Friday, February 28, 2003
its weird how things can change so fast in 5 minutes or even less. the situation changes so fast, feelings and opinions. so i guess as my friend say you just have to accept how things are. i mean if ur in a bad situation you try and change it but dont deny the reliality. talking about reality.....its so weird how people see things so differently to you. its like both o you were there but for some reason hey saw a different thing, maybe i was so self absorb or maybe their judgement is getting clouded...anyways just a few thoughts from last night.

i guess the night out is gonna happen, as in there is chance. i hope it turns out ok.
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 9:03 AM -

Thursday, February 27, 2003
dont you just hate it when things go wrong and its not even you do everything right and have to suffer for someone's careless accidental mistake...i hope that we all graduate..please God!....ok gonna go with the familia and buy charlene a b-day present!
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 5:19 PM -

yesterdays games day was another success! jos and sherwin came at 10ish, meb at 2ish. we showed our prowess is games such as point blank, tennis and mario party! it was so funny and so much fun! i was so full too... amali found out too late and viv had other plans, i dont know what happened to hos. left at 8ish.. jos has a dilemma, me too about saturday. anyways cant elaborate coz my sis just used it and wanted to turn it off and i wanted to used it for a said hello!
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 11:12 AM -

Tuesday, February 25, 2003
i've added this page called notes/verses. so if u wanna read... go to contents. why am i keeping it separate? coz those are mostly written offline as part of my pc journal or written journal etc..(so many)...and my blogs are mostly gonna be written right here right in and it has a different yeah.
about me again, its true the test i did yesterday, i didnt really elaborate or had any say about it but ive been really paranoid....i should loosen up. seriously i need to trust more and not make things more complicated than it is by reading too much into things or expecting more, it can be stressing and i dont need that.
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 9:19 PM -

the weather is clearing. it was a good rainy weekend (much needed). im on a break, charlene is asleep and i have cleaned up early so im here. anyways i wanna give a big shout out to Charlene Leona! Happy 1st Birthday!!! i wish you all best!!! how sweet. she turned one and everyone is singing happy birthday to her in the house and in the phone. her party is on sunday.
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 12:21 PM -

Monday, February 24, 2003

i am water >> calm graceful and artistic. everything inspire you.
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 6:52 PM -

Sunday, February 23, 2003
Personality Disorder Information

Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.

People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."

Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.

A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.

Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.

Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.

Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.

Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.

MY RESULTS.........

Paranoid:Very High

-- Click Here To Take The Test --

::::: Arvin was distracted @ 10:07 PM -

i got the net!!! i am pretty happy about it!!! i am using tpg and the price is reasonable. paulo called me today and picked me up as well as john and shannon. we drove to wiseman's ferry, which was nice. it was raining though, it cleared in some very good moments which was good. we went 4-wheel-driving with paulo's car across the river and had lunch and dessert and a carwash (car was its dirtiest he ever had) before heading home. there was a funny incendent where we could not stop laughing, there was this big bump in the road and shannon screamed and then a pile water that was brown and foamy rushed and flew in the windshields... we were joking that he yeah we saw a pic of shannon's bf. as shannon said it was a really good day. i am seeing a lot of places with them, which is cool.
it was weird that sherwin called me a few hours ago and i couldnt speak, my voice was kinda gone. its like weird to talk. ok later. i got the net again! yey!
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 8:09 PM -

yesterday was suicidal for me. i felt like i wanted to die and stuff. but i got over it when we went to a party (rhey-deth's nanay -she's 75! happy b-day!!!). most of this month i have been depressed a lot as in i feel like i can drop dead and want to, it seems like i am exahuasted, as well as the tiniest things sets me off to anger/rage and feel like lashing out at someone..thats why i like thats song she fukin hates me by puddle of mud....where the clip is all these people having an attack. and the thing i do is get over it by ok go! jennifer love hewit's...can i go now...thats what im gonna do. later!

::::: Arvin was distracted @ 4:14 AM -

Saturday, February 22, 2003
google bought blogger which i think must be good. i heard that aol, yahoo, lycos etc. are adding blogger-like in their services.
kevin had his friends over, carla was gonna go clubbing secretly but didnt coz my mum chuck a spaz when she and my cousin aleta wanted to leave the house b4 9. so they ended up bumming at my cousins place. i cleaned today while my sister babysat charlene (she has fridays off and so i end up cleaning). parents cleaned.
babysitting mon-thu is getting easier...i just like feeding time coz i dont know if shes hungry, too big swallow or she's allergic, so yeah....its charlene's mum's b-day today. happy birthday ate esper!!!
watched bituin... and i heard it might be finishing soon....dont think so.... i saw jackass - the movie with my bro and sis.........its so yuk, sick, disturbing, crazy, weird.....yet 87mins was quick...i was entertained.... i must admit although they were all those...its so
friends update.......
>bec messaged me and meb too me when i got my
>called jos about wed and sat.....and exercise
>beenz got married and ness is engaged.....congrats!!!
>talked to viv a few times about her site tv
>sherwin called me a few times about the games and music...
>might go mini car racing with paulo and that again......

new layout...well this one is a pic from webshots again and its titled - playing tom and huck....thats that story and the words....because you took the time...its about friends and family that have been there for me...and i for them... its being able to count on someone and vice versa....its like that song....ur not heavy ur my brother.....yeah...and plus i believe that one thing that you can give someone that is so simple and so meaningful..... is your time.
ps. i was not going to change my layout ti'll i get proper net but i dont care so here it is and its really nice and simple.
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 1:37 AM -

currrent fave songs in an album.........

avril - let go
1. tomorrow
2. anything but ordinary
3. nobody's fool
4. complicaed
5. losing grip

usher - 8701
1. u got it bad
2. twork it out
3. separated
4. help me
5. u-turn

destinys child - survivor
1. bootylicious
2. dangerously in love
3. emotions
4. survivor
5. brown eyes

1. more than a a woman
2. we need a resolution
3. rock the boat
4. i care for you
5. loose rap

1. if i let you go
2. fool again
3. swear it again
4. up-town girl
5. when u lookin' like that
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 12:16 AM -

Sunday, February 16, 2003
i woke up early again coz i really wanted to see the full clip so i came online... i got to see all of hands up tlc vid .....yeye! and it was funny and sexy. love that song. last night paulo picked up us on his mad rav4 car with dominique, john, eddie and me went to pot pot golf at fox studios and had take away for dinner, and passed the ice-cream...way too full.... it was so much fun and cool!!!

~ i wrote this offline yesterday:

:::::edit most of the things i said::::::: lol fickle....

i was looking around for a place to be
i just need a place to write freely


where am i to go, i want you near
everytime we're closer, there goes my fear
of you.....of us....of what ....could be

so you looked for me, who did you find?
now you think im lying, but im not that kind
i do..... love you...and i hope....u too

baby close your eyes and think of me
i'll dream of you, my fantasy
please when u see me dont look away
i know it'll work out one day

i am wishful thinking
trying to promise myself
it will be different tomorrow
i wont be by myself

i'll have you and you'll have me
we'll have each other like it should be


i feel am lost. will you look for me?
i am drowning and need saving. please hurry.
if i find you i would hold on to you forever
i just hope we meet soon coz
if u dont come now i plan to move out of town
to find another you.


drew carey on oprah......approx.
-if a problem is about money then its not a problem
-you dont need to be super rich and super good looking to have a perfect girl, they just want a sweet, romantic, caring and funny guy that will make them happy. (vice versa)


i love reading blogs/journals especially if i really know the people, like friends and some i find that made me realize things or got me entertained. and you know what? they have something to say, i guess everyone has something to say but some are just waffle to me. anyways i would love to read it then and there but i have very low internet time as of late and so i have to save them and read them offline and i end up not commenting. i have so much to respond to what they are on about.

i used to write different too, i say things out of nowhere and waffle along, discoverying opinions and feelings about certain subjects that just comes to mind at that moment plus my daily experciences ie my story and now i think my post lacks something. that's my opinion. i hope i get back on soon. whatever it is.

i have a journal offline like this that i am writing now and i do write a lot fo things here but i like to share my thoughts thus i have online-jounal/blog.


everyone is out
bro is with friends
sis went shopping
parents went to a lunch party
all alone reading saved pages and playing some random music. i needed this alone time coz i was kinda kranky this morning.
i am going to see friends tonight.
thunderring and the pets (barkley and qt) are barking. barkley at the thunder and qt at barkley....annoyingly cute.




::::: Arvin was distracted @ 5:55 AM -

Saturday, February 15, 2003
btw. happy valentines!!! no proper valentine... but baby charline is so cute so i pick her! i hope she's ok. what else? good morning! and have a good weekend! and week! coz i get so tired and sleepy and end up not going online so, i'll be on less coz of the babysitting....i'll try though. i just saw 1/3 of tlc's new video hands up! hot!!!!!!! and old shows r coming back. something 2 watch which s good. hope ur gr8 coz i am too. so c u later n take care!
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 5:35 AM -


they came over yesterday. jos and sherwin came first at 10ish then meb and viv at 12ish. em wasnt able to come coz shes job hunting and meb wasnt gonna come coz she was feeling sick but she did.

we played games such was this 4 player hitting game with nintento characters, dance arena with those jumping pads, tennis which was fun and girl darkness game and this adventure fox game which jos and sherwin played (forgot titles). the games were fun but i was with the baby most of the time. so many games and consoles (play station 1 and 2, game cute and nintendo 64)

we made food, actually they did. i made rice and left over kfc plus viv and meb with their potato gems and manarated chicken wings for full.... jos' sweet boco for dessert...yumm.. and sherwin's taco like dip for snacks.......nice.

viv commented that my house was fresh and bright. sherwin said that it was like a hospital.

they also liked baby charline........cute with baby smell. charline didnt want to nap and i had to force her, she was so awake with everyone here.

meb left first coz of her bro's party before 6 and so we watched the rest of the ring jap version in my room and had a chat in my room and at the front yard before they all left around after 7.

since we usually dont hang with sherwin until recently.....well he seems really nice. also when we went to get avocado we talked about tlc coz he was listening to their album, its nice to talk to someone who knows them and their album quality. and trusted my friends with the baby. got some really nice presies too.

it was a great day!!! so much fun and i hope they all did too. planning to do another day. i was so tired yesterday and went to bed early.

ps....keep forgetting that i found out some stuff about friends and the other is a sudden marriage....shocked!


today >> bro went to school, sis went to tafe. after work mum and dad went shopping. i babysat charline and took cute pictures of her after i changed her before they picked her up before 5. then wacthed and chilled. cleaned up a little coz i did some during the day while baby was asleep.




the day started fine, my sister was gonna take care of charline on fridays. bro played a sweet song and greeted everyone valentines! i slept in and had breakfast with charline while my sis went back to sleep. then she woke up fed her and clened her up. she was playing and all of a sudden .....bang.
charline was crying.....i went to see coz i was cleaning up. my sis was watching her play and she fell on her mouth while she was crawling on the tiles coz she left the mat we had her on. she cried and then blood. blood was in my her mouth. we took tissues and took some out. there wasnt much actually.

she cried and she finally calm down and played, we were worried. especially me, i was panacking so so worried and what was wrong, i was close intaking her to the doctors. she was teething and we didnt want anything to happen to her. she drank juice then we tried to see what was bledding. we had to wait ti'll she slept. she slept right away and we took a peep at her mouth. there was red on her top middle lip in the insides and top front gum was red too.
i called dad and explained, he was calm and said its normal just make sure its still not bleeding, mum called afterwards and was very angry and worried. she said to ice her mouth coz i said it was kinda swelling. we woke her up when we put mouth on her mouth.....and she was fine like nothing happened, i was still so worried, my sis was calmer and my parents keeps calling back to see how she was, she drank milk and ate, so her teeth didnt hurt or she wouldnt have chewd on the spoon too. we checked and it looks ok but there were still red in some areas. i was still worried and still now. i hope she is fine.
me and my sis cleaned and she just played in the stroller like nothing happened, laughing and giggling, while we iced her mouth a few more times. i cleaned the rest while my sis played with her some more.
my mum decided to tell the parents while they got out of the house coz the ate sper and mum worked together. they (mum, charline's mum and dad) came and saw her, and charline was smiling and looked fresh, they checked her and talked about how much she moves now and grabs things. i was still worried and sorry for it.
it was such a scare......i was soooooo worried for her.....hope thats its alright.


we saw ate susan's baby boy named colby....he is so cute!

taylor from bold died and it was so dramatic, i had a dramatic too.

we took more cute pics with charline!

hopefully i go online tonight (or after midnight) coz i havent been on. am i having wanna blog and read some and also see tlc's new video clip and emails....ok later.....
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 4:22 AM -

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
i had a great birthday, family and friends with their gifts and greetings. so its all good. the familia just went out for dinner at this buffet thing. yumm! people are coming today in a few hours and i culdnt go back to sleep or maybe really wanted to go online. i cant believe what happened to my friend getting married so fast, im so surprised. just sent her an email. i am still shock but if shes happy then i am happy for her! congrats!
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 4:08 AM -

Tuesday, February 11, 2003
happy birthday to me!!! 22 and my dad said that i was his age in when he got married to mum. i wasnt gonna go online but i really wanted to check this tlc new video preview... sis started tafe with my cousin (yesterday)......i was so tired yesterday, the baby is so energetic...... but its cool...babysit today and games day tomorrow....ok later!
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 5:51 AM -

Monday, February 10, 2003
i wasnt able to go to a family thing (steve's b-day) coz i went to a movie and dinner thing with (uni) friends that was organized first. i came late, i saw john and dominique and they went to this computer fair in parra town hall (place?)..paulo called me in the movies....if we can do something but i already made plans.
i meet amali and apologized so many times while getting to the toilets, we then meet meb and had a stoll around the mall. where i bought a book, amali had lunch and meb had ice-cream. picked up roya at her place and went to see chicago (really good movie but the speakers in the cineme was kinda crap...i didnt have the umphhh...the story was really good but the audio/visual in moulan rouge was better)
picked up jos at the station and headed to parra library to meet hosai. we sat in the bench and took pics. hosai came and we all decided to walk to the restaurant. it was a long walk. we had no idea. very long yet enjoyable.
we finally arrived at the indian restaurant and ordered we waited and talked, very funny conversations. its really nice seeing everyone. btw viv didnt arrive, she said was going to call but didnt. beenz is still overseas and bog lives overseas.
the food took a while to come and hosai needed to get home, protective dad. the food came and she ate a bit, her taxi came coz she wasnt gonna walk alone back to her car. we bid her farewell and she was gone.
the dinner was yumm! and we were so hungry so the food was finished except for the spicy which em took home, roya organized it and it was nice she did.
we talked a bit more and decided to all go home, on the walk back to the car in the dark with a cool temp. sherwin called roya's mob where she spoke to all of us about wed in my place. the walk was nice. roya was dropped first and then me, jos and em at parra station. em was picked up and jos and me took the train home. my bro and sis picked us up from the train station.
i got home so tired.... wanted to go online but sleep sounde better. i read the book i bought but i was so sleepy to take the inspiring words in so i'll read it again later.
lazy and annoyed...sunday.......did my chores and read saved blog of friends and links....mum cleaned coz she had overtime yesterday and dad made lunch. bro did his home work and sis woke up late and read the book that i got. book is life lessons by dave peltzers....its nice!
ate marlyn and kuya conrad came over and dropped some videos. basketball and bituin, which we'll watch this arvo then church.
for some reason i feel annoyed and despondent....most of yesterday weird...but right now charline is alseep and i am her new babysitter. cool...should be fun!



::::: Arvin was distracted @ 5:58 AM -

Saturday, February 08, 2003
Todays thoughts! - actually i did this a month ago and forgot to post it.

I am eager to ...
>>> start something new, do something fun and interesting

I doubt myself when ...
>>> i think i have been beaten

I feel powerful when ...
>>> when i realise that i made a difference

I'm proud of myself because ...
>>> close tie between 1. when i am able to help someone 2. when i do something that i thought i could not do it.

My 10 favorite things are ...
>>> things would be:

1.the *net +pc
4.mmm fridge/cupboard (food holic
6.lalala stereo comfy bed
8.lounger chair for all my support
9.watermelon and icecreams on summer!
10.gardens...pretty and yummy!

I can simplify my life by living without ...
>>> scrutinizing things too much... i am so uptight most of time thinking and analysing things too much

I feel my mission in life is to ...
>>> for some reason the word help popped in my head... so i say help others!

In my wildest dreams, I ...
>>> would love to be either 1. tester of things like a new communicator or some restaurant or a book and 2. travel and write!

I believe in myself because ...
>>> i am a very positive person and i know that i can do it if i really want to!

A favorite thing i own is ...
>>> dont own much since i dont work yet but i love my tlc cd right now but of course this pc

The last time you made someone happy ...
>>> i guess when i set the table nicely for my family but to see it was when i played with charline!

If i could give back one wrong, it would be ...
>>> being rude to people that i care about it just to let them know how i feel.

I always knew I should have ...
>>> my own land in the country

I am standing on the edge. I see ...
>>> a city at night

My favorite room in my home is ...
>>> kitchen... i feel hungry i cant ti'll dinner

You are asleep, but you are not at home, i am where ...
>>> for some reason i see a bench...

I wanna travel to... and do ...
>>> phils my home land and see my family and friends!

A certain piece of music reminds me of ...
>>> 3d by tlc... happy memories

If I am lost i would go to ...
>>> to the police

Out of the corner of my eye is ...
>>> a window

A themed party would be ...
>>> ummmm... cops and robbers... i dont know

The last time you left someone angry ...
>>> told someone off for not doing what their suppose to do

The thing that puts a smile on my face ...
>>> other than waffle ice cream or any rude things it would be getting unexpected pleasant notes!!!

How to repair a broken heart ...
>>> that means they dumped you so forget about them... why do u want someone who doesnt want you... am i cold?

Right now i feel so ... and i just wanna ...
>>> hungry and wanna eat something yummy!

I am most grateful for ...
>>> family and friends and this great summer!!!

ps. i found that my friend jean has a live journal...check it out!
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 4:36 AM -

i was so surprised yesterday when i went out with T,V & B. we sat and about to eat and then they said close your eyes. and i said "what? why?" it didnt occur to me what it was about. they were so weird, so i closed my eyes still oblivious to the whole situation about me closing my eyes. i hear them giggling and making so noises paper noises blirtung out "not yet", "not on his face", "lol". finally i was thinking ...omg.. could this be a birthday thing and when i opened my yeys they were wearing birthday hats and pulled this celebration pop thing and colored strings came out yelling happy birthday. i was so surprised. it registired to me that this was a little surprise party for me. sweet! i then opened pressies. i got this i-zone polaroid, count of monte cristo movie dvd and this amazing book that they made titled "arvin - a closer look". i was so happy! thank you so much. really cool friends! then we ate and loitered around the city. and ness's bf dropped all of us home, he seems really nice. what a really really great day! as they said it was "ARVIN DAY" :)

i dont get surpises a lot, i remember when i was really young i had a surprise b-day when i woke up early in the morning and everyone in the family was around me singing happy birthday and stuff....i like surprises....and at school when they all started singing loudly a birthday song for me.

i got home so late and got a bit in trouble for not calling and that they cant reach me, so sweet that my parents are worried but i shouldnt make them worry so i have to get a sim card soon, its just that im not used to using a mobile and thus forget it all the time..

in the morning before i saw my friends i was speaking to connie in the bus/bus stop, who worked with my mum in nestle. we exchanged stories about her family and her jobs and what i'm currently doing. its nice how people just open up like that, like that guy at uni that spoke to me out of nowhere. its like therapy or just exchanging stories where each person can learn something about each other and about life. there are friendly people out there. there is hope.....people can get along.

cant wait for saturday. roya called me but i feel bad that i couldnt help hosai today with her assignment, its such short notice although she said she was calling me yesterday when i was at the city, hope her all the best with it!

::::: Arvin was distracted @ 4:35 AM -

"The sun in Aquarius"

You池e like Alice/Alec in Wonderland, running through the forest making friends with all the creatures and asking a great deal of questions. Questions are to you what complaints are to a depressed person. You are probably the most furious person in the zodiac, and look upon life as a combination of Disneyland, a planetarium and a zoo. 禅hat痴 odd, you say to yourself, shaking your head with a gleam in your eye. This means that you are impressed, enthralled, mystified and excited. You love unusual things that make other people turn their heads, and slowly wonder if they might be going momentarily mad.

The more peculiar incidents in your life, the better. One of your pet things is to stay up all night analysing and speculating until morning. Nothing would thrill you more than to be introduced to a Dracula look-alike whose teeth resemble weapons and whose pale-faced girlfriend has blood on her neck. You thrive in situation of mental challenge and gravitate to people who love constructive change as much as you do. The narrow-minded souls are those you want to avoid at all cost, along with people who let their limitations enclose them. You池e a free spirit whose versatility is hard to match. You love to take on a lot of things at once and deal in intellectually competitive situations that demand your attention,

In relationship if you discover the person you felt so secure with is dishonest and unfaithful the first thing you would do would be sit down and find out why. While another might yell, and throw things or cry, you would calmly say, 選 just don稚 understand. It痴 not that you don稚 have any feelings, its just in any situation, conflict and disaster, 層hy always takes precedence. When no further communication flow in your mind, there us no longer a reason for a relationship. Because your personality is basically non-attached, break-ups never worry you that much, although sadness may overcome you in solitary moments. You face endings as clammy as you face beginnings, but with less expectation or enthusiasm.

You are a fascinating person and an inspiration to those around you, who would never, in a lifetime, be able to fathom you feelings.

"When you are bad you are very very bad (horrorscopes)"

You have a scatty mind and a heart that seems to be in cold storage. You make speedy promises but rarely follow through. Friends tolerate you because you smile a lot and always have a ready quip on your lips.
Your personality is eccentric and worrying, especially for those who need to rely on you. Being emotionally involved with you is less satisfying than curling up with the television when it is switched off. Being your friend verges on the edge of constant bedlam.
The word most often to describe you is 祖razy. Because you are usually truthful, you will probably be the first to agree, bearing in mind that basically you don稚 honour truth. In order to avoid being called a liar, your definition of this word somehow become lost in the mists of time.
Your life is lived in a state of emotional detachment, camouflaged by the fact that you are also most in a panic. Often you posses a nervous tick which makes it seems as if you are smiling. You are so anxiety-ridden that one has to look twice to distinguish a smile from a spasm.
One of your greatest pastimes is mental manipulation. You enjoy pulling and pushing peoples thoughts and fears: this allows you a sense of power, which gets you through life a step at a time. You want to be a leader even if this means you have to obliterate a few minds order to get there. Mental games are your forte and you play them like a gambler who can no longer be bothered to unravel the secrets of the casino. You find your little ploys gratifying because not only do they get you what you want, but they also give you the enjoyment at the same time. Observing in a detached way the reaction of your victim is one of your favourite pastimes. It certainly beats holidaying in Europe and even outdoes watching other people gambling. There is nothing like a blush, a nervous twitch of the eyelash or the wriggling of hands to inform you that once again you have made your point. The look in your eyes hides the personality that is about as lethal as cyanide.
When it comes to marriage, the most your mate can hope for is a quick divorce. You are incorrigibly unfaithful and even force yourself into liaisons because you have no other way to fill your time. As a parent, your offspring痴 could be forgiven for believing they are orphans.
In the end your mind games imprison you and frequently bring about premature ageing. Only those who have suffered through you, know for sure that your physical being is at the mercy of a malevolent mind.

"A fresh look at your sun sign"

- Born between 10 February and 19 February

Your sign falls in the third section of Aquarius. You are far moire drawn to romance than the other sections of your sign and are inclined to become persistently involved with the wrong people. A desire for freedom appears to affect your relationship to a large degree. This can take the form of falling in love with someone who lives in another country, someone who is married or someone whose emotional problems prevent involvement in mature relationships. What to other people would seem a fruitless love holds great appeal for you. Romantically, you search for excitement rather than commitment, and your restless nature constantly spurs you on. The pleasure 僕oving principle is strong in you and you are rather impulsive, changeable and often flirty. While young you see love as an exciting game whose rules are constantly changing.
On the more positive side, you are idealistic, generous, emotional, and more sensitive than Aquarius born in other sections. You are mysterious yet charming, elusive yet friendly.
Others sometimes become wary of getting too involved with you because of the contradictory sides to your character. It is often difficult to understand what you really feel because you change that mind of yours so quickly. When a confrontation seems imminent - usually when your deeper feelings come into play you often use your eccentric sense of humour to escape the situation.
Basically, you are someone who is easy to know yet almost impossible to understand. Your contradictory personality means that you can be entertaining, intriguing and maddening all at the same time. If someone should ask of out of the blue what you want the most out of life, you would probably respond with ten answers off the top of your head and then say you take it all back because you really want none of them. You would go on to explain that you simply thought you did. At this point in the conversation the questioner would be totally confused and puzzled. But that is OK by you because, in truth, so are you. Over the years you have become used to the fact that your mind can play tricks on you and in the long run it is part of what makes life so exciting.

"Astrologer reading - Arvin Feb11th 1981"

Sun Aquarius personality
キ Full of new ideas, unpredictable, you like to express ideas freely, can be rebellious and distant.
キ The sun in the eleventh house acts like an Aquarian. Social ambition and cooperative ventures appeal to you.

Moon Taurus moods
キ Affectionate, faithful, sentimental, may be timid, emotionally steady, can be royal or stubborn.
キ You have a great need for material security. Capable of being generous or mean, can be persuasive,

Mercury Pisces thoughts
キ Osmotic mind capable of exact insight, receptive, may be morbid or woolly-minded.
キ Aware of inner feelings on which you base decisions, you may be very insecure or guarded.

Venus Aquarius feelings and values
キ Friendly, cool, detached, you do not like to be tied down, may prefer platonic relationships.
キ A variety of affiliations and friendships are of value to you, you ay be too idealistic for a group.

Mars Pisces action and drive
キ Romantic and sensual. You dislike physical action. Under pressure, energy remains inward.
キ May behave like a passive pressure cooker or a rebel. Energy may be limited or used indirectly.

Jupiter Libra expansion
キ You improve leisure time and pleasures, especially with a partner. You are hospitable. Hopeless alone.
キ You live a happy life, often gaining from other. Like to lavish affection on partner.

Saturn Libra responsibilities
キ Able to be made responsible to work requiring justice and good planning. Tolerance may need to be learnt.
キ Saturn in the seventh house suggests difficulties in one-to-one relationships.

Uranus Scorpio changes
キ Seeking new approaches, decisive, fascinating, daring and intense.
キ You like to experiment and may experience unexpected or unconventional events concerning sex or money.

Neptune Sagittarius imagination
キ New universal ideals and things previously hidden are revealed as the result of frankness
キ Intellectual and tolerant, you idealize educational and social reforms but may be impressionable,

Pluto Libra transformation
キ Responsible, adaptable, but fickle, a time of social change inspired by justice.
キ A desire to use your dynamic personality to resolve issues of interpersonal circumstances is revealed by Pluto in this house.
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 4:34 AM -

sweet song/poem thing

play me
sing me a sweet song
take me
dont leave me all alone
do that
thing that makes me smile
feel so
very good deep inside
can you
dont stop the music
i want
to dance all night long
with you
is where i want to be
lets stay
together eternity

"the things we say'"

all i do is wrong
all i do is wrong
nothing i do is ever right

u make me feel like im worthless
u make me feel like im made out of s***

what makes you think i could f*** care less
arent you suppose to be there for me

****** and 5 minutes later *********

i get angry and crazy
say things i dont mean

frustrated, narrowminded
im acting obscene

>> and the story continues all over again ...

"another day"

what to do
so many things
so many opportunities
lets get started
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 4:30 AM -

[12/7/2002 8:05:02 PM | next chapter]
thecontents[0]='now >> last weeks of uni and there is heaps studying and stuff to do ...watching>> CSI, SUpermodel, 24, ally mcbeal, simpsons, seinfeld, smallville>> britney feat netunes-boys, sugar ray-someday, robyn-do u know what it takes, tlc-girl talk, green day-time of your life, john mayer-no such thnig, avril l-sk8r boi, vanessa carlton-ordinary day, pdiddy feat ginuine-i need a girl pt2, beanie man feat janet-fell it boy, no doubt-underneath it all, jolina-tameme, apo hiking society/ray vallero-kumusta ka, ogie/lea-nandito>> videoki king, forvermore, xxx, austin powers-gold member ...whatesle...'

thecontents[1]='site >> i started this page feb2002. its place where i can just write anything i want. be creative and basically just an outlet and record things. its an outlet, its my place on the web. enjoy!'

thecontents[2]='me >> see im not sure i always thought that i was shy, quite and nice but i heard i can be vain, loud and rude. the rest u will figure out from what u read on my blog plus here are some other details, filo living un aussie land, 21 college student doing compter science, eldest child and aquarius. ummm.....thats all.'

thecontents[3]='contact >> icq:67920681 yup that it...'

thecontents[4]='stuff >> dont know what to write here.... might do tasks here...maybe'


[10/1/2002 12:26:16 PM | next chapter]
time: fri20sep02-6:34pm
mood: really good
hmmmm: better start assingments early
give me more time to sleep
yum yum: flake chocolate
entertained: +24/twentyfour +search for a supermodel +CSI and Smallville +simpsons and daria +malcom and the middle and friends +ally mcbeal and stargate +***wanna see >> lilo n stitch and XXX
play my song: +joe-i like sexy girls +beanie man feat. janet-feel it boy +no doubt-underneath it all +tweet-call me +misteeq-this is how we do it +khia-my neck my back +ludacris and foxy brown-whats your fantasy +charlton hill-2's company +mario-just a friend +beonce-work it put +monica-all eyes on me +a*teens-falling in love with you +selwyn-rich girl +eminem-my closet +vanessa carlton-ordinary day +avril lavigne-skateboi +inoj-all i want is your love (remix) +blaque-questions +atomic kitten-its ok +outthere brothers- fuck you in the ass +jungle brothers-freakn' you
check out: Yrth Mirror :: A fish for all seasons...
1 visitor/s on-line

do u keep a list too? let me know!
0. i like updated lists, this is my first
1. i download music
2. i should drink less cola
3. people think im vain/plastic/fake/cold/honest
4. i lick my lips coz it drys a lot
5. this list is kinda funny
6. gonna grow my hair until summer
7. i like the single numbers 7, 5, 3, 6, and 8
8. i want to learn karate and a musical instrument
9. i like finishing things. accomplising!

site: since feb2002, blog, pic, links, all aboout me, thoughts, outlet, appreciate feedback and heaps fun...
me: male, 21, college student, IT, filo, aussie, single, 5'6, aquarius...
people say i can be: vain, cold, loud, fake, plastic, honest, nice, wise, quite...
aggrevated by: rude and fake people, tryhards and big egos, selfish and narrowminded, broke and bored...
fascinated about: documentaries, history, art, magic, sites and people in public...
distracted on: nice and friendly, religious, gardenning, who drive old looking car like cadilacs, summer looking, waffles, beannies, food, warm bed, pleasant looking...


[9/23/2002 4:15:20 PM | next chapter]
After reclusive and solitary Capricorn comes Aquarius, the most outgoing and receptive of the zodiacal signs. Aquarius lies opposite Leo, a sign that seeks external realization of the ego. The Aquarian dream is to merge that ego with the cosmos. Aquarius, the Water Bearer pours new life into culture. Aquarians are the mystics, the idealists, the reformers, the humanitarians the innovators, the inventors--and, most of all, the communicators of their groups.
Aquarians are generous, flexible, free-thinking, and curious about ideas that run counter to tradtion. Given their humanitarian impulses, they are often strongly dedicated to the cause of human fellowship and are capable of total self-abnegation in the service of the common good. Many Aquarians strive to live more on the spiritual plane than on the material one. Nonetheless, their spirituality and profound insight are usually tempered by a degree of rationality. This fortuitous coupling produces great creativity, which may find its outlet in the service of an ideology. On the other hand, the restless and original Aquarian temperament may lend itself to many other interests, including science and technology.

Like Geminis, Aquarians are concerned with information and communication of all sorts. But while the Twins' faored from of expression is words, Aquarians love pictures--art, television, film. In their need to connect with the group, Aquarians always strive for speed and immediacy. The two wavy lines of their glyph symbolize not only water, but fast-flowing currents of energy--or perhaps, in the case of Aqauarian inventor Thomas Edison, electricity. It was Edison who invented motion pictures, the medium in which Aquarian directors D. W. Griffith and Sergei Eisenstein did their trailblazing work.

Aqaurians push back boundaries and introduce new ideas. Aqauarian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart brought music to perfection previously unfathomed. Charles Darwin revolutionized thought about humanity's place in creation. Charles Lindbergh flew alone across the Atlantic when common wisdom held that such an event could never take place. Aquarian writers Charles Dickens, Jules Verne, James Joyce, Gertrude Stein, and Virginia Woolf were all innovators in literature.

But as Aquarians go, Lindbergh--the Lone Eagle--was something of an anomaly, for most Water Bearers are not loners. Group-oriented Aquarians are usually very public people, and natural politicians. Like Leos, they need applause, preferably from a worldwide audience. Successful Aquarians in public life range from Abraham Lincoln to Franklin D. Roosevelt, Adlai Stevenson, and Ronald Reagan. A major Aquarian demon is oversensitivity to the group. This weakness can cause Water Bearers deep doubts about what their true feelings are. In turn, the uncertainty makes them fearful and even more dependant on the group. it is their task to look inward first, discovering their own thoughts before trying to assess the thoughts of others.

Another Aquarian risk is that of overindulging their mystical, nonconforming impulses. If they lack clear-headed rationality, they are capable of destructive attacks on tradition. Disloyalty, oppotunism, and compromise are also potential Aquarian pitfalls. Water Bearers can be shallow, their genial exteriors masking an interior iciness. They may also be shortsighted and hampered by inertia. Just as Geminis think that to talk about a project is to finish it, so Aquarians think that to see a vision is to make it real.

At their best, however, Aquarians are able to move from the abstract to the concrete. Beginning with imagination, Aqaurians shape reality. And they work toward their most prized image, an all-inclusive and shining society in which each individual is a happy and productive contributor to the group.


[9/16/2002 12:52:15 PM | next chapter]
hello testing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::::: Arvin was distracted @ 4:27 AM -

Wednesday, February 05, 2003
diggin on you is about to finish! finally. i have been getting some music clips and performances online.

charline was here today and i might be babysitting her until whenever, so there is something for me to do and earn something and that they can't find anyone else they want to leave the baby with so its here with us for now. she is a cute baby and i like taking care of her, just that i need to be careful and watch her which is kinda exhausting but shes funny and happy. its an oppurtunity that i am around a baby all this time. its nice actually.

it was windy today, cool and cloudy. the windchimes made pretty noises. also spoke to 2 friends which is quite good.
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 12:14 AM -

Tuesday, February 04, 2003
picnic/city is now on thursday. i wanted to go tomorrow but thursday is fine. charline was sick and didnt come today so just hang home with sis. bro dropped a jar of sugar b4 he went to school and as a result our house is crawling with ants once again. we watched 2 european films from sbs, one from germany and the other is france (i think). they have a different style. i noticed that they do a lot of silent scence or slow and not barely moving shots. its not fast pace that i am used to. sometimes i go, whats happening here and what the point and i become impatient but it actually is good and it works! so there.

ps. it think i have grown an inch taller, i am 5' 7. yey! now need to to lose weight and more muscles... i need exercice and eat less junk or eat when i dont need to. control myself that was the topic in oprah. ok gonna try again. yep again.

mum picked veggies* from dad's garden for dinner, dad usually does it but he was still at work. sometimes i pick some too and its a nice feeling that ur growing your own healthy food. btw there was this tomatoe plant that just grew out of nowhere in the side of our house, it bear fruit and we ate it. now its dry and gone. see how life just starts anywhere.

*string beans, 2 types of chillis, saloyot, kamote, ampalaya or bitter melon, eggplants i think thats all....we used to have okra and those spinich i think time also had lettuce, karots, cabbage, thymes, beetroots and celery and stuff but lettuce was the only one we ate the rest were too small.
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 1:32 AM -

Monday, February 03, 2003
my folks went to a viewing, this 18 year old filo guy (kinda family friend) died from a car accident. rip. it was very tragic. my bro went with his friends to see these 2 girls that were in the car with the guy that died, they were very badly hurt. its so sad, young life cut short and its all because of speeding....speeding kills.

me and my sister took everthing down from her room, shes changing her room before tafe starts...everything ...the setting and stuff while my bro was doing his homework asking how to solve math problems, i cant believe that my formal extra education is finish. i am getting a degree!

this weekend i wasnt called so we didnt go out but the picnic is on tuesday and saturday is the dinner so yey! just hope that my parents wont go crazy when i go.
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 2:47 AM -

Sunday, February 02, 2003
sunny days...
birds singing sweet summer songs of love
as we held hand in hand
just sweepin' up sand
as the ocean laps at our feet
im in ur arms
and all of ur charms are for me....
....not for me...
~ tlc - im good at being bad!

watchin! > tlc - creep video
::::: Arvin was distracted @ 5:46 AM -

Saturday, February 01, 2003
my sis went to enrol with friends and so i had to babysit charline. it started ok. then she poohed and i had to clean it, the pooh went all over everywhere (washed 3 loads of laundry and washed her) in my hands, in her clothes, sheets...yuk and i had to wash some by hands.
that was the hard bit the rest was just watching her, entertaining, feeding, playing and puttig her to sleep. it wasnt that hot so its ok. she needs a lot of attention. so glad that the next time i changed her nappy it was just wee...

shes so cute, i had a good time taking care of her. shes fun and so cute when she smiles and dances with her close/open hands in the air, she sings back to you when u hum her to sleep. she likes grabbing things like the remote control and books. she can say dada and mumma and weird noises that she tries to copy.she can stand and walk/run on the stroller and while she was playing with the phone it started ringing and she gave it to sweet...oh...the funny faces she makes...its a nice experience. shes turning one soon! she'll be with us for another week until my sister starts school.

paulo called me to say hi and we might be going out tomoorrow night, so i have to keep it free....ok! plus i think bec is organizing a picnic at the city next week. plus roya in 2 months time....friends!

i just finished cleaning my part (lounge and dining room), also filled my diary planner with details, watered the plants and tied up the dogs.
my sister went to a party with friends(jalac) with mafi too, my brother is napping, dad is building a cd racks and a bed side table, mum is cleaning the kitchen and laundry.

i had an awesome time yesterday with friends, its like we parted and then i thought, hey i wont see them tomorrow like we used to do.....i am misssing it already.

::::: Arvin was distracted @ 4:17 AM -

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