The 2004 Metopian Olympic Team
Yes!!! For the first time in it's short history, The Empire of Metopia will be sending it's best athletes, meaning anyone who shows up and passes the physical which is easy because we can't afford doctors. Metopia is proud to be represented by these fine Metopian competitors, a few Kratopian ones, and also a few guys from other countries who we bought off with large sums of money that was supposed to be used to get doctors to do the physicals.
Meet the Olympic Team
Metopian will be represented by over 100 athletes in 21 Olympic disciplines. The following is the 2004 Metopian Olympic Delegation.
Water Polo
The men's Water Polo team is culled from the Metopian Blitzball League's 2003 all-star teams. The Metopian team, ranked #5 in the world, is a definate medal contender in Athens.
Starting Lineup:
G Cullen O'Neil
D Akuma
D Kevin Phillips-Bong
M God
M Sephiroth
F Horst
F dnL Man
Subs
G Squall Leonheart
D John Deacon
M Freddie Mercury
M Tim Willis
F Jeremy Grant
F Brandon Spalding
Archery
As a war-like sport, Metopia is naturally bound to do well.
Women's individual: Maitresse Foncee
Athletics
Also known as track and field, athletics is Metopia's bread, butter, apple butter, toast, and jerk-punching-food-things. Metopia will be represented in every single event. So far we only know a few team members, but after the Olympic Trials on July 29 this contingent will make up the majority of the roster.
Men's Team
Marathon: Haichoge Kiplagebrselassie; Lasse Viren Jr.; Coach Clifton
20K Race Walk: Sir Shizerdick; Allen the Addax-God; William Williamson
50K Race Walk: Man On Bicycle; Strong Brad; Atticus Runner
Click here to see the other qualifiers in track and field.
Women's Team
800 meters: Lady Ryan
Javelin: Lady Ryan
Pole Vault: Tara Linoleum Altizer (Vyborny's estranged wife)
Badminton
Metopia is entered in badminton because we all think shuttlecock is a really funny word.
Men's Singles: Sir Dark Soliloquy
Basketball
The concepted of a Metopian basketball team was headed up by Sir Burnsalot. They are comprised mostly of Bohemian Knights and then two ringers from Latvia in there.
Starting Lineup
C Sir Burnsalot
PF Sir Schottenfroida
SF Kadon Rasta
SG Sir Fartlek
PG Harry Rasta
Subs
F Coach Clifton
G Sir Lightstone
F Sir Dark Solioquy
C Sir Shizerdick
G Sir Vyborny
F/G Sir Neptars
Boxing
Another warrior sport in which Metopia is sure to FUKINGE PWN!!!1
125 lb Class: $hawn Wheeler
132 lb Class: Sir Lightstone
178 lb Class: Stingray (Kratopian guy)
200+ lb Class: Hurricane Bob
Kayak
Singles Flatwater 1000 meters: Sir Vyborny
Cycling
Cycling is fast becoming a popular sport in Metopia after the announcement of the upcoming Tour De Metopia.
Road Cycling
Road Race: Sir Schottenfroida; Lance Legstrong
Individual Time Trial: Sir Schottenfroida; Sir Salty Sam
Track Cycling
Madison: Freddie Mercury and John Deacon; Roger Taylor and Brian May
Sprint: Sir Schottenfroida
Team Pursuit: Sir Schottenfroida, Sir Nobunaga, Sir Vyborny, and Sir Salty Sam
Mountain Biking
Cross-country Race: Sir Schottenfroida; Sir Vyborny
Fencing
Swordplay!!! Metopia will kick major ass at this sport!!!
Epéé: Sir Neptars
Epéé Team: Sir Neptars, Sir Nobunaga, Sir Xanatos Blackthorn
Foil: Sir Salty Sam
Foil Team: Sir Salty Sam, Sir Bonezalot, Sir Mix-A-Little
Sabre: Sir Byrun Sexxalought
Sabre Team: Sir Byrun Sexxalought, Sir Phileas of the Nine Sabres, Sir Robin of Camelot
Football
(Futbol/Soccer)
Starting Lineup
GK Sir Von Haylen of Roses the Great
SW Immanuel Kant
LB Pol Pot
CB Sir Klavetorian Ryyan
RB Sir Lee
LM Sir Lightstone
LCM Sir Shizerdick
RCM Sir Jerome Lafaire
RM Sir Dark Soliloquy
LF Sir Bonezalot
RF Man with Nine Legs
Subs
G Sir Ironhorse
G A. Brick Wall
D Zeus
D Timmy Morris
D Shane Lechler
D MacBastard the Plaid (Deceased)
M Tom Greene
M Sir Spatulagod
M Karl Marx
F Sir Fartlek
F Sir Vyborny
Gymnastics
Fruity guys?
Floor exercises: Sir Dark Soliloquy
Pommel horse: Sir Dark Soliloquy
Rings: Sir Dark Soliloquy
Trampoline: Sir Vyborny; Sir Neptars
Judo
Again with the war-like crap.
extra-lightweight: Jon Lichtenstein
half-lightweight: $hawn Wheeler
lightweight: Sir Dark Soliloquy
heavyweight: Hurricane Bob
Modern Pentathlon
Again with the warlike junk. This involves fencing, swimming, shooting, horse-riding, and finally a 3000 meter cross-country run. Metopia is represented by that highly versatile, all-around fun guy.
Pentathlon: Sir Dark Soliloquy
Rowing
Metopia's foursome entrants include a Metopian leader, a Kratopian leader, a Bitopian leader, and Vyborny and Sam's dad.
Coxless four: Sir Vyborny, Sir Salty Sam, Sir Yyunh, Jean-Henri Selivanov
Sailing
A Kratopian speciality.
Windsurfer: Jonathan Galadon (SimNation expatriate)
Keelboat (Double): Sir Johnny Red and Sir Salty Sam
Table Tennis
Why not, right?
Doubles: Sir Fartlek and Sir Lightstone
Taekwando
Another martial art whic Metopia hopes to do well in. Unfortuneatly, there wasn't enough time to actually teach these guys taekwando, the Olympic Committee just sort of shoved them on the plane and told them to "wing it."
Lightweight Class: $hawn Wheeler
Lower Middle Class: Sir Dark Soliloquy
Tennis
A fairly popular sport in Metopia and Kratopia, probably third in popularity behind Athletics and Competitve Fucking.
Singles: Jonathan Rexrode; Jarrod Thomas
Doubles: Tim Willis and Cullen O'Neil; Jonathan Rexrode and Jarrod Thomas
Triathlon
Swim, bike, run, rinse, repeat.
Triathlon: Cimmaron Craig
Volleyball
That's right! I'm a surgeon!
Beach Volleyball: Sir Vyborny and Sir Dark Soliloquy
Wrestling
Stupid WWE.
Freestyle
121 lb Class: John "The Phantom" Guster (Wrestler I created on WCW video game)
132 lb Class: Jon Lichtenstein
145 lb Class: Brandon Spalding
163 lb Class: Willie Robinson
185 lb Class: The Assassin (KWA)
211 lb Class: Cobra (KWA)
265 lb an above Class: Hurricane Bob
Greco-Roman
185 lb Class: Christopher Chronopolis (Greek expatriate)
211 lb Class: The Bouncer (Wrestler Willie created on WCW video game)