First Ever Metopian free elections!!!
by Frosty The Prevaricator and Willie Wankah
Mercury City: For the second time in it's history, The Empire of Metopia has announced it will be holding free democratic elections. For the first time in it's history, these elections will actually take place. Up for grabs is the seat of Dictator-for-Life, a position which enjoys full power of the Empire and serves up to sixteen yerms of 4.627 years each. Up for choice will be the incumbent Sir Schottenfroida of the F.U. Nationalist Dictators Party, and his main opponent is Sir Vyborny's evil twin, Ris Jism IIIV of the Extra-Terrestrial Free-Love Insatiation Party (Denmark.) Also running will be Sir Martin-Mike-Tony-Ritchie-Matt-John-Jon-Andy-Chris-Dave Pants of the Irrelevant Party, Nalph Rader of the Blue Party and Tony Hawk of the Skateboarder's Party. Also recently throwing their hats into the ring are the combined Yank My Riley, the combined form of Adam Riley and Stephen Pascoretti, who will be represnting the Introverted Inversion Party and will be supporting a system of oral orgies with Pennsylvanian trisexuals. Finally, Hurricane Bob has entered for the Republican Party. This will be a historic event, because I fucking said so.
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