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Empire!

The Television Series

    The following is the remaining fragments of the original webpage, with episodes and summaries for the critically-acclaimed television series that ran three years.

Based on the true historical account:  The Histories of Andronicus I

 

Year Two:  Age of Andronicus

 

 

Episode 1:  "The Concubine Rebellion, Part 2"

Featured Characters:

                Emperor Andronicus

                Operations Chief Doyle

                Security Chief and Reptilian Forces Supervisor Caraptor

                Assassin Rockel

                General Kolberg

                Head Concubine Bethany / Rogue Concubine Bethany

                Head Concubine Alice

                Tier of Ties LeTrent

                Mr. Anderson

Synopsis:  Continued from last season’s cliff hanger, “The Concubine Rebellion, Part 1.”  The harem, led by Head Concubine Bethany, rebels and is summarily crushed and replaced.  Lost in the battle is Security Chief and Reptilian Forces Supervisor Caraptor.  Tier of Ties LeTrent steps up as Security Chief and the lizard-human hybrid Mr. Anderson leaves his job at the cloning labs to take up the position of Reptilian Forces Supervisor.  Caraptor's death is mourned and the Empire lives on.  Alice is appointed as Bethany's replacement as overseer of the harem.  Doyle resigns from his position after the great conflict and takes up the easier life of Harem Overseer.  The position of Operations Chief remains empty for now. 

 

 

Episode 2:  "The Power and the Glory"

Featured Characters:

                Emperor Andronicus

                Operations Chief Rivera

                Emperor Wiggins / President Wiggins

                Darth Provost

Synopsis:  An angel appears and claims to have been sent to serve as the Emperor's divine conscience.  She is later revealed to be a demon, but is kept on staff as Operations Chief.  The angel, Rivera, is instrumental in defeating Wiggins and thereafter making him beg for mercy.  With this victory, the small town of Buies Creek falls under the complete control of the Empire and begins its trek toward unimaginable glory as the capital city of the star-spanning empire.

 

Episode 3:  "Little Scene Shop of Horrors"

Featured Characters:

                Bill Diamond

                Twisted Evil Botanist Heno

                Reptilian Forces Supervisor Anderson

Synopsis:  Twisted Evil Botanist Heno calls in his old friend Bill Diamond and the duo attempts to takeover the Imperial Capital.  Reptilian Forces Supervisor Anderson bravely takes on the gigantic plant monster and saves the day.  Bill Diamond escapes capture and retreats back to New York, while Heno is sentenced to remain in Buies Creek indefinitely.  Please, whatever they offer you, don’t feed the actors.

 

Episode 4:  “I Think I’m a Clone Now”

Featured Characters:

            Emperor Andronicus

            Reptilian Forces Supervisor Anderson

            Female Emperor Clone Andie II

Synopsis:  Anderson unveils the Emperor's clone.  Although not a perfect clone (female, redheaded, and wild), Andie II becomes instrumental when an attempt is made on the Emperor's life.  Andie takes the Emperor's place long enough for Andronicus to countermand the rebellion. 

 

Episode 5:  "Operation: Poltergeist"

Featured Characters:

                Emperor Andronicus

                William Schleicher

                Security Chief LeTrent

                Chief of Assassins Rockel

                Chief of Assassins Grantham

                Harem Girl #2 Nöelle

                Court Jester Adrienne

                Female Emperor Clone Andie

Synopsis:  Acting under orders from the Emperor himself, Chief of Assassins Rockel - until now the only assassin - takes Grantham under his wing and begins her training.  Shortly thereafter, a rebellion staged by the Veranda Society, which believes Andronicus to be responsible for the death of Caraptor [“The Concubine Rebellion”], is halted using covert ops and 2" drywall screws.  Unfortunately, Rockel wavers in loyalties.  He is summarily assassinated and Grantham takes his job as Chief of Assassins.  As the episode draws to a close, a clone of the original Rockel is created because lights still need hanging.  Politcal Officer Spitler is appointed to keep tabs on possible future rebellions.

 

Episode 6:  "Pirate Day"

Featured Characters:

                Emperor Andronicus / El Capitan

                Physical Trainer to the Emperor  Mary E. Honeycutt BATB / Queen Isabella of Spain

                Chief Armorer Dossey / Rednose

                Matthew Rockel 2.0 / NoBeard

                Longneck

                The Baby Pirates

                Pirate Hostage #1 Alice

                Pirate Hostage #2 Elizabeth Ann

Synopsis:  Pirates sail up Buies creek to Buies Creek and Ellis Island.  They set siege to the town while much of the Imperial Staff is away on vacation.  Andronicus and the remaining skeleton crew infiltrate the pirate forces and finally defeat them.  Honeycutt is instrumental in the rousting of the pirates.  She brilliantly masquerades as Queen Isabella of Spain and orders the pirates to leave Buies Creek.  The pirates realize the deception as they depart, but are prevented from returning by the miraculous appearance of the ghost of Caraptor above the waters.  The pirates swear to return in a year and exact their revenge.  One of the pirates, left behind by his shipmates, decides to join the Empire and is made Chief Minister of Piracy “Longneck” Robinson.  Caraptor’s ghost offers to help the Empire establish an outpost in the afterlife and plans are discussed for an invasion of the hereafter.

 

Episode 7:  "Trout"

Featured Characters:

                Emperor Andronicus

                Matthew Rockel, 2.0

                Greywolf, aka Roy

                Harem Girl #2 Nöelle

Synopsis:  While on a fishing trip, the nefarious, mythical hunter Greywolf is encountered by the Emperor and his party.  Head Concubine Alice wanders off in the forest and is thought lost.  There is a great battle between Rockel 2.0 and Greywolf.  An actual victor is never established, but the episode comes to an end so the fight must be called a draw.  In fact, the entire episode turns out to have been an "exercise in futility."  Lastly, Alice returns on her own and none too pleased.  The gang packs up and heads home.

 

Episode 8:  "The Clone Wars"

Featured Characters:

                Rogue Concubine Bethany 4.0

                Head Concubine Alice

                Harem Girl #2 Nöelle

                Harem Girl #3 Sharena

                Harem Girl #4 Stephanie

                Harem Girl #5 Crystal

Synopsis:  A clone of a clone of a clone of Rogue Concubine Bethany comes out of hiding and conspires to incite a rebellion.  This too is crushed, but Bethany 4.0 manages to escape.  Afterwards, mandatory registration of all clones becomes the law of the land.  Twisted Evil Botanist Heno reappears from his prison and attempts once again to defeat the Emperor, but without his man-eating plant Heno is of little threat.

 

Episode 9:  "Night Maneuvers"

(bom chicka bwah bum .. no, not that!)

Featured Characters:

                Emperor Andronicus

                Chief Armorer Dossey

                Matthew Rockel, 2.0

                Dark Lord of Music Ran Whitley

Synopsis:  A remote base in Cary is established using a U-Haul equipped with a cloaking device.  The process is slowed by an attempted assassination by a group of religious fanatics, led by Dark Lord of Music Ran Whitley, opposed to the Empire.

 

Episode 10:  "Covert Claus"

Featured Characters:

                Emperor Andronicus

                Physical Trainer to the Emperor  Mary E. Honeycutt BATB

                Operations Chief Rivera

                Head Concubine Alice

                Security Chief LeTrent

                Head Guard Kebreau

                Chief of Assassins Grantham

                Santa Claus

Synopsis:  The Secret Santa ritual is disturbed and a riot takes place.  Thanks to LeTrent's quick thinking, the riot is extinguished with little loss to life.  Rivera's loyalty is temporarily called into question when she attacks the Emperor, but it is soon revealed as one big misunderstanding and she is spared.  Grantham shoots down Santa Claus, but Santa survives the crash.  The commercialized holiday that we call Christmas is saved when the Physical Plant provides a replacement sled.  Grantham gets several lumps of coal in her stocking, but is congratulated in secret by the Son of God.

 

Episode 11:  "Capture the Flag"

Featured Characters:

                Emperor Andronicus

                Rogue Concubine Bethany 4.0

                Head Concubine Alice

                Harem Girl #2 Nöelle

                Deck Swab Smith

                William Schleicher

                Matthew Rockel, 2.0

                Reptilian Forces Supervisor Anderson

Synopsis:  Buies Creek is once again under attack, but this time from within.  A riotous faction of religious zealots wages a "crusade" against the Imperial forces, interrupting a training exercise.  Harem Girl #2 Noelle is nearly slain in battle.  Much of the Headquarters Building is destroyed, but the now-reformed William Schleicher enacts repairs.

 

Episode 12:  "Steel Concubines" [Steel Magnolias]

Featured Characters:

                Emperor Andronicus

                Chief Armorer Dossey

                Security Chief LeTrent

                Matthew Rockel, 2.0

                Rogue Concubine Bethany 4.0

                Head Concubine Alice

                Harem Girl #2 Sharena

                Harem Girl #3 Stephanie

                Harem Girl #4 Crystal

                General Barnard

                Mystic Advisor Crainshaw

                Physical Trainer to the Emperor  Mary E. Honeycutt BATB

                Female Emperor Clone Andie

                Head Architect Best

                Imperial Guard Kebreau

                Flamethrower Kukich

                Royal Seamstress Lindsay

                Deck Swab Smith

                Operations Chief Rivera

                Operations Subcommander Spataro

                Chief of Assassins Grantham

                Head Ninja Jaime

                Local Goddess K. Wulff

Synopsis:  A very powerful, heart-touching episode.  Tryouts for the Harem are held, and the females of the Empire vie for the affections of Andronicus.  A final contest erupts into a free-for-all.  One of the contestants dies.  Be sure to tune in for a very special episode.  General Kolberg leaves the Creek and her position as general to secure lands elsewhere for the glory of the Empire.

 

Episode 13:  “Andronicus Day"

Featured Characters:

            Emperor Andronicus

            Head Concubine Alice / Empress Cates

            Security Chief LeTrent

            Physical Trainer to the Emperor Mary E. Honeycutt / General Honeycutt

            Chief Armorer Dossey

Synopsis:  Emperor Andy has long lived by the philosophy that as long as no one gives him birthday present, he doesn't have to get presents for anyone during the rest of the year.  This plan is thwarted when the Emperor's birthday is discovered by various minions.  Head Concubine Alice seduces the Emperor into making her Empress temporarily to see how the Empire would perform with an Empress.  The economy takes a nosedive.  Honeycutt is named as Kolberg's replacement.

 

Episode 14:  "Blithe Spat"

Featured Characters:

            Emperor Andronicus

            Security Chief LeTrent

            Mystic Advisor Crainshaw

            Chief Armorer Dossey

            Empress Cates

            Local Goddess Kelly Wulff

            Twisted Evil Botanist Heno

            Female Emperor Clone Andie II

Synopsis:  Andronicus begins training members of the secret Cleansing Agency.  During this, yet another uprising among the minions occurs.  The Emperor is forced to halt reality to allow for the satisfaction of the disloyal minions.  This infraction of the laws of physics is noted by Mystic Advisor Crainshaw as dangerous and likely to result in death for those involved, but Andronicus proceeds anyway to shut up the rebels.  Empress Cates asserts so-called authority much to the chagrin of the Emperor and most male minions.  Dossey oversees of a new and more powerful weapon.

 

Episode 15:  "Joans of Arc"

Featured Characters:

            Local Goddess Kelly Wulff

            Operations Chief Rivera

            Empress Cates / Harem Girl Alice

            Emperor Andronicus

            Twisted Evil Botanist Harold Heno

            Chief Armorer Dossey

            Sadistic Lab Technician Wilhelm Schleicher

            Mystic Advisor Crainshaw

            Security Chief LeTrent

            General Honeycutt

Synopsis:  A modern day tragedy.  The Local Goddess, Rivera, and the Empress become too proud and, like Lucifer the Morning Star, decide the deserve the Power and the Glory.  The Three form an unregistered, unapproved group, calling themselves the Joans of Arc Triumvirate.  Andronicus is forced to recruit Twisted Evil Botanist Heno to defeat the Triumvirate due to various disloyal factions popping up in the Empire unexpectedly.  The Empire is nearly split.  Finally, Andronicus wins back his minions and banishes the Joans of Arc from the Empire.  The positions of Operations Chief, Head Concubine, Empress, and Local Goddess remain empty for the moment.

 

Episode 16:  "DD-Day"

Featured Characters:

            Chief Armorer Dossey

            Emperor Andronicus

            Assassin Rockel 2.0

            Local Pantheon Supervisor Cogdill

Synopsis:  Andronicus departs for the duration of summer reruns, placing Dossey in command.  The moment Emperor Andy departs, the Empire is ambushed by various masked rebels.  Andronicus returns to the Creek, but not before much damage is done.  The Cleansing Agency, hereto clandestine in nature, is made public and preparations are made for a counterattack.  Long live the Empire.  Episode continued next season in "No Smoking."

Year Three

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