Have a day because you're getting laid!
Okay, let's begin. If you follow my instructions, you will get laid. Got that? Good.

First let me begin by asking you a question. Why does the name of every day of the week end with 'day'? MonDAY, TuesDAY, etc.

It's not like it's exactly necessary, is it? It's not like we say Octobermonth or Julymonth. Of course we don't, that's silly, just like with the days!

So here's my proposal. We take the word DAY out of the name of EVERY day of the week. For example, to is Tues and tomorrow is Wednes. See how good this is working.

I just found out I'm going to a wedding on Satur. I recieved this information Yester.

It is my intention to rewrite some lyrics while I'm at it:
"Just another Manic Mon"
"Tues's gone with the wind"
"Tues morning"
"Another pleasant valley Sun"

How much time do you think I just saved right there?

Let's say with this new system I've saved 15 seconds a day. (It's probably more though)

What can we do with the extra 15 minutes? Not much. But let's say you live to be the AVERAGE age, (just the average):
15 seconds a day multiplied by 365 days a year equals 5475 seconds. Not bad. That's an extra 91.25 minutes a year. Now let's multiply that by 73, the average life expectancy of an American. We're up to 6661.25 minutes. We're doing pretty good here.

What can we do with an extra 6661.25 minutes? We could qiute easily find the cure for cancer or work on world peace OR you can spend that time GETTING LAID. Of course that's all up to you.

As for me, I'm going to spend my newfound time finding new ways for you all to have more time. You can thank me later.

In fact maybe I should get my own holi. How about August 2nd since that's my birth. I think this year it's on a Satur.

For Evan
So I'm hanging out last night with the homies explaining to them how yet again I WILL make this world a better place and Evan once again proved that he is leagues ahead of us all.

"Bill, why don't you just put this all on the net?"

I think you may have something there, Evan.

My first thought was, how about a live journal? Guess what? My dreams were shattered when I found out that most likely EVERY SINGLE live journal website EVER is now charging money. But I digress. Instead of suing those pinkos the good folks at angelfire.com found me and here I am with my OWN WEBSITE!!!

YES!

So I guess if I ever figure out how to post another rant in this snappy little blog I will.

And I'm out.