Blitzball Labor Dispute, SDCC's Next Album, HOLY FUCK IT'S THE OLYMPICS BITCH!!!!!!
by Frosty The Prevaricator
Mercury City: Well folks, what with such diverse distractions as college, running, and
Brad going out with men it would seem that not much has happened in Metopia for about a month's time now. Then SUDDENLY EVERYTHING WENT INTO A TIME WARP AND EVERYTHING FROM THE MISSING MONTH HAPPENED AND IT WAS TOTAL CHAOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!7 We here at the Picayune shall attempt to bring you back up to date.
Froida: After the craziness involving THE FUCKING TIME WARP WHERE EVERYTHING WENT FUCKING BONKERS!!!!!!!!!!9 <--unlawful it would seem that the MBL is in a lockdown. In every blitzballer's contract is a set number of hookers to be recieved based on performance. This is know as the Du-guut-en-get-Fukt Clause. The league's coaches, managers, and other unimportant types have chosen to limit the hookers recieved by the players to up to 4.5 a year and not more than 7 every two years. The players just won't stand for this and so they've stopped playing. (Translation: We'll start the league up again ASAP)
Stualts Dlaft: In SDCC (the band) news, it seems that the lazy shitstains are actually going to get off their ass and do another album for release in early August. The band had done only one show since they last released an album in June 2003, and though they had planned to make a movie about it, certain band members are being crybaby pussies about working with Hurricane Bob and will have to be replaced if the movie is ever made at all. No big loss anyway. Featured on the new album, which will be entitled "Filler Material" will be Asparagus Aisle, Musk Ox Song, Pornography Aisle (1-Year Anniversary Version), Almost Cut My Hair, and other stupid shit. Also to be released at the same time will be a live album called "Live at the Holiday Inn" featuring mostly rehashed old crap to get more money for booze.
Metopian Olympic Headquarters: That's right, the fucking Olympics!!!! For the first time ever, Metopia will be sending it's finest athletes, hookers, and so-called athletes who aren't all that good but get through anyway because Metopia is so small that they'll send anyone who shows up at the airport on departure day. Despite the fact that Kratopia thinks they are independant, the Kratopian island athletes will be competing under Metopian colors because a nation must exist for one year to be recognized by the Internation Olympic Committee and besides soon Metopia will win the war to bring them back anyway.
Metopia will be represented, mostly by Knights of Bohemia and such, in 20 Olympic disciplines. These are Water Polo, Archery, Athletics (Track and Field), Badminton, Basketball, Boxing, Kayak, Fencing, Cycling, Gymnastics, Judo, Modern Pentathlon, Rowing, Sailing, Table Tennis, Taekwando, Tennis, Triathlon, Volleyball, and Wrestling. Hoo-yahhh!!!
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