Laws of Metopia

Laws of Metopia

Thou shalt not engage in the following:

Law #

Law

Punishment

I.

Murder of a Bohemian Knight.

20 hours, public toilet scrubbing.

II.

Disobeying the orders of Sir Vyborny and Sir Schottenfroida.

We'll pry out your toenails!

III.

Eating Lettuce

Violators WILL recieve a cramp during their next run.

IV.

Going to www.feardotcom.com

It WILL be the last site you ever see.

V.

Not running cross country for your respective high school.

Decapitation by a 3 inch long dull hatchet. Second offense: slow lingering death administered by kangaroo rats.

VI.

Wearing a horizontally striped shirt. Does not apply to the French.

One hell of an Indian burn.

VII.

Insulting a Frenchman by pronounce chateaux (Chagh-tee-aux) rather than (sha-toe) or other such mispronunciations.

10 weeks of cleaning out the monkey cage.

VIII.

Being a yellow bellied,vacuous,toffy-nosed, malodorous traitor.

Slap on the wrist.

IX.

Filling your AIM info with stupid quotes you didn't come up with and then taking credit for them.

Slap on the vestigial tail.

X.

Using any right-click function on any page of this site.

Violators will be voted off the island.

XI.

Listening to, viewing, or acknowledging the existence of, Britney Spears.

"Bailiff, hack his peepee!"

XII.

Ending a word with Z that should end with S.

Flogging by dead presidents.

XIII.

Taking either the entertainment or the fashion industry seriously.

Violators will be stapled to a cross.

XIV.

Taking the US judicial system seriously.

Violators will spend the rest of their natural lives locked in a closet with a Liberace wannabe.

XV.

Supporting the idea of giving high school students assignments over the summer.

100,000 papercuts to the face.

XVI.

Dressing animals in human clothes.

Forced residence in a small metal cage while undergoing chinese water torture.

XVII.

Infering or directly stating that any Bohemian Knight is homosexual.

Castration with a dull knife and forced residence inside a shit warehouse. (This does not apply if the Knight in question is gay. They know who they are.)

XVIII.

Replacing one letter in a swearword with an * and thinking you're either cool or not making it as bad. Just swear you !

Violators will be forced to eat sh*t and f*ck themselves.

XIX.

Drinking any diet soda.

Forced to eat Sir Vyborny's own creation, the Pizza de Python. Only with live pythons.

XX.

Stealing Sir Vyborny's Orange (Non-diet) Soda.

You will be bludgeoned to death with Thunderstix by the Stuarts Draft High School varsity football cheerleaders.

XXI

Walking during a cross country race.

Hurricane Bob will explain the origin of your school's name to you.

XXII.

Whistling incessantly during an English test.

Violators will be strangled by an extremely irate Sir Vyborny. Damn you, Ironhorse!!!!

XXIII.

Making "air quotes."

A rabid "bear" will make "air quotes" on your "face."

XXIV.

As for news sites, wasting people's time with stories such as how Britney Spears's little sister thinks she invented the word "thingamajig," when important stories like how the brains of gay sheep can be used to understand the causes of homosexuality in humans go unreported.

One of the aforementioned sheep will declare its undying love for you.

XXV.

Supporting the ideas of censorship, conformity, abusive authority, and/or American (false)-democracy.

In reality, nothing, although you should be forced to jump naked into a pool filled with double-edged razor blades.

XXVI.

Being one of those people who always say "I won't even ask," "I don't want to know," or "What drugs are you on?" whenever they see someone practicing non-conformity.

Violators will be forced to star in a major motion picture wherein they play the object of the perverse sexual desires of Jamie Farr.

XXVII.

Carring Sil Vybolny an idiot, molon, ol othel such delisive names simpry because he berieves that the Engrish Ranguage wourd be imploved by lepracing arr 'R's and 'L's and vice velsa.

Vioratols wirr be dlessed as a teenaged gilr wealing a sign that leads 'I am a vilgin', and thlown into the middre of a Herr's Angers 'meeting'. Ol artelnatery, be dlessed as a choilboy and be rocked in a loom with a Cathoric pleist.

XXVIII.

Using any of these phrases.

Genitals devoured by mice.

XXIX.

Making slanderous statements about or exposing the faults, no matter how true, of Metopia, the Knights of Bohemia, cross country, Wierd Al Yankovic, The Simpsons, Sir Schottenfroida, or Queen. {Saying things about Sir Vyborny is okay, unless the insult breaks Law XXVII.}

The object of the slander will come to the violator's house and make really stupid conversation.

XXX.

Stomping on frogs without a permit.

Overnight stay at the Famous Women of the Seventh Century Museum.

XXXI.

Refusing to sell funnel cakes after halftime at certain high school football games.

Forced to sit through an entire football game between the Wilson Memorial H.S. Green Hornets and the Waynesboro H.S. Little Giants.

XXXII.

Using the letter "f." All of "f's" must be replaced with "ph."

Violators will be phrozen in liquid nitrogen, phlown to Phlagstaphph, Arizona, and be severely burned by a phlaming phrog from Phort Dephiance High School.

XXXIII.

Attempting to discourage any member of the Bohemian Knights or the Metopian government from devising or committing fraud, especially one involving counterfeit T-shirts, created by Sirs Vyborny and Byrun Sexxalought.

Nothing, since all frauds so far thus committed have shown no profit.

XXXIV.

Constantly complaining in a whiny gay voice during any practice of a sport involving the activity known as running. Also known as being Griffen Davis.

Given to UVA's secret transmutation department as a live experiment.

XXXV.

Telling knights and non-knights alike that you are the leader of the Knights of Bohemia because you are the only one who has not right-clicked on the ranks page.

72 hours locked in the gay bar from Police Academy wearing only a thong.

XXXVI.

Not eating cheese.

Violators will be forced to eat cheese.

XXXVII.

Eating cheese.

Violators will be forced to stop eating cheese.

XXXVIII.

Believing that SDCC (the band) is real..

You will be laughed at by all 10 SDCC members forever.

XXXIX.

Not believing that SDCC (the band) is real.

Instant death. Once in heaven, you will be put in the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity.

XL.

Using clipart. For any purpose.

A representative of Metopia will personally rip out and devour your still beating heart.

XLI.

Using any sort of SpongeBob Squarepants related texts, pictures, objects, etc. while within the boundaries of the Metopian Empire.

You will immediately be sentenced to shovel crap for a living from that day on. Your name will be changed to The Poopsmith, and you will be forced to compete in the Annual Crap Shovelers Relay Races Festival each year on Memorial Day weekend. Then when you are eventually just about to die of asphyxiation from being buried under a huge mountain of crap, you will be shot.

XLII.

Attempted Suicide

Death Penalty*

XLIII.

Saying 'nice.' From here on, the proper word is 'nide.'

Violators will be fucked by a former President of their own choosing. (No dead ones allowed, perverts!)

XLIV.

Stealing hot runner babes from other Metopian citizens.

You must attempt to kill yourself. Then we'll kill you for breaking Law XLII.

XLV.

Moving to West Virginia and/or having sex with animals under 40 lbs.

You disgust me. More so with the first one.

Also be aware that the number system is different here. The proper way of counting is 4, 3, 2, 1, 5, 6, 7, 8. There is no 9. 9 is dead, like Elvis, Tupac, and Prince. It does not live on some remote island. ESPECIALLY not our remote island! Anyway, after 8 is 40, 44, 43, 42, 41, 45, 46, 47 48, 30,34, etc. People caught using any other numerical system will be shot.

Also also be aware that the monetary unit is the Metopian yen. M�

*Death penalty will be whatever means of death the knights deem most painful and humiliating at that time.

Law #	Law	Punishment
I.	Murder of a Bohemian Knight.	20 hours, public toilet scrubbing.
II.	Disobeying the orders of Sir Vyborny and Sir Schottenfroida.	We'll pry out your toenails!
III.	Eating Lettuce	Violators WILL recieve a cramp during their next run.
IV.	Going to www.feardotcom.com	It WILL be the last site you ever see.
V.	Not running cross country for your respective high school.	Decapitation by a 3 inch long dull hatchet. Second offense: slow lingering death administered by kangaroo rats.
VI.	Wearing a horizontally striped shirt. Does not apply to the French.	One hell of an Indian burn.
VII.	Insulting a Frenchman by pronounce chateaux (Chagh-tee-aux) rather than (sha-toe) or other such mispronunciations.	10 weeks of cleaning out the monkey cage.
VIII.	Being a yellow bellied,vacuous,toffy-nosed, malodorous traitor.	Slap on the wrist.
IX.	Filling your AIM info with stupid quotes you didn't come up with and then taking credit for them.	Slap on the vestigial tail.
X.	Using any right-click function on any page of this site.	Violators will be voted off the island.
XI.	Listening to, viewing, or acknowledging the existence of, Britney Spears.	"Bailiff, hack his peepee!"
XII.	Ending a word with Z that should end with S.	Flogging by dead presidents.
XIII.	Taking either the entertainment or the fashion industry seriously.	Violators will be stapled to a cross.
XIV.	Taking the US judicial system seriously.	Violators will spend the rest of their natural lives locked in a closet with a Liberace wannabe.
XV.	Supporting the idea of giving high school students assignments over the summer.	100,000 papercuts to the face.
XVI.	Dressing animals in human clothes.	Forced residence in a small metal cage while undergoing chinese water torture.
XVII.	Infering or directly stating that any Bohemian Knight is homosexual.	Castration with a dull knife and forced residence inside a shit warehouse. (This does not apply if the Knight in question is gay. They know who they are.)
XVIII.	Replacing one letter in a swearword with an * and thinking you're either cool or not making it as bad. Just swear you !	Violators will be forced to eat sht and fck themselves.
XIX.	Drinking any diet soda.	Forced to eat Sir Vyborny's own creation, the Pizza de Python. Only with live pythons.
XX.	Stealing Sir Vyborny's Orange (Non-diet) Soda.	You will be bludgeoned to death with Thunderstix by the Stuarts Draft High School varsity football cheerleaders.
XXI	Walking during a cross country race.	Hurricane Bob will explain the origin of your school's name to you.
XXII.	Whistling incessantly during an English test.	Violators will be strangled by an extremely irate Sir Vyborny. Damn you, Ironhorse!!!!
XXIII.	Making "air quotes."	A rabid "bear" will make "air quotes" on your "face."
XXIV.	As for news sites, wasting people's time with stories such as how Britney Spears's little sister thinks she invented the word "thingamajig," when important stories like how the brains of gay sheep can be used to understand the causes of homosexuality in humans go unreported.	One of the aforementioned sheep will declare its undying love for you.
XXV.	Supporting the ideas of censorship, conformity, abusive authority, and/or American (false)-democracy.	In reality, nothing, although you should be forced to jump naked into a pool filled with double-edged razor blades.
XXVI.	Being one of those people who always say "I won't even ask," "I don't want to know," or "What drugs are you on?" whenever they see someone practicing non-conformity.	Violators will be forced to star in a major motion picture wherein they play the object of the perverse sexual desires of Jamie Farr.
XXVII.	Carring Sil Vybolny an idiot, molon, ol othel such delisive names simpry because he berieves that the Engrish Ranguage wourd be imploved by lepracing arr 'R's and 'L's and vice velsa.	Vioratols wirr be dlessed as a teenaged gilr wealing a sign that leads 'I am a vilgin', and thlown into the middre of a Herr's Angers 'meeting'. Ol artelnatery, be dlessed as a choilboy and be rocked in a loom with a Cathoric pleist.
XXVIII.	Using any of these phrases.	Genitals devoured by mice.
XXIX.	Making slanderous statements about or exposing the faults, no matter how true, of Metopia, the Knights of Bohemia, cross country, Wierd Al Yankovic, The Simpsons, Sir Schottenfroida, or Queen. {Saying things about Sir Vyborny is okay, unless the insult breaks Law XXVII.}	The object of the slander will come to the violator's house and make really stupid conversation.
XXX.	Stomping on frogs without a permit.	Overnight stay at the Famous Women of the Seventh Century Museum.
XXXI.	Refusing to sell funnel cakes after halftime at certain high school football games.	Forced to sit through an entire football game between the Wilson Memorial H.S. Green Hornets and the Waynesboro H.S. Little Giants.
XXXII.	Using the letter "f." All of "f's" must be replaced with "ph."	Violators will be phrozen in liquid nitrogen, phlown to Phlagstaphph, Arizona, and be severely burned by a phlaming phrog from Phort Dephiance High School.
XXXIII.	Attempting to discourage any member of the Bohemian Knights or the Metopian government from devising or committing fraud, especially one involving counterfeit T-shirts, created by Sirs Vyborny and Byrun Sexxalought.	Nothing, since all frauds so far thus committed have shown no profit.
XXXIV.	Constantly complaining in a whiny gay voice during any practice of a sport involving the activity known as running. Also known as being Griffen Davis.	Given to UVA's secret transmutation department as a live experiment.
XXXV.	Telling knights and non-knights alike that you are the leader of the Knights of Bohemia because you are the only one who has not right-clicked on the ranks page.	72 hours locked in the gay bar from Police Academy wearing only a thong.
XXXVI.	Not eating cheese.	Violators will be forced to eat cheese.
XXXVII.	Eating cheese.	Violators will be forced to stop eating cheese.
XXXVIII.	Believing that SDCC (the band) is real..	You will be laughed at by all 10 SDCC members forever.
XXXIX.	Not believing that SDCC (the band) is real.	Instant death. Once in heaven, you will be put in the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity.
XL.	Using clipart. For any purpose.	A representative of Metopia will personally rip out and devour your still beating heart.
XLI.	Using any sort of SpongeBob Squarepants related texts, pictures, objects, etc. while within the boundaries of the Metopian Empire.	You will immediately be sentenced to shovel crap for a living from that day on. Your name will be changed to The Poopsmith, and you will be forced to compete in the Annual Crap Shovelers Relay Races Festival each year on Memorial Day weekend. Then when you are eventually just about to die of asphyxiation from being buried under a huge mountain of crap, you will be shot.
XLII.	Attempted Suicide	Death Penalty*
XLIII.	Saying 'nice.' From here on, the proper word is 'nide.'	Violators will be fucked by a former President of their own choosing. (No dead ones allowed, perverts!)
XLIV.	Stealing hot runner babes from other Metopian citizens.	You must attempt to kill yourself. Then we'll kill you for breaking Law XLII.
XLV.	Moving to West Virginia and/or having sex with animals under 40 lbs.	You disgust me. More so with the first one.