have been if it weren't for that bruise currently forming on my chest. Either one would just cause it to hurt more.
"Is he possessed?" Leave it to Yuugi to ask the intelligent question.
"No," and so the insane one speaks. The insane one being Malik. "I was just conducting an experiment. It seems to be coming along quite nicely." Why was I not surprised that he was behind this?
"You're controlling him again aren't you?" I asked suspiciously. We'd had trouble involving Malik and mind control before this.
"No, just conducting an experiment." Then he started to laugh manically again. I don't think he knows any other way to laugh, and that's kinda sad in a way. Not sure what way, but I do know that it's in a way.
"Get it off me." And so Rashid speaks.
And then Jounouchi uttered the phrase that we would all come to know to well in the days to come, "STROKE THE KITTY!!!" All said while rubbing himself very provocatively against Rashid. We all just started at him in shock. That wasn't right on so many levels it wasn't funny. Not even _Malik_ found it funny. We all watched in this kind of dazed sort of horror, as Jounouchi paused, and then bounded away, saying, "POING!!!*"
There's this sort of pity I felt for him... I'd been hiding actually, from Otogi's...uh...cheerleaders... especially the ugly one. So, I'd been sitting in the back of this room. Fortunately, no one saw me or it wouldn't have been as amusing as it was. You see, I had just finished reading this book, 'How To Be A Green Beret.'* What? You want to borrow it? Oh sure, I'll loan it to you later.
Anyway, as I was saying, Kaiba walked into the room. Apparently he was hiding from someone else, but it couldn't have been the same people or else I was missing something pretty big. I highly doubt that he was after Otogi's ass too...wait, did I say that out loud? Just ignore that.
So anyway, back to what I was saying. He was hiding in there too, for whatever reason. And then the entertainment showed up; apparently, he followed Kaiba into the room. Jounouchi! Apparently, Kaiba hadn't heard yet. There are some times his reputation works against him. Okay a lot of times, but this is one of them. So he hadn't heard yet about Jounouchi's little...thing. But he quickly found out.
Poor bastard wasn't even facing towards the door when it happened. It could have saved him a lot of embarrassment if he had...he could have dodged. But he wasn't, so it was very entertaining for me...and luckily I had a recording device on me. Does that make me evil? Just because I'm willing to publicly humiliate Kaiba?
Nah...I could done a lot worse. But how to prove it was him...? Huh? Oh, right, story. So anyway, Kaiba was just standing there, looking out the window, not noticing me may I add, when we heard the war cry. He didn't have the time to turn... "MNYA!!! KAIBA!!!" He was on his back. No, not Kaiba; _Jounouchi_ was on _Kaiba's_ back. Clinging like lichen to a tree or rock. "HOW'S YA DOIN'!?!" That did not look comfortable...for Kaiba that is. So it was all good. He needed to be brought down a notch or ten anyway.
"MUTT! _What_ are you doing on my back?" he growled. I swear, he _growled_. It was kinda weird coming from him, but it was fitting... Something makes me think that he's more of a dog than Jounouchi. But we're getting off track here... again.
"MNYA!!!" Oh god, he was doing was doing it again. And how the hell he was doing it from that position and still holding on I have no idea. And Kaiba looked...Huh? Oh, he was doing the rub thing. Like I was saying, Kaiba looked confused and almost frightened.
"Mmmm....Stroke the kitty!!!" He was rubbing more; not to mention, he was also petting Kaiba's chest where he could reach and still hold on. Kaiba looked even more panicked. As I said, amusing. Then Jounouchi started sniffing him. And I _swear_ he _licked_ the back of Kaiba's neck. "Nice!!! Mnya!!!"
I have to admit...he was right...that did... Wait, nevermind, you don't need to know that. So anyway, away from my sexual crisis; if possible, Kaiba stiffened more. I almost felt pity; well I maybe I would have if I didn't want to be in that position... Wait a second... You didn't need to know that. Okay, attention away from my sexual crisis, again. That's about when Kaiba collapsed onto the teacher's desk, though that did nothing to dislodge Jounouchi, who looked like he had no intention of ever letting go.
"What the hell's wrong with you?" Was it just me, or did his voice sound a little...off?
"Mreowr!!! Nice!!! Can I have your shampoo!?!" I swear by all the Kami that he _bit_ the back of Kaiba's neck. And if possible, Kaiba stiffened even more. If he kept that up, he would break his own back.
"WHAT?!" I'm not sure, but I think he had a minor heart attack at that. Sadistic? Me? Never. What do you mean I can't pull off innocent?! Ch'...some people. So anyway, back to story.
"Ya smell nice!!!" Oh god, he was rubbing again, and I didn't know that it was possible for the human throat to make that particular noise. He was....well...purring. NO, I'M NOT BLUSHING!!! The nerve of some people. If you're just going to make fun of me, why the hell am I telling you this? Oh. Yeah. That. Sorry.
"I what?" I think Kaiba decided to relax, or else he would have broken his own bones, 'cause he suddenly went boneless in Jounouchi's rather lecherous...I mean leech-like, leech-like, grasp.
"Ya smell nice!!! Can I keep ya!?! I'll treat ya nice, I can be yer sugar daddy; see, sugar!!!" Jounouchi shoved a handful of pixie sticks that he got from _somewhere_ in front of Kaiba's face.
"You're sugar drunk* aren't you?" Kaiba just stared at the pixie sticks and let himself be petted. Very nice...I mean...um...yeah...anyway. On with the story.
"Only a lit~tle!!! Mnya!!! So can I keep ya!?! I'll play with ya!!!" That was followed by a rather...nasty grope. Huh? Oh, not bad, just...vulgar...extremely so. Scarily so. The places he reached for. And Kaiba let him; I think he was a little shell shocked though.
"Play...right. Could you...let me go?"
"Nnn....You haven't stroked the kitty!!! Myah!!!" And...I think...fluctuated is the word I'm looking for. There's really no other way I can think of to describe it. That was beyond vulgar and approaching wrong. And Kaiba blushed so bad that it clashed _horribly_ with his uniform. I wasn't aware that...Jounouchi...could do...that! And no I'm not going to describe to you just what he did. Partially because of your relation to...yeah. Back to the wrongness.
"I don't see a kitty, I see a mutt!" Kaiba's prissiness grows in direct proportion to his embarrassment, and he didn't even know I was there either. Yeah I know, free shows, whatever. I'm just glad I caught it.
"I'm a _KITTY_!!!" It was an interesting pose. Especially when you take into consideration that he was attached to Kaiba's back the entire time. Then Jounouchi emptied one of the pixie sticks onto Kaiba's neck. That was...interesting. And yes I watched, I'm sixteen, give me a break. I have hormonal issues, man.
"Jounouchi! Get off!" Oh the panic, oh the panic. What do you mean am I being sarcastic? Of course I'm being sarcastic. Teenager, angst! Or whatever.
"Mmmm....good!!! This makes it _that_ much better!!!" He was eating the pixie dust. Kaiba almost fell off the desk 'cause he went so boneless. He was obviously _quite_ enjoying it. And I think I was really jealous of Kaiba at that point. Wait, did I say that out loud? Hey man, stop with the scary looming thing! Teenager plus hormones equals horny teen. So what do expect, a monk? Damnit, I've watched too much Inuyasha. Nevermind.
Anyway, if it weren't for Jounouchi's...um...grasp, Kaiba probably would have fallen off the desk. But fortunately, for my entertainment, it didn't and he didn't snap out of his happy place. What do you mean the look on my face? Um...hey...I...alright, I admit, I was enjoying watching it...but well... Wait, why am I making excuses to you? You're not _my_ dad. Oh wait...yeah...Anyway, back to story.
That's about when Yuugi almost found me. Instead he found them, "Eep!" And the door closed almost as quickly as it was opened. That...unfortunately had been enough to snap Kaiba out of his trance. So he went back to imitating a statue. So sad. What? Me? A perv? No...Whatever gave you that idea? So anyway...
"Jounouchi, let go!"
"You didn't stroke the KITTY!!!" He didn't do this to Rashid, but then again, Rashid is kinda...yeah. While Kaiba, on the other hand, is of similar age, good looking, smart, nice ass, athletic. Even I admit this, although I can't stand his personality. And just about everyone knows that Jounouchi's been crushing on Kaiba forever... Well, those that know his preferences anyway. Those that don't, have this tendency to think he likes Mai. Who's a little...old for us, anyway... Don't tell her I said that...she has...age issues.
"Hey!!! I said stroke the kitty, not pet the kitty!!! If I want ya to pet the kitty I'll tell ya, pet the kitty, not stroke the kitty!!! So stroke the kitty!!!" I think it's around this point that Kaiba realized that Jounouchi wasn't letting go. "Hey!!! You can do better than that!!!"
That's when Kaiba stoked Jounouchi's back with his knuckles, causing Jounouchi to arch and rub into Kaiba's back in _very_ cat-like move that caused Kaiba's receding blush to come back fully. Red normally goes fairly well with blue... but this was a rather purple-red that really didn't go well with the faded blue of the school uniforms.... but... It was...um...nice. What do you get off calling me a voyeur? You're listening, not to mention asking very screwy questions about _my_ preferences. Sorry man, but you're like my best friend's dad.
"Jounouchi, you're making my shirt ride up." Kaiba sounded like he was trying to sound annoyed but not quite succeeding.
"Flesh!!!" I didn't realize that Jounouchi could sound so evil with one word. Then he did _something_, I'm not sure what, but it caused Kaiba to make an odd choked squeak and try to twist away. "Oh, hey!!! Yer ticklish, co~ol!!! Must explore!!!" he added on a maniacal cackle. Not even a laugh. He _cackled_! God, that sounded evil.
And apparently he was right; Kaiba _was_ ticklish...and because he tried to hide it, it made it sound worse...almost as bad as before. Although, with where Jounouchi's hands were going, it probably was. "Let. Go!" My was he trying to sound pissed. We weren't buying it. That might have had something to do with the fact that he sounded rather...breathy. Sometimes it pays to go to school.
It was around that point that Jounouchi apparently saw something outside, so he actually let Kaiba go, which caused him to land on his back, on the desk with Jounouchi over him. And he gave Kaiba a kiss, then jumped out the window. To chase a kid on a bike...at least I think that's what he saw. I guess it's a good thing we were on the first floor... I think*. Hopefully.
A sprawled, shell shocked Kaiba is very...nice to look at. So I just sat there and watched for a while. After about ten minutes Kaiba finally sat up and pulled down his shirt (so disappointing) and looked around and finally noticed me. Damn.
"How long have you been in here?" Kaiba asked looking at me rather...embarrassed, harassed...whatever it was it was cute. And yes, I was quite disturbed thinking this about Kaiba. What do you mean denial?! Hey, I admit, he _is_ good looking. He's just a prick, and a control freak. Oh, I'm sorry.
"Since before you came in. And let me just say, naughty, naughty." What? Me vindictive? Whatever gave you that idea? And again, you're insulting my innocence. People these days, so rude.
"How much do you want?" Kaiba looked so evil. Actually he usually has that look, but still, that was more so than usual. And it sounded like he was going to bribe me. But I have standards you know. What do you mean, what standards?! I do so have standards. You don't have to be so insulting, you know. But anyway, I was really wondering how much he was going to try and bribe me with.
"How much what?" As I said, I was curious.
"Don't play dumb, you're good at it, but not even you would be that stupid."
"Hey!" Now that was just mean.
"Nevermind. It's probably all over the school by now, anyway, since Mouto walked in." With that Kaiba left the room and I decided to skip the rest of the day of school for personal reasons. Yo, now that was _low_! You going and accusing me of kipping school for _that_!* I had other reasons. I had copies to make. No, not of that. I'm banned from the school copy machine. I'm talking about the tape. No, I'm not going tell you what I did to get banned. Hey, stop looking at me like that. Fine, I was conducting an experiment. No, not that. I was seeing which would melt faster, M&M's or Tootsie Rolls on a copy machine. What do you mean I'm juvenile? By the way, it was the Tootsies. No hard shell to worry about... Now who does that remind me of?
Anyway, Anzu told me what happened the rest of the day. It wasn't much, except the rumors that Jounouchi and Kaiba were having a mad passionate affair in an empty classroom and the entire teacher's staff walked in on them. What? It's rumors, what do you expect? And that was the mildest. There was that one where they were possessed by these lovers that had died in that classroom and were using them to have one last moment of pleasure before moving on. That one was weird. I didn't know our school was haunted. Huh? Oh yeah, turned out that it was actually partially true... there was apparently a bit of Romeo & Juliet syndrome and they had died in that room. And yes, it was double suicide. It was a teacher and a student actually. Apparently they had been found out earlier that day and decided they couldn't live apart. So tragic, ne?
Well, yeah, there were a couple of others. One about aliens, I didn't pay close attention to that one. There's always one about Kaiba and aliens. Well, the last one made a weird sort of sense. It was pretty much that Jounouchi was being possessed by a cat spirit. Yeah, well it had something with him saying, 'Stroke the kitty,' and his war cry. Yeah, that was about it.
Eh, go see Anzu about it. I wasn't as closely involved the rest of the week. Huh? Anzu's address? Sure. Here you go. Wait, WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M AN IDIOT?! ...Oh...I guess that was stupid of me to do.*
A/N: Uhm... We don't really know how to explain this one... And we hope it fits with the Spring Fling Challenge. REM, if it does, please tell us... 'cause it's gonna be a get together fic for them... and... and... It is original. Very original. And we had sugar too. Lotsa sugar. I love sugar. So does Danye. So we're all even. Sometimes. But the beside the point.
This is a duel effort for the SFC... maybe. Hopefully. And review-wise, tell us all the running gags you find, so that we can post them at the end. So that everyone knows what was figured out. Hyperness isn't exactly leaving, so we go now... to write more. ^^
Oh! And we know who's doing what except for Thursday... So, it's a vote between Ryou and Yuugi.
*milk-treading: that nice massaging-clawing motion that a very comfortable cat makes.
*On Malik drugged look: In the manga, when he's not laughing or being evil he looks drugged. Very drugged, he's got the slack jawed, droopy eyed look. Look up manga picture to see what I'm talking about.
*Houdini: Jounouchi. Pulling things out of weird places and all.
*Poing: What the ferret in Sluggy Freelance does. This is a promotion. Read it!! Read it!! (If you can find it. It's just a .com thing. Or .org. Or .net. Anyway...)
*How To Be A Green Beret: I used to watch News Radio constantly, and in this one episode one of the running gags was this thing where people were appearing and disappearing suddenly because they had read that book.
*Sugar drunk: You have gone beyond the high and are approaching Pluto.
*I think: Basically, this can mean one of two things. Either Honda wasn't sure if that was a good thing... Or he wasn't even sure they were on the first floor. Poor boy was rather distracted.
* You going and accusing me of skipping school for _that_!: If you don't get this joke then you most likely shouldn't be reading this.
* I guess that was stupid of me to do.: Pretty much telling Jounouchi's dad just what he had been thinking about his son during all that.
Chapter 2 - Too Bad He's Gay
Tuesday morning, huh? Well, what with the way Jounouchi had been acting the day before, I thought that I might possibly be able to convince Jounouchi into... dressing a little different for Tuesday. In case he wasn't receptive, I brought along Otogi, who would have been able to goad him into it. Why are you calling me evil?
When we got there, it was fairly obvious that Jounouchi hadn't slept yet. He was still in his clothes from Monday, and there were no sleep-creases in them... So, we figured that he must have been given just a bit too much sugar the day before.
Surprisingly enough, he had been receptive to the idea of dressing up... But once we sat him down to get him changed, he started... squirming. It wouldn't have been so bad if he could have controlled it, even just a little bit, but... I had Otogi sit on him. And the squirming got worse. Along with the occasional hyper sounding "MNYA!!!" from Jounouchi, by that point, was also the occasional grunt, pained or otherwise, from Otogi. I'd actually managed to get him into a different pair of pants by the time he squirmed out of Otogi's grip... and went flying out the window. "MNYA!!!"
So, I grabbed some extra clothes for him, and we ran down to Otogi's motorcycle, so that we could chase Jounouchi down, in order to finish the task of getting him dressed for school. Of course, it was still going to be uniform. Just a little more goth, and more slutty, than Yuugi's clothes would have been fine by us. And it would have been completely in line with the school's dress code too.
But that's a little beside the point. He had jumped out of a fourth story window, so it had taken us a while to get to the bike, and by the time we did... Jounouchi was trying to start it. Fortunately, he seemed to have forgotten that he had opposable thumbs. "Jounouchi-kun!" Otogi had cried, diving for him. An amusing sight that was, too. A half naked Jounouchi being dived at by Otogi... even though he _was_ on Otogi's bike...
But he managed to catch the escapee wannabe feline. Fairly quickly, too. And then we managed to get the rest of Jounouchi's clothes on him. But somehow... and I'm not sure how, as none of us were even carrying any food... Otogi ended up with raspberry gelatin in his hair. Which Jounouchi then tried to eat, before bouncing off in the same fashion as he had Monday morning, very sproingy. "MNYA!!!"
And so began Tuesday. As if Monday hadn't been scary enough.
When we got to school, we the strangest thing... There were about a dozen girls and several guys in a circle around something in the school yard. When we got closer...
"MNYA!!! Stroke my belly!!! Good servants!!! Stoke kitty's belly!!! MNYA!!!" They were around Jounouchi. "MNYA!!! MNYA!!!" There were even a couple of teachers there. I think that it was the math teacher that was stroking his belly.
Slightly awed murmurs arose from several of the girls... "Oooh, he's so muscular...*"
And I'd swear that the teacher said, "Oooh, his skin's so soft..."
And one of the guys was saying, "You'd never think he'd look like that, with how he dresses... What?"
Another guy answered. "You just as much as admitted to being gay."
"I'm bi, thank you very much. That way I can appreciate both genders..."
And Jounouchi said, "Kitty is basking!!! MNYA!!! Stoke the kitty!!!"
One of the girls groping him asked rather interestedly, "So, are you seeing anyone?"
"Nope!!! I'm tomcatting!!!" He sounded almost too cheerful when he said that.
"So you want to go out sometime?"
"I'M GAY!!!" He was _way_ to cheerful about rather vocally informing the entire school of this. What? Me? No, I knew; I am close friends with him after all. It's not like he really is capable of hiding just about anything he thinks. Well, he's rather... blunt... crude... straightforward. They're all good traits... in moderation; well, except for being crude. But he's very honest about what he feels; it's one of the things I respect most about him.
Everyone stared at him in shock, before the girl asked, "You're gay?"
"I thought everyone knew that." Yuugi commented from behind us. "It's not like he's a private person or anything."
"MNYA!!!" Jounouchi suddenly jumped up and flipped over the people around him, landing on all fours behind them. "ANZU!!!" He grabbed me from behind and proceeded to grope me rather enthusiastically, "Huh, padded!!! Sank~yuu Anzu!!! OH!!! Anzu's a GIRL!!! Cool!!!"
"For what? Oh, and you just noticed? And would you remove your hands?" I was rather understandably embarrassed.
"No!!! It feels weird!!! What's the draw!?! Anyway Sankyuu for helping me get dressed this morning!!! But why did you have Otogi sit on me!?!"
"Because you wouldn't stop twitching. And you needed to wear pants to go to school."
"But they feel wei~rd!!! Can I take them off!?!" He finally released my... person, but only to start taking off his pants.
I took swift action. What? Because it had taken me an hour of fighting him to put them on him, that's why. I was _not_ having that hard work go to waste. Besides, I knew that if I let him get much further I'd never get them back on him. "Keep them on! The school has a dress code, remember?"
"Oh, can I take them off after school then!?!" he asked me while twitching with his chain belt. Huh? Oh that was Otogi's idea. It fit though. But I'm not sure how he removed all but those two buttons on his shirt. They were completely gone! There was a little bit of thread left. But at least it was buttoned... sort of. Just those two buttons, and his fidgeting was not helping me refasten his pants. Huh? No, I'm not that way. I'm not having a 'sexual crisis' like Honda. Come on, you're his _father_! I wouldn't even _tell_ you if I liked him! Sure he's hot, but he's a friend. Not to mention, so gay it's not funny. But that teacher was right. He does have a visible six-pack.
After I finished fastening his pants and released him, he looked around swiftly, then ran off. Not far though, as we swiftly found out just why he had done that, "MALIK!!! Got anymore!?!"
"AAAAHHHHH!" was Malik's echo of him. "What are you doing? OH! Do that again!" Malik relaxed from his from his rather stiff sprawl into a rather...provocative sprawl beneath Jounouchi. He seemed to be enjoying it... a little too much, not to mention he started bucking into it, making a bad situation worse. What? Oh, Malik creeped me out. Sorry, I'll try to be more clinical in my description of what I saw happen. I didn't mean to sound rude.
"Jounouchi, what are you doing molesting that student?" That was the principal, who had also been standing in the crowd.
"MNYA!!! SUGAR!!! SUGAR!!! SUGAR!!! Aww, you don't have any!!! Must hunt SUGAR!!!" with that...explanation, he... bounced away. Again. That seemed to happen a lot. Usually leaving a stunned crowd behind him.
"I just had one of the best groping sessions of my life, and it was all for sugar... I feel used." Malik had that drugged look again, now that the entertainment had left. What? Oh, Malik usually has that look. I'm not sure why.
"Makes you feel like a discarded toy, don't it?" Ryou asked, from next to Malik. I hadn't seen him before, but then, he can do that. He has that sort of personality. Huh? Oh, the kind were you don't notice them until they draw attention to themselves.
Malik stood up and straightened his rather rumpled clothes before commenting, "I think I'm going to go find as much sugar as I can now, and hide it." Then he walked off.
"I think I'll go help him hide it." Bakura then followed after him. We found out later just what they were up to, and it wasn't...pretty, or sane for that matter... but then, with those two...
Well, after that not much happened, until class was about to start.
Well, we were sitting at our desks as the bell had just rung, signaling the beginning of class. Kaiba-san was sitting at his desk working on something, when he suddenly let out a loud squeak, drawing the attention of the entire class to him. It turns out that Jounouchi, who had been sitting on top of his desk behind Kaiba, had licked the back of his neck, again, at least according to Honda. Then he put _something_ down the back of his uniform. I'm still not sure what. I had only a handful of times seen Kaiba with that pole-axed look, but on each occasion it was quite amusing. Just don't tell him I said that.
"Ne, Kai~ba!!! I'll lick you clean if ya want!!! MNYA!!!" Then I actually _saw_ him lick Kaiba's neck while trying to get him out of his uniform. Kaiba started struggling right there. Literally, flailing limbs and everything. Well, of course I enjoyed it, but then again, so did the rest of the class... because it was _Kaiba_. It's not every day you get to see Kaiba so discomfited, and by Jounouchi at that.
I'm still not sure how he managed to fit himself into Kaiba's lap, though. I mean, what with the desk and everything. "Ne, Kai~ba!!! You used that shampoo again!!! Can I have it!?! Or use it!?! I'll scrub yer back fer ya!!! MNYA!!!"
That's about when Kaiba started asking for help. Huh? Oh, he's rather...independent. It's just that Kaiba doesn't _ever_ ask for help. He's always been rather coldly formal. So, his pleading was rather amusing, not to mention shocking as well. "Get him off of me! Rape! Rape!" That last bit was hilarious. I mean they where both still mostly dressed.
"Nya!!! Nice!!! Can I keep ya!?! You never answered that!!! So can I!?! I think my dad would let me, so long as ya stay away from his office!!!" That's about when Jounouchi started bouncing. Huh? Yes, it was vulgar looking. But you _are_ his father and I didn't want to mention it. Well, for one, you're scary. What? Well, Honda doesn't have much common sense, so of course he would tell you stuff like that. You know, 'open mouth, insert foot'; he has a bit of trouble with that.
"Get. Off. Me." That would have sounded threatening if it wasn't a choked squeak.
"Not until you..." Insert pose here... "STROKE THE KITTY!!! MNYA!!!" This is around the time Honda and Otogi disappeared from class. Huh? Oh, I didn't really think about it at the time. I thought Honda had finally decided to tell Otogi about his 'sexual crisis.' I didn't find out until a little later that it was something more...interesting.
"I will _not_!" Kaiba actually managed to sound forceful that time. "I am not your toy!"
"Nya!!! Yeah, you are!!! YOU ARE ALL MY TOYS!!! FOR I AM...THE KITTY!!!" How Jounouchi managed to make what was supposed to be a rather dramatic pose look so vulgar, I'm still not sure. But then, a lot of things involving him and Kaiba during that time became that. _No_, I will not describe the position! "MNYA!!!" Yeah, he did that a lot. Huh? Yeah, 'war cry' is a good description of it. Do you mind if I use that from now on? Thank you.
"Mutt, I am not anyone's toy. Let alone yours. Besides won't Mai be jealous?" Kaiba apparently hadn't heard.
"Mai!?! EWW!!! SHE'S OLD!!! AND A _GIRL!!!" He attempted to whisper but it came out a squeak, "Girls have _cooties_!!! SAVE ME FROM THE COOTIES!!!" At that he was suddenly huddling against Kaiba's chest. Everyone in the class was, of course, laughing at the entire situation. Kaiba hadn't heard about Jounouchi's... um... declaration that morning.
"You're getting worse, mutt." Only Kaiba could be in a compromising position with another guy and still pull off dignified.
"I'm not a mutt!!! I'm a KITTY!!! MNYA!!!" After uttering his soon to be famous battle cry, he proceeded to nuzzle Kaiba's neck. "Nice!!!" And Kaiba...squeaked...again. He seemed to be doing that a lot around Jounouchi. "Can I borrow yer cell!?! Thanks!!!" Jounouchi was suddenly holding a cell phone and dialing a number. "Hi!!! Can I have a pet!?! I'll feed it, and walk it, and play with it and everything!!! I'll take _good_ care of it!!!" Oh, that was you? Huh. "But, but!!! I want him!!! But...Come on!!! What do you mean I'm not capable of handling a pet!?! I think you have me mistaken for you!!! Fine, fine!!! Bye!!! Love ya!!!" He had just enough time to hang up, before Kaiba snatched it back and pushed Jounouchi off of him and onto the floor. "Mou!!! So mean!!! I'll hide you from him then!!!" He was suddenly wrapped around Kaiba's legs. "I can hide ya in my room!!! He never goes in there!!! He say's it's one of the most terrifying places he's ever seen!!! Cool huh!?!"
"What the fuck are you talking about!?" It looked like Kaiba was having a panic attack. He got all pale, was sweating, seemed to be having a hard time breathing. What? Oh, the teacher was watching with everyone else. Yes, that was unprofessional, but what could I do? I didn't want to lose my hand. Huh? Oh, Jounouchi was very... violent when you get between him and what he considered his. Huh? Oh, he seemed to think that Otogi was his for a little while and nearly took my arm off.
"Well, yer mine, ya know!!! So, I got ta put ya someplace safe, ya know!!! Don't want ya getting hurt!!! That would be bad!!! MRAWRRR!!!" Jounouchi looked positively evil when he said that. Then he began to rub his face against Kaiba's leg in what I can only term as an affectionate manner. "Mine!!! MNYA!!!"
I decided that Jounouchi needed to be distracted quickly, so I did the only thing I could think of. I reached down the back of Malik's uniform shirt and grabbed whatever I could. "Hey, Jounouchi! I got pocky." Then, I swiftly threw it out the open window.
"POCKY!!! MNYA!!!" And he followed it out. Actually, I'm not even sure if it _was_ pocky. I just knew that I needed to get him out of there, before someone got hurt. Thank you, that _was_ rather clever. But I'm not even sure if it was pocky. I just knew it had to contain sugar. Hey, I know how these guys think. They are my best friends after all, not to mention I spend _entirely_ too much time with them.
I think that Malik would have started hitting on me if we hadn't found out then exactly _why_ Honda had dragged Otogi out of the room. Well, it turns out that Honda had managed to tape record a rather...incriminating conversation from the day before between Kaiba and Jounouchi. I didn't know that Kaiba could turn _that_ shade of red. It clashed with his uniform. What? You've heard this before? From who? _Honda_ said that? I guess he does have a little fashion sense after all. You want to know what was on the tape? Oh, you already heard it. Then I can skip that part. Saves us time. You don't mind if I get something to drink do you? Thank you, do you want something? Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes.
Now then, where were we? Ah yes, the tape. Well, not much happened for a couple of hours after that, that I know of. Jounouchi disappeared somewhere in the school. I know for a fact that he didn't leave school grounds, because the next time I saw him he was still completely dressed. Just covered in sugar. I think he tangled with the school cotton candy machine. What? Oh, we got that a few years ago, for the school carnival. It had still worked then...well, until Jounouchi got to it. I still want to know where he got the caramel.
Well, the next time I saw Jounouchi, he was _bounding_ down the hallway hugging people. At least he wasn't kissing them. He was just covering them in half melted cotton candy. I think he lost the fight with the cotton candy machine, if his appearance was any indication. Well, I had been talking to Otogi about what we would try to dress Jounouchi in the next day, if he was still receptive, when I was witness to one of the most bizarre sights of my life. Jounouchi suddenly jumped onto Kaiba, who had been putting books in his locker. Not in his normal, at that point, way, being the one where the victim ends up on their back on the ground with him bouncing on their chest. This one was from behind and he became attached to Kaiba's back; like a leech to a bleeder and showing half as much of an inclination of letting go.
"MNYA!!! STROKE THE KITTY!!! MNYA!!!" I think that it was getting worse, which, until I saw it, I didn't think was possible. "BOW TO YER MASTA!!! MRAWRRR!!!" He was yelling _that_ at everyone else. How do I know this? He wasn't looking at Kaiba. Actually, he was looking. rather pointedly, at a group of preppies. And by pointedly, I mean full on evil glare. I didn't know that he could make it so well felt. He actually managed to _loom_ while attached to Kaiba's back. I have no idea where he learned that one. Oh, you? That makes sense.
Before anyone could say anything into the sudden silence, Malik suddenly attached himself to _Jounouchi's_ back and started ranting about Jounouchi being an evil tease. I don't know what he was talking about, as we had had different classes the period before. But then again, Jounouchi _was_ gone for quite a while. Maybe he did something to Malik. Anyway, the entire student population never got to find out just what happened, because Kaiba suddenly collapsed under the weight of, not one, but two teen psychos. Yes, I do have the right to call them that; you didn't see them. There was _laughter_! And not the nice kind of laughter, either. Jounouchi appeared to have entirely too much practice with that laugh.
"KITTY HAVE FUN!!! MNYA!!!" Jounouchi was also obviously enjoying being stuck between the two other boys entirely too much.
As demonstrated by Kaiba's yell of, "RAPE! RAPE!" This was, of course, after giving off a rather unmanly shriek when he fell. And I could understand why he was yelling that too. How? Well, let's just say that both Jounouchi and Malik's hands had disappeared onto his person. As he was trapped underneath them, this made it very understandable why he would be yelling that. Well, yes, I would more properly categorize it as screaming, but if I said that, then I _know_ Kaiba would find out. He does that. And yes, it did sound very feminine.
"BAI BAI, SHIRT!!! MNYA!!!" Jounouchi was apparently trying to strip Kaiba of his uniform top in the middle of the crowded school hallway. And Malik wasn't helping...well, he wasn't helping Kaiba, anyway. He _was_ helping Jounouchi though. I think he was working on the pants. I never did find out, because Honda ran up, grabbed Jounouchi out of the pile and ran off with him, yelling something about a crisis.
I think it was _that_ crisis. Why yes, Honda _does_ have issues. I'm glad I'm not the only one to think so. But before he got too far Jounouchi got free and let loose his...fearsome... war cry, "MNYA!!! YUUGI!!! WANNA PLAY!?!" Yuugi had apparently just exited the classroom, after finishing his talk with the teacher. Why didn't he dodge out of the way? Well, everyone, when they hear it, tends to freeze for some reason. Something about a feeling of impending doom. I have no idea how he does that. "PET THE KITTY!!!"
After Yuugi rather timorously petted a snuggling Jounouchi on the head, he was dragged off by a hyper, not that he wasn't already, Jounouchi, who said something about aliens and signals, I think. I didn't quite catch it. All I know, is that Kaiba skipped the rest of the day; Malik kept muttering about teases; Honda started complaining to me about his latest 'sexual crisis'; Otogi had disappeared somewhere with Ryou... and no, I have no idea what they were up to; and Yuugi came back at the end of the day looking wet, frazzled, and covered in silly string and dragging a rope tied rather weirdly to his left leg. No, I don't mean ankle. I mean leg, like from ankle to thigh. With a bow. And the bow was separate. We eventually just cut off the rope, with Bakura's all too enthusiastic help. No, I don't normally trust Bakura near Yuugi with knives...let's just say that the two of them and knives have a bad history, and leave it at that.
Rumors? Well, let's see, there's the one about Jounouchi and Seto being secretly married. Yuugi and Jounouchi as bondage buddies, and no, those are not my words. There's the one that Yuugi's a glowy pod person. There was the one that Malik wants to screw half the school, which is probably true...at least, the good looking people. There's the one that I'm actually a guy in drag... that was annoying. And I think the last one was that it was all a conspiracy by the government to take over Mars... I don't get that one.
Oh, Wednesday? I wasn't there. I was busy preparing for a dance recital. Someone who was? Would Otogi work? Oh, here's his address. No, I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Have a nice day.
Too bad Jounouchi was gay though.
A/N: We finally remembered who the person we wanted to use for that other day, so, we don't need the votes on it anymore! Oh, and if you notice any running gags, be sure to mention them when you review! ^^
* muscular: Apparently, in the anime Jounouchi has a six-pack. You see it when he dies, and has all those things stuck to his chest... But his shirt didn't come all the way off. So sad.
Chapter 3 - Just A Little Oblivious
_You're_ Jounouchi's father? Are you sure? Huh, I wouldn't have expected someone like you for his father. No, I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just that you look... like Kaiba. Nothing like Jounouchi. Actually, you even have the same scary, competent, workaholic aura as Kaiba. Yes, yes, take that as complimentary if you will.
So, you wanted to know what happened Wednesday, then. Well, Honda-kun and I headed over to Jounouchi's place a little earlier than we had the day before. Huh? Oh, I figured that I need his help if the day before was any indication, and Anzu had to be at her rehearsal preparations. Anyway, we opened the door only to be greeted by the sight of a soaking wet Jounouchi trying to figure out how his shirt came off. And no, it wasn't buttoned. There were no buttons left on the shirt. They had apparently joined the others. Huh? How did we get into your apartment? Oh, Jounouchi told us where the spare key was, so that we could let ourselves in if there's an emergency. And that was when he was still slightly coherent. Huh? How do I know this? Well, he gave me this really weird speech about penguins and emus that actually made sense. Yeah, he does have a talent for making even the most bizarre sound plausible, when he's saying it.
Anyway, we had decided to see if we could make Jounouchi look even more...edible... Well, I'm sorry, but that's the least vulgar way to put it. So, this time, we skipped the tank top. Huh? Oh, yeah, he had been wearing one the day before, under his button down. I think that might have been part of why he was having so much trouble with his shirt when we showed up. So we skipped the undershirt. What? No, we were not taking advantage of him. This was all to help him. How? By helping him with his little crush. I mean, he had gotten more of a reaction out of him in the last two days then anyone else ever had. Not even Mokuba could get that much of a reaction out of him if he took over Kaiba Corp, gave it Dinosaur Ryuzaki, and was marrying the Cheshire Cat to boot. Yes, Kaiba is that cold.
And then there were the pants. Let's just say there were more holes than cloth. There was this one right...um...nevermind. No, I can't show you them; they got destroyed halfway through the day...when Bakura...um... yeah, we'll get to that later. Let's just say it was...messy, and surprisingly enough, not for Jounouchi.
Honda-kun and I just stared at Jounouchi. He was very wet, and covered in mud. So, we had to give him a bath. Oh, you already talked to Honda-kun? Well, yes, he helped. It's not like I could have done it myself. I mean, after the first five minutes we finally stripped down ourselves and had to get in the tub with him. That way he'd stop splashing. Huh? What? You've never taken a bath with your peers? It's not like we're Americans or something, they're so weird about bathing with others.
We discovered while we were bathing him that not all the mud was mud. A lot of it was chocolate, and caramel. Though I'm wondering where the caramel came from. So anyway, after spending the next ten minutes convincing Jounouchi that we weren't his personal toys, we finally got him back out of the tub. And then the true battle began, trying to persuade Jounouchi that the clothes weren't going to eat him. What? That's what he said. I know it didn't make sense but we managed to convince him that these clothes were nice clothes, and would eat the bad clothes for him. He liked them after that. He mentioned something about hunting with them too, but I wasn't really listening at the time, I was too busy putting on the finishing touches. Huh? Oh, not much, some makeup, jewelry, cat ears, a tail that was supposed to be part of his Halloween costume. It actually moved too, very high tech stuff. And that was because he won a bet with me. Huh? Well, I can't really give you details on that, but I can say that it involved Honda-kun.
So anyway, after we got him dressed, we tied him up and transported him to school. Well, we had to tie him up so that he wouldn't fall off the back of my bike. He wouldn't stop twitching. It almost made me crash several times as it was. So, when we arrived we had a half hour before school started. It took us longer than we thought to get him ready. We hadn't expected to have to bathe him. Although, I wonder why Honda-kun was blushing so much. I wonder if he has a crush on Jounouchi? I mean he was turning rather red for a while there, whenever Jounouchi came near him, after our bet.
Jounouchi, as soon as we untied him from where he was attached to the back of the bike... What? I wasn't going to allow his hands anywhere near my person, while driving, if I could help it. While driving. Otherwise it's okay. Anyway, once he was free, he decided to perch on top of the bike rack. To survey his domain, as it were. I think. I hope. Because if it were anything else... I'd be worried. Honda-kun hurried off somewhere, saying something about a date with a teacher, I think. Isn't that a horrible lie? I wonder what he was doing? Well, you know those times when someone just left, and you suddenly remembered something you meant to return to them? Well, I had one of those moments. Huh? Oh, this book he loaned me, 'How To Be A Green Beret'. Oh, you've heard of it. Interesting, isn't it? Oh, you haven't read it? Well I recommend it. Very interesting; so helpful too.
Well, before I could chase after him, and return his book I was assaulted from behind. Um....hands is the only way I can describe what happened. After I managed to turn myself over, I was greeted with the sight of Malik's grinning face. I suppose I shouldn't have been too surprised. I mean it was only a matter of time before he noticed my perfection. Narcissist? What do you mean? I'm quite modest, thank you very much.
"Hello." Malik greeted too cheerfully. He wanted something.
I blinked, "What do you want?"
"I'm insulted. Do I need a reason to grope your luscious body?" Malik leered at me.
Yes, he said that. But before I could answer, Jounouchi was suddenly draped over Malik's back, who was straddling me. Needless to say I wasn't getting up until they moved. "MNYA!!! Hel~lo!!! Whatcha doin'!?! Where's the SUGA!?! OH, THERE IT IS!!!"
Malik made the strangest noise, I can't quite describe it, it was kinda...like a squeak and a growl mixed together. Very interesting though.
A somewhat cold voice broke in on our... parade, "You really are a slut, Jounouchi. Not enough that you had to exhaust my guards by having them chase you, but you have to continue your pursuits here at school as well." That boy really needs to get laid. Or have that stick removed. Either one would work. Though I have to admit that I am curious about what he had meant by his guards chasing Jounouchi.
"MNYA!!! MASTA!!!" And a great weight was lifted from my chest. No, it was physical. "Kitty get Masta SUGA!!! SEE!!! SEE!!! SUGA!!!" Someone was a bit into his sugar. Though, I'm wondering where he got those nerds. And a lot of them too. I mean, when we dressed him, there was no way he could have hidden anything on himself. I mean, we had squeezed him into those pants. And the shirt...well it was loose...no pockets. So, where he got that, I have no idea.
"GET OFF ME!!!" Apparently, Kaiba didn't like having Jounouchi glomped onto him. Maybe he has intimacy issues? I mean what with the rubbing and all. And when he tried to unwrap Jounouchi's legs from around his waist, I think, was the first time he noticed just how many holes were exposing Jounouchi's flesh. Really, that shade red _clashes_ with the school uniforms. "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!?" Really, higher pitched his voice couldn't have gotten.
"MNYA!!! Otogi and Honda dressed me!!! They were nice, my clothes will eat the evil ones!!!" And he laughed maniacally. "Though, I don't see why they had to bathe me!!! But they got in with me so it's a~ll good!!! Can I bathe you!?!" Really, broadcasting everything like that. Luckily I'm not easily embarrassed. But if I had been, I would have died from the speculative look that Malik was giving me. And yes, he was still on top of me. Of course, Rashid was glaring at me, but not many actually notice him when Malik decides that he wants attention.
"WHAT!? GET OFF ME!!" Luckily there weren't very many people out...wait, let me take that back, the school bus had just pulled in at about that point. I figured I should maybe get Malik off of me. I do have a certain reputation to uphold after all. And being found with the resident psychopath draped all over you does horrors to your reputation. Although, they just seem to find it amusing when Jounouchi does it. Why yes, I am accusing him of that. So nice of you to notice. I had had to deal with him all freakin' morning, I ask you to recall.
"STROKE THE KITTY!!! Come on Masta!!! Ya know ya wanna!!! MNYA!!!" He then proceeded to nuzzle Kaiba rather provocatively, and one of his hands found its way into Kaiba's shirt. Very interesting, apparently his shirt had ridden up at some point and only Jounouchi had noticed. "See!!! Kitty show ya how it's done!!!" Then he proceeded to... do just that.
Kaiba collapsed on the ground at that point, with a choked groan. Apparently, that was a little too much for him. And Jounouchi apparently affects Kaiba to such a degree that he forgets his surroundings. Very interesting bit of information that. So, while Kaiba was being stroked, a crowd was gathering to watch as the normally untouchable Kaiba Seto was being rather blatantly groped and... 'stroked' by another guy, proving that, yes, even _he_ could be touched. By Jounouchi Katsuya at that. Needless to say, no one was going to stop it, even if they could. I mean, would you? Hmm....being the father of one of the participants would probably give you some incentive, I guess. Hm, too bad.
Of course, then Jounouchi decided that he didn't like Kaiba's clothes, or maybe he just wanted better access, I'm not sure. All I know, is that he started trying to strip Kaiba, but, as he had forgotten that he was human, and that human's have opposable thumbs, that wasn't working too well for him.
"MINE!!! MINE!!!" And that was about when Kaiba...recovered.
"GET OFF OF ME!!"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" Kaiba was shrieking, while trying valiantly to keep Jounouchi out of his clothes.
"Masta is MINE!!! MINE!!! LEAVE TOYS!!! MASTA AND KITTY MUST PLAY!!! MNYA!!!" Apparently, Jounouchi had noticed the crowd. But then again, he had thought he was a cat, so it's not all that surprising, if you think about it in that context.
"STAY OUT OF MY CLOTHES!!"
"NO!!! Kitty must save Masta!!! MNYA!!!" Apparently, Jounouchi had decided that Kaiba's clothes were evil.
"ARE YOU INSANE!? GET OFF ME! RAPE! RAPE!" Kaiba seemed to be fond of yelling that for some reason.
Well, at that point I decided to take some pity on Kaiba and distract Jounouchi; so I cautiously approached the struggling pair. "Jounouchi, there you are; I have to warn you. The evil clothes are gathering, in a meeting, to plot your 'Masta's' destruction. They are gathering in the locker rooms." I know it wasn't plausible, or even logical, but Jounouchi wasn't at that point either, so it might work.
"MRAWRRR!!! KITTY MUST SAVE MASTA!!! MNYA!!!"
It worked. After declaring his intentions to the entire school, he skittered off to go 'battle' the 'evil' clothes. I'm just glad it worked. So was Kaiba, apparently, who actually thanked me before heading off to class.
Now, in class, things were fairly normal, except for Jounouchi being perched on top of his desk, playing with Kaiba's hair, the owner of which was valiantly trying to ignore him and do his work. Although, he did jump when Jounouchi's tail whacked him in the face. What? I said it was high tech. But other than his jumping at that, he mostly ignored Jounouchi, who was just sitting there, grooming Kaiba, as it were.
He was still twitching and occasionally cackling about the 'evil flesh-eating clothes' and what he did to them. But other than that, he was actually rather calm. This was before we learned that that was a bad thing. Whenever he was like that, he was planning something, and that something was never good. We all soon discovered just what he had been planning... and let me just say that _no one_ expected _that_. Jounouchi can be quite demented if he tries.
The calm of the class was suddenly interrupted, yet again, by Jounouchi sounding off his 'battle cry,' "MNYA!!!" What was different this time was that Jounouchi decided that he was tired, so he climbed around Kaiba and into his lap, where he immediately went to sleep. Kaiba was not happy. Of course, this might have something to do with the fact we were taking a test at the time. Or that just might have something to do with his unusual aversion to being touched. I'm going with the first one myself; I mean, he didn't push him off. How could I tell he didn't mind? Well, the fact that he started to stroke Jounouchi's back might have been a big indication that he didn't mind so much. That and he, as I said, he didn't push Jounouchi off. Normally he would have.
Well, after that, things were rather quiet, until class let out for lunch. Huh? Oh, the teacher just let Jounouchi do what he wanted. Most of the staff had that policy for that week. What? Well, yes, it was unprofessional, but what could we do? We're students. Not to mention the fact that just about everyone was seeing this as payback against Kaiba for various reasons. Yes, even the staff. As I said, unprofessional, but what could we do?
Well, when the bell sounded for lunch, Kaiba actually left class. Huh? Oh, yeah, that's unusual, because Kaiba _never_ leaves the classroom during lunch, unless he has to. Well, there was also the fact he was carrying the still sleeping Jounouchi, too. I myself thought he was just going to send him home. I didn't find out until about ten minutes later that I was wrong. Very wrong.
You see, I was talking with Ryou about some of the more obscure rules of Dungeon Dice Monsters while we were waiting in line to get what passes for food, when a commotion started up not far from where we stood. Apparently, Kaiba was trying to force _something_ down Jounouchi's throat, and Jounouchi was having nothing of it. Jounouchi was trying to claw at Kaiba, but apparently, he had thought ahead and had tied Jounouchi's hands together with the belt from his trench coat.
After about five minutes, Kaiba was either satisfied or just gave up, because he got off of Jounouchi and let him loose to do what he wanted. Although, I couldn't help but notice that Kaiba was blushing, and he looked quite fetching like that, as it wasn't the nasty red that clashed with our uniforms... just a soft flush. Quite cute, though I would prefer those words never to reach his ears. Breathing hard, a slightly annoyed look on his face, and an embarrassed blush across his features. It was all because he had to pin Jounouchi down, and Jounouchi was quite...em...squirming.
Anyway, Jounouchi, as soon as he got loose, gave Kaiba this wounded look and said rather loudly, "BAD MASTA!!! NO KITTY FER YA!!!" Then he proceeded to hide behind me and Ryou. I'm still not sure as to why. Both me and Ryou have rather thin legs, and were also wearing _pants_, so he really couldn't hide. I also think he wanted to get back at Kaiba, in his rather demented way, seeing as he started to rub up against our legs in a rather affectionate feline manner. Needless to say, he knocked us over. As he looked at us in surprise, he noticed that everyone in the room was staring at him; so he responded in a rather...unique manner, "BOW TO THE KITTY!!! I OWN YA ALL!!! MNYA!!!" and then he scampered off. And yes, I do mean scampered. You know, kinda like a rabbit. What do you mean, you've never seen a rabbit scamper? You live under a rock or something?
After Jounouchi burst, rather enthusiastically, out of the lunchroom doors and into the hall, we heard a loud crash as he ran into a group of teens who had been about to enter, and he went off down the hallway, not missing a beat at the mess he left behind him. Before the first of the teens had a chance to even sit up there was another crash and we heard Jounouchi yell, "TRASH FALL!!! MNYA!!!" and that's the last I heard of him until class started again.
We were sitting in our math class being bored out of our easily distracted teenage minds when Jounouchi ran into the classroom, pantsed the teacher, hugged Kaiba, petted Yuugi, grabbed the tests off the teachers desk, and ran out again before anyone had a chance to recover, all the while sounding his battle cry...though a little higher pitched than normal. Maybe he'd been given more sugar. This happened in the space of about thirty seconds... I think. Nobody had the presence of mind to time it. Jounouchi always was good at making an impression. Not always an good one, but still a memorable one.
Well, the teacher assigned Ryou and me, along with several others, to hunt down Jounouchi, and get the tests back before he did something unmentionable to them, and bring him back to class. The teachers were still trying to keep him in class at that point, not long later they learned it was pointless, but I digress.
Ryou and I entered into the fray daringly, little knowing what we were getting ourselves into. So young and naÔve we were. What do you mean, am I being sarcastic? Really, asking questions like that. Well, when we exited the classroom it was obvious that Jounouchi had been there. There was paint _everywhere_. Apparently, he had visited the art room. I bet you the students in _there_ weren't working. Not that I was. You would have thought that the paint would have made it easier to find him. It didn't. Apparently the art teacher decided that it would make the perfect art project and let the students loose with as much paint as they wanted. They weren't in that hallway anymore though. But they sure made their presence known. I never saw that much graffiti _inside_ a school. I mean, sure, you'll find it occasionally on desks, but man! We just kind of stood there and stared. Then started to blush, as we saw some of what was actually _written_. Let's just say, vulgar. Horrible, and it stayed there the rest of the week. I mean, no one even made an effort to cover it. Although, I'm still curious about the one declaring it's love to me. It wasn't the usual handwriting. Now that I think about it, it looked kinda like...nah, nevermind.
Well, we snapped out of our stunned stupor to the sound of a loud clang. That had worry written all over it. So, we ran towards the direction it came from. When we actually saw what it was we started to run in the other direction. It was an army sized stew pot, followed by another. We forgot the cafeteria was on the other end of the hallway. All the while we heard a maniacal, "MNYA!!!"
But that wasn't the worst of it. Apparently, the pots weren't even empty. And it had been spaghetti that day. So there was spaghetti decorating the walls along with the paint. I think that's about when Bakura switched with Ryou. Ryou's just not the type to deal well with that type of thing. I'm still having nightmares myself. You know, the kind where there's a giant spaghetti pot chasing you down the hall and you can't get away. And then it got worse.
Apparently, we had stepped into the middle of a war. It was with the engineering class, too. How did I know? Well, I think the remote control cars might have tipped me off. And they weren't the cute little store bought kind. These things were dangerous. Think Battlebots and you get what I mean by dangerous. So, we had more to run from. As if the spaghetti pots weren't bad enough. Then the wood shop class got involved as we ran by; apparently, they thought they were pirates-- I'm sorry-- 'privateers'-- seeing as how they kidnapped us yelling something about swag. I'm still not sure if I should be offended.
We swiftly found ourselves tied to the 'mast' of their 'ship' by the 'crew.' Apparently, it was the kendo team's turn in wood shop, so they were actually semi-competent. But luckily, I had a certain knife-wielding-maniac tied up next to me so we got free pretty quick. Huh? Oh, we know two...or three, if you want to get finky, fairly well; knife-wielding-maniacs are surprisingly common. Especially in public schools. Although, it's probably not that surprising to you that your son is one of the three. I've seen him get pretty maniacal with knives. But he doesn't usually wield them himself, that I've noticed.
Well, after sneaking out of the wood shop, we found ourselves in the metal shop. Apparently they were playing
Well, while I was closely...inspecting some of the...scenery, Bakura dragged me rather forcefully out the back door of the classroom, and outside. And thus we discovered why he hadn't actually left the school yet. It was raining. And since he thought he was a cat, and cats hate water, it makes perfect sense. Before I could punch Bakura for ruining my hair he explained to me his plan, I would chase Jounouchi towards where Bakura would be waiting and Bakura would tackle him and we would get him back to class. We gave up the tests as 'unfortunate' casualties to the hunt.
I think that was Ryou's idea. I'm not sure. It just somehow sounded like him. It is rather obvious that the insanity was spreading though, isn't it? Well, we spent the next five minutes fighting over just were the ambush should be, before deciding in front of the nurses office. Bakura went to get into place and I went off to try and find our errant 'Kitty' and drive him towards his impending doom.
I spent the next half hour or so trying to track his movements and questioning various students on whether or not they've seen him. I really hadn't realized until that point how well known Jounouchi was. Apparently he's rather infamous around school for various reasons, ranging from being 'adorable,' to 'helpful,' to 'annoying;' although mostly at this point as 'Kitty.'
I'm sure his telling the entire school he was gay the day before didn't help matters. Or maybe it did. As I was searching I saw the beginnings of a fan club forming for him. Rather unusual, that. But I guess with the company he keeps, that it isn't that unusual for him to be a bit overshadowed. Well, anyway I finally found Jounouchi in the empty teachers lounge playing with the blender, the contents of some poor teachers bag, and some whiteout. Needless to say it was a messy combination. And I, being the valiant hero that I am, found a way that was guaranteed to get his attention. I opened a soda. I never got tackled so fast in my life.
"MNYA!!!" That one sounded rather vicious. I thought he was going to _bite_ me! What? You weren't there, you didn't see the look in his eye. Although I just think he wanted the soda, so I did the smart thing. I let him have it. "Good toy!!! Toy bring Kitty SUGA!!! Toy shall be rewarded!!! MNYA!!!" He then proceeded to lead me from the room rather enthusiastically. "Toy good to Kitty!!! Kitty take toy to Masta, and give ya ta Masta!!!" I was rather flattered by that one, it's much better than being swag.
"Just a minute Jounouchi..."
"KITTY!!! Kitty's name is Kitty!!! MN~YA!!!" That last mnya was rather annoyed sounding.
"Sorry... _Kitty_... Can we stop by the nurses office first?"
"SURE!!! Kitty is good to TOYS!!!" Even when he's delirious he's still so trusting. Though the delirium may have added to trusting nature of his. So rare to find such a trusting person these days, that isn't complete gullible fool, that is.
As we approached 'Kitty's' 'doom,' I felt slight guilt, I mean Jounouchi _was_ a friend, but it was for his own good. I only hoped that no one got hurt in the process of containing him. If only I had known. We walked into it so trustingly. As if the worst we'd get is a few measly broken bones, or maybe even a lost limb at the most. But what we lost...it was so horrible. And then there's what _Kaiba_ lost! Well, I'll get to that later.
As we approached the trap, I managed somehow to get Jounouchi to release his grip on my arm, which was probably a good thing, considering what happened afterwards. Just as Bakura was about to pounce, Jounouchi had apparently seen something off down the hallway that he just _had_ to have, causing him to suddenly surge forward. So, rather than tackling Jounouchi around the waist, he ended up just holding onto Jounouchi's pants via two of the rips. Everything was still for a moment before there was the sound of ripping denim and Jounouchi was loose. Literally.
"MNYAHAHAHA!!!" I kid you not, he actually mnya'd maniacally. It was even more disturbing to actually hear it. "KITTY IS FREE TO HUNT GODZILLA!!! DIE LIZARD!!! YA SHALL FEED THE KITTY AN' MASTA!!! MRAWRRR!!!" I have no idea what he was talking about, but after he said that he bolted down the hallway wearing nothing but his boxers, socks, and shoes below his waist and looking entirely too happy to be that way.
Bakura and I just stayed where we were, staring at Jounouchi's ripped pants in shock. Things had gone way off plan here. Although, it was defiantly more interesting than being in class would ever be, and we would never be able to look at school the same way, ever again. For instance, I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a men's public bathroom and not cringe. Huh? Oh right, I haven't gotten to that part yet.
Well, Bakura was the first to snap out of the stupor we had found ourselves in, and he let out a rather...feral growl. Oh, believe me, it _was_ a growl. I mean, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end and I did an actual full body cringe away from him. I know, no teenager should ever admit to something like that normally, especially a guy. But, well, you kind of need to know for what happened later. Well, anyway, after Bakura scared the living shit out of me, he picked himself up off of the floor and started chasing after Jounouchi, not even pretending that he was doing anything else. I think Jounouchi managed to piss Bakura off at that moment in ways that Yami only has nightmares about.
I followed as quickly as I could, although this time rather than trying to catch Jounouchi, I was trying to save Jounouchi. Yes, I do mean save. Bakura when he's angry is not a pretty sight. And what he tends to do to people... well, lets just say that I didn't want to see what he could come up with to do to Jounouchi. Even on such short notice. I mean yeah, Bakura is a rather insane, unbalanced, evil person normally, but once you get past that he makes for an interesting acquaintance... but it was like Jounouchi had managed to find all of Bakura's worst buttons and took a sledge hammer to them.
Anyway, enough of my psychoanalyzing Bakura, because if I continue I might even begin to understand him... and I don't want that. Really, I don't. So, Jounouchi was running down the hall minus his pants, Bakura was chasing after Jounouchi holding Jounouchi's pants, and I was chasing after Bakura with a fire extinguisher. Huh? Oh, I got that when I started to chase after Bakura. I figured, knowing my luck, that I would need it before the end of the day. It turns out I did, but I'll get around to it later.
Anyway, as we were running up the stairs, by 'we' I mean 'I' because I was behind the other two, when we suddenly realized the war had spread to the roof. How did I know this? Well, it might have had something to do with the small riot going on between the wrestling team and the chess club. The chess club was winning by the way, although it's not all that surprising considering they're strategists, and all they had to do was to keep from being grabbed by the wrestling team. Well, anyway, one of the wrestlers apparently got frustrated and threw a trashcan at the chess team, which had somehow managed to build a defensible fort on the roof in one corner. Huh? Oh, they were using the drama club props and tables from class rooms; I'm not sure how they got some of that stuff up there though. They even had a catapult, but then it's not that surprising considering the math, wood shop, drafting, and history teachers had had their classes build it the year before. Huh? Oh, yeah, I was part of that; it made up half our total grade in each of those classes.
Well, the trash can would have destroyed the fort if it had hit, and the tide would have most likely turned. But, fortunately for the chess club, one of the members had been beating on someone with a desk and accidentally hit the trash can, sending it hurtling back across the roof, towards the wrestling club, where it hit the captain of the team and knocked him out. I think that actually managed to pull Bakura out of his psychotic rage and dropped him into a more exasperated sort of anger. Much safer, let me tell you.
Jounouchi was standing on top of the catapult yelling, " MRAWRRR!!! THROW ME!!! THROW ME!!! THE LIZARD MUST _DIE_!!! MRAWRRR!!!" He sounded desperate. It seemed worse than mere sugar could do. "YOU SHALL NEVER BEAT THE KITTY!!! FOR I AM THE KITTY!!! MNYAHAHAHA!!!" I think he was starting to like the maniacal mnya.
I was collapsed on the ground, panting for breath. I am _not_ a runner, and I had just been doing a lot of sprinting. Bakura was trying to convince the chess club to let him into their fort, so that he could contain the insane loon that was trying to pull off a Don Quixote, only with Godzilla rather than dragons. He wasn't having much success, because apparently they liked Jounouchi like that and found it amusing. Not that everyone else didn't, but it was still rather funny to listen to Bakura try to convince someone who had to be 90 pounds holding weights, at the very most, and not succeeding. Actually it was highly amusing, and I think that was the captain of the chess team. Luckily for her, he was no longer psychotically pissed.
Well, that and the fact that Jounouchi apparently decided he was bored. "MNYA!!! KITTY IS BORED!!! GODZILLA HAS GONE!!! MNYA!!! FEAR THE KITTY!!! BOW TO THE KITTY!!! MNYA!!!" And he proceed to inform us thus rather vocally. "KITTY MUST BE STROKED!!! STROKE THE KITTY!!! MNYA!!!" And Bakura found himself flat on his back with Jounouchi glomped onto him for the first time that week, that I'm aware of. "SCARY-KNIFE-GUY MUST STROKE THE KITTY!!! MNYA!!! KITTY DEMANDS IT!!!" Then Jounouchi did his normal rub thing.
Bakura turned red, Jounouchi has that effect on people I've noticed, and actually stuttered. "G-get o-off of me! I don't want to 'stroke the kitty!' I hate the kitty!"
Jounouchi got this _horribly_ disappointed look and ran off...over me. That was rather painful, but luckily it had cleared up so I wasn't exactly staring at clouds. But in a way that was worse. The sun was shining directly into my eyes. Thankfully Bakura was swiftly standing over me, blocking the sun and glaring murderously, "Not a word, Otogi."
"About what? Jounouchi actually being hurt by something you said?" What? Of course, I knew what he was talking about. I'm not stupid; you do not tell a knife-wielding maniac that you have incriminating information on them... at least not to their face. Over the phone now... which reminds me, I've got to remember to call him. Don't worry, I'll do that after you leave.
"Let's go, Otogi. Let's go catch the, 'Kitty.'" Bakura just left me laying there; that was so rude of him. But then it was _Bakura_ not Ryou, so it wasn't all that surprising. But I managed to get up on my own and followed Bakura, as I had a few things to discuss with Jounouchi myself. Like his running over me.
We almost caught Jounouchi several times as he paused to grope people, searching for candy. Huh? Oh, apparently people had taken to Malik's trick of hiding candy on their person, and then informing him they had candy but he had to find it. But at least it allowed us to keep up with him.
We finally caught up with him again, as he was bounding down the hall and he suddenly burst out with, "FLUSH!!! MNYAHAHAHA!!!" and entered the bathrooms.
We entered the bathroom and a brawl broke out; we actually managed to tie Jounouchi up using his pants... after I accidentally clonked him with the fire extinguisher, so he was a bit dazed. In the aftermath, I was sitting on Jounouchi's legs, Bakura was straddling his waist, and Kaiba was pressed up against the wall muttering, "I am the wall! I am the _fucking_ wall!" I have no clue when Kaiba got there, but he was just pressed up against the wall muttering terrified about him being the wall. It just confirmed for me that he had issues, so I decided to ignore him for the moment, as we had to figure out how to dress Jounouchi who was being tied up with what was left of his pants. Although I do admit, I did sneak a peek at Kaiba and he was shaking. I'm rather amused by it now, but at that point I was trying to talk Bakura out of his pants, so I couldn't fully appreciate the humor of the situation. Huh? Well, my pants wouldn't fit Jounouchi, my legs are a lot thinner than his, so they would never fit. Bakura, while he's shorter, has a stockier build, so they would fit better.
I finally managed to convince Bakura, and had to take his place holding Jounouchi down as he tried to get his pants onto Jounouchi, who was, at that point, kicking and struggling. When we finally managed to get them on him and stand him up, he apparently noticed Kaiba for the first time. "MNYA!!! MASTA!!! SAVE THE KITTY FROM SCARY-KNIFE PERSON, AND SCARY-DICE PERSON!!! MNYA!!!" This time his battle cry was more scared than scary and he was attaching himself to the 'wall.'
"GET OFF ME!! RAPE!! RAPE!!" That was the first time he said it immediately.
Needless to say, yet another brawl broke out. It ended with me flying out the door via Kaiba-air. I was trying to get to Jounouchi! Okay, so maybe I landed on him, and in a rather compromising position, but still! It's not like I was doing anything to him. And I hit one of the locks with the small of my back. That was not comfy. Anyway, when I was just starting to breathe again, Kaiba burst out of the bathroom wearing nothing but his pants-- wait-- they were... _Bakura's_ pants! I hadn't realized that before. Huh? Oh, Kaiba's legs or even longer than Jounouchi's so... well... they were really short on him. And he wasn't even wearing shoes. He looked absolutely terrified.
Anyway, after giving me this rather panicked look, he bolted down the hall and jumped of the banister of the stairs. Jounouchi burst out right as Kaiba's head dropped out of sight, "MNYA!!! MASTA WAIT UP!!! SAVE THE KITTY FROM SCARY-PERSONS!!! MNYA!!!" At least wasn't mnyaing maniacally anymore, because god that was scary. "KITTY MUST BE SAVED!!! MNYAHAHAHA!!!" I take it back. He was wearing Kaiba's pants though, so it wasn't so bad, but it was only the pants. Nothing else. But what I really want to know is just _how_ that happened in such a short amount of time, because it couldn't have been more than three minutes, at the absolute most.
Anyway, Jounouchi ran down the hall doing his maniacal mnya, and I went to check on Bakura. Imagine my surprise to find him nowhere in sight. And those were the only two to come out of the bathroom doors after I was introduced to the lockers. There was no way I could have missed him leaving. All that was in the bathroom other than what should be there was Jounouchi and Kaiba's scattered clothes. I checked the stalls and everything, but he had just disappeared.
I gathered the scattered clothes and decided to go back to class and admit defeat, only to find that the math class was embroiled in a vicious battle with the language arts class. The teacher dismissed me and the few others from duty. Those of us who went to search out Jounouchi. They commended me for my supposed bravery in the face of neko-Jounouchi, which is scary in and of itself. But adding on the war that was going on at the time... They gave me medals... okay, not real ones; they were paper. But still, I felt rather proud of myself. And they gave Bakura's to Yuugi post-humus. Somehow, I felt that Bakura would be... offended by that.
Anyway, that's how I found myself sitting in the empty gym, talking with Malik about what had happened, when Jounouchi bound in looking very... smug... and carrying a frozen chicken. Yes, an actual chicken, it even had the feathers still on it. How did I know it was frozen? Well, it made a rather solid thump when Kaiba grabbed Jounouchi from behind and started to grope him rather enthusiastically. "MNYA!!! STROKE THE KITTY!!! GOOD MASTA STROKE KITTY!!! GOOD STROKE!!! MNYA!!!" At least that's what I thought he was doing at first. Apparently he was just looking for his cell phone. Which, once he found, he bolted away with, leaving Jounouchi looking rather hurt at his abandonment. He had been _really_ enjoying the attention. He gave Malik and me rather disgusted looks for witnessing his abandonment and left with his chicken to chase after the running Kaiba. They were still dressed as they had been before.
Malik and I sat there for a few minutes, staring at the spot the drama had just happened in, before I decided to just skip the rest of the day. As we were walking down the hall, we stopped to talk to Honda, who was covered in paint. Apparently, he was one of the artists decorating the halls. That was when we found out where Bakura had been. Malik had been demonstrating something when Bakura dropped into his arms... literally. We just stood there and stared at a dust and cobweb covered Bakura as he was being groped Malik. Although, I think that _that_ was more of a reflex than anything else.
"Mother fucker. Put me down, Tomb Guard!" Bakura snarled at Malik rather viciously.
"What happened to you?" I was rather curious about that.
"I don't want to talk about it! Put. Me. Down." Bakura bit out not removing his glare from Malik.
Malik grinned and set Bakura down. "I heard you died."
"I think I would have preferred that. Did you know that there's a giant nest that looks like it's made up of test papers up there?"
"You're kidding." Malik said in disbelief.
"I only wish that I were. What are you three up two?" Bakura demanded eyeing us suspiciously.
"I'm skipping the rest of the day. It's gotten entirely to fucked for me." I told him rather flatly.
"I think that I'll join you on that endeavor." Malik said cheerfully.
"Interesting idea, Otogi." Bakura said, before walking off as dignified as someone covered in dust, cobwebs, and not wearing pants can.
Well, I managed to get out of school without much further incident, although, as I left, Honda grabbed Yuugi saying something about a crisis he was having. I admit I was curious about that but I would not be so crass as to inquire until he came to me with it. But I could hint that I knew something was going on. I don't really know what happened for the rest of the day, so that's about it for Wednesday.
Rumors? Well, there was the one about one about Bakura being the Rat King. The one where someone was giving Jounouchi drugs. And then there was the one where the reason for Kaiba's lack of clothing was Anzu's fault and Anzu wasn't even there. And apparently Bakura was helping the government control the rats to conquer Mars, and they were using Bakura as their proxy. The Home Economics class was involved in some sort of public assassination attempt on Kaiba, apparently. Apparently, Honda discovered Atlantis and didn't even tell me, but that was the cause of his crisis. That was the rumor, anyway. And apparently, Jounouchi was a cat alien here to help the government take over Egypt, which I'm not sure about, but they might be right.
On Thursday? Well Mokuba was really involved on Thursday; Jounouchi was dragging him around most of the day. Here's his address. Be sure to tell what you want to talk to him about or they might not let you in.
Nice to meet you Jounouchi-san. Hope that Jounouchi gets better.
Now to call Bakura.
A/N: Hmm hmm... we had a lot of trouble with this one. Not in a bad way, really, it's just... occasionally we'd have a marvelous thread, and we'd follow it... then the thread would be lost... and... Let's see... I know we were slightly drunk for part of this, besides all the sugar and caffeine, we'd also had a bit of vodka. But that is beside the point. As Danye mentioned up above, I am a bit stickler for grammar... so, if anything is horribly incorrect, please blame it on such-and-such character's thought processes. ^^ Unfortunately, this wasn't finished quickly enough for the SFC, but it's still something for the readers in this fandom to enjoy, if their neighbors can handle the noise. I thank you all that reviewed, and if I've missed you, please feel free to yowl at me, as I'm the one who types up the replies on the chapter's end. I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as we did hashing it up. ^^ I also hope that the length, which is ungodly for either of our stories, more than makes up for the wait.
From the Author Notes* there a difference between being naked and nekkid. Being naked is you have no clothes off, being nekkid is having no clothes on and being up to something.