War Documents
The 13.5 Demands
(Sir Chulk to Sir Vyborny)
It has come to our attention that certain members of the order have not done an honorable enough job. It is now our unanimous decision to secede from the knights of bohemia and declare WAR. We will come back if the following demands are fully met unconditionally:
1) The cherry flavored condom be the leader and winner of "the useless thing contest" it is SOOOO better than the white crayon. (submitted by Sir StrongKey)
2) A 100000% pay increase and better working conditions. The Wilson Chapter be above the draft chapter and the leaders step down and let Wilson control, with the old draft leaders still being the puppet webmaster. (submitted by Sir Igneous of Vesuvius)
3) Edible gopher-chucks be the supreme weapon of the order, and be enshrined in a cave full of precious jewels and guano. (submitted by Sir Chulk)
4) Sir Byrun Sexxalought be eaten, flogged, flayed, burned alive, tarred, feathered, crucified, shot in the head 5 times, pushed off a cliff into a miniscule bottle of fire, drawn, quarterd, painted different colors, name changed to Florence, filleted, castrated (balls cut off!), a hacker gotten in surreptitiously onto his profile and send mass amounts of gay love letters cause we know he is definitely a homo, even when he is dead. Especially when he is dead. (submitted by MacBastard the Plaid)
5) All your base are belong to us (submitted bySir Cats)
6) Sir StrongKey's title be changed to Supreme kickass leader of the knights (submitted by Sir StrongKey)
7) All Wilsonites have in place of "sir" as the title, be replaced with "almighty lord and masterful...."(submitted by Sir Phealius of the Seven Seas)
8) All Draft members have as there title "Bastard.." instead of "sir." (submitted by Sir Chulk)
9) Fuck the knights of bohemia! Fuck them up their stupid asses. We're gonna fuck their mothers while they watch and cry like little whiney bitches. Once we get to Metopia and meet those Bohemian Fucks, We're gonna make them eat our shit, then shit out our shit and then make them eat their shit which was made out of our shit that we made them eat. (submitted by Sir Jay and Silent Bob)
9.5) I know that last one wasn't a demand.... But we don't care. Shut up!
10) We want ten cases of caffeinated soap. (www.thinkgeek.com)
11) Sir Chulk gets a date with Sir Strong Key's mother (Sir Chulk)
12) Let the last demand and comment be stricken from the record. (submitted by Sir Strong Key)
With Warm Regards,
The Almighty Wilson Union
P.S. It has begun
The Knights Respond
In response to demand 2, your pay has just been increased 100000%.
Also The Chulk can date Key's mom, none of us care. As for the kill
Jarrod demand, you'll have to ask him if it's okay first. However,
your other demands are unacceptable, and therefore, we are now at
war with your Union. If any member of your order wishes to take over the Knights, you must:
A) Prove you possess great strength by defeating Hurricane Bob (aka
Sir Ironhorse) in a shot put competition.
B) Prove you possess great physical skill by defeating Sir Byrun Sexxalought in a tennis match.
C) Prove you possess fleetness of foot-ness by running one mile faster than Sir Vyborny.
D) Prove you possess great mental capacity by defeating Sir Schottenfroida
in a game of telepathic chess.
E) Score with more women over a ten day period than all the Draft
knights combined. (This should be the easiest one)
and finally:
F) Prove you can eat cheese by eating cheese.
Meet us at the soccer stadium in St. Denis, France on last Friday and the challenge will begin.
Incidentally, Sir Vyborny thinks Key's mom is hot.
With Warm Regards,
The Emiratic Order of the Knights of Bohemia
PS: No it hasn't.