DELI MAN - *Points at Vern & Fo* QUICHE!!!!

V- Fo, how do you spell that musical concept that means 'with sudden loudness'?
F- S-F... (silence) *looks at Vern*
V- ...Doesn't sound quite right, does it?

F- That middle-aged woman has my scarf!!

V&F- !Go Beverages!

F- Bonechilling news, Vern, but I don't think you really meant to buy these raisin/nut/honey cookies, did you??
V- YOU MEAN THEY'RE NOT CHOCOLATE??!!
F- *Contemplative silence, shakes head* ...I thought not.

F- I remember him, he was one of my first boyfriends. His name was Gordon and he had learning difficulties...

F- I need a pish...

F - Kiwi... He certainly puts the 'site' in 'exciting'!

WAK- *Walks into room wearing retarded waistcoat thing*
F- Did you forget to iron your shirt again?
WAK- (Quietly) ...Yes.

F- *Panicking* Dammit, Vern, I can't do up the zipper on these size 10 jeans! Aagh! Aagh! Aagh! I'm obese!

V- Yeah, but who can really be assed using the magic wand?

MMM- Each year, from Inverurie we sponsor one boy and one girl to go on the course. From Meldrum, we sponsor one person

F- But I don't wanna die in an alleyway!!
V- You shoudn't have touched my dress then, should you?

V- Seven boxes, three chords... it's kinda like multiple choice...

F- It gives it more biro power!

V- Fo, why do you attract such losers??
F- *Crosses arms* Who's the one being chased after by a short Dutch guy wearing a giant sombrero?
V- God, and now he has a giant green mohican, too...

WARREN- My terrible secret! It's oot!!

BENNACHIE LADY- So, you blindfold the 11-year olds, and get them to complete an assault course which runs next to a burn with only the guidance from their peers...
F- Ah, spiteful youth. Reality TV would kill for this.

V- Fo, do you have no standards?!
F- Well, I do live in a sleazy drug pit...

V- You know, I kinda miss living with Elroide, coming home every day to find him going through my underwear, stepping out of the shower to find him waiting with a camera, turning out my bedroom light to find him waiting under the bed...

F- Can you really be assified with all this countamounting?

V- (Written) 'The pen is drying out'
F- *Looks at paper and giggles like a schoolgirl*

V- Excited Voice Woman's losing her mind!!

F- My Quoticals!!

V- No, Folore, if I've told you once, I've told you more than once!

F- Vern, Vern, for fuck sake, we're about to eat! Stop minting me!

F- I'm just a fucked up litle airplane hangar...

V- *In robot voice* Transformers, robots in disguise...

F- You're so fucked up and evil, Vern, like a spectrum, flowing in the wind... Watch! Watch as the colours fly through the air!

V- Folore, what's your fixation with drawing naked things??

29p WOMAN- That's 29 pence, please...

F- (Describing her forehead) I feel it! I feel it bulging and it's weird and disgusting!

HAMLET- Hillo ho ho boy, come bird, come!

F- I won't have you defacing his means of transport!

NEWSPAPER HEADLINE- 'Milne The Desperate Lesbian Queen Romps Pigeon In Go-Kart Horror'

V- All you have to do is steal a bunch of students' clothes...
F- ...And watch them frolic naked through a jungle - based assault course!
CHANNEL 5- We'd like to buy your idea...

F- Vern, your dictionary is so cool, it has that word in it!

F- Do you think I should tell Madame Jarvie that Mr Turton came and changed all my marking? It might start World War III!
V- *Contemplative silence* Best not.

F- Why is Folore Jr. a gay man?!

V- God, Fo, your watch has such a tiny screen!

F- All hail... Chili Cheesecake, the most disgusting meal known to man...

HAMLET- Buz Buz!

V-Dammit, why is my bladder so incapable of holding anything in for more than five minutes???!

F- Fuck it! He can phone me as many times as he wants but I'm not fucking decorating his kitchen!

3rd EYE BLIND- Miss Jones taught me English, but I think I just shot her son...

V- Fo's in L-word...!

F- *Written* "Slower and all over..."

V&F - All prepare for !Visual Hamlet Day 2002!

JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN- But my little Tinky-Winky hasn't seen a friend in a very long time!

V - Guess what... I have a thrilling idea...
F - What? What??
V - We have to... buy more notebooks!!
F - How daring...

F - Pacey has a beard!!! Whhhhhyyyyyyyyy..........??????????