Warning: Some spoilers from volume 6 and up of the manga.

I had to leave.

They were coming, I knew. I knew it from the beginning; it was only a matter of time. I had, after all, committed a crime according to Shinigamiís laws. I knew that, and still offered my powers to Ichigo. Otherwise, his family and both of us wouldíve died. There was no way I wouldíve let that happen.

No more deaths caused by me.

This situation led me to live as a human (sort of) for two months. I forgot what being a human meant, and this new world was so different. So many things to learn.

But I would lie to myself if I said I didnít enjoy that time on Earth. IÖwent to school, shared lunch with other girls and did things I never had the chance to do when I was alive.

Everything comes to an end though.

I am leaving now, with only a letter to Ichigo. (Hopefully, the idiot will be able to decrypt it. He should, with the hint I left him. Surely heíll understand everything with one glance).

Will he be sad? Disappointed? Or will he not care at all?

No matter what he will feel, he must not come after me. Theyíll kill him, Iím sure of that, and I donít want that to happen. Having feelings of any kind toward people is so bothersome. They only lead to pain. But the feeling of wanting to protect him so badly was there before I realized it and I couldnít ignore it.

Nevertheless, itís better this way. I only brought him suffering and pain, to him and his family. I tried to protect them, but without my Shinigamiís powers, I was defenseless and completely useless.

Thatís why I need to run far away from that house, leaving Ichigo, Kon and the classmates I hanged with behind. I canít lie to myself: Iíll miss them. Even that stupid perverted Kon.

The streets were dark and deserted at that time of the night. Gulping, I take a small prudent glance behind me, but I can only see my running shadow as I pass under a street lamp. The only sounds are my steps. But they were coming, it was only a matter of time now.

I really am sorry Ichigo for all the trouble Iíve brought you because I didnít manage to kill that hollow. You had to kill it instead and that signed the beginning of your pain. Iíve been an annoying bitchÖ

I hope your life will be able to return to normal when Iíll be gone. (Although with Kon around, I doubt it.)

Will you miss me? IÖdonít have the confidence to say that you will.

But youíll still come after me, wonít you? Because youíll know Iím in trouble and itís in your nature to help others.

Maybe thatís why I wrote the letter. Even though Iím scared, I still want to see you one more time.

But you canít come, Ichigo. Because theyíll kill you. Whoever theyíll send, theyíll kill you. You canít win against them and I donít want to see you shed blood because of me.

No matter what happen, you mustnít die, Ichigo. You have a family, sisters that love you dearly, a great group of friends and a bright future ahead of you. So you canít die, Ichigo.

So please forgive my egoism, and donít come after me. Itís okay if I donít see you one last time. I know youíll still be alive. Thatís enough.

It will need to be.


Notes: Well, that was my first Bleach fanfic. Rukia is such an interesting character to write about. She makes me sad and cracks me up at the same time, though not as much as Kon. Her and Ichigo would make such a great couple. But well, I'm not too hopeful, since Bleach *is* a shounen manga after all...but that's why fanfic exists.

Written: July 06, 2004 Last Revised: November 01, 2004