Finals...more fun than the rest of the school year.
Well, not the finals themselves, though my history essay was, if I may say so myself, totally kick ass. But as to the rest of the days- first day was kinda crappy and I didn't do anything. Yesterday, after grocery shopping, we went to Friendly's, then we picked up Rickett and had a convoy into Trenton to find a limo place that Coyne was gonna work at. Needless to say, we were lost too often, so I decided to go back, with Fowler and Rickett in my car. We ended up in Ewing, then took the Highway to Lawrence, and ended up back where we started, then went home. Then Coyne, Rickett, and I went to Friendly's for dinner.
Today, we went to Friendly's again for lunch, then dropped off Owad at work, then drove around trying to soak kids with a super soaker. Fowler and Coyne got Kevin Hill, then we drove around for a while, went back past Snyder's house to get his car, then I called Dani and had her wait outside, so I had to take the shot. She was pretty pissed, so I've called her quite a few times afteward to only have her hang up on me. It was a nice shot though.

My day of memorials
I'd planned to watch "Saving Private Ryan" to see the D-Day scene, but in the end never got around to it. I'd probly end up crying; I can only really cry in a war film when the guys are dying, I dunno why. Somehow, thinking about those guys who weren't much older than I am, it's just something that I can't even begin to comprehend. I just want everyone to remember that had we been alive 60 years ago, it would've been our friends on those beaches. It would've been us off in the Pacific, in the stalemate down in Italy. Just remember, they had something worth fighting for, a real crusade. What's going on today...is nothing like that.
Reagan died last night too, I'm waiting for the Republicans to propose his monument and to make his birthday a national holiday. It'll be a cold day in hell before I celebrate that. After all, we should be getting off for FDR's birthday, he sure as hell got us through a lot more in his time.
I guess things with Sam have settled back to where they were...which is kinda depressing. I had hopes...well, I always have hope for something that never comes to be. Terrible record for that, I really don't know why I tried on this one. Things will just be awkward and...well, she may change one day, but for now, we're just back to the way things were before.

I've got a feeling that I've royally fucked up things with Sam...just call it an inkling. But I think I'm better off having taken the risk, because otherwise I'd just be living a lie. I may be at a time when I really shouldn't talk unless I have to; it's better that I just listen to everyone else...I can't believe I actually went through with it though. And I don't think we actually settled anything, it's so open that it's gonna bother me until I talk to her again.
It was probly a bad thing to talk to Dani about it because it's starting to feel like Krysti all over again. Considering the fact that that era of my life has just come to an end...well, it's not a good thing to go into something similar to it. It's my own fault; I did put myself into this situation. I often ponder whether the choices I've made are the right ones, if I'm where I'm really supposed to be, if I haven't made a wrong turn along the way. It's depressing to think about that, but it always comes down to knowing that I can't change the past, so things are as they are. I've got a lot to think about, because I don't want to keep living my life thinking "what if?"; that's no way to live.

There is something gnawing at the back of my mind, that feeling that I'm at fault. I'm not myself right now, I don't really know what's happened to me. There's just a generally bad feeling that I need to get rid of.

Mini Golf last night with Dani and her friends. It was ok, but to be honest, it was one of those times when I'm obviously an outsider to the group. I guess that may be a problem of mine, that I've only got a few friends that are friends with each other- most of them are not connected at all. Best part, by far, was driving home listening to "Dazed and Confused". Heh, I love driving that car, listening to Zeppelin.

That's when things began to fall apart...
Or so it feels right now. It's not as bad as the other night, when I really was in a terrible mood. This is more of a hazy, depressed feeling, knowing that I screwed things up. FUBAR, that's what it really is. The fact that...I really can't even talk about it right now. I'm just living with this feeling that I've said too many wrong things and have missed too many good chances.

Good Times, Bad Times
Well, I'm happy because I'm licensed and all. It's great, it really is. But the bad really outweighs the good, ie talking to Sam and diggin myself into a succesively deeper pit. I'm supposed to drive around with Dani one day, so that's good...but Sam is still weighing it down with the bad.
What to say? I've got no fucking idea at this point. She said before that she wanted me to be honest...but honesty isn't always a good thing. Then again, that may end up being the only thing that will let me redeem myself. Redemption...and now the book is paralleling my life again.

Tomorrow's the day...
Driver's test at 8 am tomorrow, I'm looking forward to it. Practiced parallel parking again yesterday, I seem to be ready. Let's hope it goes well. Today we had the family birthday party, the highlights being a drill and saber saw that I received. I need the cash for gas, which is sad that I haven't gotten a job yet. I'm such a lazy bum.
Oh, and now Dani is daring to contest my choice of lyrics for my AIM profile. Since I can't fit Ruby Tuesday by the Stones, I put in Two of Us by the Beatles. She feels that this is inadequate compared to American Hi-Fi's Flavor of the Week, which, I'll admit, I've never heard. Of course I'm not going to take advice from so fickle a person, so it ended up being Two of Us, though I can't give credit where credit is due because of space concerns.

And now for a little scene-
I get my license in four days, I have off from school tomorrow to go to St. Joe's and I have National Honor Society Inductions tonight. Fun times...well anyway, I think I'm gonna get going now. ::Stands up, tips hat, slowly pivots on his left foot counterclockwise. Walks out the door into a setting sun::

And then I went too far.
I really need to stop overthinking. It's been nothing but trouble for 16 years and 360 days(yes, I'm almost there). And then stuff like today...I think I just want to apologize to Danielle for everything and for nothing just so things feel justified.
I also think I should apologize to Sam, who I've really been self-centered with. You're the kind of girl that I really want to listen to, but I'm too caught up in myself. I think today is gonna be my apology day, for everything I've done and everything I will do.
On a high note, well, there really isn't a high note. I've come to find that a Gatorade after a march is the best tasting thing in the world. Uphill four mile marches, woo!