Your Savannah Master has been up on blocks for over a month…
You paint flames and a NRA sticker on your DropShip…
Your call-sigh is "Billy-Joe-Bob"…
You refer to Claner’s as "Critters"…
You refer to Autocannons as "Popguns"…
You have the radar repaired with a bent coat hanger and aluminium foil…
You install a set of bullhorns on the front of your Mech…
You hang fuzzy dice over the view screen…
You rewire your wrist-com into your belt buckle…
You keep a six-pack under your command couch and a gun rack above it…
You say "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Attack"…
You have a hand-tooled holster for your Laser…
Your commanding officer insists that you call him "Bubba"…
You set your secondary monitor screen to reruns of "Bass-master"…
All you have for field-rations are beer, ribs, and turnip greens…
You paint your Mech John Deere green…
You refer to a PPC as a "Blue Light Special"…
You refer to the Clan occupation zone as a "swamp"…
Your moonshine is stronger than Glengarry special reserve Ale…
Your idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls…
You wear mirrored shades into battle…
You think that Word of Blake is part of the KKK…
Your ECM system is just an 8-track caste player…
You think LBX and Ultra are type of beer…
You refer to the SLDF as ‘Smoky’…
The jump seat of your 'Mech is covered in parts for a 1964 1/2 Corvair…
You have a rusting Urbanmech in your front lawn devoid of legs…
You don't go looking for lostech, but losteeth…
You make hammocks out of spare myomer bundles…
Your cooling vest is flannel…
Your coolant vest is in a bright orange hunting vest…
You thought the Clan invasion was a bunch of guys running around in white sheets…
Ye have a little flag from the confederate states as combat insignia…
Ye refer to a Man 'o War as a "Can 'o Whoopass"…
Ye call an Akuma "jersey-devil"…
Ye refer to the former FedCom as "Yankees"…
Ye refer to an LBX as 'my old shotgun'…
Ye call DropShip captains "Big Motha Truckers"…
The Dark Age brings an increase in technology to your planet…
If your planets motto is; "(insert name of planet) welcomes free-spending invaders"…
Your think a HPG is two tin cans and a really long piece of string…
You Mech runs on Windows 3.1…
When you where told the Clans had taken over your home-planet you started walking round with a white sheet over your head…
Your Mech's com-system is an old baby-alarm…
When you heard about the Ghost Bears and Smoke Jaguars, you thought it was hunting season…
Your C.O. and your Mom are the same person…
Your mom had her Hatchetman's hatchet replaced with a giant frying pan…
You use your flamer for your 4th of July BBQ…
You think Operation Bulldog was to deal with stray dogs…
Your idea of training consists of two ferrets shoved down your overalls…
You ever named a BattleMech 'General Lee'….
You consider the outhouse your 'Secondary Command Centre'…
You think the 'Ares Conventions' are laws against dating your cousin…
Your JumpShips are powered by large internally mounted sails, with fans blowing into them…
Whenever someone mentions a W.o.B homeless shelter, all you do is have nightmares of secret Mech divisions and being forced to watch 'Battlefield Earth' over and over and over…
You think a Gauss Rifle shoots out bandages…
Even then, you had to ask someone what 'gauze' is…
You wrap your BattleMech in road kill pelts and broken surfboards; when asked what you are doing you reply "I'm armourin' mah Mech with furry fibers"…
You think a Jade Falcon is that thing you shot down with your BB gun that you left in the fridge for too long…
You'd kill to be Victor Steiner-Davion since he's got such a hot sister…
You don't know what Level 2 means…
You're on level 0.5…
Your biggest gun is a 1000-year-old .22…
You look up to the Taurian Concordat…
You've never heard of Kerensky…
You’ve never heard of Cameron…
You think you're still in the first dark ages…
You think you're the only human left alive…
You're rich, but don't have a house…
You treat Pirates like ComStar…
You have ever said: "She thinks my Mad Dawg's sexy..."…
You have ever said: "Draconis Combine? Yeah, I got one of those in the barn."…
You have ever said: "Federated common wealth... what's that?"…
You used a Jade Falcon duck call on Coventry…
You have your ECM Suite replaced with a Johnny Cash CD and a pair of amps…
Your local DropShip is named The Wabash Cannonball…
Your Targeting Computer only goes “1...2... A whole shit load!”…
“Who needs myomer? We got all the duct tape we need!”
Someone mentions Toads your mouth starts to water…
Your Mech’s paint job is a Confederate Flag…
A Dress uniform consists of a Dixie Outfitters shirt, Wrangler Jeans, and old boots…
You refer to Capellans as "Them damn Yankee sunzabitches!"…
You are related to everyone in town…
Everyone you know is called Zeke, Cletus, Billy-Bob, Mary-Lou or Lou-Anne..
You think harjell is something that makes your hair spiky…
You ever talk about “The War of Inner Sphere Aggression”…
You think the Brigand is cutting edge technology…
Your 'Mech is painted like a cow…
You use your LB-2X AC for hunting…
Your armor division is filled out with dodge pickups that have .50-calibre machine guns rigged to the back…
A "bondsman" in your mind is completely different from the actual term…
You think rocket launchers are the best thing to happen to the universe…
Your HQ is your shack in the swamp filled with alligators…
You refer to your XO as "little buddy"…
You automatically nuke anything that moves in your solar system…
When the strange man in the shiny new DropShip says "quiaff" you answer "gesdunheit."…
Out of some primal urge, you refitted your Merlin to run on diesel and whiskey…
You had the Jump Jets lowered on your Victor for the sole purpose of making fart jokes…
You replaced the actuators on your Mech with ones from a model 20 tons heavier…
You don't know how many meters your Mech can jump, but you sure as hell know how many trailer homes it can clear…
You have more kills in the last pirate raid than you have ever had teeth…
Your farmer's tan is painfully visible when you wear a cooling vest…
You tried to make inferno SRM’s by filling the warheads with Bubba’s chilly…
You have ever eaten anything you killed by stepping on it with your Mech…
You modified the head protector on your Cyclops so that it resembles a ten-gallon hat.
Your family has been using MRM'S since the 2nd succession war…
Someone mentions "Doc. Banzai" and you think they're talking about Drac beer…
The nice people in white robes want to set up a "summer camp" for burnt-out military officers next door…
You have ever destroyed a scout car by smashing it against your Atlas' head…
A DropShip has flown overhead and you attempt to shoot it down with the shotgun by your front door…
Your XO's call sign is Rubber Duck…
Rather than location, you ask your lance-mates for their ‘20’…
Your flamers are matches thrown from your cockpit…
When you heard the Ghost Bears were invading, you thought the law was after you…
Instead of a grid-reference, you give a mile-marker…
Instead of a hatchet or frying pan, your mom upgraded her hand weapon to one very large rolling pin…
Your bloodhound hangs his head out the side of your cockpit when charging in to battle…
If you fire your LBX into the air while shouting 'yeeehawww!' after each battle…
If you have Commando riding contests....
Your mom took on an Elemental armed with nothing but a can-opener and won…
Your mom stopped a Clan invasion by yelling “Don’t make me come over there now!”…
If your Quickdraw has a huge ass .22 on a hip holster....
You use Arrow-IV’s as fireworks....
You asked a bondsman to bail cousin Cletus out of county…
Your quartermaster is the proprietor of Honest Joe’s used Mech’s and Tractors…
When asked for ID, you point at your belt buckle…
You’ve ever eaten anything you found at the side of the road…
Your family photos include two dogs and a pickup truck…
You’ve ever used an old neural-helmet as a spittoon…
Your neural-helmet has a can of beer attached to either side…
You’ve ever had a Scorpion riding contest…
Before each battle, you kick your Mech feet to make sure they’re ok…
When someone mentions the Republic of the Sphere, you think Amaris won…
You’ve declared a trial of possession over a pack of pork-rinds…
Your idea of battle armor is a bright orange hunting vest…
You think the Immortal Warrior films are about Chuck Norris…
When someone said they were DEST, you replied ‘Bless you’…
You were once offered a Fussionaire, but said you don’t like low-alcohol beer…
You are oh-so proud of your Mackie…
Your AMS system is a 12-gage loaded with buckshot…
You’ve ever declared a Trial of Grievance over a spilt pint...
You may be from the Clan Periphery if your idea of a formal Batchall is “That’s the way John Wayne would’ve done it!”
You may be from the Davion Periphery if you idea of a Batchall is "Hey! You! Outside, Now!"