2005 Metopian Outdoor Championships

July 1-4, 2005

New Waynesboro, Metopia

 

100 Meters Open Men

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World:    9.77    6/14/2005   Asafa Powell, JAM

Metopian: 9.89    8/22/2004   Intangir

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Final

1  Intangir             Unattached              9.95     

2  Tim Willis           Stuarts Draft High Sch  9.99

3  Cole Obikwela        1983 Track Club         10.09

4  Mornig Breakfest     Bitopian National       10.13

5  John Cheese          Brie Sprint Team        10.17

6  Jethro Walrustitty   Silly Party             10.23

7  Sigmund Froida       Metopian Picayune       10.25

8  Horst                Unattached              10.42

-  Sir Schottenfroida   Bohemian Track Club     DNF 

Prelim Heat 1

1  Sigmund Froida       Metopian Picayune       10.12Q

2  Cole Obikwela        1983 Track Club         10.16Q

3  Horst                Unattached              10.24q

4  An Arctic Tern       Hiriz City Zoo          10.33    

5  Sir Neptars          Bohemian Track Club     10.39

6  Adam John Riley      Sk8rs Track Club        10.47

7  J.W. Wayneright      Unattached              10.55

Prelim Heat 2

1  Intangir             Unattached              10.08Q

2  Sir Schottenfroida   Bohemian Track Club     10.10Q

3  Cloyd Stickler       Fizix World             10.31

4  Wayne Zeal           Terminus Tech           10.38

5  Hael Hynkel          International Fictional 10.44

6  Dmitri Harrison      Cangro College          10.52

7  Dyan Reak            Andrew Riotor Univ.     10.61

Prelim Heat 3

1  John Cheese          Brie Sprint Team        10.16Q

2  Tim Willis           Stuarts Draft High Sch  10.19Q

3  Mornig Breakfest     Bitopian National       10.20q

4  Jethro Walrustitty   Silly Party             10.28q

5  Hyperion Smith       Unattached              10.34

6  Michael Delaskeerow  Imperial Track Club     10.42

7  Whitey Addax         Addax Track Club        10.46

 

200 Meters Open Men

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World:    19.32   8/1/1996    Michael Johnson, USA

Metopian: 20.05   4/25/2004   Horst Hash

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Final

1  Horst                Unattached              20.09

2  Hyperion Smith       Unattached              20.17

3  Brian Mascarpone     Brie Sprint Team        20.19

4  Janus Marin          Andrew Riotor Univ.     20.23

5  Jasson Stewart       Space Naval Academy     20.26

6  An Arctic Tern       Hiriz City Zoo          20.33

7  Sigmund Froida       Metopian Picayune       20.48

8  Mike Ricotta         Brie Sprint Team        20.53

9  Jack Stewart         Imperial Track Club     20.75

Prelim Heat 1

1  Horst                Unattached              20.35Q

2  Jack Stewart         Imperial Track Club     20.44Q

3  Brian Mascarpone     Brie Sprint Team        20.48q

4  Dmitri Harrison      Cangro College          20.53

5  Hael Hynkel          International Fictional 20.73

Prelim Heat 2

1  Hyperion Smith       Unattached              20.46Q

2  Janus Marin          Andrew Riotor Univ.      20.48Q

3  An Arctic Tern       Hiriz City Zoo          20.52q

4  Quentin Cassidy      Vybornyville Heights    20.63

5  Whitey Addax         Addax Track Club        20.81

6  Dyan Reak            Andrew Riotor Univ.     20.96

Prelim Heat 3

1  Jasson Stewart       Space Naval Academy     20.24Q

2  Sigmund Froida       Metopian Picayune       20.34Q

3  Mike Ricotta         Brie Sprint Team        20.47q

4  Sergei Zholtok       UM-Mercury City         20.58

5  Sir Schottenfroida   Bohemian Track Club     20.83

 

 

400 Meters Open Men

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World:    43.18   8/26/1999   Michael Johnson, USA

Metopian: 44.66   8/23/2004   dnL Man

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Final

1  dnL Man              Addax Track Club        44.41 MR 

2  Thor Cul-de-Sac      College at Centaur Park 45.07

3  Jeremy Rowe          Stuarts Draft High Sch  45.12

4  Juwaun Emeritus      Famous Runners Imperson 45.20

5  Buttered Toast       Toast Bros. Sprint Co.  45.78

6  Zach Thorne          Imperial Track Club     45.87

7  Antti Laksonen       Empire of Metopia Univ. 46.05

8  Alfredo Mozzarella   Brie Sprint Team        46.17

9  Burnt Toast          Toast Bros. Sprint Co.  46.39

Prelim Heat 1

1  Thor Cul-de-Sac      College at Centaur Park 45.34Q

2  Jeremy Rowe          Stuarts Draft High Sch  45.42Q

3  Buttered Toast       Toast Bros. Sprint Co.  45.96Q

4  Alfredo Mozzarella   Brie Sprint Team        46.34Q

5  Stephen Winkler      Stuarts Draft High Sch  46.57

6  Joop Spit            T.C. Humorous Names     46.62

7  Sergei Zholtok       UM-Mercury City         47.01

Prelim Heat 2

1  dnL Man              Addax Track Club        45.15Q

2  Juwaun Emeritus      Famous Runners Imperson 45.42Q

3  Zach Thorne          Imperial Track Club     46.00Q

4  Antti Laksonen       Empire of Metopia Univ. 46.11Q

5  Burnt Toast          Toast Bros. Sprint Co.  46.52q

6  George Addax         Addax Track Club        46.79

7  Sir Jerome Lafaire   Bohemian Track Club     47.13

8  “Axe-Wound” Harris   Unattached              47.36

 

800 Meters Open Men

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World:    1:41.11   8/24/1997   Wilson Kipketer, KEN

Metopian: 1:44.22   7/24/2004   Cullen O’Neil

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Final

1  dnL Man              Addax Track Club        1:45.23  

2  Andrew Riotor        Guy From The Stands     1:45.47

3  Dave Matthews        Cangro College          1:46.17

4  Marc Law             The Moon                1:46.45

5  Joseph Fitz-Langenbr Imperial Track Club     1:46.98

6  Bryan Kirby          L.I.S.S.                1:47.48

7  Chris Irby           L.I.S.S.                1:47.72

8  Sir Nobunaga         Bohemian Track Club     1:48.38

9  Winston Brewer       Vybornyville Heights    1:50.52

Prelim Heat 1

1  dnL Man              Addax Track Club        1:46.38Q

2  Marc Law             The Moon                1:46.54Q

3  Sir Nobunaga         Bohemian Track Club     1:47.05Q

4  Dave Matthews        Cangro College          1:47.46Q

5  Bryan Kirby          L.I.S.S.                1:47.83q

6  Maros Dragan         Upper Hiriz Univ.       1:48.17

7  Ben Coble            Stuarts Draft High Sch  1:48.52

8  Jean-Brian Zatapathi D’Accord Dogs           1:48.76

9  Sir Jaralim          Bohemian Track Club     1:49.37

Prelim Heat 2

1  Joseph Fitz-Langenbr Imperial Track Club     1:48.68Q

2  Chris Irby           L.I.S.S.                1:48.75Q

3  Andrew Riotor        Guy From The Stands     1:48.83Q

4  Winston Brewer       Vybornyville Heights    1:49.04Q

5  Bard Nilsson         Team Misnomer           1:49.32

6  Jon Lichtenstein     Stuarts Draft High Sch  1:49.47

7  John Jaemon          Terminus Tech           1:49.89

8  Bill Clinton         Imperial Track Club     1:50.13

9  Ken Smog             Coastal College         1:50.68

 

 

1500 Meters Open Men

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World:    3:26.00   7/7/1998    Hicham El Guerrouj, MAR

Metopian: 3:30.62   7/24/2004   Bard Nilsson

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Final

1  Bard Nilsson         Team Misnomer           3:35.26

2  Bryan Buzzard        Dumbass United          3:35.88

3  Cullen O’Neil        Stuarts Draft High Sch  3:36.13

4  Sir Salty Sam        Bohemian Track Club     3:36.57

5  Jon Lichtenstein     Stuarts Draft High Sch  3:37.02

6  Scott Law            The Moon                3:37.45

7  N. Evan Kays         Famous Runners Imperson 3:37.59

8  Travis Wray          L.I.S.S.                3:38.53

9  Scott Ylvisakker     Fartlek County          3:38.99

10 Danilo Hondo         Stualts Dlaft Univ.     3:39.26

11 Sir Jenifuh          Bohemian Track Club     3:39.28

12 Greg Graffin         Sustuli Atheistic       3:41.38

Heat 1 Prelim

1  Bard Nilsson         Team Misnomer           3:42.75Q

2  Danilo Hondo         Stualts Dlaft Univ.     3:43.19Q

3  Scotsman on Horse    Holy T.C. of 7 Lucky    3:43.26

4  Colton Berrington    Stuarts Draft High Sch  3:44.57

5  Brian Ylvisakker     Fartlek County          3:45.62

6  Sir Dark Soliloquy   Bohemian Track Club     3:46.11

7  Octopus Flares       Unattached              3:48.09

Heat 2 Prelim

1  Cullen O’Neil        Stuarts Draft High Sch  3:39.16Q

2  Jon Lichtenstein     Stuarts Draft High Sch  3:39.37Q

3  Scott Law            The Moon                3:39.56q 

4  Sir Jenifuh          Bohemian Track Club     3:39.87q

5  Greg Graffin         Sustuli Atheistic       3:40.27q

6  Travis Wray          L.I.S.S.                3:40.55q

7  John Cassius         Imperial Track Club     3:51.27

Heat 3 Prelim

1  N. Evan Kays         Famous Runners Imperson 3:37.59Q

2  Bryan Buzzard        Dumbass United           3:38.00Q

3  Sir Salty Sam        Bohemian Track Club     3:39.35q

4  Scott Ylvisakker     Fartlek County          3:40.56q

5  Floyd Landis         Unattached              3:42.65

6  Maros Dragan         Upper Hiriz University  3:44.48

7  Jen Friesen          Stualts Dlaft Univ.     3:48.95

 

 

5000 Meters Open Men

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World:    12:37.35  5/31/2004   Kenenisa Bekele, ETH

Metopian: 12:56.49  5/21/2004   Steve Postfontaine

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Final

1  Haggis MacPlaid      Holy T.C. of 7 Lucky    13:10.57 

2  Brad O’Neil          L.I.S.S.                13:11.42

3  Brandon Spalding     Stuarts Draft High Sch  13:13.76

4  Steve Postfontaine   Nike Pantaloons         13:15.34

5  Robert Zimmerman     ValleyTrack Parodies    13:16.55

6  Ian MacCausland      Upper Hiriz University  13:18.28

7  Ron Crews            Lockbridge Track        13:24.59

8  Adolf Hitler VII     Nazi Track Club         13:26.31

9  Erik Zabel           Stualts Dlaft Univ.     13:27.00

10 Colton Berrington    Stuarts Draft High Sch  13:32.68

11 Man on Dirtbike      Chartreuse City Coll    13:35.51

12 Man on Skateboard    Cheaters Club           13:37.37

13 Brain Flan           Freddie Mercury Univ.   13:41.18

14 Steve the Friendly   New Waynesboro Daredev  13:45.68

15 Hercules T. Einstein Unattached              13:50.46

16 Kenneth Less         Duckworth College       13:50.58

17 Sir Gelato           Bohemian Track Club     13:52.11

18 Flash Gordon         International Fictional 13:57.89

19 Peter Nox            Unattached              14:05.32

20 Nikolai Signpost     Unattached              14:11.22

21 Fassa Bortolo        Queens College          14:18.64

 

 

10000 Meters Open Men

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World:    26:20.31  6/8/2004    Kenenisa Bekele, ETH

Metopian: 27:14.03  5/14/2004   Lasse Viren Jr.

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Final

1  Colin Nilsson        Team Misnomer           27:45.36

2  Brandon Kilometers   Antichrist Defiance!    27:46.47

3  Jimmy Brighton       Imperial Track Club     27:53.37

4  Wombat Harness       Dead Runners T.C.       28:04.57

5  Mikaal Rigaard       Terminus Tech           28:09.22

6  Tommy Royal          Fartlek County          28:12.39

7  Will Friski          Lockbridge Track        28:18.95

8  Alexei Kovalev       UM-Mercury City         28:24.13

9  Lasse Viren Jr.      Unattached              28:37.68 

10 Coach Clifton        Stuarts Draft High Sch  28:45.16

11 Maxon Trammel        UM-Froida               28:53.47

12 Sir Shizerdick       Bohemian Track Club     28:54.57

13 St. Thomas Aquinas   Heaven Track Club       29:07.63

14 Bingo Smyth          New Berlin Univ.        29:37.25

15 Dathan Jenkins       Unattached              29:41.59

16 Man on Bicycle       Cheaters Club           29:49.11

17 Vamos Cordero        Imperial Track Club     30:11.96

18 Miruts Yifter IV     Unattached              30:13.55

19 Jamie Farr           Screen Actor’s Guild    30:47.75

-- Brad O'Neil          L.I.S.S.                DNS

 

 

110 Meters Hurdles Open Men

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World:    12.91  8/20/1993   Collin Jackson/Xiang Liu

Metopian: 12.92  8/27/2004   Jormungand W. Wayneright

AutoQual: Intangir (2003 World Champion)

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Final

1  J.W Wayneright       Unattached              13.04

2  An Addax             Addax Track Club        13.13

3  Intangir             Lesser Triangle Island  13.15

4  Baba O’Reilly        1983 Track Club         13.19

5  Jebus Christ         Sacrilegious Track Club 13.27

6  John Deacon          Queen                   13.38

7  Steve Stills         CSNY Athletics          13.48

8  Hristal Janiczek     Bohemia A & M           13.52

9  Phillip Marx         U. of Kratopia          13.62

Prelim Heat 1

1  J.W Wayneright       Unattached              13.16Q

2  Intangir             Lesser Triangle Island  13.19Q

3  Baba O’Reilly        1983 Track Club         13.26Q

4  Hristal Janiczek     Bohemia A & M           13.30Q

5  Jebus Christ         Sacrilegious Track Club 13.34q

6  Man in Airplane      Cheaters Club           13.48

7  Marvin Petroleum     College at Centaur Park 13.52

Prelim Heat 2

1  An Addax             Addax Track Club        13.27Q

2  Phillip Marx         U. of Kratopia          13.33Q

3  John Deacon          Queen                   13.38Q

4  Steve Stills         CSNY Athletics          13.46Q

5  An Arctic Tern       Hiriz City Zoo          13.54

6  Chestor the Moon-squ The Moon                13.68

7  Antti Christ         Sacrilegious Track Club 13.75

 

 

400 Meters Hurdles Open Men

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World:    46.78  8/6/1992    Kevin Young, USA

Metopian: 47.83  8/26/2004   An Clinton

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Final

1  An Clinton           Addax Track Club        47.92

2  George Addax         Addax Track Club        48.43

3  Chester Squirrel     New Waynesboro Daredev  48.52

4  Keith Maniac         Unattached              48.96

5  Brian May            Queen                   49.12

6  John Deacon          Queen                   49.36

7  Ming Tran            Unattached              49.54

8  Chestor the Moon-squ The Moon                49.82

 

 

3000 Meters Steeplechase Open Men

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World:    7:53.63   9/3/2004    Saif Saaeed Shaheen, QAT

Metopian: 8:14.55   4/9/2005    Karston DeBoer

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Final

1  Man in 1986 CrownVic Cheaters Club           8:18.34

2  Karston DeBoer       Midgar College          8:18.49

3  Angus Podgorny       Holy T.C. of 7 Lucky    8:27.52

4  Launcher Quebec      Imperial Track Club     8:27.94

5  Benson Hitler        Metopia Tech            8:28.19

6  Hobbes               Unattached              8:30.01

7  Sir Robin of Camelot Bohemian Track Club     8:32.69

8  Nathaniel Johnston   Schott. & Vyborny       8:37.55

9  Arthur St. Hillaire  Imperial Track Club     8:38.64

10 Will Friski          Lockbridge Track        8:40.14

11 Napoleon “N-B” Bonap Unattached              8:40.52

12 Arcus Vinnarael      UM-Mercury City         8:41.37

13 Teddy Zorn           Imperial Track Club     8:43.72

-- Bob Marley           Mediocre Antilles T.C.  DNF

-- John Toiletseat      Gnarly Road Runners     DNS

 

Long Jump Open Men

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World:    8.95m     8/31/1991   Mike Powell, USA

Metopian: 8.48m     4/6/2004   “Mako”

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Final

1  Arthur Polecats      UM-Crater Lake          8.23m    

2  John Cheese          Brie Sprint Team        8.13m

3  Sammy Scumbag        1983 Track Club         8.03m

4  “Mako”               U.B. Runners            8.00m

5  Jello Viagra         Stupid Track Club       7.92m

6  Willie Robinson      Atalanta Art Institute  7.86m

7  Tim Willis           Stuarts Draft High Sch  7.79m

8  Jim Won’tis          Team Misnomer           7.77m

9  Tee Serra            Terminus Krakens (J4F)  7.70m

10 Tapatio Mercy-Jerk   Brandon Spalding Univ.  7.61m

11 Sir Von Haylen       Bohemian Track Club     7.49m

12 Michael Spinoff      Imperial Track Club     7.43m

13 Immanuel Kant        Philosophical T.C.      7.42m

14 Man Who Can Fly      Cheaters Club           7.30m

 

 

Triple Jump Open Men

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World:    18.29m    8/7/1995    Jonathan Edwards, GBR

Metopian: 17.20m    4/25/2004   “Mako”

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Final

1  Willie Robinson      Atalanta Art Institute  17.13m

2  Adam Spratt          College at Centaur Park 16.85m

3  Arthur Polecats      UM-Crater Lake          16.55m

4  “Mako”               U.B. Runners            16.51m

5  Jim Won’tis          Team Misnomer           16.23m

6  John Cheese          Brie Sprint Team        16.14m

7  Backflip Boy         FDHS College            16.00m

8  Mike Ricotta         Brie Sprint Team        15.99m

9  Immanuel Kant        Philosophical T.C.      15.87m

10 Tapatio Mercy-Jerk   Brandon Spalding Univ.  15.42m

11 Man Who Can Fly      Cheaters Club           15.28m

 

 

High Jump Open Men

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World:    2.46m     4/4/2004   Jim Won’tis, MET

Metopian: 2.46m     4/4/2004   Jim Won’tis

AutoQual: Jim Won’tis (2003 World Champion)

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Final

1  Stephen Winkler      Stuarts Draft High Sch  2.42m    

2  Jim Won’tis          Team Misnomer           2.38m

3  Man with Ladder      Cheaters Club           2.38m-J

4  Homer Smellson       College at Centaur Park 2.35m

5  Man w.S.B.W.on H.TD. Cheaters Club           2.30m    

6  Ryan Leaf            Univ. of Lady Marie     2.30m-J

7  A Pteranodon         Northern Metopia Univ.  2.25m    

8  Brian Dorgan         Northern Metopia Univ.  2.20m

9  Man with Jet-pack    Cheaters Club           2.20m-J

10 Tim Willis           Stuarts Draft High Sch  2.15m

11 Jeremy Rowe          Stuarts Draft High Sch  2.10m

-- Jim’s Evil Clone     Meat Rismonen           NH

 

 

Pole Vault Open Men

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    6.14m     7/31/1994   Sergey Bubka, UKR

Metopian: 5.79m     8/27/2004   Sir Vyborny

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Brian Antoinette     Metopia Tech            5.65m

2  Sir Vyborny          Bohemian Track Club     5.60m

3  Jamie Brie           Simview Heights T.C.    5.50m

4  Magnus Karlsson      Metopia Tech            5.50m-J

5  Des-Row Peterson     Midgar College          5.40m

6  Frosty The Prevarica Metopian Picayune       5.35m

7  Theodoric Selivanov  Fishefrese Military     5.30m

8  Willie Robinson      Atalanta Art Institute  5.30m-J

9  Dick Arturs          College at Centaur Park 5.20m

10 Brian Dorgan         Northern Metopia Univ.  5.15m

11 Lance Americhan      College at Centaur Park 5.05m

12 Man w/ longass Pogos Cheaters Club           5.00m

13 Stacy Drakula        Unattached              5.00m-J

 

Shot Put Open Men

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:        23.12m  5/20/1990   Randy Barnes, USA

Metopian:      21.72m  7/24/2004   Hurricane Bob

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Final

1  Donut Dan            Western Lafaire         21.46m

2  Hurricane Bob        SDCC (The Sponsor)      21.37m

3  Intangir             Lesser Triangle Island  20.94m

4  An Clinton           Addax Track Club        20.72m

5  Anthropomorphic House Unattached             20.42m

6  E.F. Bradshaw        Western Lafaire         20.13m

7  George Gorilla       Addax Track Club        19.84m

8  Emily Contagious     Upper Hiriz Univ.       19.83m

9  Timuchen Dogbreath   Cangro College          19.63m

10 Sir Chulk            Bohemian Track Club     19.34m

11 Heese Roffa          Unattached              18.72m

12 Hunt Singer          Unattached              18.65m

 

 

Discus Throw Open Men

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:        74.08m  6/6/1986    Jurgen Scult, GDR

Metopian:      69.98   6/13/2005   E.F. Bradshaw

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  E.F. Bradshaw        Western Lafaire         70.03m MR

2  Freddy Kylor         Imperial Track Club     68.78m

3  Jason Kylor          Imperial Track Club     68.25m

4  Chris Chronopolis    Unattached              66.35m

5  Vork the Alien       Aldebaran-7             66.15m

6  Cobra                Unattached              64.59m

7  Anthropomorphic House Unattached             63.66m

8  George Gorilla       Addax Track Club        62.54m

9  Hunt Singer          Unattached              59.38m

10 Vork’s Co-pilot VarskAldebaran-7             57.73m

 

 

Javelin Throw Open Men

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:        98.48m  5/25/1996   Jan Zelezny, CZE

Metopian:      85.80m  7/24/2004   Vork the Alien

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Final

1  Vork the Alien       Aldebaran-7             83.76m

2  Sir Lee              Bohemian Track Club     80.52m

3  Chris Chronopolis    Unattached              77.52m

4  Kent Shade           Imperial Track Club     75.38m

5  Brandon Spalding     Stuarts Draft High Sch  74.46m

6  Nathaniel Johnston   Schott. & Vyborny       73.77m

7  Sir Burnsalot        Bohemian Track Club     71.52m

8  Cobra                Unattached              69.54m

9  Zan Jelnika          Imperial Track Club     68.71m

10 Arath, GreaseproofGodHeaven Track Club       64.53m

11 Wayne Mikkels        Queens College          60.06m

 

 

Hammer Throw Open Men

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:        86.74m  8/30/1986   Yuriy Sedyhk, URS

Metopian:      85.45m  4/6/2004    Arthur Cosgrove

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Final

1  Arthur Cosgrove      Fartlek Co. Police Dept 76.15m

2  Sir Ironhorse        Bohemian Track Club     72.98m

3  Lord Enormous        1983 Track Club         72.58m

4  Arath, GreaseproofGodHeaven Track Club       70.00m

5  Jupiter              Heaven Track Club       68.37m

6  Brian Cosgrove       Fartlek A & M           68.21m

7  Spyrridon Julius     Metopia Tech            66.52m

8  Dean Adams           College at Centaur Park 65.15m

9  Caber MacGrath       Holy T.C. of 7 Lucky    62.10m

10 God                  Heaven Track Club       62.01m

11 An Clinton           Addax Track Club        61.74m

 

 

Decathlon Open Men

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:        9026 5/27/2001   Roman Sebrle, CZE

Metopian:      8065  7/24/2004   Jacksonville Ford

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Final

1  Jacksonville Ford    Columbus Blue Jackets   7920

2  Dick Hargreaves      Metopia Tech            7864

3  Man w/ Cheating Impl Cheaters Club           7753

4  John Wayne           Screen Actors Guild     7619

5  Gideon Fortescue-Has Unattached              7564

6  Sir Burnsalot        Bohemian Track Club     7368

7  Stephen Winkler      Stuarts Draft           7113

8  Tornado Andy         Upper Hiriz Univ.       6895

9  John Swastika        Imperial Track Club     6112

-- Jarvis Cockarel      Unattached              DNF

 

 

20km Race-Walk Open Men

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    1:17:21     8/23/2003   Jefferson Perez, ECU

Metopian: 1:20:01     8/20/2004   William Williamson

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  William Williamson   International Post      1:21:45

2  Homestar Walker      Blatant Rip-Off Walking 1:22:42

3  W.A. Mozart          Decomposing Composers   1:22:45

4  Sir Shizerdick       Bohemian Track Club     1:22:56

5  Allen the Addax-God  Heaven Track Club       1:22:57

6  O.W.A. Giveaway      Metopian Imperial Navy  1:24:39

7  Andrew Wilder        International Fictional 1:26:33

8  Phillistine Jim-Jang Unattached              1:29:05

9  Frangor II           Addax Track Club        1:30:24

10 Horace Smythe        Imperial Track Club     1:32:37

11 Sir Vyborny          Bohemian Track Club     1:33:38

12 Frangor the Race-Wal Addax Track Club        1:37:26

13 Kevin Kang           Imperial Track Club     1:40:08

14 Mister Whirly        Angry Monkeys Track Cl  1:43:28

15 Ill Mitch Brandesian Unattached              1:47:56

 

 

50km Race-Walk Open Men *held April 1, 2005*

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    3:36:03     8/27/2003   Robert Korzeniowski

Metopian: 3:55:59     4/6/2004    Strong Brad

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Strong Brad          Blatant Rip-Off Walking 3:58:40

2  John Toiletseat      Gnarly Road Runners     4:02:19

3  O.W.A. Giveaway      Metopian Imperial Navy  4:05:36

4  Frangor the Race-Wal Addax Track Club        4:09:10

5  Frangor II           Addax Track Club        4:15:26

6  W.A. Mozart          Decomposing Composers   4:23:44

7  Sir Vyborny          Bohemian Track Club     4:27:52

8  Sir Schottenfroida   Bohemian Track Club     4:30:30

-- William Williamson   International Post      DNS

-- Man on Bicycle       Cheaters Club           DQ

-- Atticus Runner       Cheaters Club           DQ

 

 

 

Marathon Open Men       *held March 14, 2005*

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    2:04:55     9/28/2003  Paul Tergat, KEN

Metopian: 2:09:15     3/15/2004  Haichoge Kiplagebrselassie

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Colin Nilsson        Team Misnomer           2:11:48

2  Jimmy Brighton       Imperial Track Club     2:12:36

3  Coach Clifton        Stuarts Draft High Sch  2:12:42

4  Lasse Viren Jr.      Unattached              2:12:47

5  Haichoge Kiplagebrse Kenyethiopia            2:14:25  

6  John Read            Stuarts Draft High Sch  2:17:16

7  John Toiletseat      Gnarly Road Runners     2:17:30

8  Jan Ullrich          Unattached              2:17:58

9  Lance Legstrong      Shut Up! Track Club     2:18:07

10 Brandon Kilometers   Antichrist Oldharbor    2:18:28

11 Allen the Addax-God  Heaven Track Club       2:19:06

12 Wombat Harness       Dead Runners Track Club 2:19:41

13 Man on Bicycle       Cheaters Club           2:21:57

14 Will Friski          Lockbridge Track        2:21:59

15 Sir Shizerdick       Bohemian Track Club     2:22:36

16 William Williamson   International Post      2:24:11

17 Saul Lergat          Unattached              2:25:19

18 Byrun Sexxalought    Bohemian Track Club JV  2:25:50

19 Marc Law             The Moon                2:26:13

20 Chris Chronopolis    Unattached              2:26:44

21 St. Thomas Aquinas   Heaven Track Club       2:28:14

22 Steve Postfontaine   Nike Pantaloons Co.     2:30:14

23 "Axe-Wound" Harris   Unattached              2:33:45

24 Dinner Dog           Unattached              2:45:17

 

 

100 Meters Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    10.49  7/16/1988   Florence Griffith-Joyner, USA

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Empiria Firuz        Imperial Track Club     11.26

2  Leslie Hax           College at Centaur Park 11.28

3  Lassie MacDowell     Holy T.C. of 7 Lucky    11.34

4  Valhalla Michaels    Imperial Track Club     11.45

5  Woman on Motorcycle  Cheaters Club           11.52

6  Elsie ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzSilly Party             11.58

7  Eileen Kamenogorst   Addax Labs              11.59

8  A Cheetah (female)   Hiriz City Zoo          11.63

 

 

200 Meters Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    21.31  9/29/1988   Florence Griffith-Joyner, USA

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Elsie ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzSilly Party             22.55

2  Lassie O’Shea        Holy T.C. of 7 Lucky    22.69

3  Valhalla Michaels    Imperial Track Club     23.03

4  Eileen Kamenogorst   Addax Labs              23.26

5  Betty Ziff           Unattached              23.30

6  Brynild Anamy        Monument Valley T.C.    23.42

7  Lassie MacDowell     Holy T.C. of 7 Lucky    23.55

-  Annie Addax          Addax Track Club        DNF

 

 

400 Meters Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    47.60  10/6/1985   Marita Koch, GDR

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Regan Anamy          Monument Valley T.C.    49.87

2  Anna Addax           Addax Track Club        49.95

3  Lady Orangehopper    Bohemian Track Club     50.13

4  Goodbye Holly        Allegheny High School   50.14

5  Lady Crimson Nyte    Bohemian Track Club     51.04

6  Hello Holly          Stuarts Draft High Sch  53.56

7  Some Bitch           Unknown                 58.90

-  Kansas Reed          Stuarts Draft High Sch  FS

 

 

800 Meters Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    1:53.28  7/26/1983   Jarmila Kratochvilova, CZE

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Shannon Harvey       Capital College         1:59.56

2  Woman on Bicycle     Cheaters Club           1:59.87

3  Lady Ryan            Bohemian Track Club     2:00.21

4  Red-haired Girl      Broadway High School    2:01.45  

5  Lindsay Lohan        Screen Actors Guild     2:03.64

6  Leah Chaldares       Stuarts Draft High Sch  2:04.14

7  Amanda Rexrode       Stuarts Draft High Sch  2:05.39

-  Woman on Roller Ska  Cheaters Club           DQ

 

 

1500 Meters Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    3:50.46   9/11/1993   Yunxia Qu, CHN

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Leah Chaldares       Stuarts Draft High Sch  4:04.36

2  Eva Hitler           Nazi Track Club         4:04.78

4  Amanda Rexrode       Stuarts Draft High Sch  4:06.00

3  Jaclyn Cheese-with-  FDHS College            4:08.52

5  Woman on Roller Ska  Cheaters Club           4:13.37

6  Bob’s Wife           Unattached              4:15.81

7  Marie Hart           Unattached              4:18.35

8  Lindsay Lohan        Screen Actors Guild     4:22.36

 

 

5000 Meters Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    14:24.68  6/11/2004   Elvan Abeyelgesse, TUR

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Emily Fritts         Stuarts Draft High Sch  14:57.29

2  Mary Markz           Nike Pantaloons         15:07.82

3  Deena Hannoun        She F**in Hates Me T.C. 15:07.92

4  Emmy Rossum          Screen Actors Guild     15:22.95

5  Marie Hart           Unattached              15:26.31

6  Larry Wachowski      The Matrix Sucks        15:40.37

7  Alison Willis        Stuarts Draft High Sch  16:07.54

-  Brad O’Neil in drag  Unattached              DNF

 

 

10000 Meters Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    29:31.78  9/8/1993    Junxia Wang, CHN

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Jenny Brighton       Imperial Track Club     31:27.45

2  Emmy Rossum          Screen Actors Guild     31:44.36

3  Kitty Lysek          Unattached              32:05.62

4  Larry Wachowski      The Matrix Sucks        32:20.90

5  Alison Willis        Stuarts Draft High Sch  34:45.73

-  Ellin Sweet          Unattached              DNF

-  Mary Markz           Nike Pantaloons         DNS

-  Emily Fritts         Stuarts Draft High Sch  DNS

 

 

100 Meters Hurdles Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    12.21  8/20/1988   Yordanka Donkova, BUL

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Wanda Cheap-Laugh    Silly Party             12.87

2  Marcia Talons        Monument Valley T.C.    12.88

3  Lois Griffin         Screen Actors Guild     12.94

4  Annie Addax          Addax Track Club        13.15

5  Tara Altizer         Nelson County High Sch  13.26

6  Woman on Pogo Stick  Cheaters Guild          13.42

7  That Girl You Met    Unknown                 15.89

8  Michelle Galadon, age 2 ?????                3:46.22

 

 

400 Meters Hurdles Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    52.61  8/11/1995   Kim Batten, USA

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Pepsi Blue Girl      Addax Track Club        54.07

2  Regina Hitler        Nazi Track Club         54.39

3  LaDawn Fink          Stuarts Draft High Sch  55.21

4  Laurel Sodomy        Unattached              55.64

5  Elyse Peggs-Kohut    Unattached              56.15

6  Annie Addax          Addax Track Club        56.37

7  Freer Flashing Girl  L.I.S.S.                57.24

8  Lorna Lockhart       MagicKal TracK cKlub    58.96

 

 

3000 Meters Steeplechase Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    9:01.59  7/4/2004   Gulnara Samitova, RUS

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Stacey Wyrd          Imperial Track Club     9:39.51

2  Lori Meyers          Women in Neckties       9:39.68

3  Avril Lavigne        Women in Neckties       9:44.76  

4  Ms. Mary             Wouldn’t you Like2Know? 9:49.83  

5  Lady Orangehopper    Bohemian Track Club     9:58.31

6  Gay Chick who spits  L.I.S.S.                10:06.88

7  Lady Amazonia        Bohemian Track Club     10:23.54

8  God                  According To Feminists  10:38.12

 

 

Long Jump Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    7.52m     8/11/1988 Galina Christyakova, URS

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Ashley Maracle       Unattached              6.76m    

2  Brianna Parmesan     Brie Sprint Team        6.68m

3  Joan Kugelkase       Brie Sprint Team        6.64m

4  Gretegern Sisteratch Unattached              6.60m

5  Lady Crimson Nyte    Bohemian Track Club     6.50m

6  Fiona Van Lasian     Simview Heights T.C.    6.36m

7  Woman with Jet-pack  Cheaters Club           6.32m

8  Andrea Riotor        Chick from the Stands   6.21m

 

 

Triple Jump Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    15.50m  8/10/1995   Inessa Kravets, UKR

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Ashley Maracle       Unattached              14.43m   

2  Salah Kahuns         Costa Del Sol Surfers   14.36m

3  Real (girl) Kangaroo Hiriz City Zoo          14.15m

4  Woman in Kangaroo Su Unattached              14.02m

5  Joan Kugelkase       Brie Sprint Team        13.76m

6  Pepsi Blue Girl      Addax Track Club        13.63m

7  Brianna Parmesan     Brie Sprint Team        13.35m

8  Fiona Van Lasian     Simview Heights T.C.    12.84m

 

 

High Jump Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    2.09m  8/30/1987   Stefka Kostadinova, BUL

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  LaDawn Fink          Stuarts Draft High Sch  1.95m

2  Kyomuri Shitake      Kunoichi Track Club     1.95m-J

3  Lucille Marceaux     D’Accord Dogs           1.90m

4  Woman in Kangaroo Su Unattached              1.65m

5  Nina Williams        T.C. of the Ironfist    1.60m

6  Anna Williams        T.C. of the Ironfist    1.60m-J

7  Sarah Glick          Unattached              1.25m

-  Tara Altizer         Nelson County High Sch  NH

 

 

Pole Vault Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    7.52m     8/11/1988 Galina Christyakova, URS

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Tara Altizer         Nelson County High Sch  4.50m    

2  Marie Brie           Simview Heights T.C.    4.45m

3  Winifried Meijer     Nazi Track Club         4.40m

4  Stephanie Dragila    Unattached              4.30m

5  Gwen Dibley          Silly Party             4.20m

6  Woman who Sabotaged  Cheaters Club           4.15m

7  Your Mom             Unattached              4.00m

8  My Mom               Unattached              3.90m

 

 

Shot Put Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    22.63m  6/7/1987    Natalya Lisovskaya, URS

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Man in Drag          Cheaters Club           19.97m

2  Lucinda Wildebeest   Unattached              19.85m

3  Amy Lee Brie         Simview Heights T.C.    19.41m

4  Woman on Steroids    Cheaters Club           18.77m

5  St. Jean D’Arc       Heaven Track Club       18.65m

6  Natalie Engrish      Unattached              18.12m

7  Yalia Genersis       U.B. Runners            17.34m

8  Lex Immolon          Imperial Track Club     17.10m

 

 

Discus Throw Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    76.80m  7/9/1988    Gabriele Reinsch, GDR

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Margie Zimmerman     Unattached              66.45m

2  Vork’s wife, Valeska Aldebaran-7             62.10m

3  Nelly Air-Vent       Silly Party             60.51m

4  St. Jean D’Arc       Heaven Track Club       60.42m

5  Woman with lighter d Cheaters Club           56.72m

6  Lex Immolon          Imperial Track Club     55.41m

7  Freer Flashing Girl  L.I.S.S.                55.18m

8  Maitresse Foncee     Bohemian Track Club     52.12m

 

 

Javelin Throw Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    71.54m  7/1/2001    Osleidys Menendez, CUB

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Maitresse Foncee     Bohemian Track Club     63.54m

2  Majina Tom           Imperial Track Club     62.10m

3  Mila Rowe            U.B. Runners            59.08m

4  Dandruff McGee       Screen Actors Guild     57.71m

5  Jean-Lucille Enfant  D’Accord Dogs           55.41m

6  Athena Cross         Terminus Stars          55.19m

7  Missy Obligatory     Screen Actors Guild     52.13m

8  Natalie Imbruglia    Screen Actors Guild     49.87m

 

 

Hammer Throw Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    76.07m  8/29/1999   Mihaela Melinte, ROM

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Woman on Steroids    Cheaters Club           71.64m   

2  Kris Krystoff        Terminus Stars          70.00m

3  Elle Alysa           Terminus Stars          68.95m

4  A Mountain Gorilla   Hiriz City Zoo          65.42m

5  Melissa Clinton      Unattached              63.17m

6  Mary Katz            Imperial Track Club     62.10m

7  Natalie Engrish      Unattached              60.65m

8  Bob’s Wife           Unattached              54.21m

 

 

Heptathlon Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    7291  9/24/1988    Jackie Joyner-Kersee, USA

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Woman w/various Chea Cheaters Club           6681

2  Alysha Handjula      Unattached              6345

3  Megan Hunt           Wife of Mike Hunt       6321

4  Nebraska Ephera      Unattached              6104

5  Danica Bryant        Unattached              6042

6  Kelly Forrester      Imperial Track Club     5783

7  Michelle Trufant     Imperial Track Club     5622

8  Marie Lucant         D’Accord Dogs           5555

 

 

20km Race-Walk Open Women

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    1:26:52     9/6/2001    Olimpiada Ivanova, RUS

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Jun “Kazama” Smith   Gnarly Road Runners      1:29:42

2  Samantha StringbottomUnattached              1:32:29

3  Deena Pollux         Unattached              1:32:44

4  Freyja Bin Laden     Walk Metopia            1:35:18

5  Fragina the Race-Wal Addax Track Club        1:39:69

6  Michelle “Chang” Wil T.C. of the Ironfist    1:40:41

7  Woman on Tricycle    Cheaters Club           1:45:32

-  Freer Flashing Girl  L.I.S.S.                DQ

 

 

Marathon Open Women    *held March 14, 2005*

-----------------------------------------------------------

World:    2:15:25  4/13/2003    Paula Radcliffe, GBR

Metopian: N/A

-----------------------------------------------------------

Final

1  Ellin Sweet          Unattached              2:36:39

2  Shawn Lear           Running With Cows       2:41:57