the usefulness of . . . oh, nevermind!

Er, hem.

Today's rant topic: A Series of Unfourtunate Events (by Lemony Snickett)

*spoiler alert!*

This depressingly funny series is a good way to realize how much worse you life could be. The three Baudelaire orphans are faced with hard work, lots and lots of running, annoyingly stupid classes, evil villians, and stupid adults who are really quite dense, and are constantly catapulted from one guardian to another. They are currently on the run from an evil relative of theirs, Count Olaf, who everyone thinks they murdered. The Daily Punctilio (all the news in fits of print) incorrectly reported that the children had murdered Count Omar (Olaf!).

The Bad Beginning

In this book the orphans become orphans and meet their nemesis, Count Olaf. The book starts out If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. Intriguing, no?

The Reptile Room

In the second book, the children have encounters with the Mamba du Mal (a snake) The Incredibly Deadly Viper, and Gustav (who is really Count Olaf in disguise).

The Wide Window

Aunt Josephine is scared of everything. Literally. She is afraid of the stove, the lake, burglars, real estate agents, and door knobs, to name a few.

The Miserable Mill

The children get to work in Lucky Smells Lumber Mill in this book. And if you think your job is bad, try working with only gum for lunch (1 piece each) and getting paid with coupons!

The Austere Academy

Instead of a normal, cheerful school motto, this one's is "Memento Mori," or "Remember you will Die." To top it off, the children are forced to live in the Orphan's Shack. Not pleasant. However, they do make friends with the 2 Quagmire triplets. That was not a typo.

The Ersatz Elevator

Now the children drink Parsley Soda, wear enormous Pinstripe suits, and live at 667 Dark Avenue. Triplets still missing.

The Vile Village

As if the Parsley Soda weren't bad, now the children have moved to the Village of Fowl Devotees, and do chores for the whole village. Will they find their missing friends, the two Quagmire triplets?

The Hostile Hospital

The children are on the run! Trying to avoid both Count Olaf and the Police now, the Baudelaires take refuge at a hospital, where they face obnoxious singing people, a PA, and heart-shaped balloons. Not to mention a Crainioectomy (head removal!). Eep!

The Carnivorous Carnival

This next book of the unfortunate saga involves ugly shirts, Chabo the wolf baby, telling people what they want to hear, and messy eating. Quite hilarious, actually.

Not at all Helpful in any way, whatsoever. Some of you are probably asking who on earth this Snickett guy is, anyway. Read the entirely unhelpful Unauthorized Autobiography of Lemony Snickett to find out! Or visit this website.

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