Mercury City (Football) Harriers

Team Info

Stadium: Froida County Stadium
Hometown: Froida, Metopia (suburb of Mercury City)
Colors: White, red
Mascot: Phoenix
Owner: Sir Schottenfroida

Team Roster

Coaching Staff

Head Coach-------Bill Clinton
Def. Coord.------Hillary Clinton
~~Ast. Def. Coord.-Jerome Lefaire~~ (fired on 1-27-04. No replacement has been named.)
Off. Coord.------Monica Lewinsky
Spec. Team. Co.--Mikhail Gorbachev

Offense

Center-----------Homer J. Simpson
Line-------------Willy Loman
Line-------------Biff Loman
Quarterback------Byran Cranston
Line-------------Julius Caesar
Line-------------Caesar Augustus
Receiver---------Marie Antoinette
Receiver---------Ulysses S. Grant
Tailback---------Robert E. Lee
Halfback---------William Bedford Forrest
Receiver---------Gene Simmons
Alt.-------------Forrest Gump
Alt.-------------Jenny
Alt.-------------Bubba

Defense

Center-----------Bart Simpson
Line-------------James Dean
Line-------------Mr. Rodgers
Line-------------Abraham Lincoln
Line-------------Nero
Line-------------Dolly Parton
Line-------------Angus McCloud
Line-------------Groundskeeper Willie
Line-------------Principal Skinner
Line-------------Richard Nixon
Line-------------Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Alt.-------------Spiro Agnew
Alt.-------------Ricky Martin
Alt.-------------Serena Williams

Special Teams

Kicker-----------Groucho Marx
Holder-----------Karl Marx
Line-------------Dolly Parton
Line-------------Angus McCloud
Line-------------Groundskeeper Willie
Line-------------Principal Skinner
Line-------------Richard Nixon
Line-------------Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
3 naked chicks---Paris Hilton, Jessica Fanning, and Rayina (from "Never Wake A Sleeping Neptars")