Announcements since Thu Jun 24 01:23:45 2004 > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Thu Jun 24 07:48:05 2004 Ah, I love the smell of broken sanctuary in the morning. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Jun 24 08:26:13 2004 Welcome everyone to the PettingZooTwo game. Please break and setup your countries. The First update will occur on Friday the 25th, at 10PM (EST). Here are some additional notes for all players: 1) The game is hosted on a dedicated box for the game. The server, DSL modem, and 10/100 switch are all on a 500VA UPS, to help ensure minimal downtime with the game. I don't have a static IP address, so I'm using one of those dynamic IP mappings, through a service at www.dyndns.org. In the (rare) event that my DSL modem has to be rebooted, the dotted quads IP address will change. If a new IP address happens, it may take several minutes to propagate to your realm. One thing to do is to try a nslookup service, such as: "http://www.kloth.net/services/nslookup.php" - and enter the addr: "sheepfarm.game-host.org" and scroll down and see if it has a new IP address there. 2) Because the game is running on a Win2K system, some of the info files have had their names slightly altered. Info pages such as "Attack" have changed to "cattack" to distinguish them from their lower-cased cousins. Just try to remember to put a "c" infront of info pages for commands that start with a capital letter which also would have one with a lowercase letter. 3) I have an assistant deity, Ski, who will be joining me to help keep order in the PettingZoo. Ski is a well respected player in the empire community and is getting his first taste of deiting here, so everyone please be sure to abuse him well. 4) In the event that we have unbroken countries, I wish to announce my policy of what I plan to do about them. In the interest of keeping the game on schedule and keeping it balanced, I've decided that I would "run" those no-show countries for the first 3 updates, while looking for replacement players. If I don't find a replace- ment within that time, I will then neuter those start islands into something similar to the expansion islands. 5) Starting on July 10th, the Saturday update will be dropped from the schedule, to allow everyone to spend time with the wife, pets, and family. I'll take an in-game vote as to whether the Wednesday update should be dropped too at that time. 6) Yes, there are expansion islands available. 7) No, food is not required. 8) Yes, there are sheeps here. Have a great game! Doug of Bungholio > Announcement from Darkness, (#10) dated Thu Jun 24 08:57:48 2004 Just wishing everyone good luck and happy hunting ;) > Announcement from Gemini, (#15) dated Thu Jun 24 09:47:53 2004 Sheeps? Why do I keep hearing about sheeps? gz > Announcement from Anguiron, (#17) dated Thu Jun 24 13:30:51 2004 Sheeeeeeeps? Ohhhhhhhhhh Noooooooooooo. Good Luck All. Hey Gemini, I played with you in Newbie V under a different country name. Three points if you can guess who. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Jun 24 21:38:25 2004 There seems to be some nasty power glitches in the area here tonight, which I suspect is effecting reliability of the net connection. My appologies for any inconveniences this may have caused. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Fri Jun 25 11:05:33 2004 Updates are now ENABLED. Happy Shagging. Bungy > Announcement from Gemini, (#15) dated Fri Jun 25 11:23:05 2004 I've never played in a game with plains before. Can anyone offer tips? I'm goign to read up on plains, but, often the info pages don't give you everything you n eed. gz > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Fri Jun 25 11:53:43 2004 Well, you put petrol in a airfield sector, build some plains, and then you fly th... oh wait... plains are filler sectors. They don't produce anything, but they do hold a few civs... :-) > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Fri Jun 25 13:13:11 2004 Be afraid. Be very afraid. Muwahahaha... > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Fri Jun 25 21:17:54 2004 I have taken over country number Seven (7) until a replacement can be found. As per my anno, if one is not found by after the 3rd update, I will neuter this country. Your Deity, Bungy > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Sat Jun 26 13:43:17 2004 you guys are allowed to chat and tell vivid stories of your last sheep romps. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Sat Jun 26 13:53:57 2004 too baashful. > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Sat Jun 26 14:18:35 2004 You sheep, and I pasture: shall that finish the jest? Shakespeare > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Sun Jun 27 17:50:13 2004 And we are back. A call into verizon tech support revealed that I am violating my terms of service by using 10/100 switches behind their modem, and I must use a router if I want to share the connection between more than one computer. Funny how it was working for the past several months, and all of a sudden once the game started all hell broke loose. I'm hoping this is the solution to the connection issues we've had, lets see how it all goes for the next few days. Thanks for your patience in this matter, Doug > Announcement from Anguiron, (#17) dated Sun Jun 27 17:52:07 2004 You can use a router but not switches? That's...interesting.... > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Sun Jun 27 17:54:00 2004 yes, interesting indeed. the tech support guy said that switches sometimes try to steal extra IP addresses, and that has been known to cause the PPP Dropouts I've been seeing. Perhaps it's the extent of the traffic for this game due to having 20 players that caused excess packet droop. > Announcement from Anguiron, (#17) dated Sun Jun 27 17:55:59 2004 Did you mention you're running a server? My ISP would hit the roof and rip out m y link on the way down if they find me running servers.....not that I'm so easil y stopped ;-) > Announcement from Howard, (#18) dated Sun Jun 27 18:31:56 2004 I have VZ as well, not that I'm really proud of it... If you have a switch, then effectively all of your computers are connected directly to their network. With a router, it's only one, which is what they expect. I have a router that they don't support (linux), but they don't care as long as they only see one machine. > Announcement from Rook, (#4) dated Sun Jun 27 22:06:05 2004 Land ho! > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Sun Jun 27 22:12:14 2004 }Did you mention you're running a server? um, hello? no. why would I do that? that would be like getting pulled over for speeding, and asking the cops if they need to check my kilo of hash that's in the trunk. > Announcement from Gemini, (#15) dated Mon Jun 28 10:58:28 2004 This sux! I missed 3 updates. I couldn't get on all weekend. Grrr. Oh well, I re ckon I'll be fodder now... gz > Announcement from nuke_em, (#6) dated Mon Jun 28 14:31:17 2004 Greetings! I have a question: I noticed my budget and the number of troops in census doesn't quite match. Can someone explain that? It seems to be off by 1. > Announcement from Ski, (#32) dated Mon Jun 28 16:13:10 2004 That is a common rounding error. I have noticed it many times in the past. Tom > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Mon Jun 28 18:15:03 2004 There still are no takers for country Seven. If anyone has any friends that are interested in taking over, have them send me email with their info. First taker gets it. Otherwise, Seven gets neutered at 9pm tonight... > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Mon Jun 28 19:10:03 2004 seven at nine becomes de-assimilated. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Mon Jun 28 19:10:41 2004 that is awesome! > Announcement from Seven, (#7) dated Mon Jun 28 21:25:37 2004 I've been neutered, and I have placed a "do not disturb sign up, tresspassers will be shot on sight." > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Mon Jun 28 21:54:38 2004 Ok, I have received several requests for the ratio of island types, for how many vanilla, chocolate, and strawberries that there are, and I've been saying nothing to these requests. I know it's all killing you all to know, so let's make a game out of it. Thus I'm hereby making the first PZ2 in-game guessing contest. Please send your guess, as to the ratio of VV:CC:SS in the form of a telegram to country Bungholio (#0). One submission per player. Entry deadline is 10:30pm Tues June 29th (EST) game-time. Winner(s) receive 10 bars. Winner is the closest to actual ratio, based on number of digits off from each value. Hint, yes, there is at least one of each flavor, and country Seven was and is counted as Straw- berry. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Mon Jun 28 22:07:00 2004 Um, Oh Great Deity, we have noticed we don't seem to have enough gold to finance our great tech machine... > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Tue Jun 29 17:40:40 2004 Just a friendly reminder to get your vanilla:chocolate:strawberry votes in within the next 5 hours. I'll then judge all the entries, and make a nice repor t showing all the guesses (hiding the submitters) and announce the winning entry and winner(s) and then the actual ratios. In the meantime happy shagging. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Tue Jun 29 23:07:12 2004 I am pleased to announce the results of the PettingZooTwo "Guess the Flavors" contest. There were 9 entries, with a 4-way tie for first place. They were each off by 4 points. VV:CC:SS - Winners 04:06:10 - Rook 02:05:13 - Howard 06:03:11 - Euforia 06:04:10 - Ricin The "Other" entries 02:03:15 - off by 6 05:06:09 - off by 6 06:06:08 - off by 8 06:08:06 - off by 12 07:07:06 - off by 12 So as you all are dying to know, the actual ratio is 04:04:12 Congratulations all around to the winners, they will each be receiving 10 bars. > Announcement from Anguiron, (#17) dated Wed Jun 30 15:48:39 2004 Just out of curiosity, what was the name of the player for country seven? > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Wed Jun 30 18:32:43 2004 we had 2 players who were no-shows, Mordor and Hyperjam. Mordor was initially #7. The Hyperjam's country was saved by Aquitaine (#9). > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Wed Jun 30 22:15:17 2004 it seems that a double update occurred, the first about 4 minutes early, exactly the amount that I rolled the clock back this morning to account for clock drift. Upon noticing the early update, I immediately did a backup of the data directory, and that is what we are playing with now. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Wed Jun 30 22:18:00 2004 My tech bleed went down this update. Someone is slacking... > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Wed Jun 30 22:22:46 2004 I am hereby giving the go-ahead, and play with the current data, it all appears good as far as I can tell. if anyone can see any invalidness, the last most recent backup was from 18:45 today, and I'll condider rolling back until then. Does anyone know of a reason why the server may need to be quitted and restarted if the system clock is adjusted? Sorry for any inconveniences, Bungy > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Thu Jul 01 19:26:29 2004 it's alive! alive!! > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Thu Jul 01 20:36:52 2004 I want to know how much bribery you have to offer a deity to get placed next to some of this fine fodder? At least it looks like they're learning. That 100% fort full of guns and shells isn't there for looks... > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Jul 01 21:55:04 2004 Rest assured, players, Bungy is here and monitoring the game to ensure things continue smoothy. But be forwarned, as we learned last night, that "Shit Happens", so be ready! > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Thu Jul 01 22:59:09 2004 dear world, all chocolate countries are scum. all chocolate countries must be annihilated. being a chocolate country is a hostile act. being chocolate is unclean. yours in peace, citizen leader, beep: the tiny little nation of happy, industrious people. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Jul 01 23:26:48 2004 Now that we have had a complete successful day of empiring, have proven that the net outages were indeed caused by my lack of home networking configurations, and our double update yesterday was confirmed to be a windows server specific problem (the solution is to restart the empserver everytime you make any changes/tweeks to the system), I now need to install my router on my DSL modem so that I can get my main computer I use for pr0n ^H^H^H^H^H "AOL chat rooms" back online asap. Thus, I'm thinking this Saturday would be best for my schedule, while giving you guys a day+ of notice. Then I was thinking, that since this is a holiday weekend here in the USA (July 4th is Independence Day), and that some of you may be considering getting away,that perhaps this saturday we should disable the update, thus giving me some flexibility in getting the server configured correctly, and allowing the net connection to be validated. So basically I think I'm saying that if I get 51%+ (Seven, Deities, and Visitor have no vote) of the players to say "YES, DISABLE SAT JULY 3rd UPDATE" in a tele to me (#0) prior to the Friday July 2nd update, then I will. Otherwise, it will be "game on", I'll inform you all the results of the vote in an anno right after tomorrow night's update. Regards, Bungy > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Thu Jul 01 23:35:02 2004 DAMNIT! You should get a purple heart for being a Red Sox fan for very long. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Thu Jul 01 23:38:34 2004 beep, I can't help but notice that your happy, industrious people haven't made much happiness yet. Perdition seems to have the happiest people around. He might have a chocolate island too! > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Thu Jul 01 23:40:22 2004 I seem to have had the first spy shot. Do I win a prize? > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Thu Jul 01 23:54:37 2004 if you are pursuing the right path you do not need to build 'p'orn districts to keep your citizens happy and productive. one wonders how the leadership of cincinatti is so familiar with the red light districts of other nations. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Fri Jul 02 06:23:00 2004 We have a very productive "exchange program." > Announcement from Gemini, (#15) dated Fri Jul 02 09:35:49 2004 I'm confused. I can't seem to explore...it tells me that I can't go there, even though the sector is wilderness. Am I going to have to attack every sector I wan t to explore? gz > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Fri Jul 02 10:05:21 2004 It would seem that our ever so helpful deity has placed at least one deity military in every unclaimed sector. So, yes, you are going to have to attack every sector... > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Fri Jul 02 21:33:46 2004 Reminders to all players: 1) Get your vote in if you want Saturday's update disabled. Countries not submitting votes will be assumed to want the update to occur as scheduled. 2) I will be installing the new router tomorrow sometime between 11:00 and 14:00 (game time), and thus game connectivity during this time will be spotty to none. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Fri Jul 02 21:57:28 2004 Alright people. Let's get it going. I have some hottubbing to do... > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Fri Jul 02 22:06:45 2004 The result of the Disable Saturday July 3rd Update vote is that the update will occur as scheduled, as in, "Game On." > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Fri Jul 02 22:23:36 2004 *urp* > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Sat Jul 03 17:15:53 2004 I vote for NO week-end updates also the update always at 2:00 in the night is not something I'm very confortable with any way to have shifting updates? > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Sat Jul 03 17:20:37 2004 sorry, it is not at 2:00, it is at 4:00 at night basically impossible to be online at the update > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Sat Jul 03 17:44:41 2004 >sorry, it is not at 2:00, it is at 4:00 at night >basically impossible to be online at the update Yeah, well, I guess that's what those of us in the GMT+ zones knew when we signed up... I'd favor updates a few hours earlier as well. But I think we'll manage... :-) > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Sat Jul 03 19:20:02 2004 Just a little FYI. Announcing to a group of rabid, land hungry empire players that you are going to miss all of the updates is not a very wise move. Anyone else who is going to miss all of the updates, please send me a personal telegram... :-) > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Sat Jul 03 22:22:08 2004 And we gather together, for our first elimination ceremony. "twistle," it was fun having you on the show, but we're afraid you are being booted off first. We've got some nice parting gifts for you before you go, including an autographed inflatable sheep, autographed by Shakespeare and beep, and you will also be honored as receiving the award of first to go. > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Sat Jul 03 22:24:46 2004 I wasn't saying anything about missing them. Just that we'd manage. It's just freaking early. *yawn* > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Sat Jul 03 22:29:31 2004 he was chocolate; he had to die. the darkness of a chocolate countries color is mirrored by the darkness and depravity of the souls of its people. if you hav e a chocolate country nearby consider yourself fore-warned and beware! > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Sat Jul 03 22:31:47 2004 You didn't say you would miss them, but he did. > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Sun Jul 04 03:38:40 2004 yes I did, and that it is not wise but it is the smallest problem the biggest problem is my motivation. If you miss all updates you are not going to win in any case even if others don't know. Updates at 4:00am mean that you can't attack over the update ... well you know what that means > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 04 05:11:17 2004 I wouldn't mind 4am updates over here (EST). Best time to attack is when everyone's sleeping. Who else is on GMT? > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Sun Jul 04 06:08:50 2004 Except that then the GMT+x guys are wide awake... > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Sun Jul 04 06:51:57 2004 Yes, true, while it may be 4am your time, it is 10pm here in the east coast USA, and most players are pretty drunk by then. At least by 4am, you've had a few hours to sleep it off first. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 04 07:48:09 2004 Why the paranoia over mapping when your map is already known? > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Sun Jul 04 08:43:09 2004 The shape of your country is known. Not your map. The location of your capital, bank, enlistment center, etc. is very important to an attacker. It is around this point in some games that certain players adopt a "fire one shot into all foreign ships" policy. It greatly curtails mapping... > Announcement from Anguiron, (#17) dated Sun Jul 04 21:14:40 2004 I would like to ask other countries in the game to please stop mapping my coast. If I spot continued mapping I will open fire *without* warning.. > Announcement from nuke_em, (#6) dated Sun Jul 04 21:22:31 2004 I agree weekend updates sux. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Mon Jul 05 01:48:08 2004 somebody give howard a loan, please? i need the research bleed... > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Mon Jul 05 02:57:57 2004 *rofl* > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Mon Jul 05 18:37:51 2004 >> Announcement from (20) Dorsai dated Sun Jul 4 09:37:09 2004 >Updates at 4:00am mean that you can't attack over the update >... well you know what that means It seems to mean that Savoia bailed out and was replaced by Dorsai... :-P > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Mon Jul 05 21:28:46 2004 Yep, sure does. Guess the feeding trough is closed. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Mon Jul 05 22:03:38 2004 says who? ;} > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Tue Jul 06 00:58:30 2004 Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf, Witches' mummy, maw and gulf Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark, Root of hemlock digg'd i' the dark, Liver of blaspheming Jew, Gall of goat, and slips of yew Silver'd in the moon's eclipse, Nose of Turk and Tartar's lips, Finger of birth-strangled babe Ditch-deliver'd by a drab, Make the gruel thick and slab: Add thereto a tiger's chaudron, For the ingredients of our cauldron. Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Cool it with a baboon's blood, Then the charm is firm and good. By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Tue Jul 06 09:19:06 2004 Yes, it is true, Savoia graduated from Empire Anonymous, and has been replaced by Dorsai. So everyone, please welcome Dorsai to the group. > Announcement from Limbo, (#3) dated Tue Jul 06 11:05:26 2004 Welcome Dorsai, was nice knowing you :) > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 06 11:53:18 2004 Indeed > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Tue Jul 06 12:51:52 2004 *zzzzzzip* welcome this. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 06 13:39:10 2004 Henceforth all sectors, units and peoples within the Isles of Aquitaine shall be subject to action. > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Tue Jul 06 15:18:41 2004 The Straits of Limbo are now in limbo. All shipping is hereby warned to proceed at your own risk through these waters. > Announcement from Limbo, (#3) dated Tue Jul 06 17:26:24 2004 Looks like we found an other chocolate. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Tue Jul 06 22:07:57 2004 Congrats to Howard. You have the highest education, happiness, and research in the game. Now, about that technology... > Announcement from Howard, (#18) dated Wed Jul 07 10:36:59 2004 Our technology centers have been interrupted repeatedly by Wicked people and playwrights... That's what I get for going on vacation for July 4th weekend. :-) > Announcement from Wicked, (#11) dated Wed Jul 07 11:48:44 2004 We weren't trying to interrupt anything, we just wanted to bring you a fruit basket! > Announcement from Howard, (#18) dated Wed Jul 07 11:58:22 2004 Fruit basket received, thank you. So your ships aren't needed in this area anymore, they've accomplished their mission, right? :) > Announcement from Gemini, (#15) dated Wed Jul 07 12:07:28 2004 Gemini respects costal waters as sovereign. Gemini vessesl seek to avoid traveli ng in costal waters, and asks that others please respect the sovereignty of Gemi ni costal waters as well by keeping all vessels off of the Gemini coast to the b est of your ability. Failure to do so will be considered an act of hostility - especially those that try to map our coast. gz > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Wed Jul 07 17:05:52 2004 Gemini, if you just tell us your location, we'll be happy to stay out of there... Except for delivering fruit baskets of course. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Wed Jul 07 22:22:51 2004 (bpi) the citizen leader called a press conference today to express his total support of the gemini proclamation of considering all coastal incursions as hostile. the first citizen vowed that no mere lip-service was intended, but that the peaceful nation of beep would help lower the chances of hostility by pro-actively preventing any incursions into gemini coastal waters. joining the citizen leader on the podium were representitives of greenpeace, amnesty international, and the sierra club to show there support for this promotion of world peace. > Announcement from Gemini, (#15) dated Wed Jul 07 22:24:48 2004 GEMINI responds: Whatever...have fun gz > Announcement from Anguiron, (#17) dated Thu Jul 08 02:32:39 2004 Well then... I guess I'm done.... everyone! GOOD NIGHT! > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Thu Jul 08 08:58:16 2004 Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Jul 08 22:29:17 2004 Today marks an unusually cold day in the PettingZoo, as I now have three more death certificates to fill out. First, we have Fodderton, who was the first sacked, due to a rogue exploratory Ricin frigate combing his coast, and upon noticing a city, they decided to visit. This should serve as both a lesson on why getting initial ships out soon is a good idea, and why having a coastal undefended capital is a bad idea. Fodderton is thus awarded the limited-edition inflatable trainer sheep, handed down from Ricin with special certified latex safe lube. Second, we have Darkness, who held up well until Rook started jabbing on him. And Rook continued, casting a shadow across the continent. Darkness shall receive the tokenary sheep-on-a-key-chain award, for his valliant efforts in pretending to not fight back. The lesson here, is that you need to fight back! Third, we have Gemini, who received a major haxoring from beep. But Gemini civs were especially happy, and they did not seem bothered by beep's invasion, as they knew they would be back. But they did not prevail, beep's invasionary troops squelshed Gemini che into submission. Gemini receives the did-you-bang- my-sheep-well-don't-do-that-again-or-at-least-wash-it-first-before-returning- it-please award, for warning everyone not to map his coast after it was too late. The lesson here, is that if peeps are mapping your coast, sink them, show some balls! > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Thu Jul 08 23:19:23 2004 Thus the book closes on Gemini... > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Jul 08 23:23:27 2004 Some important info for the players: 1) Reminder, this Saturday, and all following saturdays, updates will be disabled on Saturday. 2) On Saturdays, somewhere around noonish +/- 2 hours or so, I may be doing server / network maintenance, such as updating my virus scans, defragging my HDD, de-gaussing my monitor, trying to fix my dyndns updater (which caused the ~90 minute outage today around 13:00), emptying my recycle bin, and/or doing the weekly reboot of the server system (the server is running on a win2k box!), so up to an hour outage sometime within that time frame of Saturdays 10:00 - 14:00 could be expected. 3) If anyone experiences any difficulties connecting, do not be shy in sending me emails to empire_bungholio @ verizon.net. Thanks to people today alerting me to the outage, I drove home and got the game back online. Others have sent me emails with connection problems, and I was able to help them correct problems on their end. Pings are now working to sheepfarm.game-host.org to verify that my DSL connection to my modem is working (my previous network config had pings blocked by the firewall). Things happen. Empire has a history of net outage issues, but things are A LOT better these days than they were 10+ years ago. I'm trying my best to provide a good game, and hoping you all are enjoying the PettingZooTwo too. 4) I submitted info to the empire news on Sun Jul 4th for the game status, but quite a lot has happened since then. The empire news should be published any day now. And so I'm planning on making an "update 15" status posting to RGE this weekend on the game. If anyone has any interesting notes or is holding back on that awesome anno, now's your time to get it into me so I can include it in the posting. Yes, Friday the 9th is update #15 for Petting Zoo Two! -Bungy > Announcement from Gemini, (#15) dated Fri Jul 09 10:54:24 2004 Yes...ball showing has been someething that was frowned upon in my family. Thus far the games I have been in were,er, um, well, 'protected'. There were fewer pl ayers, and we all did our own thing for a while. This being my first "big" game - i.e non-blitz w/ more than 6 players - I wasn't expecting to be invaded so quickly. I guess the other players were more "courteous". Not that there's anything wrong with what happened to me. That's how the game is played; and where experience c omes in, which I am lacking thus far. So, I would like to thank beep for my Empi re lesson #567 - sink first, warn after To the rest of you, have fun, and sorry I allowed beep to get even more powerful . gz > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Fri Jul 09 12:38:12 2004 all we have done is help ease world tensions and promote peace. the gemini coastal situation was a potential flashpoint that could have sparked a world-wide armegeddon; we merely did what any other nation (except france) wou ld do. > Announcement from Perdition, (#16) dated Fri Jul 09 12:41:34 2004 Perdition calls on all free nations to unite against the warmongering Beep/Rook alliance. Long live the fighters! > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Fri Jul 09 13:31:04 2004 Dorsai Scientists Announce Major Technology Advance The Dorsai News Office announced today the dramatic discovery by able Dorsai scientists of a major new advance: compression. Working with Dorsai engineers, the scientists devised a new propulsion system for those new fangled toys of the generals called airplanes by the general public. The propulsion system would not use propellers in the manner that the first airplanes did. Rather, Dr. Pers Lars No, Dorsai Chief Scientist, indicated, the system is based around compression. The only moving parts in the proposulsion system would be some turbines, Dr. No said. Improved speed, fuel efficiency, and less noise will all be benefits of the new technology. Dr. No smiled as he suggested that the time will soon come when everyone no longer needs a horse but but will travel on individual compression powered boats in the sky. "We can then learn about those areas at the edge of the earth when you think you're going to fall off and you don't. Today, our ships can not handle going out that far." A Dorsai radio disc jockey had trouble reading the announcement on the air this morning, with particular trouble attached to the term, "compression." He asked Dr. No during a telephone interview if it might be anything like a jet of water from a hose. Dr. No answered affirmatively. The news media have quickly taken to calling the propulsion system a "jet." Orders for new jets are now being taken in the Dorsai capital. > Announcement from Rook, (#4) dated Fri Jul 09 14:27:16 2004 Perdition Tennis Fans Upset at Volleys (Rook Department of Redundancy Department) Fri Jul 09 13:37 Perdition shells a ship owned by Rook twenty-six times Perdition tennis fans threw tennis balls at a Rook pleasure cruiser (Fr 101) today, causing minor damage. "That they thought those things would sink this ship, is kind of funny. If their bowling fans would have tossed bowling balls the weight may have made a difference in our flotation" RDRD > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Sat Jul 10 13:23:27 2004 This week's server maintenance has been completed. List of things done: - updated firewall & viruscanner - updated latest Win2k patches - emptied recycle bin - performed virus scan - performed spybot scan - full system reboot (PC/router/dsl modem) Thank you, please drive thru. > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Sat Jul 10 17:17:11 2004 Did you find my missing CV in there somewhere? > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 11 21:29:05 2004 Why would anyone set 300 civ thresholds for plain sectors? > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Sun Jul 11 21:43:16 2004 someone has 300 plains sectors? > Announcement from Rook, (#4) dated Sun Jul 11 21:47:20 2004 I did in LOTR2... ;) > Announcement from Rook, (#4) dated Sun Jul 11 22:47:40 2004 so how many times did i shell that F$$$$ mountain? > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Sun Jul 11 23:56:00 2004 Gee, what are we going to do now that Howard's not around to lift our research l evels? > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Mon Jul 12 08:57:42 2004 Feel free to take any necessary action against all Aquitaine ships on the horizon. Those "men" are deserters and can be treated as buccaneers. > Announcement from Rook, (#4) dated Mon Jul 12 10:23:22 2004 Looking for help on reducing your payroll and fixing your budget? Let 'em live I say ;) > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Mon Jul 12 11:20:38 2004 I hope everyone enjoyed the Saturday break from empire, and patched things up with the spouse, etc. Saturday breaks will continue here in the petting zoo, but now we need to vote on whether we will break on Wednesdays as well. For this, I need to see 60+% of the active countries to vote for no update on weds. Get your vote in by Tues 22:30, all active (active = have a cap and are non-broke) countries at that time will have their vote counted. Countries not subitting a vote will have their vote counted towards having Weds updates enabled, so if you want them disabled, send tele to say so. -Bungy > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Mon Jul 12 11:23:05 2004 bung needs to go to wednesday night prayer services??? who woulda thunk it. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Mon Jul 12 11:33:57 2004 no, sorry beep. I just thought maybe you needed wed's off so you could watch Paris and Nicole in the simple life 2... > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Mon Jul 12 20:25:10 2004 We are not a very talkative group here. I glanced at the anno's for the first petting zoo game. They had twice as many anno's as us with about 40% of the players... > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Tue Jul 13 00:22:14 2004 "Ricin bombers wreak havoc on Ricin eleven times" I always thought the purpose of bombers was to attack other nations. Guess one lives and learns every day. And 11 times?! Hmmmm. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Tue Jul 13 22:57:57 2004 The votes are in, and it was the closest vote so far. only 58% of you actives cast your vote for disabling the Weds update starting this Weds, so since this does not meet my minimum criteria that I wanted to see for disabling Weds' updates, the Weds update this week shall be enabled. All scheduled Saturday updates shall remain disabled, and we will vote again by next week this time for the remaining Weds' updates. Again, the scheduled update for Weds July 14th is ON. -Bungy > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Wed Jul 14 00:22:18 2004 Today marks another unusually cold day in the PettingZoo, as I now have three more death certificates to fill out. Bag 'em and Tag 'em. First, we have Anquiron, who was munched by Aquitaine. Anquiron was a little slow in getting his civs spread out, in getting his production running, in getting tech going. Luckily for him, his powerful neighbors were slow in finding him. Anguiron shall receive the complete Shepherds Pie Recipe Kit, because if there were food in this game, it would have been a dead giveaway that he was ready to be eaten. Second, we have Howard, who was hog-tied and sheared by Shakespeare and Wicked. Howard was the victim, caught in the middle of two aggressors, he fought back hard until he went broke, and then it was all over. Howard will receive a 1-day all-inclusive pass to Bungy's Sheep Dungeon, compliments and highly recommended by frequent visitors Shakespeare and Wicked. Third, we have Trantor, who received a 3-way beat-down by Ricin, Rook, and Euforia. Trantor fought back well as well, but his high bankroll tempted too many of his neighbors to come and make withdrawls. With a 3-on-1, Trantor just had no prayer of surviving, and thus he will receive a first- edition "I was the victim of a dog-piling!" paperback handbook, detailing some of the things to avoid so that one does not become a target for getting his flock shagged. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Jul 14 04:03:10 2004 Have at thee! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Jul 14 04:15:14 2004 Today is the:Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizens! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Jul 14 05:28:00 2004 Allons enfants de la Patrie... > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Jul 14 05:29:21 2004 Happy Bastille Day All. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Jul 14 05:32:50 2004 In honor of this unique day in the history of the world of men, we're freeing all our uw's. Is any nation willing to grant succor to these refugees? ? > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Jul 14 05:34:56 2004 The previously co-called "free" Isles of Aquitaine are now truly free indeed. Garius Magnus has abdicated the throne, because in an enlightened society, no ma n should lord over another. No Man. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Jul 14 05:37:50 2004 Today is a day when all citizens can consider themselves to be members of a grea t nation, *All* citizens. Whether they live in the free isles, or under the Tyranny of FODDER nations or the bloop/rookie menace. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Jul 14 05:49:28 2004 Liberty! Fraternity! Eqaulity! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Jul 14 12:43:36 2004 Down with the Tyranny of the clock and wednesday nite updates. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Wed Jul 14 20:44:54 2004 Just wanted to let everyone know, the official game webpage has been updated with the to-date anno's, the Update9 report (that is due to be published in the empire news), and the Update15 report which I submitted to RGE on July 11th. Now, back to the shagging! > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Wed Jul 14 21:42:44 2004 I dunno if any of you all watched "The Simple Life 2" tonight, featuring Paris and Nicole, but they had ACTUAL live SHEEP on the show TONIGHT! WHOA!!! TOTALLY!!! So, um, don't be alarmed if I'm not, um, busy in the game for the next 3 mins or so, so, continue the shagging... > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Thu Jul 15 13:07:51 2004 He's taken the bait. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Thu Jul 15 21:37:23 2004 Is it just me, or is it obvious that the neo-cons don't play empire. Or actually, they do "play" at empire which may be the real problem. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Thu Jul 15 21:58:03 2004 All around the merious bush, the monkey chased the weasel. Pop goes the Rookie. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Thu Jul 15 21:58:33 2004 Mulberry bush it's supposed to be, but i'm eccentric > Announcement from Rook, (#4) dated Thu Jul 15 22:27:24 2004 Quoted from the wire services: ------------------------------ ? Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Thu Jul 15 13:07:51 2004 He's taken the bait. ++ retrieved from news from last 2 days ------------------------------------ === The Bottom Line == Shakespeare captured seven sectors from nuke_em beep captured six sectors from Dorsai Rook captured five sectors from Aquitaine ++ Editors comment: Toss out another lure, why don'tcha, we'll take that bait anytime, add in loss of 25% or existing airforce and 66% of existing units in the "trap" you set, go for it, set another one I fart in your general direction > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Jul 15 22:30:00 2004 And now that we've had twenty updates in the PettingZooTwo, I wish to congratulate all the survivors for making it this far. But the point of this announcement is not to congratulate the fortunate, it is to request help for the less fortunate. Thus, I am now conducting the PettingZooTelethon. Ask yourself, have you had fun playing so far, meanwhile thousands of helpless sheeps have been mercilessly shagged and sheared, and all for what, harmless fraternity pranks? Well I'm afraid not, and after all the fun and games have ended for the party goers, these poor animals must return to their homes and face their families, shamed and de-flocked. It is quite a horror, my friend, but you can help. Incase you didn't notice, this game is running on sheepfarm.game-host.ORG, ie: ORG, a non-profit organization. 100% of all proceeds shall be distributed to the local petting zoos, for better security and councelling of abducted sheeps. Your donations can help change a young ewe's life, just ask Dolly: Bungy: Dolly, please tell us your story. Dolly: Ok, I was a happy young sheepling, I grew up in a large meadow, I grazed regularly, until one spring evening, when I was abducted and brought to a strange house, where lots of male humans, all named Biff, Todd, or Hank, took turns doing all kinds of nasties to me. I was never the same since. Bungy: I'm so sorry to hear. How has our cause helped you? Dolly: Thanks to your program, I have regained my self confidence and worth, and I no longer feel ashamed for the horrors that those boys did to me. Bungy: I'm glad we were able to help, you need a hug... Dolly: That would be lovely. (Bungy embraces Dolly) Dolly: Um, Bungy, you're making me uncomf... (we see Bungy signal something to the camera operator, and the picture goes dead) (a few seconds pass, crackled audio starts coming in, rumbling is heard, video is now back, with Bungy now back on cam) Anyway, please send your donations to your local petting zoo, and help sponsor a sheep today. We can send pics of your sponsored sheep for just a mere E$1.00/day or US$1.20/day. > Announcement from Limbo, (#3) dated Thu Jul 15 22:34:03 2004 The bets are now open: predict the demise of Limbo. Aquitaine already submitted his prediction BTW no overbidding :) > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Thu Jul 15 22:59:28 2004 yea, that was me posting to rge about the game. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 00:09:54 2004 Say word, the over/under on Limbo is 7 days. That's only because I'm lazy and want to put tanks to use. The countdown has begun. I can easily fight off the rookie and drop the hammer on his friend at the same time. > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Fri Jul 16 01:22:23 2004 There is a tide, in the affairs of men, Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat; And we must take the current when it serves, Or lose our ventures. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 05:51:24 2004 Btw, most of the action is towards the under so the spread may change. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 21:28:26 2004 So word on the street is that Ceasar's opened the book and is taking action on bloop. That over under stands at 20 updates for the moment. All wagers are welcome. No action on rookie yet. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Fri Jul 16 21:33:02 2004 how can your torpedo seven ships three times? does each ship receive three-seven ths of a torpedo? whats the command syntax for that? > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 21:50:10 2004 rookie's tactical skills are quite suspect. i don't even need planes, ships, or untis to defend myself against him. guns and roses dude! "You know where you are?!" "You're in the jungle baby!" "You're going to die..." "Welcome to the Jungle, shanananananananana! dance! dance!" > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 21:58:48 2004 I'd actually be embarrassed to be allied with rookie right now. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Fri Jul 16 22:09:17 2004 And now we come to our regularly scheduled weekend break. Updates are now disabled, so you can all take saturday off. We'll be voting again for whether we want Wed's updates cancelled, with the same terms and conditions as before, 60+% of the active players needed to get em cancelled. Reminder, I will be doing some minor server maintenance sometime between 10:00 and 14:00 on Saturdays. And why'd you all have to go kill Seven? He wasn't bothering nobody. And one final thought I'll leave you all with for tonight, there are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky. > Announcement from Rook, (#4) dated Fri Jul 16 22:10:36 2004 Vote early and often No to updates on Wed > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 22:10:52 2004 You have to try a lot harder than that to kill me young boy. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Fri Jul 16 22:11:06 2004 oh wow, man, that's like... deep and stuff. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Fri Jul 16 22:11:15 2004 Whoa, that's deep. (get it?) > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 22:16:19 2004 so, you are awake? > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Fri Jul 16 22:23:20 2004 So, I'm moving a destroyer. It takes a couple of moves and gets hit by fire. Whoa, better get out of there. What's this? "WinAce has lost connection to the server." ARGH! Of course, I couldn't get back in for a few minutes because of the "country in use" thingy where the server says I'm still connected. So, when I get back in, the destroyer is on the bottom of the ocean... Grumble grumble grumble > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Fri Jul 16 22:24:19 2004 >And why'd you all have to go kill Seven? He wasn't bothering >nobody. Seven had it coming. He had all kinds of privileges, like ordering his ships on circular routes without having the capital to do so... Couldn't let that get out of hand... > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 23:19:11 2004 rook: You'd be dead if I didn't run out of mobility. Yea, word. And my kingdom for a horse and about a million more bars. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 23:25:05 2004 wow. i guess i missed it before. is it just me, or did the rookie actually brag about taking 5 sectors from me? 4 of which are on an outpost, halfway across the world that i used to share with Shake. the fodder never ceases to amaze me. keep it coming. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 23:41:18 2004 I've been nominated for the bmlg award. teehee. just wait until i actually start spending money on my own country. 6 for Limbo. 19 for bloop. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Fri Jul 16 23:41:46 2004 No one is willing to take action on the rookie > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sat Jul 17 03:42:12 2004 And on the 7th day, he rested. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sat Jul 17 05:41:27 2004 Against us stands Tyranny. The bloody flag is raised! Do you hear in the countryside, the roar of these savage soldiers? They come into our arms to cut the throats of your sons and daughters. And your country. To arms! To arms fellow citizens! March on! March on! Form the battalions! Let their impure blood water our fields. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sat Jul 17 05:44:37 2004 Liberty! Beloved Liberty! Fight with your defenders under our flags. Victory will rush to your manly strains, and your dying enemies shall see your triumph and glory! To arms! To arms!. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sat Jul 17 05:52:01 2004 Shall hateful tyrants with mischief breeding and hordes of hireling ruffian bands affright and desolate the land? While peace and liberty lie bleeding and suffer? Never! while we still breathe. The avenging sword is unsheathed. To arms, ye brave. March on! March on! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sat Jul 17 05:53:37 2004 Too long the world has wept bewailing. March on! March on! All hearts resolved! All hearts resolved! Victory or death... > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Sat Jul 17 05:56:03 2004 For those trying to play in between Aqui's annos: 'info reject' might be of value to you... :-P > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sat Jul 17 06:04:58 2004 There was a lack of announcements. I'm merely trying to fill the void. No one ever confused me with subby. > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Sat Jul 17 06:08:59 2004 Words are very unnesessary They can't do enough harm... > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sat Jul 17 06:20:03 2004 Unlike most cats, I always try to be a factor in the game. And at least I can dish it out as well as take it. Too many people sit around waiting to die. > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Sat Jul 17 06:23:05 2004 Wouldn't your energies be better spent gathering those countries to help you in your cause ? > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sat Jul 17 08:52:31 2004 What cause is that? I'm here to ensure the local petting zoo has enough fresh green grass to graze upon. The only way I know how to to that is by ensuring the rivers of blood gush and flow wide and deep. > Announcement from Rook, (#4) dated Sat Jul 17 22:10:57 2004 From Wire Services: Sat Jul 17 18:05 Laconia adopts a new country name Welcome to the motorcycle rally in New Hampshire. > Announcement from Rook, (#4) dated Sat Jul 17 22:31:52 2004 To quote Wolverine from the fiste X-Men movie: "You're still a dick." > Announcement from Rook, (#4) dated Sat Jul 17 22:32:51 2004 And for those that know me, I tipe lyk shit > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sat Jul 17 22:35:04 2004 Most dames are too small for us. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sat Jul 17 22:38:50 2004 Spartan warriors require strong women. Just like Spartan women require strong men. sheep and sheep shaggers die soon. or "live" or die with dishonor. The Phalanxes march on! Victory or death. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Sun Jul 18 01:22:47 2004 dear world, as you may have noticed, it seems all the chocolate countries have suffered their just fate at the hands of the righteous. however the effort to rid the world of the unclean is not yet finished. the citizen leader has obtained credible evidence that some so-called 'vanilla' countries are actually white chocolate countries trying to pass themselves off as vanilla. these countries are active sponsors of extremists groups aiming to impose radical chocolatist dogma across the entire world. the first citizen has in his posession cocrete proof that the nations of cincinatti and dorsai are part of and axis of evil dedicated to this philosophy of hate. as proof the citizen leader produced photos showing that each of these countries had built a 'c'hocolate sector where wmc's (weapons of mass chocolatization) were being produced. the citizen leader urgedall countries to act to destroy these threats to international peace, but pledged that if necessary the beep nation would act unilaterally > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Sun Jul 18 01:38:57 2004 (bpi) the citizen leader produced evidence that the nation of cincinatti was attempting to purchase raw materials for its wmc program from dorsai today. further the first citizen showed that this massive purchase of 'chocolate cake' was financed by the rogue nation #9. the citizen leader vowed that no matter how many shell companies and aliases the rogue nation used, that it would be held accountable for its actions. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 02:21:31 2004 The bpi propoganda is beginning to smack with bigotry. Rest assured it is unintentional. Some of us have thicker skins than others and can't be harmed by mere words. Damage is measured in sectors. However, since every "game" is a matter of record, historians may misinterperet his words and deeds. No offense was intentional, and none has been taken. Now let's all get back to the dancing... > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Sun Jul 18 02:23:24 2004 --- From the Capitol City, Kill 'em All --- (Kill 'em All, Metallica) (ENN - July 18th 2004) In a shocking turn of events, TheDeathangel of Metallica was reported working out in the darknessof Mirkwood in anticipation of a possible comeback effort. Rumors that the decision was based in part on a terrible tragedy in Diablo II... and a farming implement. When asked TheDeathAngel was quick to respond, "It's all lies and propeganda." TheDeathAngel went on to say, "after all, it's been 12 years since I had an effective game, how much could i have changed in that time?" When told of land units TheDeathAngel was aghast, "Next thing, you'll tell me that the map is hex based..." > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 02:24:42 2004 And any nation caught sober past sundown is liable to arrest for disorderly conduct. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 02:25:56 2004 Let's kill 'em all! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 02:27:13 2004 One! and Justice for All! > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Sun Jul 18 02:31:59 2004 Don't remind me... Ever since the black album I've seriously debated switching country names... but never could find one that I liked enough and everytime I picked a new band, they broke up Who knows, maybe the carrier Ride The Lightning will sail again > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Sun Jul 18 02:32:59 2004 and is Dorsai the Dorsai from long ago? or has the name been co-opted? > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 02:35:03 2004 Maybe. "Dorsai" is not. Welcome back sir. > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Sun Jul 18 02:35:41 2004 oh and Bungy, Leave my sheep alone! :) > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 02:54:38 2004 Bad news for you doodie. Unfortunately, the abominations called land units have managed to persist and become quite pervasive. If I remember correctly, they were an experiment when we last played together. Funny how the current generation actually believes they exist for offense, but those of us who truly understand and know how to play the game know the were invented by frustrated fodder who got sick and tired of logging in and looking at blank maps. "You lost your country. Better register for another game." I heard there was a retro game recently and it cracked me up to hear people wonder how we used to destroy entire "countries" in between updates. The way the game seems to be evolving, we may eventually get to the pt where there is 1 update every 4 days as opposed to the other way around. But at least Empire is still alive. Some of us can play by any rules. Praises be to Bungholio, our blessed Creator! And Long Live The Empire! > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Sun Jul 18 02:55:54 2004 you know, we had almost become convinced that aquitaine was the original aquitaine, but we know that the original aquitaine would at least stand up and take a loss like a man instead of changing his country name so that it would not look like a 'name' player lost. if you twits are too afraid to play under your own name at least have the common decency to not steal someone else's and trash it. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 03:13:15 2004 we don't have any logical reason to keep the bpi appraised of our motives. everyone else knows that I changed my name to Laconia since I was talking too much. (besides the fact that we're true Laecedaemons) look up "laconic" oh, and i meant to say apprised, not appraised. to the fodderous fellow metalhead, i've somehow managed to keep traditional alive and have held the worlds mightiest armies at bay with mils alone. tradition alive that is. and the invasion is still on schedule... > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 03:19:14 2004 And btw, I declared neutrality with "Dorsai" well before the fodderous metalhead joined as visitor. People on our side of the world know why. In this game we only have one true ally, and our pact is signed with mutual blood. To the death friend! -Garicles > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 03:43:49 2004 We're actually beginning to wonder if that's the "real" "beep" > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 04:22:08 2004 We're so flattered that beep would even think that someone would actually pretend to be Aquitaine. I'm glad to know that I haven't been forgotten. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 04:26:50 2004 Misfortune and misery to those traitorous confederates. Victory or death. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 04:47:01 2004 and someone please tell the bloops to stop sending me tels meant for someone else and rej replies. and i'm sure everyone else will be glad to know we won't be spouting off anymore. Form the Phalanxes. March on, March on. Victory or death. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 10:07:13 2004 We piss on the beeping man's burden and their concepts of "manifest destiny." > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 10:08:53 2004 No matter how many times they attempt to spin and twist the truth, Tyranny and Imperialism stand naked before all. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 14:58:00 2004 The story you are about to see is pure fiction. But like most good stories, it is based upon fact. Unfortunately, it can happen in your town in the absence of citizens who are afraid or unwilling to stand in the face of common vagabonds who have no respect for justice and decency. Law without enforcement is a mere word. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 16:02:20 2004 The fact remains that a rat still runs free and soon he shall kill again. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 18:52:52 2004 He whose name shall not be spoken anymore (but is similar to, rhymes with, and looks like sheep) seems in essential need of colonostic irrigation. Unfortunately, our barbers are in no position to perform this necessary and potentially life-saving surgical procedure upon our old "friend." A free health clinic has just set up shop at the local petting zoo, but it's doubtful that he will walk in willingly. A little tough love or even "intervention" may be required. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 21:33:23 2004 Arise fellow citizens! The day of glory has arrived! > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 22:12:52 2004 That one was for Ms. Lily Langtree. We hope everyone enjoyed the show. Next curtain comes after midnite. Now y'all come back now, ya hear! yyipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Sun Jul 18 22:26:27 2004 The jungle just gets worser and worser every day. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Mon Jul 19 02:03:25 2004 "Drunkenness is a vice of constitution so good that it never bends until it breaks." However, "a Man must decide between the bottle and the badge." Saddle up fellas! We ride with Destry again! > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Mon Jul 19 16:19:25 2004 When in the course of player events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which in the past have connected them with another, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. Regrettedly, former friends and once-trusted allies have become sworn, perpetual enemies. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Mon Jul 19 16:37:48 2004 The sovereign and honorable nation that calls itself BEEP formally stands accused of the crimes of bigotry, fodderous misconduct, association with fodder, general fodderoussness, and behaving in a fodderous manner. They may actually be fodder in disguise, but that is not the concern of this judge or jury. So far their only defense has been to continue to question our jurisdiction, and indentity. Many criminals foolishly believe they can escape the reach of the long arm of the law. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Mon Jul 19 16:38:55 2004 Unfortunately, only blows can redress our grievances. We shall forever pursue those dogs in each and every sector to the end of this and all future worlds. This I do solemnly vow by my own blood and Bungholio! > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Mon Jul 19 16:49:33 2004 For I am the one, true and only Garius Magnus, Emperor of Aquitaine. scourge of fodder everywhere! Prince of an unholy union between Fodderland, Suboceana, and Atlantis. The sole remaining standard bearer of the MIT Empire banner, and only rightful heir to the throne. (who has obviously gotten soft in his old age, since there is still some fodder remaining "alive.") > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Mon Jul 19 20:24:05 2004 Hmm, I think there is only one s in fodderousness... I could be wrong though... > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Mon Jul 19 21:17:39 2004 one... two... (checks fingers)... three. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Mon Jul 19 21:37:51 2004 hehe, good catch. There are 3. He had 4 though. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Tue Jul 20 13:03:14 2004 (taps microphone) Is this thing working? Ok, good. I was just wondering if it was still working, due to the deafening silence lately. back to the shagging. Bungy > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Tue Jul 20 16:30:19 2004 >(taps microphone) >Is this thing working? Ok, good. I was just wondering if >it was still working, due to the deafening silence lately. Maybe Aqui^H^H^H^Hanti-BEEP's mike broke down... :-P > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Tue Jul 20 16:37:29 2004 Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Tue Jul 20 13:03:14 2004 (taps microphone) Is this thing working? Ok, good. I was just wondering if it was still working, due to the deafening silence lately. ------------------ I expect the silence to be interrupted by the sound of plane engines and straffing within the next 24 hours. Guess I best finish the book I was reading. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Tue Jul 20 22:51:22 2004 And in a surprising upset, the slacker party wins! 66% of you want the Wed update cancelled. So everyone enjoy your day of midweek rest. Perhaps you can use the extra time to make some postings to RGE, join a blitz, or work on your spreadsheep for how to maximize your efficiencies. We're now 25 updates into the game, so congrats all around to everyone who's still alive for lasting this long! I'm going to work on a RGE posting, which I'll post tomorrow night, so if anyone has any tidbits of info that might be newsworthy, send it to Bungholio via telegram. > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Wed Jul 21 08:53:39 2004 How I Spent My Wednesday Update Vacation An 8th Grader's Holiday by Dorsai I didn't want a vacation. I kinda like the running battles, trying to outsmart beep and Euforia. Figuring out if I'll have a sector left for a capital at the end of the update. But the group voted for a vacation, so I took a vacation. I spent my vacation learning about the redemptive powers of sheep. They provide us with all sorts of useful things like wool to keep us warm in the winter and lamb chops to keep our bellies warm all year long. The sheep that I learned with were special and cute. I named one Mary and the other one Erica. Mary was pregnant. I could sing "Mary had a little lamb" all day long and it meant something special for me, as I thought about Mary and her little lamb. My uncle Marty kept telling me that I had the meaning of the song wrong, but since he's only a sheep herder, I don't listen much to him. We played alot with Mary and Erica. And then uncle Marty taught about how sheep can do more for us than simply giving us things to eat and wear. My mother always called uncle Marty, her brother, a no goodnik. He was in jail for something called animal mofesstation. I'm not sure what that is. Everyone in my family says it with such a low whisper that I don't think they want me to hear it! At any rate, uncle Marty took Erica and me aside. He told me that I would have to "service" Erica. I asked him, "What does that mean, uncle?" and he didn't say a word. He just grabbed my hand and took me and Erica to the barn. Well, I'm not going to tell you everything that happened next, cause uncle told me it has to be our little secret. But it felt really good. Really really good. Really really really good. Uncle said if I did it well enough, Erica might have baby lambs. I was pleased about that. Kinda like when Betty Lou took me to the movies a couple of months ago and whispered to me that she was going to have her way with me, that I could cheer her up if I did what she said. She said, "Horse, just follow me." She started calling me Horse a few months ago, after we played this new game called "Spin the bottle." She was real good at it and had me practically nude in no time flat. Wearing socks and a hat though doesn't keep you warm much, you know what I mean? I don't know why she calls me Horse. I asked her and she said I was a super stud. I looked up stud in the dictionary and it said a part of wall when it's being built. So I looked in the mirror and I know I don't look like any wall in construction that I've ever seen. Some time soon, Betty Lou's going to have to explain herself. Well, Betty Lou is such a nice person that I said I'd do whatever she wanted. Playing with Erica under uncle Marty's direction was kind of the same thing, but the high pitched bahs that Erica bleated hurt my ears. And unlike Betty Lou who moved quickly when the movie theater manager ran after us (it was hard running while pulling up our jeans), Erica just lay there. She finally stopped bleating and fell asleep. Uncle insisted that I had done well. He also told me I was very impressive. I'm not sure why, though. He only gave me 15 minutes with Erica, and Betty Lou took almost an hour. I can't complain, though. Betty Lou gave me such a big kiss afterwards and said, "Anytime, Dorsai." Maybe update vacations aren't such a bad idea after all. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Wed Jul 21 10:02:50 2004 "trying to outsmart beep" *snort* that's the problem with empire kiddies these days i tell ya'; it's the low standards and expectations for success. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Thu Jul 22 08:05:56 2004 Praises be to our blessed creator for granting another Sabbath. No matter what the rest of the sheep do, we shall continue to pay tribute in kind to the one and only true lord, Bungholio! > Announcement from Wicked, (#11) dated Thu Jul 22 13:37:29 2004 "How I Spent My Wednesday Night Vacation" An old guy's holiday. by Wicked I wanted a vacation. I'm sick of making all these fruit baskets and macroni art, god how they slave us. I uh... zzzZzzzzZZZ "update!" "Argh! What?!! Update! Kill Harry Potter! Vote Libertarian! Lynch George Lucas! Send more goth chicks!" *laugh* "Shut up old man, we're just messing with you, now back to work You've got a lovely fruit basket to prepare for Martha Stewart. Let's see, what goes well with that drab prison decor? hmmmm" "Damn Martha Stewart and her fruit cravings!" "Don't start getting fiesty with us, or we'll make you watch another episode of 'Charmed'" "*hmph* I can take it.. I've seen... uh.. almost as bad" "Then afterwards we'll take you to the opening night of Catwoman." "No! The horror! My eyes, my eyes!" "Yep, that's right. Now here's a pear, you know what to do with it." *grumble* > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Thu Jul 22 14:20:50 2004 Regrettedbly, man is forever doomed to construct his own prison and dig his own grave. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Jul 22 22:15:25 2004 Just a reminder to all players, that while the game server may exist somewhere far, far away, that they should not treat their virtual countries lightly. While I, Bungholio, am the creator of the petting zoo two game, all I did was provide life to all registrants to the game, and thus, the responsibilty it therefore transitions uponst you to see that life for these virtual bits are provided for, maintained, and optimized to your best abilities so that they may live out a long and prosperous life, quantized with your union's state. Meanwhile, every second, dozens of angry fingers are trying to steal that precious life from your virtual bits by toggling their identity bit towards their polarity. While it's fun for me to watch, it is your ultimate responsibility to see that this virtual life provided uponst you remains intact and prospers. If you neglect them, then those neglected electrons that get flipped to the dark side shall be your crime, and the guilt is all yours. Regards, Your Creator, Bungholio > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Fri Jul 23 05:23:18 2004 The rookie is so incompentent that we can go out and drink and celebrate and not even have to worry about missing updates. Surely you can do better than that sir. > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Fri Jul 23 08:06:47 2004 After a bit of research, it turns out that each country here in the Petting Zoo game actually has an official wooley mascot. I just thought I would pass the information along. Ricin: Offical mascot - the domestic sheep. Ricin likes them to obey his every word. No dissent. "Do this. Do that. Follow me. Stop bleating so loudly." It also helps that the wool from these animals can easily be spun into a white flag of surrender for his victims. beep: Official mascot - Long Haired Angora Sheep. The beepster likes to run his fingers through soft, satiny material when he is uh, well, uh, "loosening" the flock. The Angora species not only avails itself to that, but also produces fine Batman costumes for later barnyard adventures. Rook: Official Mascot - Mountain Goat. Okay, so rook likes it a bit rough. Give the pervert a break. Euforia: Offical Mascot - Angus Sheep. The typical Euforian evening consists of entertaining a sheep assigned to the (cont) > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Fri Jul 23 08:20:32 2004 slaughter house. The next morning a few cuts of mutton are delivered to the royal bedroom chambers for a bit of necrophila. Wicked: Official mascot: Loveless Sheep. Somehow, some way, while the rest of you were looking at the back of your ewe's ears, wicked managed to train a flock of normal sheep to play the skin flute. Do we give him an award or have him committed? Shakespear: Offical Mascot - Falstaff Variety. Halt. Me thinks the light on thy distant meadow doth reflect on thy wooley curls. My groin stirith. anti-BEEP: Offical Mascot - Big Horn Sheep. Up in the mountians, Nobody to hear or see you. You can promise these ewe's anything and renig later. and if they complain, there's a smoke house with an open rafter waiting for them. Limbo: Official mascot - janet jackson species. Just a little bit of udder hanging out below the wool. What a tease. Dorsai - Official Mascot - Minature Showcase Sheep. Well, all we (cont) > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Fri Jul 23 08:35:40 2004 can say is "Big Sheep - Big Equipment. Little Sheep - uh, weill sorry about that Dorsai." nuke_em - Official mascot - New Zealand Boarder Collie. Hey, after years and years of the same old perversion, that little collie starts to look kinda cute. Cincinnati: Official mascot - Bengal Tiger. hey, their football team sucks, their baseball team sucks, and their airport is in Kentucky. Loosers. (cont) > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Fri Jul 23 08:46:08 2004 perdition: Official Mascot - Chihuahua sheep. The visual of this guy buggering a tiny, bug eyed, Taco Bell sheep is enough to make most people place a call to the ASPCA. Trantor: Offical Mascot - Unknow, but there are rumors that he prefers the rams to the ewes. Sicko. Anguiron: Offical mascot - parisian Sheep. Angy always admired the way these French sheep ran down from the hills with there hands in the air ready to surrender to anybody (for anything). twislte: Official mascot - Howard Stern Sheep. reaaly, you can't tell one end from the other. and it only gets more confusing when the sheep starts to talk about himself for 4 hours every morning. Darkness: Official Mascot - Bavarian Sheep. Lederhosen, swiss cheese, the cute little hat, and the fancy push-up bra to accentuate the udder. Somebody hose me down quick. Seven: Offical mascot - None. He wasn't around long enough to even develop the paperwork needed to vote on the bill. (cont) > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Fri Jul 23 08:48:48 2004 Gemini - Official mascot - South American Andes Siamese Sheep. Very rare, but the conjoined ewes make quite a sight up on the mountian side with a herdsman behind each one. "Hey, I had the one on the left side yesterday" > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Fri Jul 23 09:14:10 2004 Return carrying your shield or being carried on it. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Fri Jul 23 12:44:17 2004 Country Seven is now under new management, by Eight. Eight is an old school player, who is toying with the idea of possibly coming out of retirement, so it's our job to get him re-hooked so that he just needs to feel the rush of playing again. > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Fri Jul 23 13:07:49 2004 ...and in an unrelated story, Elvis was recently sighted in the petting zoo. Said the deceased crooner and former drug adict: Love me tender Love me sheep Never let them go... > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Fri Jul 23 14:22:48 2004 Despite my best attempts, unfortunately I have become bored already. I think I have already accomplished my mission, rookie being paralyzed and all. It is up to the rest of you to ensure that BEEP loses. There is more drinking and partying in ny to be done before the convention so I won't bother making updates anymore. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Fri Jul 23 15:11:03 2004 And since my allies are already "dead" and we have fulfilled our obligations to them, we are officially liberated from update Tyranny. Everyone should continue to support your local petting zoo. Hopefully there is also a nice watering hole nearby, but don't get to drunk and start looking at the sheep the wrong way. Battle on Bravely. (just in case anyone misunderstand's i am not nor never have quit this or any game) sorry for that last ' Let the rivers of blood continue to flow wide and deep, even if it's ours... -G > Announcement from Gemini, (#15) dated Fri Jul 23 17:14:24 2004 .-+=South American Andes Siamese Sheep=+-. Hahaha! Thats great! I laughed out-loud... Now, if someone could explain why sheep are constantly referred to in Empire annos, it would be much appreciated. Or has it been done so long that people just make sheep references out of habit, w/o really knowing why? My sheep is woolier than yours. -Gemini > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Fri Jul 23 17:18:38 2004 info sheep certain players tend to have a great influence on the game and the rest of us. I was quite surprised to return and see that folks don't usually refer to fodder anymore while sheep have become quite pervasive. Maybe because fodder is more insulting to some and sheep is more harmless, even tho they 2 totally different animals. Luckily there will always be sheep and fodder. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Fri Jul 23 22:27:34 2004 Not to nitpick too much at Visitor's description of Cincinnati, but the baseball team does have a winning record. More importantly, I think you meant to say "losers", not "loosers". Maybe not though... Now, if we could just get a reset in this game of a week or so, I would move my bank and bars. Maybe then I wouldn't be such a "looser." > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Sat Jul 24 11:12:19 2004 I would say that the rookie fights like a girl, but that would be an insult to all the brave female warriors. Instead I'll say "he" fights like a b!tch since that term refers to both sexes. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Sat Jul 24 11:19:08 2004 I'm starting to think his strategy is to bore me. If so he's good at what he does. At first I thought his strength was his determination. It's obviously not tactics. Whatever. I'm still having fun I guess, otherwise I wouldn't be here. This new breed of empire player is quite amusing. But a fodder was, is, and always shall be a fodderous, fodder. All praises to our blessed creator for the sabbath tonite, even tho we've already liberated ourselves from the Tyranny of updates. > Announcement from anti-BEEP, (#9) dated Sat Jul 24 11:25:55 2004 Since Cincinnati has invaded Pittsburgh, we're at war for a few days. We kicked their @sses last night, and hopefully will sweep. > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Sat Jul 24 23:51:09 2004 Three nukes for the Ricin in their forts of stones Seven nukes for the Rook King in the midst of moans Nine for the Euforian king in his defensive stand One nuke for Limbo king doomed to die after his stand One nuke for the Dark Lord on his dark throne in the land of beep's where the swallows die. One nuke to rule them all, one nuke to find them, One nuke to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the land of beep's where the swallows die. The storm clouds are gathering near the Dorsai. We see the winds blowing in from the northeast. We will valiantly honor our agreements, but the cold wind of reality is hard to turn away from and the nearness of the winter associated with the storm is one we are all too aware of. We are grateful that research has not been the focus of efforts in the current PettingZooTwo. If it had been, those winds would be blowing much colder still. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Sun Jul 25 00:17:34 2004 silly dorsai, don't you know its hurricane season coming upon us all? > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 04:08:24 2004 If I was god, I'd be pretty bored right now. But we didn't make the world we just live and fight in it. Too bad the D Angel of Death isn't here, because I appreciate their music more and more every day. I didn't listen to them coming up but appreciate that band more and more every day. Let's kill em all! The rest of them are forever doomed to their own fates. However, the daughters of Zeus are willing to rescue anyone as long as they admit their mistakes and repent. Otherwise, the March of Folly shall continue. The shoes that we wear continue to repeat themselves. Come home carrying your shield or be carried on it. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 09:57:11 2004 How are the rest of y'all supporting your local petting zoo? > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 10:15:33 2004 Who sank Anguiron's last ship? They weren't bothering anyone either. We think we know who the gilltee party is and will ensure that justice is served... The avenging sword is unsheathed! > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Sun Jul 25 12:35:26 2004 From the Sunday Paper Lost and Found Column: Missing: 1 pair of gonads. Owner is reputed to be the occupant of beep's palace. The pair may be identified by their shriveled state. Functionality is uncertain at best, though thought by some to have marginal use. They have been observed in the past to have lots of swager, but since they have been quite quiet. The owner has indicated a dire need for this pair. He is unable to provide any information about how they became lost in the first place. He keeps mumbling "Empire" whenever asked. If you see a pair of gonads on the street or going down the sidewalk, do not try to apprehend them alone. They may be armed and dangerous (though police officers have made clear that they believe the risk to be truly minimal for everyone). Contact your nearest police person and ask for assistance. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 12:41:29 2004 Let's Go Bucs! I shall return. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 21:57:09 2004 Raise the Jolly Roger! Pittsburgh won and there was no doubt about it! Let's Go Bucs! > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Sun Jul 25 21:58:22 2004 uh... pittsburgh be the steelers, bucs is tampa bay > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 22:04:28 2004 Our enemies have lucked out for the last time. Now the war really begins. Godd luck to all. If the rookies continue to attack the men from Earth, they will be destroyed. BiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrdddddddMAN! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 22:15:48 2004 Again, feel free to have your way with our deserters. We already have the map and stopped sailing ships a long time ago. I never will understand how the fodder has time to waste over ship combat, but whatever. It's all good. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 22:30:59 2004 We're still trying to teach the young whipperspappers lessons. They still do not understand how to play this game. Lesson #1: "We do not fight wars we just kill people > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 22:34:59 2004 Metallica Forever! I don't know who plays better music than them. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 22:50:01 2004 "You're calling the police on me? In fact, I'm calling them myself." We feel sorry for the so-called new breed of empire player. It is good to know that Fodder still remains everywhere. After this game, be afraid, be very afraid. We are going to pick up the banner and never lose again after this. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Sun Jul 25 22:56:23 2004 Even tho the Sabbath was yesterday, Today is our day off. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Mon Jul 26 00:06:23 2004 Have y'all ever heard the legend of the hardcore Wrangler named "Little Joe?" Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Jul 26 09:02:06 2004 Welcome back to this week's exciting adventure with ***CAPTAIN BARNYARD*** When we last left the spandex covered hero, he was cruising down S.R. 8 in his custom John Deere 955 (with optional Power Take Off). His somewhat trusty side-kick (and yet offering no pluck comic relief) is at the wheel while the rural hero lounges in the back of the cab. "Shagger!" "Yes, Cap'n?" Do you have to hit every god damn pot hole on this misserable back road? I'm trying no to Cap'n. But this tractor is hardly meant for the open road. Listen, you've been whining to drive for two months now. You gonna keep whining now that I'm letting you! No sir. Sorry. Just smooth it a little bit, will you please. I can hardly watch my DVD back here. Yes Cap'n. By the way, how many times are you going to watch "Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fido Right Over"? Hey, I like the camera work, okay. Cap'n! Cap'n! What is it now Shagger? And don't get so excited when you're driving (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Jul 26 09:11:58 2004 Yes Sir. But there's a man standing on the side of the road next to the corn field. He's trying to wave us down. I think he might a farmer. Now what would make you think that Shagger? Would it be the over- alls he is wearing, the pitchfork he's holding, or the piece of straw in his mouth? Should we stop and see what he needs? Sure. I can finish the movie anytime. It's not like there is a real story line. the custom 955 pulls off the side of the country road. The farmer hurries up to the cab and helps the hero out. He ignores the sidekick. Are'a you really Captain Barnyard. me farm. It'a might be saved. Yes. I'm Captain Barnyard. (the Captain points back to Shagger) And that is... Uh, and open cab door. and who are you? hey, I'ma just a simple Armenian dairy farmer So why do you have an italian accent Because'a I can't type with the Armenian accent. Oh, uhhhh, then what's all the excitement for? It'sa me cows. They not a given any milk. (con't) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Jul 26 09:21:25 2004 No milk eh? That's probably pretty bad for a dairy farm. Have you noticed anything different lately? Yes. Yes. The light in me barn. It'a stay on all night long. Anda in the morning, alla me cows have their tails tied up and a-pointing to the rafters. Hmmm, cows and tails. This sounds like the work of Professor Sodomy (Shagger pokes his head out of the cab) You don't mean the evil Professor Sodomy of East Germany? No, you freaking moron. I mean the good Professor Sodomy from the Mayo Clinic. The Armenian dairy farmer leads Captain Barnyard to the dairy shed. Shagger follows along even though he was not invited. The hero surveys the situation. Well, I think we can solve the problem. You see, the professor spends the entire night practicing his own version of animal husbandry on each of your cows. The cows don't like it that much and hence don't produce any milk. But the professor is an East German. He does everything according to a plan (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Jul 26 09:26:16 2004 Notice how he started his escapeds with the cow closest to the door and worked his way around. I want you to take out the first three cows and replace them with bulls. that should fix your bovine buggerer. Ah, thanka you Captain. Thanka you. Is'a there anyway I can'a pay you? Hmmm, well, you could give me that shetland pony over there and a tube of KY jelly. I'll bring it back in a week. The pony? No, the KJ jelly! Join us next week when Captain Barnyard is put to the test in "A roll in the hayloft" > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Mon Jul 26 13:32:20 2004 Hopefully "Eight" and I will have the pleasure of clacking our Steins in Munich instead of Valhalla one day. "Ein Prosit, Ein Prosit, Dein Kler, Klug, Da! Ein Prosit, Ein Prosit, Dein Kler, Klug, Da!" (sic) Once, Twice, 3 Times Forever! I've already had the pleasure of travelling to Munich for the Real Oktorberfest while I still "live" The only bad thing about the beer halls in Valhalla is that you have to die before you go there ;{}} We might actually return there this year but think we'll fight the "Star Wars" instead. Can't ignore your "country" or planet for 2.5 weeks and expect it to prosper. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Mon Jul 26 21:55:23 2004 So there once was a wrangler east of the Mississipi who was called "Little Joe..." > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Mon Jul 26 22:17:21 2004 The rookies next excuse is going to be "My Kingdom for a Horse." We are so glad the new breed Empire players have a complete and total lack of skills besides talk and diplomacy. (of is the missing word in that last sentence) Continue to support your local Petting Zoo, And ensure the Rivers of Blood continue to flow wide and deep. ]. :{}} And Rock On! and Metallica Forever becase they save the world from total destruction and "Unsanity" > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Mon Jul 26 22:27:24 2004 It does feel so good to know that we can defeat them with will, mils, and shells. When and if we finally understand the Abominations called units, it's over. Much Respect and Love, to all those who have taught me. We feel sorry for these little kids who think they know how to play this "Game" we call Empire, and more Respect to those who put effort into constructing scnenario's for us. "All the shots I take, are aimed right at U!" That was for Angel Long. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Mon Jul 26 22:46:38 2004 "Little Joe" moved west of the Mississippi and after that, "whatever done happened to him I don't know... (we don't know!?)" > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Mon Jul 26 23:24:34 2004 Since we've already succeeded in our efforts twice, the enemy may change soon. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Mon Jul 26 23:27:04 2004 It continues to amuse me that the new breed still hasn't learned the basics. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 01:54:21 2004 "When the elevator tries to bring you down," "Punch a higher floor!" > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 01:57:33 2004 Volley again! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 04:21:11 2004 Now the War is coming to our enemies soon. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 12:26:02 2004 "Git!" > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 12:53:16 2004 "The sky looks sweet and wears a pretty blue dress, but when you get up there, she tends to knock ya down." > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 13:11:51 2004 Funny how "Eight" predicted the destruction of the RedLegs by the hands and Cutlasses, and Corsairs of the Mighty, Fighting, Super Bucs! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 13:45:51 2004 Any and all underwater/underhanded activity within our territory shall be considered a direct Act of War. There is no such thing as true invisibility since we have been granted several senses. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 17:54:35 2004 This is an official missive from the Phoenix. We are laying down to rest and will reborn soon again. We will never lay down our Arms. NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! The only true crimes are cowardice and treason. All cowardly traitors are forever doomed to suffer their own fates. If you sit by the river long enough, you will eventually see the bodies of your enemies floating by. Some of us act while the sheep stand back and look. Peace and rock on, from the LifeAngel. I shall return. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Tue Jul 27 19:02:37 2004 Does anyone know what the record is for the most name changes in one game? Seriously... > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 19:18:15 2004 "Your are a nice Lady Ms Johnson." > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 19:20:52 2004 "Jesus will come by here..." > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 19:46:26 2004 "i'm going to miss the old raggedty place, but i sure ain't gonna worry about it." yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 21:21:58 2004 Oh my world is gone, but I'm not afraid. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 22:03:51 2004 Git! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Jul 27 22:09:48 2004 We now rest again. The drunken nonsense has stopped and our future efforts are dedicated to pursue Artemis and Elektra. Elektra shall be first since word on the street is she actually is showing up tonite. > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Wed Jul 28 12:15:19 2004 And now we return you to this week's episode of CAPTAIN BARNYARD Shagger! Yes, Cap'n? Pull the tractor over to that mailbox's etc store. I have to pick up a package. Don't tell me you ordered another one of those life like inflatable sheep! Well excuse me. I wore out the last one while watching the Manchester Kennel Breeder's Show on the USA Network. Our mildly perverse hero drops out of the cab of his custom John Deere 955 (with optional Power Take Off) and heads into the Mailbox's Etc store. A few minutes later he comes out with a package, a newspaper, and a bottle of pop. "What ya got this time?" an inquisitive Shagger askes. The Captain holds up the mirky bottle. "Oh, this is Pepsi and Woolite." That's disgusting! I know. Usually, I prefer Coke, but they only had Pepsi here. Well actually, I was asking about the paper. What are you reading? This Shagger my boy is the most important information source that money can buy. (Cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Wed Jul 28 12:24:36 2004 Ah, you got a copy of the latest "Nation Flock and Herd Enquirer"! Correct, sidekick. And holy meadow muffins. Look at this headline Howard Dean Stumps with Sheep? Well, I always thought he... No, no, no. The other headline. Farmington Farm and Fleet Fleaced (sice note: Yours truely dated a girl in college from a little town really called Farmington. and yes, she did live on a farm.) And look at the details Shagger. Whipped cream, bungie cords, and a hermaphrodite pygmy camel. that can only mean the work of one man. You don't mean (insert pause and erie violin music)? Yes, it has to the the Fellatio Kid I thought he was serving a life sentance after he was caught with the bison herd in Yellowstone park. he was. He must have escaped federal prison. Hmmm, maybe prison life was just too much for him to swallow. I don't think cell block H had too much of anything that the Fellatio kid couldn't swallow. So how are we going to catch him? (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Wed Jul 28 12:28:01 2004 Catch him? Why? Aren't you the super hero and I'm your plucky side kick? Well, yes, but this gig isn't paying so well. And Frankly, the Kid gives me the willies. I say we throw a coupld of ewes into the trailer and head out over to the drive-in. Oh really. What's showing? Animal Farm and Babe. then we better get there early. It's sure to be crowded. Join us next week when Captain Barnyard gets a job at the San Diego Zoo. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Wed Jul 28 16:25:43 2004 gotta love news items like these: Wed Jul 28 14:16 Ricin sends a telegram to HELL > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Wed Jul 28 20:19:47 2004 Today is another sad day in the Petting Zoo Two, as I have another obituary to fill out. Nuke-em, the 9th player to be elimatated. He stood up well against his two agressors, Shakespeare and Wicked, initially, but he soon gave in once they used their double-teamming experience that they learned from when they hogtied and sheared and did all kinds of nasties I cannot repeat in this public forum, and thus (wiping sweat away) nuke-em is thus awarded the autographed microwavable "Shephard's Ranch" coffee mug, with an actual photo of Dolly, our pride and "joy", as the face on the mug, so everytime you take a sip, you can remember to support your local petting zoo. > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Wed Jul 28 22:13:15 2004 Seems to be a few folks on even without the update... > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Thu Jul 29 15:04:59 2004 and in keeping with the overall theme of this game: Thu Jul 29 14:58 beep violates Cincinnati Thu Jul 29 14:51 beep violates Cincinnati keep up the good work beep. I know that as you get older, one violation a day is doing pretty good > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Jul 29 21:54:58 2004 Wow have the anno's been quiet the past day or so... All I can say is party on, continue the bloodshed, and remember, "rehab is for quitters" > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Fri Jul 30 08:08:50 2004 Most of us have probably played SimCity (I, II, or III) or SimCoaster or SimGolf or SimThemepark, or The Sims or [you get the idea]. But it seems to me that the Sim Software Factory is forgetting a ideas that are sure money makers. Bungy's SimZoo: You start with two sheep and a goat. Kids come in the front entrance and buy little cups of feed for the animals. Shepards and Armenians come in the back entrance and buy little packets of KY jelly. Ricin's SimCondo: You start with a flat piece of land and one - 4 unit building. If you're good, soon you will have a large community complaining about association fees, lack of life guards at the pool, and poor snow removal. Odds are, you'll get voted out. beep's SimFlaoridaSeniorCondo: Just like Ricin's SimCondo except all the residents ride around in golf carts and file official complaints when anyone under the age of 18 sets foot in the complex. You do make a lot of money on social security check day. (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Fri Jul 30 08:19:00 2004 Rook's SimBrothel: You start with a worn out, fat, old hooker and wooden shack with one room. You can end up with a vegas style hotel, japanese massage parlors, and franchise strip clubs. Don't forget to have the local law enforcemnt agencies on your payroll. Euforia's SimPlantation: This one should be real popular in the Southern States. You start out with one acre of cotten and, uh, well, one uncompensated worker. Can you build a big enough empire to keep those nasty Union soldiers from changing your way of life? Wicked's SimMardiGras: You start with a small bar and a tiny amount of street front. How many floats can you get to pass by your bar? How meads can you hand out? How many photos of topless drunk 19 year olds can you post to the net? Shakespear's SimLiturature: some people would rather play this game than SimBlazingSaddles. Go figure. Aquitaine's SimStudent: Apply to college and start taking classes. (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Fri Jul 30 08:26:44 2004 Without flunking classes, how long can you go by just switching majors and not working towards a degree before the institution finally graduates you. Careful though, you need to keep getting good enough grades to get financial aid or else you will have to pay back all those loans. Dorsia's SimBeer: What could better. You start with a kitchen brewery and your kid's wagon. Can you make a good enough brew to sell and create an Empire? Can you get the local 7-11 owners to sell your wares? Will the bars buy your stuff? Can you bribe the board of education and have the rights to sell beer in the high school cafeteria vending machines? Cincinatti's SimUnion: You start with one guy with a sign and an axe to grind. Later you will slow production, cause riots, and move jobs to Mexico. when you are real good you will get kick back and be paid not to work. If you don't wind up in the bottom of a lake, you can eventually run for office with millions of (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Fri Jul 30 08:34:45 2004 AFL-CIO dollars. Limbo's SimMoonShine: You start with one copper pot and a guy named Clem. can you make a good enough corn whiskey to sell over the entire 5 county area? Can you pay of the sherrif and avoid the revenuer? Can you hire enough goons to bust up your rival's equipment and legs? nuke_em's SimNuclearPowerPlant: Do you start with PWR or a BWR? Can you wade through the NRC regulations in under 8 years? Can you convince the utilities board of directors to build? How many protesters can you shoot? Where do you keep your spent fuel rods? Can you get a retirement package from the utility before the reactor needs to be decommisioned? Can you actually get those damn union guys to build the plan instead of leaning on their sovels all day long? Limbo's SimLimbo: Can you go through the entire game with no sensoe or purpose? Can you keep everything vague. Can chaos and entropy reign supreme? Can you avoid concreteness? (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Fri Jul 30 08:43:51 2004 Eight's SimGiggalo: You got all the equipment now it's time to expand your customer base. How much you get paid is a function of how good you are. How many rich, middle aged housewives can you service in a week? How many drunk college co-ed's can you bone in one happy hour in the back room on the pool table? How many old ladies will actually leave something to you in their will and really surprise their kids? How many legends can you create about your abilities? Howard's SimSissy: Slappy, hair pulling, running to mom with a skinned knee. See if you can get this kid to school with his lunch money. Barsoom's SimMaleProstitute: I refuse to speculate on this game on account of it gives me the willies. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Fri Jul 30 08:47:00 2004 Eight's SimGiggalo, nice plan, but I seriously doubt you'll be boning drunk college hotties. More realistically, you need to figure out a good motto, like "Every Thursday we have a Blue Hair Special, ladies over 70 get a free foot massage!" > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Fri Jul 30 08:53:26 2004 You ever seen the feet on those old ladies? If there is one thing worse than being a geriatric gynegologist, it's being a geriatric podiatrist. (side note: site in a Urologist's office for 1/2 and hour. Every one there except you and the receptionist has been drawing social security for 10 years. That's a medical profession I would avoid) > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Fri Jul 30 09:27:44 2004 And here I've been working all this time on Dorsai's SimMob... > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Fri Jul 30 09:36:20 2004 : And here I've been working all this time on Dorsai's SimMob... : Dorsai gunners bombard Bungholio territory twenty-three times Looks more like SimShower to me... > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Fri Jul 30 21:28:45 2004 Now, I know that this may seem like sour grapes coming from me at this particular moment, but... what exactly is the logic behind not being able to do practically anything when you broke. I understand that you shouldn't be able to do much but when you have a fort that is 100% with guns and shells, you should be able to fire with it. I mean it fires automatically if an enemy unit/ship comes into range, but you can't fire it manually. Even when you are broke, it would seem that the soldiers at the fort could pick up a shell and load it... > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Fri Jul 30 21:48:04 2004 Cry Havoc! And let slip the dogs of war. Soon, all nations in our world will be enveloped in a conflagration. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Sat Jul 31 11:07:39 2004 And the petting zoo is heading into a World War, which brings tears of joy to a deity. But I do strongly recommend that y'all invest in chastity belts for your sheeps, as things may get downright ugly next week. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Sun Aug 01 20:28:45 2004 Players, a rollback has been done due to a server clock malfunction. The game was restored from data from 01:15 today. Today's update is cancelled so that players can go thru the hassle of re-doing everything they did today. I created an info page, see "info rollback" for the news and power for the rolledback time to help refresh your memories of what might have occurred. Winace and other smart client users, I've put a call into Ron and wolfpack to see if we need to do anything to make sure your databases get refreshed properly incase if you logged in after 14:20 today (when it suddenly became 2006). I'm now going to make 4 saves a day (up from 2 / day). It might also be wise for players to periodically back up their client databases for unfortunate events like this. Your humbled deity, Bungy > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Sun Aug 01 20:36:08 2004 also, if anyone wants their telegram file emailed to them from the timestamp atwhich I noticed that the clock was hosed, send me a tele and I'll email it to you. I feel it is only fair that you should be allowed to see what was done to you during this time (not much, if anything, happened), of if you missed any telegrams or ship sightings, since the other guy would have had access to the same info when he nav'd/flew/etc. > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Aug 02 08:39:41 2004 and now it's time for the Petting Zoo Official Excercise Video. Get out those wool headbands and let's get into shape. Our first excersice are knee bends. To do this, bend your knees until, well, you are kneeling on the ground with your torso perpendicular to the ground. Now, move your hips back and forth. When you get good at this, you will be able to go back and forth 8-9". We call the Bungy method since we always try and butter up the deity. Those of you beginners will just have to bo back and fourth 3". We call the Barsoom Method. Okay, for our next excercise, you will need to find a decent hill, 30-40 feet high and at least a 30 degree incline. Now, run up one side of the hill and down the other. Feel the pain? Do it again. Up on hill and down another. Up one hill and down another. We call this excerise "Avoiding the local authorities" Now it's time for a little weight lifting. This is the modified Petting Zoo Snatch. First, you will need a burlap sac filled (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Aug 02 08:46:26 2004 with sand. It sould be about the size and weight of a full grown ewe with her front legs and rear legs tied together. Grab the burlap "legs" and snatch the sheep over and on to your shoulders. Then run about 50 yards. Repeat. Okay, it's break time. And it's time to hydrate ourselves after all that work. But we don't want just water. We want one of those fancy sports drinks. We've formulated a special drink just for the Petting Zoo Exercise Video. You've been burning a lot of energy and we want to replace those calories. But not with fats (fats are bad) or complex carbs. No, we want high engery, simple carbs. And nothing has a higher caloric density than good old alcohol. Approved re-hydration fluids include Gin, Vodka, Jack Daniels, or any other clear spirits. Go ahead, you've been working hard. Chug that bottle. That's good. All the way. Now, go get the second bottle. Oh, don't give me that look. This stuff is good for you. There you go. Very good. (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Aug 02 08:53:54 2004 Well, the doctor in the ER says you're all good to go now so we should finish up the second half of the video. First, we start with an advance version of the kneeling position. IT works just the same, but you do while standing up. We call this Llama Mode. This next eercise had a lot of practicallity to it. From a standing position, bend almost 90 degrees at your waist. Now stretch your arms down in front of you and slightly forward. Extent your fingers and constantly flex them. Now, run around your private exercise room until exhaustion. This workout builds up the stamina you will need to capture the evenings entertainment/partner. We've only got two more exercises to go. Can you feel it yet? Now get yourself a small, this rubberband. Stick all 10 fingers in the rubberband, but just the tips. Stretch the rubberband by opening and closing your fingers, making the rubberband larger and smaller, larger and smaller. If you don't have any rubberbands (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Aug 02 09:01:31 2004 just use a condom. It's probably more practical anyway. Our last exercise is good old fashioned calorie burner. This is a farmland tradition at homecoming. Get a small pig and greeseit up. Let it loose in your exercise room. Now try and catch it. If you can't get a pig, go to your local sheep farm on the day they do the shearing. As if you can rent one of the freshly sheared sheep for a few hours. If they ask why you have 4 gallons of Crisco in the back of your car, just ignore them. And you may thing that we're done, but there is a bonus exercise. this is the forearm workout. Take your right hand and curl your fingers so they touch your thumb. Sitting on the edge of your bed or couch, bend your elbow so your hand is near your hips. Now move your hand up and down as fast as you can. If you get tired, switch to your left hand. Thinking dirty thoughts helps get this exercise over with quicker. And that's the end of the Petting Zoo Exercise Video. > Announcement from Limbo, (#3) dated Mon Aug 02 13:55:08 2004 Eight> Limbo's SimLimbo [snipped something very familiar] Who have you been talking to? Do we know eachother in Real Life (tm)? > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Aug 02 14:33:31 2004 Re: SimLimbo many years ago (13?) I was a VAX systems admin. (Okay, raise your hands if you know what a VAX computer was or ever used the VMS OS.) Anyway, we had 4 workstations on the DECnet lan. The names were supposed to be Limbo, Void, Abyss, and Chaos. But somebody else at the Center already had a machine named Chaos. So we used the old Get Smart TV's show's bad guy organization name and called it Kaos. For 4 years, my desk was covered with Kaos. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Mon Aug 02 18:47:51 2004 I've received word from Ron regarding Winace. He says that you guys should not have any serious problems, and that doing a simple: View }} Refresh Database }} Update All should refresh all databases. But you may see a problem with enemy intel data, because this is timestamped and not cleared or updated during the 'Update All'. You can remove these '2006' sightings by using the grid and delete tool or you can delete all sector and/or units using the Clear function under File. Now, On with the Shagging! > Announcement from Limbo, (#3) dated Mon Aug 02 19:36:22 2004 }raise your hands if you know what a VAX... I scrapped a couple, worked on one and one is rotting in the shed... }The names were supposed to be Limbo, Void Once upon a time I had a login on a machine called void. }my desk was covered with Kaos My desk _is_ covered in chaos. Together with your pretty acurate description, the only conclusion is ... that ... you... are.... my mother :) > Announcement from Limbo, (#3) dated Mon Aug 02 21:54:09 2004 I must admit: I haven't visited a pettingzoo for years :( Spare me of you wrath... > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Tue Aug 03 08:27:29 2004 *rap*rap* pay attention now class; settle down and we will start this week's health studies. (class: *mttr*grmbl*) now this week we are going to study various ways of preventing excessive population growth. the best method is by using this handy little device right here... you will notice that it is roughly cylindrical with one end cone shaped... (class: *oooh*) now to show you how to use it; i'm going to use my own personal 'magnum', he-he. notice how snugly it fits... (class: *aaah*) the amazing thing about these guys is that one size fits all; even if you aren't packing the same 'high caliber' as your humble professor... (class: *snort*giggle*) _i_ _heard_ _that_... anyway this little guy will fit anything from the littlest pop-gun (the professor glances meaningfully at gemini) to your real heavy bombers. consistent use of this device will also ensure that all 'happiness' issues are taken care of... > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Tue Aug 03 10:42:47 2004 Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead. > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Tue Aug 03 11:39:44 2004 I heard once that Sheakespearian actor were best used when stuffed in a burlap sack and tossed up on a levy during a flood. Or was that method actors? > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Tue Aug 03 13:11:43 2004 The best actors in the world, either for tragedy, comedy, history, pastoral, pas toral-comical, historical-pastoral, tragical-historical, tragical- comical-histo rical-pastoral, scene individable, or poem unlimited: Seneca cannot be too heavy , nor Plautus too light. For the law of writ and the liberty, these are the only men... > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Tue Aug 03 15:45:26 2004 pastoral actors? Are those the actors that go out to the pasture and shag sheep? If they get caught, then it's a tragedy. But if they get caught and photos get put up on the internet, then it's a comedy. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Tue Aug 03 22:13:49 2004 the rng-ghods hate me > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Tue Aug 03 22:50:07 2004 the rng-ghods definitely hate me > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Tue Aug 03 22:51:05 2004 perhaps the rng-ghods KNOW that you have not supported your local petting zoo, and thus this is the consequence... > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Wed Aug 04 11:32:43 2004 happy birt'day two ewes happy birt'day two ewes happy birt'day two ewwwww-oohs happy birt'day two ewes. > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Wed Aug 04 12:26:54 2004 "Baaaaa" "Ohhhhh" "Baaaaa" "Ahhhhh" "Baaaaa" "Mmmmmm" "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYHHHHHHHHHHAAAAA" "Ah baby! Who's your shepard!" > Announcement from Limbo, (#3) dated Wed Aug 04 13:22:05 2004 Sorry Bungy but I ran out of sheep.... send you 18 shells instead. Hope you like them... if not return them to #9 > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Wed Aug 04 19:49:20 2004 Seeing as how the Olymipcs are being held in Greece very soon, it only seems appropriate that a few new events be added to the games. naturally, they should have a petting zoo theme. first up has to be sheep shagging. This is more of an endurance event (for the contestant, not the sheep). Performance enhancement chemicals, legal in so many countries and pitched by Iron Mike Ditka (see note one) and Rafeal Palmerio are absolutely banned. these substanded are carfully screened for. Note 1: If he has to use Viagra, why is his nick name Iron Mike? Next is the Broad Jump. No animals here. Just broad jumping. there are three versions of this event. 1: How many broads can a man jump? (again, semi-endurance) 2: How many teammates can you get to jump the same broad? (that is before she can wriggle off the pool table in the back room) 3: Who can jump the biggest broad? Most atheltes in this contest put a bag over their own heads so nobody can identify them later (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Wed Aug 04 19:55:49 2004 The previous events were all "male only" sports and the women complained. So we gave them a bone (so to say). Bovine Fellatio. This is one of those judged event. You know the kind. After the perky 15 year old romanian girl wipes off her chin, a row of old geezers holds up signs with numbers on them. (some of them hold up dollar bills too) The last event is a morph of the decathalon. In this event, atheletes run an obstacle course where they have to jump the split rail fence, cross the meadow, avoid the muffins, stalk a sheep, shag said sheep, and hide in a tree all night long when the shepard comes to investigate. Our very own deity is a three time running National Champ. Good work Bungy. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Wed Aug 04 22:53:33 2004 BULLETIN Wicked destroyer(#617) @ -44,20 like... totally rad, man. > Announcement from Wicked, (#11) dated Thu Aug 05 13:02:26 2004 BULLETIN Wicked can't count nav nav nav nav nav nav nav nav... *incoming fire* "What the hell, we were safe for one more sector, 1..2..3..4..5..6.. oh... 6... 6 is bad. I knew six was bad, I even said to myself 'six.. six is the loneliest number.. cause six will sink your ass and the fish will feed on you, don't go within six" But then, I said to myself, "Self, go, be a man! Find some sheep!" and got all confused... that's what I get for thinking about sheep when I should be thinking about developing fruit basket technology. > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Thu Aug 05 13:38:13 2004 Ah yes, the wicked are so easily confused. You see normally good things come in 6's. Like a six pack of beer. Or the 6 sides on the dice at the craps tables in vegas. Or those three cute co-eds over there at the bar. But don't bother trying to strike up a conversation with them unless you've got your own 6, that is to say a 6 figure salary. Yes, six can be so confusing. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Aug 05 21:56:09 2004 Indeed, 6 is a very lucky number in empire. All for forts are (at least the tech non-laggers) are firing 6 sectors, there are 6 sides on a hex, a revolver has six bullets, I am making 6 backups per day, the brady bunch only had six kids, country "6" is eliminated, "6" in german sounds like "zex" which goes along with the 3 underrage hotties on the beach for which you will probably get 6*6=36 years away. > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Fri Aug 06 09:15:44 2004 and once you get put away for the 36 years, you will probably have 6 dance partners every night. Only you won't be leading. > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Fri Aug 06 09:46:33 2004 ***WARNING*** Blonde Joke Notification The Early Blonde Joke Warning System has issued a Blonde Joke Warning. Those of you who are Blonde may wish to find a non-blonde haired person to explain the joke to them. ***WARNING*** So these three women enter their apartment complex at the same time. As they pass through the exterior door and close it, they all notice a glop of white goopy fluid stuck to the wall. The red head looks at it real close and say "Hmmm, this looks like semen" The brunette puts her face real close and sniff. "Hmmm, this certainly smells like semen" The blonde runs her finger over the fluid and licks her fingertip with her tongue. "Nobody in this building!" > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Mon Aug 09 07:24:20 2004 my, what a chatty bunch you all are. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Mon Aug 09 11:01:38 2004 ~r > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Aug 09 12:35:45 2004 tick... tick.. tick. tock > Announcement from Wicked, (#11) dated Mon Aug 09 20:44:55 2004 We're far too busy doing IMPORTANT things to make announcements. Very important things!! With fruit baskets... and sheep! *baaaaaah* *pause* baah! baah! baah! "Damn! That has GOT to be the most 'wrong' thing I've ever seen." "Shut up and pass me another apple." > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Tue Aug 10 04:34:14 2004 (bpi) acting on complaints from neighbors, police in the small wisconsin town of ricin raided a resident's home today. although they found ample evidence of animal fetish pornography on the subject's pc, police were unable to confirm that the puppies the suspect had been picking up at the local pound every week had been used by him to satisfy his perverse longings. "we can only verify that this disturbed individual has been butchering the puppies and using them for food. we are not actually sure that is illegal, and we can only speculate on the sick and depraved uses to which he subjected these tiny, defensless creatures before covering his tracks", said a county deputy sheriff who participated in the raid. > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Tue Aug 10 10:33:13 2004 Add the county deputy sheriff: "But if this resident is using the puppies for gross sexual impositions, we will apply the full weight of the law, especially when you consider that these puppies arn't even 18 years old yet!" > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Wed Aug 11 07:56:57 2004 Last nite Ricin and Shakespeare liberated a beep island. We then got this tele from beep: "i don't think i like you two. as a matter of fact i think you are both corrupt and venal. i believe your mothers took one look at you the day you were born and burst into bitter tears of heartbreak. the elder chaos gods began to rumble and twitch in their cold prison as you reached maturity in the hope that your taint of corruption might provide the beginnings of microscopic fracture in the bonds that hold them and lead to their release. i hope your are happy" Now, I figure this tele is a real classic. In fact, this tele should be recognized as an all-time empire classic. This tele should be posted on RGE, doesn't everyone think? > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Wed Aug 11 10:54:39 2004 i meant that in a nice way... > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Aug 12 00:43:34 2004 I just wanted to inform everyone, that "weather" may become a factor in this game this weekend, starting friday noon, as two tropical storms are bearing down upon the Washingtong DC area: http://www.intellicast.com/Local/USNationalStd.asp?loc=usa&seg=StormCenter&prodgrp=Tropical&product=ActiveTropical&prodnav=none I don't expect any problems, but you never know, and with two of them... If you experience any serious downtime, or I notice any serious outages, I'll take appropriate actions. Back to the shaggings. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Fri Aug 13 16:26:28 2004 some people can be so inconsiderate... i don't care if there's a hurricane coming, the sign _still_ says "10 items or less". > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Fri Aug 13 16:44:22 2004 there was even some asshole holding up the whole line trying to argue that his 24 missiles was 'one case of missiles'; that's 24 items, pal. what a wicked person. > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Fri Aug 13 17:07:50 2004 missiles tear across the sky like streaks of lightning bombs and shells fall in a torrential rain clouds of planes blot out the sun their engines roaring like a cyclone burma shave > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Fri Aug 13 20:10:36 2004 ** NEWS FLASH -- Drug scandals rock "Petting Zoo Two"!!! ** A Bungholio report announced that recently mandated drug tests for Petting Zoo Two rulers had returned startling results. 100% of those tested had, in fact, tested positive for a variety of banned substances. Today, statements were released by the general consuls of the offending nations. Perdition: "Yeah, we've got it bad. We honestly thought that crack was great the first few times we tried it - our empire game was never better. But soon, the glass dick became more attractice that the CRT. Now it feels like we're in hell." Cincinnati: "Have you ever BEEN to Cincinatti? Speed was the only thing that kept us awake long enough to get the heck out! And the wonders it did for fending off enemies - we we're logged in 24 hours a day! But when we crashed, we crashed hard." Dorsai: "Honest, dude! It was the Grey Captains! They're everywhere! They're all around us! No, no, no! It's not just the LSD! Aaaaahhhhh!!!!" Limbo: "It's true. But when the guy offered it to us, what were we supposed to say? Here we were, stuck in this state of oblivion, as innocent and righteous a soul as they come, yet unable to ever enter heaven. Wouldn't YOU have tried something called 'angel dust' too??" Aquitaine: "Alcoholics Anonymous? Are you (*@^#!^& mad? We're drunks and damn proud of it! Now get away from the keg or we're going to Fodderize your ass." Ricin: "No comment." Wicked: "Hehehehehehehehe. The colors! They're just so BRIGHT! The BLUE of the oceans; the ORANGE and RED from missile explosions; the GOLD from the bars; the SILVER of the planes. These 'shrooms are totally wicked!" beep: "you think we're naturally peace-loving? you're mad. without the calming pleasures of mary jane, we'd be forced to channel the spirits of the mighty empire hall of fame roundtable and inflict such cosmic suffering upon your heathen souls that even the breathy kiss of an angel could not spare the wretched corpulency of your being from the holy fury of earthquake, thunder and lightning that we would bring down upon your bowed quivering head" Shakespeare: "Why is my verse so barren of new pride, So far from variation or quick change? Why with the time do I not glance aside To new-found methods, and to compounds strange? Why write I still all one, ever the same, And keep invention in the noted cocaine, That every word doth almost tell my name, Showing their birth, and where they did gain?" Euforia: "Extacy? Well, yes. It's really Bungy's fault. He introduced us to the sheep. I mean, have you ever actually pet them before? They're SO soft! I could just nuzzle them forever and ever and ever. Bungy says they like it when you do more than just pet them, but it just feels so amazing! Hey, did you want to try touching me?" > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Fri Aug 13 22:30:53 2004 only one thing to in times like these. bomb cincinatti some more. > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Fri Aug 13 23:44:38 2004 The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Mon Aug 16 00:14:35 2004 i have been patient. > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Aug 16 13:58:37 2004 Welcome back to Empire TV's latest reality show "Reverse Hangman" and today's lucky contestent is beep. If you look up on the gallows, you'see him hung by the neck in a way that just won't strangle him. And our guest operator today is Dr. Ski. Say Dr., isn't that a new Hasqvarna chain saw? Now let's meet our three guest celebrities. First, all the way from the top of the powercharts, it's Ricin. Next, all the way from some obscure ancient provence in Gaul, it's Aquitaine. And finally, all the way from 16th centruy England is our returning champ Shakeseare. And now here is today's word. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ Are you ready beep? Oh, I see. You can't talk with noose straining your neck. Well Shake's you're up first. Thanks. Is there a t? Oh no. There's no t. Dr. Ski, rev up that baby of yours. (RRRRRRRRRRR) Don't be such a cry baby beep. he only took off your left leg at the knee. Aqua, you're next. Uhhhhh, is there a Z? NOOOO, Dr. Ski... (BZZZZZZZZZZZ THUMP). (Cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Aug 16 14:06:57 2004 Ahh, don't you just love it when the thigh muscle hits the ground. Now Ricin. Go ahead Uhhhhh, how about an s? Hmmm. Oh, darn. Dr. Ski, put away the chainsaw for this turn. There is an s. S __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ Go again Ricin. Uhhhh, how about an a? Yeah, an a? Sorry about the Ricin. No a's. (BZZZZZZZZZ RRRRRRRRR) Yes Ski, sometimes that knee joint is hard to get through. beep, could you please stop wiggling so much! Bill, I mean Mr Shakespeare, it's your turn. Forsooth, be there an r? this is your lucky day. There are three r's. S __ r r __ __ __ __ r Now you can guess the puzzle or go again. An m I shall guess. Ow, no m's Bill. Dr. Let's finish off that last leg. (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz thunk). Wow, beep would be bleeding like a stuck pig if we didn't cauterize those wounds with a hot frying pan. Aquitaine, it's your turn. Is there a Z up there? You just geussed that last time. So you lose a turn and beep looses a limb. (RRRRRRRRRRRRR). Gosh, I hope he's left handed. (cont) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Mon Aug 16 14:13:17 2004 Ricin, you're up again. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Okay, how about an e? Please hey, only 2 e's. S __ R R e __ __ e r Try it again big guy. Uhhhhhhhh, is the an n? Oh, 2 in a row. Yes sir. S __ r r e n __ e r Okay, okay, okay, how about a Z? (heh heh heh) Oh, I see what you guys are doing. Well, rules are rules. (VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRm) Ho ho, what do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging from a rope? beep! You're turn Bill. this I have, thinkith I. Be there a d? Oh, you are on to it Willy. Yes you are. S __ r r e n d e r Give me, finally, the u. You've got Shaky. S u r r e n d e r Yessir beep, you hacked up piece of flesh. Your word of the day is SURRENDER. That concludes our game this time folks. See you next time. > Announcement from visitor, (#30) dated Mon Aug 16 23:15:38 2004 Once again, Sheep Muckers Inc. is pleased to present tonight's Top Ten list. Tonight: Top Ten Things beep Is Doing With His Suddenly Free Time 10. Sanding down his balsa wood sheep dolls to eliminate splinters once and for all 9. Cheering with the crowds at the Michael Jackson trial and hoping to get invited back to Never-Never Land 8. Joining the Wisconsin National Guard in the hopes of getting sent to Iraq so he can blow up more things 7. Making illegal copies of Bungy's Big Backyard Bukkake DVD and selling them over the Internet 6. Complaining about Empire "young pups" over drinks with Tom Tedrick 5. Trying to become a nation of even more peaceful people so that he'll be left alone in the future 4. Doubling the number of sessions with his psychiatrist, psychologist, and physiologist (i.e. more red pills and latex gloves) 3. Engaging in guerrilla marketing in New York City by plastering Cobb-LaMarche bumper stickers all over Madison Square Garden 2. Filming beepumentaries to win a spot on The Apprentice 3 - looks forward to hearing "You're fired!" Plans massive SSM assault on Trump Tower in response 1. Bombing Cincinatti > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Aug 17 08:33:35 2004 There She Is!... There is Miss America!... *Wave* to her as she BEEPs... > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Aug 17 09:08:33 2004 don't take this the wrong way, but i just heard that word on the street is that hundreds of world-wide "professionals" are descending upon ny for the convention. lots of folks are skippin tahn, but this may turn into a party tnat should not be missed. there may be levels of debauchery not seen since the days of the papal orgies. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Aug 17 11:40:33 2004 ahhh... such a lovely day :} > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Aug 17 11:50:26 2004 All politics aside, we're all eagerly anticipating the arrival of "Republican Values" to New York City. "Whatever transpires in ny, stays in ny. Dirty ol' tahn!, Dirty ol' tahn! Let the debauchery commence! (in a couple weeks of course ;} And don't get arrested. "The man" is getting paid to volunteer for overtime, and not even BLIP deserves a night in the tombs... Have a good time y'all, -GM > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Tue Aug 17 12:20:31 2004 many years ago there was actually a hooker convention in Vegas. As Jonny Carson said "What do they do in the evening, send out for old fat business men?" > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Aug 17 12:53:03 2004 I'll look up the statutes, but nyc does have wierd "animal protection" laws. So don't let your imagination run too wild with what is "acceptable behavior" in the local petting zoos... > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Aug 17 12:53:29 2004 yipppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Aug 17 15:13:38 2004 so here's the rest of the story of the legendary wrangler known as Little Joe. It is anti-climactic, but imagine that you have a bottle good Irish whiskey in one arm, and Marlene Deitrich (sic) in the other... > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Aug 17 15:42:31 2004 Little Joe!, Little Joe! whatever done happened to him I don't know (we don't know!) Well he sure did luv his likker, and it should have made him sikker! But the Sheriff got him quikker! Li'l Joe! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Tue Aug 17 15:43:44 2004 Hi Ho! The Witch! is dead! The Witch is dead!, (pssst the witch is dead) Hi Ho the BLOOPING witch is dead! > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Tue Aug 17 23:36:35 2004 * - * - * - * * NEWSFLASH * * - * - * - * OIL PRICES PLUNGE In an dramatic event the oil market has completely crashed. Only moments ago, the Department of Oil and Petrol of Euforia (D.O.P.E.) discovered huge deposits of oil in the Euforian soil. This huge even, that oil has becomes practically worthless. Analists have not yet concluded how this will affect the world's economy, but victims are expected to fall first in the ranks of oil exporting nations. Only the future will tell what this will do to those nations, like BLIP, whose economy seems to depend mainly on their oil export. > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Tue Aug 17 23:44:10 2004 :s/BLIP/Cincinatti/ Those journalists should get their background facts straight... > Announcement from Limbo, (#3) dated Tue Aug 17 23:58:18 2004 YOu did shoot them (the responsable journalist(s)), didn't you? > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Wed Aug 18 03:03:27 2004 No, the journalist made up for it by pointing out I misspelled Cincinnati. Besides, what kind of a regime do you think we have? This is the land of the happy folk, not the dead folk... We fed him to the lions, a lot more entertainment value... We know how to keep our citizens happy. ;-) > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Aug 18 03:13:17 2004 Well, I've always considered myself to be an @ssman, so it's good to know that Euforia is also a member. Someone tell Limbo that the war is over. Farewell. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Aug 18 03:19:45 2004 One Last Thing. Today is Edward G. Robinson day. Everyone should pay tribute to the Last Gangster. Act accordingly. > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Aug 18 03:29:49 2004 Happy Trails... > Announcement from Limbo, (#3) dated Wed Aug 18 06:07:33 2004 [Edward G. Robinson] Aha, remember wednesday is Soylent green day :) > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Aug 18 07:22:39 2004 Yea word. But soylent green doesn't come on until tomorrow morning. I actually never knew Lord Ed G was in that film. One of several that I have on tape but haven't had time to watch yet. Once the "apocalypse" comes, I doubt there will be cable service. See! > Announcement from Aquitaine, (#9) dated Wed Aug 18 07:55:35 2004 August 18th shall forever be celebrated and observed as "Freefall day." It will be an official federal holiday. Marking the occasion when BEEP jumped out of a B-52 without a parachute. Several generations and BEEP deaths from now, the kids won't even truly understand what the day means, but the knuckleheads and nerds in summer school will be glad to have the day off. > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Wed Aug 18 15:53:40 2004 Shakespeare declares Ricin to be the victor in Petting Zone II. > Announcement from Ricin, (#13) dated Wed Aug 18 16:24:34 2004 This, my first announcement of Petting Zoo II, is a declaration of victory. Let any viable nation that wishes to contest this claim do so now. To object, please fill out the attached form: Name: Reason for objecting: Coordinates of banks: Presuming the absence of any realistic challenge, I would like to immediately thank the nations of Shakespeare and Wicked. The iron mailed-fist of Shakespeare and the sheepskin gloved-fist of Wicked (yes, Bungy, there are other uses for sheep) were decisive in bringing the recent Zoo World War to its good and just conclusion. I whole-heartedly thank this strong, two-nation alliance for their most excellent war-mongering. Mr. Ed > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Wed Aug 18 16:48:16 2004 And we have a win declaration in PZ2. As per the official win conditions, oh wait, there aren't any. So anyone who opposes Ricin as the winner of PZ2, you have 24 hours from the timestamp of this announcement to submit your rejection of his claim. Of course, you are also welcome to submit your approval as well. Your Deity, Bungy > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Wed Aug 18 17:25:10 2004 >Mr. Ed Oh dear, the talking horse guy again... Well I can't think of a more suitable winner for the Petting Zoo trophy. ;-) Congrats! > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Wed Aug 18 17:38:14 2004 oh suuuuuuuure. like just because they shot up all my planes/ships/units and took all my sectors they feel like he can claim a -quote- win -unquote- > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Wed Aug 18 17:41:07 2004 Is that a "I'm not dead yet !", I hear there ? > Announcement from Dorsai, (#20) dated Wed Aug 18 17:55:06 2004 No objection from us little guys. Congrats on the win Mr. Ed > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Wed Aug 18 19:44:34 2004 Hey, just cause there's a win declaration, doesn't mean you all get to go hide in your bunks. And remember, "dinner" is a subset of "drinking beer". > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Thu Aug 19 01:32:42 2004 as a country of 'worthy military size' i hereby announce my protest of shit-for-brains win dec > Announcement from Ricin, (#13) dated Thu Aug 19 02:04:48 2004 >> Announcement from (14) beep >as a country of 'worthy military size' [...] beep, you're not even worthy of leashing and posing for photographs at this point. Go back to your mountains, Osama. Mr. Ed > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Aug 19 10:49:35 2004 We have an official protest by beep. He has significant che hiding in fox holes and sewer pipes. Updates are now enabled until his coffin is nailed shut. Repeat, updates are now enabled. > Announcement from Wicked, (#11) dated Thu Aug 19 10:52:40 2004 I certainly have no objections. Good game everyone. I think the next game bungy runs should have a special "sheep" unit, VERY cheap cost, holds only 1 mil, 0 att, 0 def. > Announcement from Wicked, (#11) dated Thu Aug 19 10:55:19 2004 Oh come on, we all know beep never spent a dime on making his civs happy. :) In fact, I heard he used to round up his civs, tie them up, and force them to watch "Charmed". At least MY citizens got the Cartoon Network. > Announcement from Ricin, (#13) dated Thu Aug 19 11:23:41 2004 >> Announcement from (0) Bungholio >We have an official protest by beep. He has significant >che hiding in fox holes and sewer pipes. In fact, the che have been helping us hunt down this so-called peaceful leader. Appears that his own people dislike him more than his would-be enemies do. His protests are nothing more than squawks from a defunct, desperate, despot. Mr. Ed > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Thu Aug 19 14:59:58 2004 washed up old fart afraid to play under his own name. must be a cheesehead cuz he names his country after a wisconsin town; packers going 6-10 with favre on the bench by season end. > Announcement from Ricin, (#13) dated Thu Aug 19 16:58:03 2004 >> Announcement from (14) beep >washed up old fart afraid to play under his own name. Only because your mother is still stalking me. Mr. Ed > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Aug 19 17:01:26 2004 Ok, the first protestor has been shot on sight. Ricin's win declaration is now re-issued, and any protestors now have 24 hours from the timestamp of this anno to submit your protests. Updates are now DISABLED, as we await 24 hours for approval. In the event someone protests, updates will be re-enabled (after 22:01 tonight). Bungy > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Thu Aug 19 20:05:50 2004 is that the best you people got? i thought it was a couple of gnats buzzing around. > Announcement from Ricin, (#13) dated Thu Aug 19 20:43:37 2004 >> Announcement from (14) beep >is that the best you people got? i thought it was a >couple of gnats buzzing around. Those actually were gnats... buzzing around your dead carcass. Mr. Ed > Announcement from Cincinnati, (#19) dated Thu Aug 19 21:00:35 2004 Don't know if I've ever seen a country with exactly 1 civ left. That must be one lonely dude... > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Thu Aug 19 21:12:38 2004 _she_ is extremely popular with the remaining sojerboyz > Announcement from Shakespeare, (#2) dated Thu Aug 19 22:14:14 2004 Thanks to the diety for a very well run game. This game had great parameters. It was good to see fort_fire again. It enabled a number of players to last longer. The limited unit mob created some new challenges. It also was great to a regularly scheduled update time. I have a hard time believing that a 10 pm Eastern time update would pose a big problem for anyone. It's morning in Europe and early evening on the west coast. Shakespeare > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Thu Aug 19 23:15:47 2004 And as the PettingZooTwo game is winding down. I'd now like to pass out a "players survey" to everyone. Assuming that we don't encounter any more protestors, I'd like to get you all to complete these forms and submit to empire_bungholio @ verizon.net by 12:00 Sunday, Aug 22nd. Answers can be anything from a "N/A, "1-10" scale (10=best), to a short essay. I'm just looking for some feedback, and if things go well with this I may compile some (annonymous) answers into the game report. 1) How did you enjoy the game overall? - fun - playability 2) Game Setup Double Civs - did you like the double civs start Resources - did you like the flat resources - how was the qty of iron/dust/oil Map layout - world size - types / varieties of start continents - player placements - expansion islands, more / less - expansion islands, too close / too far - usage of plains (~) as protective beaches - continents starting with a 100% stocked fortress - fairness in starting positions relative to expansion / fodder Tech - tech was log 2.25, too fast / slow - would having starting tech of (25/50/75/etc) been better/worse Units - liked / disliked the mobility mods - did the reduced mob effect your invasions or defenses Market/Trade - did you use the Market/Trade - what did you think of the 24H/12H times to complete the sale 3) Micromanagement - too much or too little - did you like nofood - approx how much time per update were you spending on country management - did rollover avail help or hurt 4) Update Schedule - too fast / too slow - convenient / inconvenient time of day - do you prefer fixed or rolling updates 5) The Game - what "flavor" did you chose and how did it work out - did you get your economy off to a good start - how did you do on initial expansion - did you focus on tech, expansion, both, neither, or other - diplomacy - any missed opportunities or lucky finds 6) Please rate the Deity on: - fair - attentive - informative of game status/issues - did you check out "info sheep" 7) Additional Comments Thanks! Bungy > Announcement from beep, (#14) dated Fri Aug 20 00:10:24 2004 put me down as a '1' on all counts, and let me add that it is obvious that mr. ed was receiving special help from the deity as there is no way that old half-witted fossil could have been as successful on his own abilities. :-P > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Fri Aug 20 08:39:41 2004 >The limited >unit mob created some new challenges. It >also was great to a regularly scheduled >update time. I have a hard time believing >that a 10 pm Eastern time update would pose >a big problem for anyone. It's morning >in Europe and early evening on the west coast. Erhm ? You better get your facts straight... It's 4 AM CEST. I'm definetly not going to play in another game with these fixed update times... It also drove Roman out early in the game. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Fri Aug 20 10:49:42 2004 beep, thanks for your feedback. it gives me great pleasure to add your ratings to my survey tally results. of course, yours will be treated extra special, as I will apply a special "weighting factor" to your submission by multiplying your responses by your sector count to get summed into the final survey analysis. LOL. > Announcement from Bungholio, (#0) dated Fri Aug 20 17:05:20 2004 PettingZooTwo is now officially over. Congrats to Ricin. We had a fun 43 updates, with a significant amount of bloodshed. I'll leave the game up thru the weekend as I write the game summary report. Be sure to get your surveys in. And don't forget to support your local petting zoos! Thanks to everyone for playing, Bungholio > Announcement from Euforia, (#1) dated Fri Aug 20 18:34:28 2004 Thanks Bungy and thanks Ski for hosting the game! It's been fun. ;-) > Announcement from Eight, (#7) dated Sat Aug 21 18:08:32 2004 Official Petting Zoo II Survey 1: Did you prefer the: [] Ewes [] Rams 2: Was the Pasture secluded enough? [] Yes [] No 3: The next time you reach your hand through the fence to pet the deer or goats on the other side, will you think of: [] Sacking your neigbors cap [] KY jelly [] Electronic cameras placed at in-oportune locations 4: Empire is better than: [] mcDonald's french fries reheated in the microwave [] Kraft mac and cheese [] Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer [] Augsberger Bock [] A floor excercise with one of those cute Romanian gymnasts [] A floor exercise with 2 of those cute Romanian gynmasts 5: Now that I have played a couple of long term Empire games, I promise I will: [] Keep playing and suggest ways to improve the game. [] Join the coding team and actually do some of the work. [] Run a game as a deity [] All of the above Thanks for filling out the survey. Please pick up your free empire T-Shirt before you leave (the one that says on the front "My neighbor sacked my cap and all I got was this loust shirt") ----------------------------------