I love quotes. Especially funny ones. Jack Handy got his own page of them. If you have any to add, send them to me.

"Probably the difference between man and the monkeys is that the monkeys are merely bored, while man has boredom plus imagination." --Lin Yutang

"What is this world that is hastening me toward I know not what…?" --Kahlil Gibran

"And that's all you, Opus, and your slinky black dress get! Ha!" --Merlin Chowkyunwan

"All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?" --Unknown

"There are two rules for ultimate success in life:
1. Never tell everything you know." --Unknown

"Beat your child once a day. If you don't know why, he does." --Chinese Proverb

"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives." --William Dement

"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." --Mark Twain

"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage." --Woody Allen

"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." --Socrates

"Get the facts first. You can distort them later." --Mark Twain

"It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble." --Mark Twain

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel." --Homer Simpson

"Time's fun when you're having flies." --Kermit the Frog

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." --George Carlin

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." --Albert Einstein

"It is discouraging to try and penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it. That would take some of the rigidity out of it." --Mark Twain

"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top." --English Professor, Ohio University

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk." --Steven King

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggy' until you can find a rock." --Unknown