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Thursday, August 21, 2003
      whats that?!
Ohh, i have a banner up there and down there. At the start, on an attempt to cover the bottom banner i accidently took off the pop-up add and added the top in-line banner and i have no idea how to get rid of it, i cant deal with this now. It looks bad and i doubt id be making anymore new looks for my page other than change pics, oh well. This is dumb. why cant i go back to pop-up?! well its free, so i better get used to it (unless i get hosted or find something else), urghhh... %$#@!

On top of that, i am having a realization how sad it is, im applying for things i dont like to do, things i have no desire of doing, my passion and interest are in things that i cannot or would not be given a chance to do. But i need to do these start from the bottom jobs. It'll take a lot of hardwork and drive, hopefully i will get there (please....sooner than later), bare with what i can get and when im in the position to do things i enjoy i remember that it was all worth it. At least i have this opportunity...

+ Michelle Branch - Are You Happy Now
+ Matchbox Twenty - Unwell
::::: 3:47 PM -

      random... 2 cents
One of my friend went to city to surf, Teri actually participated, wow! that is just so excellent,i cant imagine myself doing it, running around, ohhh flash back....i was gonna go actually, when i was in high school we needed some extra credit or something, that was one of the choice but instead of that i did something else. i think i wanted to play tennis for sport rather than train for city to surf which is part of the credit point.

Bec mentioned karma a while back and how if something bad keeps happening to you even though you've been a great person, is that something else? i say... maybe its a curse! no. i dont know, its hard to find one way to describe something like that. I believe in karma, i guess the whole, what you do comes back to you (3 fold?), but there is also God, there is also fate? there is also luck? and omens/curse? prayer? the devil? Im not sure, there are so many things out there... i was having this discusion with someone and i was going on and on and on about things and all they said was, I believe in God. seriously i just sat there, stunned, thats it. God has something planned for all of us. just trust him... although i cant help myself and tried to argue but really when you get down to it there is only God.

random thoughts for now...

-Karma, does that include bad thoughts and past life OR just actions? isnt that a religious thing, buddhist / hindu. the pagans and christians have a very similar version as well... from what i can remember...

-Luck, im not sure about this... i think of it as something that you have no control of, its like Gifts from God, we all have gifts from God... we are all the same...

-Fate, things happens for a reason... yet sometimes we dont know the reasons, so u just wait and see

-Devil, those things that temps you to do bad things and harm others

-Omen/curse, words and spirits have powers?

-Prayer, a way to talk to God.

-God, the way, the truth, the light.

I just realized that other than fantasy i also really like sci-fi!!! like Seaquest DSV, Stargate!!! awesome shows... movies too, ohh the possibilities!

ok.... how about conspiracies...?!
::::: 3:30 PM -

Wednesday, August 20, 2003
      Regretful or Thankful? What is Good? & What is right?
Meb wrote a comment on the previous post and i replied about how we make decisions so quickly and how it can change your life so much. I guess we do them all the time and not know it, should we be regretful? is there any point? should we be thankful that we have other opportunities? what if that was the oppurtunity we've been waiting for? my sister said something she read or was told something like this... "fate can take you so much, the rest is up you" Things happens for a reason = fate? but we can control it? its kinda weird, but i think that quote basically says something like, yes there is fate, but we shouldnt just sit on our arse.

Jos asked a question on her blog "Would you rather be right or be good?" and with that.... i think i rather be good. Its a good question... 'right' seems so logical like court cases, laws are governed by what is right, facts and evidence, while 'good' is more like values and beliefs which affects us emotionally. BUT how about this question.... What is right? What is good? there was this blog that posed that question a while back....and it was really good... but i forgot where it was... its like what is right and what is good depends on each person, on their own meaning.... yes there are generalities but each person have their own answer... wel....just a couple of thoughts... my 2 cents....

The agency left a message while i was online about an interview this afternoon and i called back when i found out which was 2 hours later, well ...they havent called back... oh well, missed that one....but do they just call u like that and say, you have an interview in 2 hours or start in 3 hours at this place.... oh no!!! me dont like it....yeah....also.... I have no idea but i have been using my sisters mobile number in my resume, i guess the ad must have been recent then... gotta change that... I feel like partying...clubbing.... im feeling better during the day... at night i feel horrible... i think its the cold.

/more tracks:
Benny Benassi presents The Biz - Satisfaction
Chingy- Right Thurr
Dream ft. Loon - Crazy
Thalia - I Want You
Ashanti - Rock Wit U
Da Brat - In love wit chu
::::: 3:47 PM -

      Exhausted but far from disappointed
Yesterday, the trek to and from circular quay was so long and so tiring, the wait was a 2 hour torture (i came so early coz i didnt know where it was, and it turned out to be 2 minutes from the station). After lunch i wanted to take a walk on the harbour but it started to rain and although i brought an umbrella the wind was strong and made it a lot colder.

I was stuck in a food court writing on a journal and looking through the paper, then finally the time came and walked up to the building, the people were really nice and i knew what it was before i came up, it was a recruitement agency, i was a little disappointed but my nerves came down, the test was a 2 minute data entry, filled out some papers and had an interview. The interviewer was pleasant and cheery and professional so I wasnt nervous at all. She said if i had friends lookig for an agency that i should let them know about them and i will when i get a chance to talk to them but here is their website if some of my friends are reading this... if you guys are interested call me, email me or just email ur resume to nina.bone@officeteam.com.au

She asked a lot of question about me, experiences/study and what i want now (i need experience!) and future plans, she then explained about their agency (offer mostly temp) and after that she offered me a job. Its at Gladesville and she explained that it was office/admin, like she said on the phone. It will be perfect for experience, but... it would be a very long travel for me;

>> bus from home to station (20mins), train from station to town hall(1hour), bus from town hall to Gladesville (20mins).
[she game this cool website to get to places using public transport]

I didnt take it, I rely only on public transport and that is is too much for me... plus i have to add waiting period, that would probably come to 2-3 hours travel just to get there... She understood my dilemma and didnt push me and looked at my answer to where i want to work (walking distance from major stations) and said she will look for something more suitable. Im not sure if i like how agencies work but they actually help me look for jobs so thats good, she added that I shouldnt stop looking by myself, i also should look at other agencies, and keep in touch with them... she was nice.

Travelling was hard and dont like it, at least i had my pocket radio to keep me awake, i dont like to close my eyes coz i feel like i might miss my stop .... all these is bcoz im not used to it. Well i did i few things this week and thats something...

My parents left me this good luck note and some money at the counter yesterday, sweet. Its proven, no child is the same even if they have the same parents... us siblings are so different, i mean we have similar family values but how we think about life and the future, interests and opinions... its so different... but isnt thats just personality......havent thought about that much yet, just now....... yeah ... (i felt so stupid, yesterday i kept saying 'yeah' to end my sentences... no good! at all!)

Totay i just want to chill, the last 2 days of looking for a job was so hard, thats actually going out there.... "looking for a job is a job itself"... so true! you need time, effort and money.

/Amazing Race!!!
/Blu Cantrell ft. Sean Paul - Breathe (remix)
/Beyoncé Knowles ft. Sean Paul- Baby Boy
::::: 11:01 AM -

Monday, August 18, 2003
      A very different day, be Brave!
I woke up a little late coz i kept my self up last night with my damn coughing.... I needed to send some stuff through the post so I dropped by the newsagent and bought a paper and browsed around for things that i cant afford, but i managed to get a plant somehow. I got home and checked the mailbox, my bank credit is nearly gone and so i had to go back and transfer some money before they close it, i also received a rejection letter, oh well... thought i should have lunch after i transplant the weed looking perrenial..... that i did.

While watching daytime tv, scanning the paper to keep up with the news and eating leftovers..... the employment section came up so i looked and circled some stuff but got turned off calling or sending my resume... so I decided to read my stars and there it says... "are u going to be brave?" i told myself "YES!" so i dialled the numbers and called them, i got a couple of mini interviews with some i needed to call back, while i waited i printed my resume and ran to send it through the post and get another paper (i was on a roll... lol). I got home and called and then had to clean up fast...

Around half an hour later while i was frantically cleanning some mess before they come home i got call from my sisters' mobile (lucky she just got home). It was this lady asking about me sending my resume (a while while back coz i now use my own mobile number). She asked about things about experience and study and mentioned if things from my resume are true, as in can i do them.... So now i have a little interview tomorrow plus test my MSOffice skills, for an office/admin job, my first ever interview that i will actually go to. I cant believe it but i know that i need a job soon... and an interview is enevitable....so tomorrow i have to travel all the way to the city, off Pitt St, which sounds familiar.... and its late at 4pm when it starts. Well i need a job and I hope i get something soon, hopefully this coz i dont want to wait another week or month on my arse...

This is actually good coz i know why i dont get interview........and that is i have little to no experience... im glad they gave me a chance to even see what an interview is like so... i need to get a job, any job... this is something....for experience sake, well ive got a chance. I am a little worried, nervous and excited too. Now... I did some online excel and word tutorials, i hate how i keep coughing / allergy, what will i wear since i dress very casual and my formal clothes is nearly non-existant.... whatever... it should be good! Wish me luck! ... and remember.... be Brave!
::::: 6:18 PM -

Saturday, August 16, 2003
      My new friend, the Kettle.
I havent been drinking anything other than warm water or a hot drink, thanks to the kettle. I havent been well, after getting sick the allergy stepped in and plus I'm still unemployed. A lot has changed though, things, perspectives and me, i guess i had time to think even though its so hard to concentrate while feeling like a drowned rat. I better stop there... its not sounding good...

New layout! new corner of things that i like / dislike, where the archives of it will be in the Distracted page (no time, motivation, skill, book right now... so fan pages are gonna be on hold and this will dominate that site... with the cross fingers that i will actually update it.) I dont know about my face being up there but its ok for now. What else? Thats all for now... Although i am still feeling crap, there are so many things I am still looking forward to, so it'll be cool.

Here are a couple of things I found...

"The phenomenon called learned helplessness may help explain the self-blame. It refers to the situation in which people experience failure at a task, often numerous times. As a result, they decide that the task cannot be done, at least not by them: they are helpless. They stop trying. If this feeling covers a group of tasks, the result can be severe difficulties coping with life. In the extreme case, such learned helplessness leads to depression and to a belief that the person cannot cope with everyday life at all. Sometimes all that it takes to get such a feeling of helplessness is a few experiences that accidentally turn out bad. The phenomenon has been most frequently studied as a precursor to the clinical problem of depression, but it might easily arise with a few bad experiences with everyday objects." - From The Design of Everyday Things by Donald A. Norman ~ link

"Conversation. What is it? A Mystery! It's the art of never seeming bored, of touching everything with interest, of pleasing with trifles, of being fascinating with nothing at all. How do we define this lively darting about with words, of hitting them back and forth, this sort of brief smile of ideas which should be conversation?" ~ Guy de Maupassant ~ link

Its good to be back. I want candy. Later =D

>> Donna Lewis - I Love You Always Forever
::::: 11:21 PM -

Friday, August 01, 2003
      friday night at the Movies
About to watch some videos, gonna get spooked. How stupid... last week me and my bro were looking through some videos, skipped the new-release-overnight section as well as the 3-for-3 nights and decided that weekly is the way to go since we havent borrowed for a long long time, some of them would be in the weekly section already... Searching we stumbled into an isle called 'new to weekly'........ "hey this is new"...."wow! we havent seen this and that" We picked quikly and walked up to the counter excited to go home to see these movies... The guy then said, "oh these are different to weekly... they are called new to weekly but not weekly priced" ....i go "WTF" (in my head of course).... urghhh.....we were desperate and had nothing to do when we get home so we picked again all these other 8 weekly movies and they are pretty good as well! they are due tomorrow and we need to see 3 more.

I dont know, i was reading a few other blogs and they named no-one, but...... they have nicknames like say.... guy with ugly hair, sunflower chick, door bell dude, annoying neighbour 2, brainy babe, little chimpmunk, bicept man, miss sleepy, mr loud, big pockets, the bus runner, 1pm-person, .... u get the idea... maybe i should do that... lol, nah... couldnt be bothered. whats this.... later! ;)

¯Avril Lavigne - Get Over It.

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up.top | Godspeed