lividy4: I must warn you, I dont update very often
sil3ntsir3n: Haha well that's quite alright. I update sparadically (sp?).. sometimes I update anywhere from twice a day to every day.. and then some months there will be about two entries.
lividy4: I guess I never have anything very interesting to say.
lividy4: or so I feel
sil3ntsir3n: I feel the same way a lot of the time, so that's why my entries are so randomly done. I just write whenever I feel like it.
lividy4: I may update... at some point. I don't have many people on my flist so I dont think they'll notice
sil3ntsir3n: Haha well you can be sure that I will. I check my friend page every day.. cause more often than not there are people who post things worth reading.
lividy4: I check my flist every 5 minutes
lividy4: ha
sil3ntsir3n: haha rofl I didn't want to admit it but so do i! hahaha
lividy4: Its hard to embarass me
sil3ntsir3n: Haha well I wasn't really embarassed, perse.. more feeling sortof pathetic.
lividy4: I guess then, that I am unashamed
lividy4: that may not be the word either..
lividy4: I give up
sil3ntsir3n: LOL! It fits, I think.
sil3ntsir3n: Close enough.
lividy4: Yes, it's late, and my brain is hurting.
sil3ntsir3n: Ha, mine too.
sil3ntsir3n: I really should go to bed, but I have nothing to do tomorrow so I might as well stay up late.
lividy4 signed off at 11:57:27 PM.
lividy4 signed on at 11:59:33 PM.
lividy4: yep, pretty much the same here. I think I may have a full day of chores though
sil3ntsir3n: Oh yeah, me too definitely.
lividy4: I have to do some major re-arraning in my room
lividy4: arranging
sil3ntsir3n: So do I. I just cleaned all the crap out of my drawers yesterday and now there's a huge mess.
lividy4: I hate having to do that
sil3ntsir3n: Me too, but my room was desperately in need of organization.
lividy4: We just redid my room (yay!) and now I have to put everything back
lividy4: I just cant find anywhere to put any of it
sil3ntsir3n: haha What did you do to it? Paint?
lividy4: Yeah, we painted the walls and bought a new computer desk, and bed sheets
lividy4: put carpet down..
sil3ntsir3n: Oh wow! You did the whole works on it.
lividy4: yep. Kind of the whole thing where it was done for a little kid, and I finally got sick of it, and bugged my parents into helping me out
sil3ntsir3n: Mine's in need of a re-do. If I werent going to college in the fall I'd do it too.
lividy4: What college are you going to? If I may ask?
lividy4 signed off at 12:19:37 AM.
lividy4 signed on at 12:20:20 AM.
lividy4: Are you there?
sil3ntsir3n: Haha yes, sorry about that.
sil3ntsir3n: I didn't see your IM blink.
sil3ntsir3n: What college? I still haven't made up my mind.. I've been accepted at 5 different places though.
lividy4: That sounds good. I can't wait to go to college,
sil3ntsir3n: Neither can I! I'm very excited.
lividy4: I want to go to Oxford, so I can live in England. But chances of that are pretty much 0.
sil3ntsir3n: Aw! Well it wouldn't hurt to apply anyway, I'm sure.
sil3ntsir3n: I was thinking about studying abroad in England if I could.
lividy4: A lot of people say they don't want to move away from their family, but really that doesnt seem to bother me.
sil3ntsir3n: That's so funny, I'm exactly the same way.
sil3ntsir3n: I don't really get homesick. Well, I do I guess, but it's very rare. I really want to travel and get away from here.. I don't want to spend all my years in this one place, this one state, this one country, even!
lividy4: I love to travel. I love being on my own and meeting new people.
sil3ntsir3n: Me too.
lividy4: Actually, once I get into high school there will be oppurtunities for me to go to London by myself for the summer, and I plan to do that.
sil3ntsir3n: How old are you?
lividy4: 13 (Let me guess, you thought I was about 16.)
sil3ntsir3n: My goodness! I was under the impression you were much much older.
sil3ntsir3n: Yes! I thought you were my age, rofl. I thought you were about 17 or 18, actually.
sil3ntsir3n: Doesn't make any difference, really.. It's just surprising.
lividy4: Heh. I don't know why, but everyone thinks that, and then when I actually tell them my age they think Im like, joking or something. I find it amusing. I dont know why I give off the impression of being older.
sil3ntsir3n: It's because you're so articulate and your thoughts are so, I don't know what the best word is, but I think you're very analytical. Neither of those are common traits among 13-year-olds, you know! You sound so well thought out. True Ravenclaw, haha. I'd bet you'd give the ones in the HP world a run for their money.
sil3ntsir3n: Some people just have an "old soul." I heard that in a movie once.. but I think you have one of those, too. You're very grown up for your age.
lividy4: Well, thank you.
sil3ntsir3n: Sure! Just being honest.
lividy4: I am shriveled on the inside.
sil3ntsir3n: LOL well I didn't mean that!
lividy4: I know, its just when you say "old soul" a very wrinkled heart comes to mind
lividy4: wearing bifocals and carrying a cane
sil3ntsir3n: Haha well I suppose one could easily get that image out of the saying. I hadn't really thought of it in that way.. but there you go, you Ravenclaw! Outside the box.
lividy4: Yes, I guess I've always just kind of.. seen the world differently than other people. I feel like Im here... but Im not here. Which doesn't make sense, but it perfectly describes it.
sil3ntsir3n: I can relate, actually. I've felt the same way since about 6th grade.
lividy4: It's very empty.
lividy4: I kind of live two seperate lives.
lividy4: And now Im rambling, let me quit.
sil3ntsir3n: LOL that's quite alright.
sil3ntsir3n: What do you mean by two lives? Lol you're practically dictating the story of my own life, haha.
lividy4: Well, I have the life I live when Im at school and with friends, and the life I have a thome.
lividy4: at home*
sil3ntsir3n: Mmhm. Me too.
lividy4: I've thought about it.. quite a bit, actually. And I think that perhaps the key to happiness is to combine them. But, for me, that is impossible. I would rather live in my hole than do that.
sil3ntsir3n: I think I would, too.
lividy4: For me, it's like when Im with my friends and out alone I feel free. Like a huge weight has been lifted just because Im alone with my own thoughts and no one is there to watch me. But, at home, I have to pretend to be someone Im not.
sil3ntsir3n: Don't I understand that! Huh! It's such a buden to have to live this way, but like you said- I'd rather live in my little hole than try and combine them. It would be impossible, and would more than likely have disastrous results. When I'm with my friends, or out driving by myself or with just one friend, I feel like I'm the real me. At home, I have to put away all my real thoughts and feelings for fear they'd disturb my parents and make my life harder. They just don't see things the way I do. I'm not saying that because I can't see from their perspective, but because I -know- their perspective and I disagree with it.
sil3ntsir3n: So I have to be good and proper and 'in the box' at home, whereas I'm free to be 'real' with myself and my friends. It's liberating to have that, to be able to be free, but it sure is disappointing and frustrating when you walk through the door at home when the day ends.
lividy4: I think I've just met my clone.
sil3ntsir3n: LOL! I think so too.
sil3ntsir3n: And it's not that I don't appreciate my parents. I'm definitely not ungrateful for all they've done. It's just that I would like them not to restrict me and be so judgemental, although I know it will never happen.
lividy4: I have nice things, and a nice room and all that stuff that they've given me. And we go on vacations and all that stuff. But there really is no emotion there. I got tired of giving my opinion, and everything I said being shot down. So I just choose to go along and be the "perfect" child, so they can be happy and leave me alone. I'd rather have them just ignoring me. Some people can't understand that. I just think that they are trying to control my life to an extent that I wont permit.
sil3ntsir3n: This is like meeting myself at thirteen. I want to say "you can't possibly understand how funny/exciting/strange/surreal this is" but then you probably do, because you're ... me. Haha.
lividy4: It really is quite extroardinary. And here I was.. thinking I was the only one for all this time.
sil3ntsir3n: I knew I wasn't the only one, but I'd never met someone with such a similar case until now! I'd met a few people before who had situations that resembled my own, but it really sounds like our lives have just been cut from the same pattern. Crazy, but good to know someone can relate!
lividy4: I think it's more severe than it would be just because I despise most of the people my age. That sounds really stuck up and immature, but I cant relate to them at all. They just worry about their stupid "boyfriends" (like those really count as relationships!) and the new outfit they bought downtown.
lividy4: *facesmash* I'd give them a reality check and a half, but I don't have the patience
sil3ntsir3n: Thank you! *applauds* You can call it pretentious or whatever you want, but I feel the same way. They're so concerned with material things and get so wrapped up in their own shallow relationships.. how can they not realize that it doesn't mean anything at this age!? Kids today think they're grown up but they're so oblivious to reality most of the time..
sil3ntsir3n: Sure, I like new clothes and I like having a boyfriend, but it doesn't come close to being the kind of fufillment I need, you know? But they make it what they think is fufillment. They convince themselves of it and get so caught up in their cheap dramas that they forget the world has so much more to offer.. It's so tiring.
sil3ntsir3n: Haha sorry I've been ra nting like crazy.
lividy4: I love to hear it, actually.
sil3ntsir3n: Same from you! So no more apologies for rantings. Haha.
lividy4: Yes, let's banish that.
sil3ntsir3n: :-)
lividy4: There are times though, when I get tired of trying to be mature, so I join the other 13 year olf hoodlums. But I've kind of been forced into maturity by my parents. In ways Im grateful, but at other times, I wish they could've just let me enjoy my childhood. They expect so much I've me.
lividy4: They expect so much of* me.
sil3ntsir3n: Same here, my dear!
sil3ntsir3n: Same here.
sil3ntsir3n: Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to be so blissfully ignorant as the one's I've been bashing.. I wonder if I wouldn't be happier. With knowledge comes pain, but then you have all this understanding that no one else does, which makes you feel special. I don't know, some days I enjoy being who I am and some days I wish things were different. But what I've got is what I've got, and I suppose I'm doing well enough with it.
lividy4: Oh yes, I just tell myself that Im strong enough to overcome it, and one day I can escape and start a new life.
sil3ntsir3n: That's what I keep telling myself, too. That one day I will have a new life. And I hope it's true, with all sincerity I really hope it is. I think it's potentially the most beautiful thing I could ever know.
sil3ntsir3n: I just want a new life. I want to be free, happy and truly in love. It's idealistic and probably will never happen all at the same time or how I want it to, but I'd say it's a hope worth having.
sil3ntsir3n: Why not shoot for it? So many people my age don't even have goals. I might as well hope to be successful, along with all the things I just mentioned.
lividy4: I don't know if I can last another what? 5 years. I've already made so many sacrifices for them; Im not sure how many more I can take.
lividy4: Im going to try and get out 2 years early and go to a private school in the state capitol though, its like boarding school, so maybe I can do that.
sil3ntsir3n: I've had the same thoughts. So trust me, if I can make it this far, I'm more than certain you can.
sil3ntsir3n: I wish I'd had that option.. I would've taken it!
sil3ntsir3n: It's hard sacrificing the 'real' you to please your pareents.. but I think once you get old enough and can start your own life.. the better life.. I think it will have been worth waiting out. I turn 18 in march, and my college adventures start in august.. so I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. ;-)
lividy4: Oh yes, keep my mind at ease.
sil3ntsir3n: I'll try my best, but I can't say the road to getting there will be easy.
lividy4: The only thing keeping me going at this point is Harry Potter.. it's like I was searching for something, anything, so desperately to cling to and I found HP and I just latched myself to it. I live and breathe it. My parents act like Im crazy, but it's really whats keeping me sane.
sil3ntsir3n: I've done the same thing for the past few years. I really only 'discovered' the amazing HP world in my sophomore year. I remember when the books first came out, I believe I was in about the 5th grade.. my mom tried to read the first book to me and I absolutely couldn't stand it. I thought it was SO boring, but of course I never listened past the first page. She tried to get me to read it for myself since I wouldn't listen, but I refused.. and so time passed and one day, on an absolute whim, I just thought "I feel like reading Harry Potter." And I've been absolutely addicted ever since.
lividy4: That's the exact way it happened with me.
lividy4: This is getting... really wierd.
sil3ntsir3n: LOL! No kidding. I was about to say "are you SERIOUS? This is so strange"
lividy4: Its like.. Im a little scared.. a little creeped out.. and a little excited
sil3ntsir3n: hahaha well I think I risk creeping both me and you out more when I say I feel the same way.
sil3ntsir3n: It really is creepy.. lol...
lividy4: No denying that. I feel like I've met you or something...
lividy4: .:I gots the shivers now:.
sil3ntsir3n: I know! I really do feel like that.
sil3ntsir3n: Haha so do I. I'm just sitting here thinking this is so bizarre, but it's almost like one of those things where you feel like you're meeting someone you were friends with in a past life..
sil3ntsir3n: I don't really believe in that, I'm just saying it's how it feels.
sil3ntsir3n: Haha.
sil3ntsir3n: All this thinking is making me thirsty, rofl. Be back in a sec, I need some H2O.
sil3ntsir3n: back!
lividy4: Do you believe in fate
sil3ntsir3n: Yes. And it's absolutely rediculous you just said that because I was thinking that this was one of those things that was 'meant to be' (I say that at the risk of sounding like a lunatic, of course.) But really!
lividy4: Its such a big coincedence, that it cant be a coincedence.
sil3ntsir3n: Exactly.
lividy4: I just cant believe it took us this long to figure it out, I mean, we've been talking for a month or so?
lividy4: I think we're good at hiding it.
sil3ntsir3n: I know! I know I keep repeating "I was just about to say..." or "I was just thinking the same thing..." But I was. It was like you said before "I feel like I've just met my clone." I feel like we really have "just met", although we've been sortof acquaintances for a month or so. And I agree, I think we're good at hiding it too.
lividy4: You met my online personality, Rita.
lividy4: Oh god, that probably creeped you out!
lividy4: Sorry.
sil3ntsir3n: Rofl, no trust me, it didn't.
sil3ntsir3n: It takes a lot more than that to creep me out.
lividy4: I was just thinking "Oh thats just becuase thats who I am online and I generally dont talk to people like this.." and I typed the first portion, and then I thought Rita would be a lovely name for her.
sil3ntsir3n: I think I have several personalities. With my parents, I"m sortof a Molly. Good ol' Molly. With my friends, of course, I'm Emily. Real Emily. Online, I think I'm more of a.. hmm.. I'm having trouble with a fitting name.
lividy4: Margaret.
sil3ntsir3n: I generally don't, either. Rita's a lovely name, haha.
sil3ntsir3n: Margaret? Hm. Maybe. That may be my more open, relaxed and pensive online personality.
lividy4: ooh wait, this is fun. Um.. Laurel.
sil3ntsir3n: But even online I have a peronality that hides things and wears a rather goofy and saucy facade. Laurel reminds me of Little House on the Prarie for some reason...
sil3ntsir3n: Maybe Veronica.
sil3ntsir3n: V for short.
sil3ntsir3n: Yeah, that's rather saucy, but refined enough to be smart.
lividy4: LOL.
sil3ntsir3n: So you've been aquaintances with Veronica, and have "met" and gotten to know Margaret.
sil3ntsir3n: And I've "met" Rita.
sil3ntsir3n: There we have it.
lividy4: Oh yes, the fine world of internet identity swapping.
sil3ntsir3n: Mhm. Fine indeed. Complicated, too.
lividy4: Very much so. I also have one that is the nice, polite, well refined young "lady" whom I have come to know as Meg.
sil3ntsir3n: Meg! I think she's the one I've been dealing with over matters at the sorting hat.
lividy4: Heh, we're good friends.
sil3ntsir3n: Of course.
sil3ntsir3n: And speaking of SH, I love the new sortinghat_main layout.
sil3ntsir3n: "Who done it?" :-P
lividy4: careersuicide_ ....... >.>;
sil3ntsir3n: Figures! She does a lot of lovely ones.
lividy4: Yes.. she does.
sil3ntsir3n: The only "thing" i have with it, is that the top image blocks out the links to the userinfo and such. It may just be my screen resolution, but I just thought I would mention it.
lividy4: yes, I've noticed that, but I really have no other options.
sil3ntsir3n: Ah. Well you might could mention it to her. It's quite possible that it could be easily fixed.
lividy4: Possibly. I'll talk to her tomorrow if shes online.
lividy4: She got onto me today because I hadn't changed it yet.
sil3ntsir3n: Changed what?
lividy4: the layout
sil3ntsir3n: Ah.
sil3ntsir3n: Well I do like it very much, as I said.
sil3ntsir3n: I think the regular journal deserves a better layout, really. It's not quite up to par with the main layout.
lividy4: I think it's nice for the sorting journal
sil3ntsir3n: I know a lot about HTML, but not when it comes to LJ layouts/overrides. So I just did the best with what I had.
sil3ntsir3n: Well that's probably true. I'm not sure I like the image anymore though.
sil3ntsir3n: I may have to get around to creating a better one for you, but that's a project for another day.
sil3ntsir3n: I'm too tired for that!
lividy4: Yes, my brain went to sleep a couple of hours ago
sil3ntsir3n: Mine too. Which is probably why we let down our guards so easily and let Rita meet Margaret.
lividy4: Haha.
lividy4: Oh yes, and now they can be each other's online therapists when need be. And then Meg can take over for me.
sil3ntsir3n: Haha well Meg had better watch out for Veronica.. she's very into jokes and things. I'm not sure Meg would appreciate it.
sil3ntsir3n: She'd probably find Veronica a bit alarming.
lividy4: At which point she'd transfer power to Liv.
lividy4: Oh goodness. Well, Emily (or Margaret? Veronica, maybe? I need to get to know them each better.) this has been very interesting and somewhat creepy, but me and my two sidekicks desperately need sleep.
lividy4: So, I will talk to you tomorrow, or another time.
sil3ntsir3n: I have to agree on all counts! I shall see all three of you around, I'm sure.
sil3ntsir3n: G'night!
lividy4: Goodnight.
lividy4 signed off at 1:46:44 AM.