.: :: :.

Thursday, July 31, 2003
this is just a very simple look and from yesterday the pic has been changed already, i was surfing, looking for stuff about the ABS-CBN (filo) soap “Sana’y Wala Nang Wakas,” that i have been watching, which is pretty good... featuring the return of the Jericho Rosales / Kristine Hermosa loveteam. they look so sweet and good together and came upon this picture and so i used it! na kikilig ako!

im glad the noise outside is gone for now, they are building another part of the school infront of our house and not just noise, dust and dirt too since its very windy lately. they make all these noises just when everything is so quite, that kinda spooked me a coupla times coz it looks like someone is trying to break it but its just heavy machinery. nothing much to talk / write about really.

here are a couple though... yeah i think i have esp this last week, i seem to have feelings / thoughts about things and it kinda happens...lol plus ... i was watching the morning shows, am i getting old coz i was enjoying it... its funny... its all good... maybe i just have a good sense of humour ey.... btw i should give credit for this guy who i got the text increase / decrease / reset button --> .: :: :. <-- thanks!

jammin w/
>> Stephen Speaks - Passenger Seat
>> Stephen Speaks - Out of my league
>> Stephen Speaks - All These Things
>> Sixpence None The Richer - Kiss Me
>> Freestyle - Before I Let You Go
>> Freestyle - 'Til I Found You
>> Jolina Magdangal - Hey babe (oh babe-upbeat)
>> Jolina Magdangal - Mahal Mo Ba Ako (Jolina & Marvin Theme)
>> Mandy Moore - Only hope
>> Mandy Moore - Cry
>> Westlife - My girl (I've got sunshine)
::::: 10:45 AM -

Wednesday, July 30, 2003
      back to basics
i just had 2 tea spoons of apple cider / vinegar and 1 tea spoon of honey for my cold-allergy-dry cough-feel cold-runny-blocked nose etc... ive used everything else, 'dimetap', 'codral', 'claranase' and were not working for me........... wait i feel like vomitting......

now eating 2 little squares of chocolate...wait...

after a sip of coke to get the crap taste i still felt crap so had a sip of orange juice, then after the losenges......... i spewed... wtf. did all that just induced vomitting........ this is the second time, this week. the first being while having breakfast, i was about to have 'coco pops' (used to eat 'fibre plus' but i dont like it with warm milk) and was having my honey lemon tea (sometimes with kalamansi) then my mouth tasted funny then it happened..... urghh. yuk

i dont remember why i wrote that title... wait..im gonna check the tv. 'csi: miami' is on as well as 'without a trace' later... yeah i watch those... 'alias' is back! and i watch home improvement shows too. there are so many of those murder mystery and wanted a change so instead of 'crossing jordan' i skipped it and watched 'rove live'.

yeah gonna go but stay online, coz i need to download some music... what a very trivial post, like always...lol... i still cant remember why the title is that... btw i am gonna change the pic above from 2 lovers laying in the green grass to something really sweet... well for me that is.... i found it today... its sweet lovers as well.... really sweet! im gonna go keep warm even though im wearing a lot already... im gonna go cover myself with this woolen blanket... we have no A/C and my parents dont want us to use heaters coz it makes us sicker... ie.. me used it, i got sick and a few members of the family... so baddd...... im warm enough...

i know what the title.... its the medicene i used... yeah i dont really stay up anymore, no one to stay up with... and its really cold... and i wake earlier...

question - trackies or pj's?: trackies!

good movies:
>> sugar and spice
>> 100 girls
::::: 8:53 PM -

      new version of you?
thats the new felicity theme, i like it but i prefer the old one. yeah i cant help talking about job stuff coz i usually finish jobmail b4 i blog these days. im feeling crap. worst each day but im okay. i even made this new look, small and nice. and if u can read it, u can increase, decrease and reset the text with the .: :: :. buttons at the top and bottom of the page, thats all for now.

>> Aaliyah - I miss you
>> Creed - Higher

::::: 10:59 AM -

Saturday, July 26, 2003
      fly me to the moon.. lalala
im so sick of having this cold and this dumbass allergie. my eyes are glazed like donut. i cant breathe and i cant concentrate. plus my nose is dry. im sometimes deluded, i just am. it must stop! im 'nuts with chocolate' and its not helping. full-time should be better, right? try and crap, but one day it'll be uncrap. its really cold. somedays, sometimes its not worth explaining or understanding. maybe it cant be explained or understood... so why dont u just fly me to the moon... lalala...

too far to reach yet so close it pains
take a breath and take it away
missing you to hold you near
come back and live our days

btw I found the other 'asap' song that i like....its Barely Breathing by: Duncan Sheik. ....pretty good, the title.... relates to me physically, mentally.... the lyrics is close.. heha...

>> Duncan Sheik - Barely Breathing
::::: 11:32 PM -

Thursday, July 24, 2003
      STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards!
update ::: I've only applied for a few admin jobs this week and slowly getting all the unsuccessful letters for some, yeah im gonna go to an actual job agency soon instead of online stuff & newspaper. It doesnt matter, a job is job and the IT goal will just have to wait ti'll later, maybe after a few short classes. One of my friend, Hosai, got a job, non-IT, and its cool, im happy for her. I just want any job for now... hopefully admin / clerical soon... what can i do, its been a while now...so..... on to plan B.....

rant ::: I dont like being forced, accused, proving myself, told what to think and thought of as a waste of space. Dont we all?! just want our basic free thought and actions (maybe im just contractiing again...) i just dont like it....

rave ::: There is this link dedicated just for Stephen Speaks... 'Passenger Seat' and 'Out of My League' is just as good! they are so good! and the page is very well made!

::::: 1:23 PM -

Wednesday, July 23, 2003
      wanting more
i was talking to Meb yesterday while making some cds, one thing we talked about was wanting more on how we give pressure to ourself. its okay to want more in life, we have drive and motivation. we are not saying were not grateful with what we have so far or that we are in rot but we simply want a little more, we are striving for more. we want to better ourself... dont we we all.....
i remember Viv mentioned competition, for me i dont really compete with friends, yeah i get jealous, but its not an issue, i can look pass it and see it as a healthy competition, first and foremost we are friends... the rest follows...
just a thought.... broken things need mending..... try at least.

lol... in case your wondering.... brunch: baked beans on toast + coke

we were watching 'asap' and there are so many talented filo's out there! plus these 2 songs came along the one i cant find goes "im thinking it over... i dont know.... " and i cant remember it and find it but i reallly like it... i'll try and get the video back... if u know let me know and the other was this song... its so sweet and good..... soooo nice... here it is....

Passenger Seat by Stephen Speaks

I look at her and have to smile
As we go driving for a while
Her hair blowing in the open window of my car, and
As we go, the traffic lights
I watch them glimmer in her eyes
In the darkness of the evening, and

I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me

We stop to get something to drink
My mind clouds and I can't think
Scared to death to say I love her
Then the moon peeks from the clouds
I hear my heartbeat it's so loud
Try to tell her simply, that


>> Stephen Speaks - Passenger Seat

::::: 12:46 PM -

Tuesday, July 22, 2003
      Bring It On!...
I feel so confident today! I woke up late with a bounce in my step. I smiled at an unsuccessful letter and hoped for a better letter tomorrow. The sun is bright and I am ok but i know there is something lingering around me, I hope everything will turn for the better!
Im glad that Regie won BB3! she is so deserving! then Chrissy got the car! and Dan, making up for the last three in the house.
A question came to mind... when people say they feel that they are more themselves or changed (i know that can happen, of course especially with that kind of experience) ... but for me i feel i am always true to myself, although i have my days, its safe to say, what u see is what u get, i dont hold much back. to friends and family... i mean of course if ur with strangers... u need to know how far u can push their buttons, but i know thats just normal... and it becomes a gradual thing to show ur true colors to strangers/ workmates/ friends-of-friends.......as to change... things dont really change in a day (some can though... most dont).... its a process.... The main point is that be yourself all the time! most of the time i mean... but what if u dont know who u are?... i say... do what makes you happy and try not to harm anyone.... then thats u! ... (oh im so preachy.... and yes i try and practice them... lol).... but thats just a thought.... for now... u never know... my opinion might change..... nothing is permanent, everyday.... is different..... maybe for the better!
>> Counting Crows ft. Vanessa Carlton - Big Yellow Taxi
::::: 1:00 PM -

Monday, July 21, 2003
      i'm still here
Well eveyone went back to work or school, Im still here looking...

I remember this guy in high school, when the teacher described what Melancholy means, he said, thats Arvin, and then he called me, Melancholy, for a while. Was i Melancholy when i was in high school, i dont think i was, did i look Melancholy? i dont know... i enjoyed school... maybe coz i was always thinking... i mean something was always distracting me... about something... deep thought? .... depressed? ..... i get distracted... i dont know.....

so the meaning of Melancholy is...
1.Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom: “There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass” (Charles Kuralt).
2.Pensive reflection or contemplation.
3. Archaic. Black bile. An emotional state characterized by sullenness and outbreaks of violent anger, believed to arise from black bile.

since i like the word, Distracted, i looked it up as well...
1. Having the attention diverted.
2. Suffering conflicting emotions; distraught.

anyway, more quotes...

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I do not want my house to be walled in on all sides and my windows to be stuffed. I want the cultures of all the lands to be blown about my house as freely as possible. But I refuse to be blown off my feet by any.
- Ghandi

We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.

The real leader has no need to lead--he is content to point the way.
- Henry Miller

Venture all; see what fate brings.
- Vietnamese Proverb

If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory.
-William Hazlitt



Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.
-George Eliot

Melancholy is incompatible with bicycling.
-James E. Starrs

Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live.
-Mark Twain, "Taming the Bicycle"

When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race.
-H.G. Wells


i want a bike now.... i remember the moment, when i learnt how to ride the bike, we didnt own a bike when i was little and when i visited one of my cousins, thats when i learnt. my dad was holding it coz there was no training wheels and then all of a sudden i was on my own. we bought a bike here but it was stolen... time for a new one soon! the feeling of riding the bike is different to driving a car, duh.. lol.. i mean.... you know what i mean... its like flying.... lol.. u know what i mean....

>> Aiza - Pagdating Ng Panahon
>> Jeremiah - Bakit Ka Iiyak
::::: 2:49 PM -

Sunday, July 20, 2003
      sharing is caring and caring is good
i just like to share these quotes / stuff that i found through my net (blog) surf.........

>> lots of quotes from this link

my favourate >>

When I was a Boy Scout, we played a game when new Scouts joined the troop. We lined up chairs in a pattern, creating an obstacle course through which the new Scouts, blindfolded, were supposed to maneuver. The Scoutmaster gave them a few moments to study the pattern before our adventure began. But as soon as the victims were blindfolded, the rest of us quietly removed the chairs. I think life is like this game. Perhaps we spend our lives avoiding obstacles we have created for ourselves and in reality exist only in our minds. We're afraid to apply for that job, take violin lessons, learn a foreign language, call an old friend, write our Congressman - whatever it is that we would really like to do but don't because of personal obstacles. Don't avoid any chairs until you run smack into one. And if you do, at least you'll have a place to sit down.
- Pierce Vincent Eckhart

others really good >>

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The road leading to a goal does not separate you from the destination; it is essentially a part of it.
- Charles DeLint

I am not an Athenian or a Greek, I am a citizen of the world.
- Socrates

To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter; to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird's nest or a wildflower in spring - these are some of the rewards of the simple life.
- John Burroughs

I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.
- Ellen DeGeneres

There's something in every atheist, itching to believe, and something in every believer, itching to doubt.
- Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
- Doug Larson

People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
- Elizabeth Kübler-Ross


>> this lady's post are so funny and light!!!! shes got humour!


Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is a beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is life, fight for it!
- Mother Teresa ~ link


Secret to happiness
When I researched for my presentation and paper on mood disorders, a few things stuck in my mind that I need to remind myself now and then.

First of all, all the things that we think will make us happier- material goods, money, bigger house, marriage, children- all have absolutely minimal effect on happiness. Even lottery winners, it was found, are happy for about 3 months before they start taking it all for granted and return to their baseline level of content or discontent.

Only a few things are backed with scientific findings to truly bring happiness.
A) A circle of friends and active lifestyle
B) Spirituality/religion
C) Personality/character structure

Happiness boils down to the support you have, the faith, and your perspective.

So, if you have good friends, attend church regularly, and are optimistic and extraverted, chances are you're a pretty happy person who bounces back from traumatic events much better than most.

If you're an introverted, agnostic person who tends to ruminate - like me- chances are you're going to see the glass half empty. Perspective is key, and it can be changed. This is much harder for some than others.

The happiest person I know, I swear this is true, is a 300 pound developmentally disabled woman who has been in the hospital for 6 months.
~ link

my favourate is the one with blindfold and chairs... and how we make all these barriers in ourself. i do that and it really does stop me from doing things that i like... i need to be braver / bolder...... i must admit... looking for a job scares me....

i also really like the Mother Teresa poem.... i have one..... Life is a journey. Take it. i found myself reading the Bible yesterday, its been a while since.... i should read it more often...

hopefully i remember these and learn from it... sometimes i forget to apply things when im in that situation and my emotions take over and can get put of hand, i need to breathe and take my time... then react.... you know me.... going straight to questioning... why this... why that.... how could... what makes them... was i....... blah...... i should take my time realise my actions and my reactions instead of bursting in to things... and that goes with talking (as well as actions sometimes...mostly talking though...)... i talk so much that sometimes...i cant believe those are coming out of my mouth (even though they are the truth.... sometimes there is no point coz it can hurt... but i cant help it).... think first arvin.... think..... or chill.... or think.... or chill... ok.... a balance then!

>> Good Charlotte - boys and girls
::::: 4:43 PM -

Friday, July 18, 2003
      ...our heart's desire isn't always granted. [*but we can hope...]
Jacqueline Carey mentioned Lloyd Alexander's Taran Wanderer and said those lines as something she learnt, as an example to the question of, Does writing have a role in shaping people's worldview?
Me? of course, I agree. That quote is true but *im hopeful, always, we can only hope.

+ plus...

>> SFRevu: What does Fantasy offer that Science Fiction can't? Why is gaining popularity among readers?

>> Jacqueline: Fantasy is the literature of archetypes. It traces the classic hero’s journey and reaffirms the idea that one person can affect change in the world. It’s hard to say why that’s particularly appealing at this moment in time. Maybe because we live in an era of burgeoning corporate conglomerates, where it’s easy for the individual to feel disenfranchised? Fantasy offers an alternative; a doorway onto a world where courage, passion and hope matter in a profound sense. For many readers, that’s a place worth visiting.

Unlike Fantasy, Science Fiction isn’t a timeless genre. It’s always racing evolution; the evolution of technology, of society, of ideas. Our accelerated culture has nearly caught up with Cyberpunk, which was the last major wave of Science Fiction. So I think the genre’s on a bit of a plateau at the moment, waiting for someone to find the Next Big Thing that will fire readers’ imagination. What it will be, I can’t guess, but I’m sure it will happen. And Fantasy will still be there when it does, because we will always need stories that breathe our dreams into life.
- interview with spoilers...

Charlene was with us today and yesterday and she had given us laughter and joy! shes so cute!!!!! sunshine on a rainy day!!!!! thanks to her mum and dad for letting us babysit her. As for my parents being home this week, it was really good, us kids were expecting something else but its really cool, busy and relaxing.

Im having my second cup of tea and im wondering about being weak and tired like i feel right now.... another sign of mortality... yey! I just got this "words up" TLC skit video, its only a 51 seconds long and quick to dl. its their early years... funny... pretty pretty wow!

Dont you just love fantasy!..... Ive been looking through Jacqueline Carey interviews about the Kushiel Series and such and I also made my new look to be the second book cover k.chosen, my favourate of the three covers. I really like this look, dark, big and good! even my bro and sis likes it!

>> Toni Braxton - I dont want to (sing another love song)
This chick sitting behind me was singing this song in the train, she sound really good, with that i cant wait to see Australian Idol...

::::: 10:18 PM -

Thursday, July 17, 2003
i walked all around the shops looking for my folks, very tiring, dodging those people asking to try their new service or join some sort of plan or help some foundation. question... why doesnt my local have a bookshop?

no one is safe from the waiting attack, my folks and i waited a long while when the price of an item was needed to be re-checked for this lady. i busy myself reading freely at those magazines in the stand next to the checkout counter while mum nearly got us to change to another isle but dad just waited patiently. i got some randon infos / trivias, but i concentrated on the pictures, there are a lot of good looking people out there now, i'm becoming immuned to it, everyone seems to look good or at least better.

what possessed me to get something different ie passionfruit swirl instead of the flavour of the moment, cookies and cream. i guess its my unconscious wanting change, a challenge maybe! that or my heightened paranoia or something like it...

worth a mention: me and my siblings searching for the best present, walking like we owned the local when in fact we nearly couldnt afford to pay for the gift. plus after the indeciveness on an item and on the verge of verbal abuse between each other we heard a thump, right behind us a lady fell over and was feeling the floor to check if it was water that caused it but clearly it was a chip... after a few seconds of contemplation to help, realising she was ok, we dashed to the other side and cracked up laughing...lol... bad ourself... lol

>> Aerosmith - Jaded
>> Aerosmith - I Dont Wanna Miss a Thing

::::: 1:25 AM -

Tuesday, July 15, 2003
      to swallow ur own words...
yes, i am judgemental but sometimes i get really bad and go overboard and that is me judging harshly which is a big no... and then most of the time i have to take it back, what if its too late...

its great u when find people who understand you and know first hand what its like, its like burden is carried together. we really arent alone, we just choose to be alone at times...

i am re-reading kushiel's dart (i dont usually repeat things but its so good and i have to wait for the last book) since i bought a paperback copy of it on sale 50% (go midyear end of financial year sale). i cant wait for a hardback... its all good. now i understand so many things that i didnt get in the beginning of the book...
about the other book im reading is called 'think' by simon blackburn... its about philosophy, its hard to think that way coz i usually dont, but hopefully next i'll look for sociology / human behaviour and interactions...

my job prospect i thought will be better that i have broaden my search but it improves only a bit coz administrative and clerical jobs doesnt really have hard / a lot of specialities but..... experience is still needed. my hopes improved though when meb emailed me this report about people not doing very well at the start... so i guess i still have a chance, just like i always thought but now i have a report for evidence! heha

i like this post by Teri, well said and very interesting... i lie too! lol

i read something in the paper yesterday about lying. "Lying lubricates interpersonal relations; without them our social life would soon grind to a halt." It also stated that we lie to a third of the people we meet each day. I spoke to nine people, comprising of family, the krispy kreme woman, and the ABC shop woman. So to whom did i lie to? I asked myself. I wanted to believe that i didnt lie to anyone. i dont lie. i dont like to lie. but i did lie. i do lie. I have never thought of myself as a liar because i considered lying to be an untrue statement of something that to my knowledge was untrue and to which the consequences would be great, important. But lying can also be the unimportant false truths we tell. The little white lies.
Interpersonal relations is all about impressing upon another person; arousing a reaction, building a rapport. To achieve this people often lie to eachother. We want the other to feel good about themselves 'no, of course its not your fault' and also for ourselves to feel good 'ive been there, done that'. Little white lies also come out when we just want to be left alone, 'sorry im busy today'.
So who did i lie to... continue
- Teri

>> tlc - turntable
>> tlc - quickie
>> tlc - good love
::::: 5:22 PM -

Saturday, July 12, 2003
      sleep... i dont wanna mess up this time... tomorrow is a different day...
i cant decide what to title this so pick one from above or all...
sleep: i lay in bed not feeling sleepy and after 5 minutes i slept... sometimes you dont really know how tired you really are until ur there... and also... how much things can change... ie... tomorrow is a different day: the next day you have a different perspective about things and just different feeling overall... so remember those quotes... "dont sleep on your problems, solve them now" and the other "sleep on it, then work it out the next day"... this time the latter prevailed and though i used the former, no harm done right.... ie... it doesnt really matter which one.. whatevers clever at the time right... one or the other..same diff...so conclude with i'll try not not mess it next time...

ps. i know it doesnt make sense ... thats the point...
here are some that might.. i got it from this book my sis read... enjoy and ponder!

“To achieve great things we must live as though we were never going to die.”

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though chequered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”
–Theodore Roosevelt.

“Be like a duck, my mother used to tell me. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath.”
“And remember my motto: The flogging will continue until the mood of the crew improves.”
–Michael Cane

“Keep away from people who try to be little your ambitions. Small people always do that but the real great make you feel that you, too, can some how become great”
-Mark Twain

“Many have the desire, some have the resolve, and few have the talent.
If you have the desire, you have the ability to ache for it.
If you have the resolve, you have the courage to reach for it.
If you have the talent, you have the power to possess it.
If you have all three, it is yours. ”
-Teri Paddock

“To mind the most interesting thing in art is the personality of the artist; that if that is singular, I am willing to excuse a thousand faults.”
“The writer should seek his reward in the pleasure of his work and in release from the burden of his thoughts; and indifferent from aught else, care nothing for praise or censure, failure or success.”
-W. Somerset - Maughan, ‘The moon and sixpence.’

“When I am by myself, nobody else can say goodbye.”
-Edie Brickell, ‘Circle.’

“When you look at it closely, all life is unbearable, that is where you draw your strength.”
-Edward Bond, ‘The Sea.’

“It takes so little, so infinitely little for a person to cross border beyond which, everything loses meaning; love, convictions, faith, history. Human life and herein lies its secret, take place in the proximity of that border, even in direct contact with it; it is not miles away, but a fraction of an inch”
-Milan Kundera, ‘The book of laugher and forgetting.’

“The fool doth think himself wise, the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”
-Will Shakespeare

“Razers pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp;
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.”
-Dorothy Parker, ‘Resume’

“You needed love so badly, you hugged the shadow of it”
-Bill Goodman, ‘Fragments of fear’

“The trouble with common sense is it ain’t all that common.”
-Will Rogers

ohh.. everyone is talking about krispe cremes... they just opened one close here (i heard first outside america)... as in 20-30 mins the other way.... which we dont normally go... people drive heaps far just to get it..... is it worth it... let me work it...i'll see...

:Movies: comedyathon
>> friday after next
>> sorority boys
>> the sweetest thing
>> undercover brother
::::: 4:04 PM -

Friday, July 11, 2003
      i cant help myself... did i say edgy.....
my new obsession is "the kushiel trilogy" and so i made it my new look. this week has been busy and fun, during the few days i forget that i need to look for a job and just today i finally sorted out my seek account and jobmail.

This is one of the many reasons why i love TLC! They are edgy in their style with messages of impowerment, love, life, sex, society and other issues... ie...
"...Were the first R&B band since the days of Sly & The Family Stone and "Cloud Nine"-era Temptations to devote songs to matters weightier than love: rape from the victim's point of view ("His Story"), media-created standards of beauty ("Unpretty") and fashion ("Hat 2 Da Back"), personal empowerment ("What About Your Friends", "Depend On Myself"), depression ("Dear Lie"), less than masculine men ("No Scrubs") and the type of women they seem to chase after ("Silly Ho"), [+ std: AIDS HIV & gangs: violence /drugs ("Waterfalls")]. Of course, when they did sing about love and fucking, they did so with both barrels blasting: "Red Light Special", "Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg", "I'm Good At Being Bad", "Come On Down", and "Creep" are just five good examples out of their back catalog..." - excerpt from Hall of Fame - read the rest of this review.

i cant believe Sherwin, he is working in the snow ski for 3 weeks now and will stay for 9 more i think. i didnt think he will do it and would be taken but he did take it and they took him. he really likes it and when he comes back he is gonna persui his entertainment business dream. wow! he is really going after the things he like. really cool, id love to do that... but.... blah...one day... blah....

more later....
look at all these people with the symbol above (layout) of the marque of Phedre which i really like. I also found the writers monthly updates / blog. Reading through reviews, there are a lot of praises and of course there are people who didnt like it, describing it to be very dark and very adult as well as not caring about the cold characters but most everyone says the writing is excellent, its edgy and different and i really enjoyed it, im repeating myself...

i like this...
"Geez...rambling. Trying to figure out myself and losing my train of thought along the way....friendship. I was writing a little before about how I believe friendships formed in school are the most special because they were grown in an intense environment. I feel that any friendship that has endured an intense environment together makes that friendship that more special than the average one. It's like following the fact that if you pressurize coal tight enough, out comes a diamond. Think about it." - Bec

::::: 12:24 AM -

Wednesday, July 09, 2003
      The Kushiel Trilogy
Ive finished reading Kushiel's Chosen by Jacqueline Carey. It was sooooo excellllllent!!!!!!! It was so good! I just finished it a few minutes ago and im gonna go read some reviews. The last of the Trilogy is still not available in the library as in they have it but still putting it through some order / request and needs to be entered into the system, so im gonna be waiting, mixed feeling since im craving for it and yet i want to make it last. I borrowed another book though but i'll talk about that later. Im definetely gonna get the Kushiel Trilogy for my future library. Ok back to to the book, like before i'll let other people's review speak for me... lol, for now.

"Carey's second extravagantly sensuous novel fulfills every promise made by Kushiel's Dart. There is seemingly something for everyone here: a great love story, intense spirituality, high eroticism, and lots of adventure, intrigue, and swordplay." -- starred Booklist review

"Well, Carey has not lost her capacity to surprise: sequel Kushiel's Chosen is nearly as long and just as absorbing, with settings and concerns different enough to represent a new stage in its heroine's life… Kushiel's Chosen leaves enough loose ends to ensure that another volume will follow - and just as with a masterful series by Martin, Wolfe, or Crowley, that's cause for celebration, not complaint." -- Locus

"Carey's sensual, often erotically charged prose, reminiscent of the best efforts of Tanith Lee and Anne Rice, adds an unmistakable sexual tension to an already tautly plotted tale of conspiracy, intrigue, passion, and, ultimately, love." - Library Journal

yeah, just amazing, not only was i swept away and taken far to many lands and adventures, i have learnt so much from this book, the characters. wow!!!! an epic story!!! i know i havent read enough to compare to others but i so love this book, it is edgy, different, thoughful and was written beautifully. WOW again!!!!

note 2: i got a hair cut too... i guess it will be good for interviews to be neat looking.
note 3 btw... im thinking of writing to her coz she is offering free signed bookplates and removable tattos.. i think im gonna do it!!! way cool!
problem 1.... self addressed / self stamped... but she lives in USA..... ummm... how am i gonna get that..... if i send an australian stamp it wont work......it would have been cool... any ideas?........
::::: 3:54 PM -

Tuesday, July 08, 2003
      Love is ...
This poem / prayer / passage i've heard a while back from Jos and recently from the movie "a walk to remember". Its clear and my feelings towards is all good. I really like it.

A popularly chosen set of verses for weddings, one of the most thorough explanations of love can be found in Paul’s first letter to the church at Corinth:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes always perseveres.” (1Corinthians 13:4-8)

you can read more about the passage here, detailing what love is:
+ Love is patient.
+ Love is kind.
+ Love rejoices in the truth.
+ Love protects.
+ Love trusts.
+ Love hopes.
+ Love perseveres.

On another note, today is one is one of those days where I feel disgusting and lazy. I wake up feeling so bloated and tired, dragging myself off the warm bed. Opening my eyes to an appaling weather, its so dreary and sad, its cold and dark. I take a long hot shower and i still feel gross and dirty. Now im drinking hot coffee hoping to bring a bounce in my step.... still nothing... then i hear things need to be done around the house... makes me want to crawl back to bed. I have no time to check job mail (for 4 days now), since i'll be gone soon to the library, i wont finish it, i'll do it later... again... btw 24 was excellent! + how cool! how u can search almost anything on the net.
::::: 1:55 PM -

Monday, July 07, 2003
      mixed feelings...
i am having mixed feelings about this poem / passage, ive heard it in that filo movie and again at wonder years....

AND a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children. And he said:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

- excerpt from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran

i'll update my seek when i get home or later / tomorrow... 24 finale is on tonight!!!
its school holidays, sis found temp job through mum's friend, bro has no plans didnt find any part time job. dad is taking these 2weeks off, mum is taking next week off and charlene might come over for 2 days. way cool!
its cloudy and freezing again and they are gonna see me jobless .... not good...... ok later.
::::: 2:09 PM -

Saturday, July 05, 2003
      Changes are eventual, changes can be good.
First I'm kinda spooked about mp3 music file sharing, some countries have started to give penalties, you can read this and this for more info. so beware... should i or not? I also heard that some government records what songs / files are downloaded by eash user in softwares like kazaa, yeah worth a thought.

my pc is freezing / stalling.... why why why ???....grrr !!! @#$%^&* crap... my chat s/w hasnt been working... cant be bothered fixing it... ya... yow...

Changes........... thats right, that's about my changes. People telling me to start anywhere.... well I heard your advice..... and look.... I have officially started to look for any jobs now, since i applied to a non-IT job (Ness txt me) a couple of days ago. I hope I dont sound like im putting myself on a pedastal and going down a level by saying that, im not.... its just not my plan.... I just wanted to use my degree, but since that has not been working out for the last 2 months, i guess its time to make changes.
We have plans and hopes but when those doesnt happen, what can you do. Change. I guess it will do coz i cant sit on my arse all day long for another month or so. So maybe take a detour and hopefully get back to my goal asap, we all have to make sacrifices, a lot, especially when ur starting when u lack experience and knowledge, I am willing to do that now, maybe it will actually lead to better things, i never know.... que sera sera (i love quote/ song).
Yeah so on the weekend or on monday, I'll update my seek job mail for job for...... part- time / casual ..... admin, data entry, clerical etc, stuff like that.... but I'll still keep a look out for IT jobs.... im full of hopes.... lets just say im broadening my horizons.... Im gonna make hot milo. wait up.....brb

Thats pretty much it. Yeah.... Its scarry... i just remembered, pain and blood, reminds you that u are just human, a mortal, and dying isnt an easy thought. I thought i wasnt scared to die, but I guess wrong. At times I feel at peace about it but when you actually feel pain and see blood you realize that its scarry.... the feeling is indesribable, u think about what is really important and unfinished business / dreams / hopes, the otherside, loved ones when ur gone. I know that I should trust God and I do.

That book im reading, Kushiel's Chosen (part 2 of the trilogy) is just amazing. Im kinda pissed i read the plot for the last book so I know key points but its still mega excellent...!!!!!! I cant recommend it any further, a must!!!! Arghhh....... I love it~!!!!! Id be really sad to finish reading the final book, but lets be happy now and read this, i cant wait though!

I used to think that hot girl from big brother, Jo was stupid coz she is smart to be a lawyer, yet she doesnt know that she is flirting and all that. Then I thought while talking to Viv, hey thats like me... people think that i am showing off and Im really not. Then again when they said that she was a fake and thats like me again..... hmmmm.... ummmm... maybe Im stupid too.... either that or we're just misunderstood..

Talking about BB. here is a quiz i did at their website. I couldnt help it.... and guess in the big brother is also a snake ... Carlo....lol
Snake >> Mysterious, exotic, oozing danger, Snakes are PR manipulators second to none. From fruity temptations in Eden to Freudian dreams, you'll find these silver-tongued serpents in the strangest of places. Reclusive by nature, snakes never stay in one place for long. Armed with non-stick reputations, they'll shed awkward situations like an old skin.
Deep thinkers with rich inner lives, snakes prefer to watch and learn, taking centre stage only when the lighting's good. Loyal to no-one but themselves, snakes will play the game when the odds are in their favour. Outwardly cool, socially calm, they give nothing away. When there's a snake about, it's unwise to count your eggs before their hatched.
Meticulous and ordered, neat and tidy, the snake likes everything in its place. They're retentive to the extreme, taking "clean" to a new level, with homes that look like showrooms. Obviously, we're talking issues. Neat boxes and messy emotions just don't mix - that's a recipe for disaster. One part highly strung, two parts denial. Chill before serving.

I dont think that quiz help my previous topic about being a show-off and a fake... lol. Hey..... coz Im real...*sings* Hey i like the sex and the city theme song... u can get it here .. plus more.... and this song from the Osbournes tv theme song.... u can get it here plus more too!!!!

- Crazy Train -
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate

they are stuck in my head! urge to get all my fave tv show themes.... no... later... maybe the simpsons for now... there is too many.... temptation. close window..... plus i remember this button maker. purdy kewl. gonna surf a bit and sleep. night! weekend and sunny days here i come !!!
::::: 12:17 AM -

Wednesday, July 02, 2003
      Do they really come in 3's?
I was busy yesterday, 3 of my friends called which was cool, I had to run some errands and weed the garden, I was running late but I got it all done. I was pissed 3 times, one was ....coz yesterday was cloudy and showered very little and when I left the house thats when it started to pour, I got wet. Another was when I bought the paper for nothing coz it only had IT news and not employment... now I know. The 3rd being my blog template was completely erased and I had to make it from scratch... urghhh... what a waste of time, I would have just left it simple but Im really liking this look, it was lucky that i save a copy of my page offline.

Bec got a job! wow I am so happy for her!!! I feel kinda stupid though coz I should have applied to it coz I was given a notice by Ness. I was waiting for replys from others and thought to myself, I want a computer job to use skills that I worked hard for for 4 years. Its been 2 months since grad and maybe i should just look for other jobs like admin and data entry, anything. I dont know, whatever happens I guess happens for good reasons. I havent even had an interview but got 2 offers so far (that i declined), 3rd time lucky hey...

Thought: They dont make songs like they used to eh..... Other older artists that I like include.... Kenny Rogers, ABBA, Supremes, Bee Gees, Air Supply, this filipino group called Apo Hiking Society!!! and I got Chicago Hits from my cousin, these are 3 songs that I really liked from them.
>> Chicago - Hard to say I'm sorry
>> Chicago - You're the Inspiration
>> Chicago - Hard habit to break

My fingers are really cold.... its freazing. Its raining again and Barkely gets tied up coz he would run in the mud at the corner and QT would follow him plus I just put the washing out...

Whats sweet?! baby Charlene came over Monday arvo and it was nice. She kisses your cheeks with sound... and bless and do many things. She copies a lot of sounds / words easily. Ok that is all. enjoy the rain!
::::: 12:32 PM -

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up.top | Godspeed


In this corner will be an ever changing list and notes of things that interest me. Its either something that i recommend or object about. Its different to the blog since this will be updated less, contain less raving and ranting... hopefully it will work.