Here are the lyrics to "Pornography Aisle", the first original single released by the Stuarts Draft H.S. Cross Country Team Band, aka SDCC, written and composed at the back of the bus home from a tri-meet at Rockbridge County High School.

Pornography Aisle-Written by Jarrod Thomas, Brad O'Neil, and Chris Carper, Produced by Jarrod Thomas and Brad O'Neil. Performed by SDCC.

Notes: WG=Whole Group. SC=Special Chorus (O'Neil, Thomas, and Shawn Wheeler.) SW=Shawn Wheeler alone.


Lyrics: (To the tune of "The Ballad of Gilligan's Island")

WG: Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of a porno flick,
That started on this grocery aisle,
With this guy fucking this chick.
SC: He's fucking her with his dick.
(Crash! Boom!)
WG: Well, a sailor was a-watchin' them,
A sailor eating corn!
And he sat right back in an easy chair,
For a three hour porn.
SC: A three hour porn.
(Crackow!)
WG: Well the bangin' started getting rough,
The bitch's tits were tossed,
Because she spread her legs so wide,
Her virginity was lost.
SC: Her virginity was lost.
(Woman's orgasmic scream.)
WG: And so he started fucking her with things he found on the aisle.....
Like pickles,
and barbeque sauce.
Bill Clinton,
and some piiiiiieeeee.
Cap'n Crunch,
Some cabbage and leg of lamb,
On Pornography Aisle!!!!!!!

SW: (spoken) Smack yo bitch up.


SDCC is:
Shawn Wheeler, Lead Guitar
Jon Lichtenstein, Bass Guitar
Brandon Spalding, Keyboard
Jonathan Rexrode, Trumpet and Saxophone
Brad O'Neil, Drums and Percusion
Levi Brown, Marimba and Wind Chimes
Chris Carper, Piccolo
"Hurricane" Bob Lent, Train Whistle
Jarrod Thomas, Didgeridoo
and introducing:
Tim Willis, Triangle

Vocal Arrangements: Tenors: Lichtenstein, Spalding, Carper; Altos: Brown, Rexrode, Willis; Basses: Wheeler, Thomas, Lent; and Super-High Girly Soprano: O'Neil

***Pornography Aisle has been number 1 on the Metopian Charts for 77 weeks, ever since it ended the 4,376 week reign of Bicycle Race by Queen. It has also been sucessful on other charts, as it achieved a record 10 points on Little Lichy's Funny List.***