The Show-Some-Respect Gazette
"A newspaper with a daily dose of updates that you can nibble on"

February 5, 2005.



"Doody Deeds Done Dirty Cheap !"

I am in Alberta on a treeplanting gig and it is our day off so me and the tree planting gang decide to head into town for some greasy grub from the local diner. Doody's seemed to be the happening place so we walked in and grabbed a few menus. We order a plate of nachos and much to our surprise, we get a botched batch and inform the waitress that they taste like ass and we didn't order ass. Well Doody denies our request and tells us tough cookies, you are paying for the platter whether you like it or not. I bury my rage in my pocket and take the ultimadem even though i don't like her tone. We settle the bill and walk out clearly unsatisfied and still hungry. Old Doody thinks she has won the battle but she is gonna lose the war, as I brew up something so hanis it would be talked about across 50 towns. The day we left for Edmonton I brewed up a big dirty camp turd and wrapped it up in a paper bag. I then labeled the lunchable "Hot Karl" and was all set for the drop off on Doody's doorstep. As we drove up in this big yellow bus, Doody was in the front window with a dumbfounded look on her face as I sprang out of the bus and bolted towards the door with the freshly squeezed turd in my hand. I set the bag on the d The Hot Karl hand off was perfectly executed and Doody was left with a surprise that would leave a Big F U for years to come.




The Top Story for May 2004.

"If you're gonna spew, spew into this."
The Fun Bus headed Southbound this weekend to celebrate the Clay Daug's 23rd birthday. He took us to his bar "The Barrell House" and we set our watches for Fun o'clock. Consuming every drink on the list was an understatement and it wasn't long after that the Birthday boy was passed out in the basement and blowing chicken chunks all over a bathroom sink. He woke up the next morning still drunk, smelling like balls, and still in the bar. That morning was the beginning of another eventful day of being boozed in the downtown core.

Exclusive!! Interview With The K-Dawg From Dryden Ontario

We here at Show Some Respect have had thousand and thousands of letters pour in over the last month asking things like, "Where's Konan?" or "What's Konan Doing?" or "Why do you keep taking pictures of me in the shower?". Well to answer some of these questions we sent Show Some Respect correspondent Mr. Pong out to Dryden Ontario for an exclusive interview with the K-Dawg himself.

SSR: Well our first question for you Konan is what's that smell?
K-DAWG: Us tree planters have learned to become one with nature. And by one with nature I mean we get really drunk, piss in our overalls and don't care
SSR: Good to hear. So are you enjoying yourself then?
K-DAWG: I'm having a great time and I'm learning a lot.
SSR: What kind of stuff are you learning?
K-DAWG: I know everything there is to know about trees. Like for instance listen to these little known facts: Trees grow out of the ground, Trees have branches, Trees lose their leaves every winter.
SSR: Wow! I'm impressed. Hey if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound?
K-DAWG: Yes.
SSR: Well that answers that question then. Are you gonna keep planting trees when you get back to Waterloo?
K-DAWG: That's a tough question. Caring for a tree is such a huge responsibility. I mean sure they're cute when their little saplings and it really makes you proud when they grow into healthy adult trees, but it's the time in the middle that takes a lot out of you. It's tough to care for a Treenager.
SSR:Treenager?
K-DAWG: Yah that's when a tree is just starting to blossom into a grown up. It starts to grow bark in new places and has trouble talking to trees of the opposite sex. It's really just a very akward time.
SSR: Interesting. Have you seen many squirrels here in the forest?
K-DAWG: I personally have seen 476 squirrels since I've been here which puts me second behind Willy for most squirrel sightings.
SSR: Good Luck with that! Well that's all the time we have for today. Thanks for talking to us and we're all looking forward to when you get back. We all wish you a tree-mendous time



Missing Gnomes Report: Have you seen our garden guys ?
Dryden's local law enforcement was beefed up after a barrage of calls were made concerning missing garden gnomes. The town folk were particularly concerned with the amount of lawn theft that was occuring while the treeplanters were in town and wanted something done about it. Neighbourhood Watch and nightly surveillance programs were quickly implemented to insure no more knapperage.

Grand Theft Bench foiled by
Laurier Rent-A-Cop


A late night at the turret left the 157 king kids wanting more to do than bust a move. We wanted to punk some property and the Laurier Campus was a great place to start. So the strategic plan was to have K-Dawg go ahead and scout out for the law, while Matt "bad arm" MacIntosh and Ryan "still staggering" Boyce were to lug a 50 pound bench about two blocks to the safehouse. With safehouse in sight so was Laurier Security. K-Dawg whispered "Abort Mission" but it was too late as the cruiser was in hot pursuit of the the criminals. Ryan escaped into the night as the K-Dawg and Matt were left with the red hands. A complementary trip to campus police was a nice jester but the consequences and reprecussions were surprising not so nice. Officer Rick was nice in letting us off without pressing any formal charges but it was recorded in his log. I think the journal entry was recorded as "Those boys were really nice and especially that Matt guy. He looked exceptionally cute, maybe even cuter in hand cuffs, Officer Rick signing off for the night."


Wanted: One Gunball Machine
to furnish Bedroom, Done !

Project Mayhem knows no end to its madness. It was the beginning of the week and the K-Dawg was approaching his 23rd birthday. A gathering of Martinos was on the agenda for the evening and the Mongolian Grill was the destination. After many a martini the gang was getting silly over olives and were looking for mayhem. In the corner of the Bar was a Shiny Brand new Gumball Machine. This sparked interest in the K-Dawg's head and he wouldn't leave the bar until it was obtained. Scouting out the perimeter for sercurity cameras and possible alarms it seemed as though it was minimal, so Project Mayhem was given the green light. Timing was everything as the treasure was taking undetected and being transported by means of a get away vehicle.
Sham-rawked and Shenanigans

This years St. Paddy's day was kicked off with 116 L of booze and 20 willing participants in celebration of the Irish tradition. Making our way out to the street we soon brought tremedous participation with Honks and Cheers amongst the passing crowds. K-Dawg managed to get his hands on a leprachaun and kicked the funk out of him to get this gorgeous suit. The green jacket was packing some huge style and the jig on King St was something you could witness right out of River Dance. The reward for this courageous stunt was nothing less than the the cover of the Waterloo Chronicle. CHEERS in 2003 !!!





This Week's Top Story
This cute couple of mother and daughter seem like they are just enjoying the fun in the sun and the hot sand on the beach. But there must have been something rotting in the coppertone. This delightful duo has a mission and they are fishing for wallets and small change. The S.S.R. crew was live on location in Sunny Cancun to witness the pair of pillagers in their prime. A contest that ended up in accusations and an innocent face on the the drunken daughter that was caught red handed. Thanks to eyes in the sky, the darling daughter was apprehended and immediately escorted to her room without dessert. The duo are presently at large and extreme caution should be noted when acquiring these two as they are slick in their clever ways. Call Crimestoppers and if your TSN tip of the week brings these badasses to justice you will be rewarded with 1000 pesos. Remember Crime doesn't pay, but Crimestoppers does !!!

Retro Suits are the Latest Rage
The catelog for winter 2003 is here and it is hot metal. Peep the latest trends in Downhill ski apparel. It is the retro look that is coming back to attack. Whether you are looking for slip stream or just keeping your head hot, grab the gear that is sweeping the ski nation.

Testimonial:
"I purchased an XL Hot Head for this blind date I had coming up and I really wanted to impress this chick. So I show up to her door sporting this hot head and let me tell you, we didn't even make it to the car. She was all up in my shit and she was definitely digging my Hot Head. After that night I quit my job and I have now found my calling in life as a full time porn star for Hot Headz." Lance, 22


"Born to be wild and by wild, We mean ride scooters"

If you have just tuned into this site for the first time, you are about a decade behind the times so get with it. Grab onto the article and ride the Bigg Easy.

The Old Biddy's succeeded in gaining respect by sitting on that big hog of theirs, but the youth of the nation can still bring da badass image just as well as any old fart. The photo below is proof that The A & K connection can still hold it down for the generation X. We don't skimp on our foolishness and we always have fuel in the Fun Bus. So strap a 5hp crotch rocket between your legs and feel the G's!
Aug 27 Feature: Respect your elders ?

Respect your elders....I say funk that! So I am acting all cool as I enter the Sobey's parking lot. I find the closest spot to the Zellers cause I am lazy and I just dont give a funk at this point, which is ultimately the handicap spot. I mean that parking spot is under-rated and I encourage youthful delinquents to capitalize on the spot that is hot. Anyways I come out of the Zellers after making my purchase and some granny panty puts a "post-it" on my car that reads, "these spots are reserved for the crippled and not for someone that is healthy like you". Ironically, she is sitting in the car next to me belting out some slap jack comments. I was put in an interrogation situation by some old bitty with nothing better to do than lecture me on her old crippled self. So I tell her "Show some respect and jam it you wrinkled old boob!" and I tore off in my 1990 Ford Probe. Let this be a lesson to you, you don't always have to respect your elders. On that note we end another beef in the book of beefery!