Your grandma got high, for the first time today
The morphine allowed her death, to be postponed, again
My grandma can rewrite the history books
Just listen to what I have to say

Grandma! Grandma! Please let me in
What you are doing is quite the sin!
Grandma! Grandma! Who's that in your bed?
Did he enjoy it? Did you give him head?
Is grandpa sleeping?
Or is he weeping?
Is grandpa dead, come on grandpa’s not dead!
Why won't you give him head?

Why must the elderly sleep around?
Why must they make that screechy sound?
I just wanted to pour your apple sauce
Not see you make a move on your son’s boss.

Grandma! Grandma! I am flabbergasted
I am awe strucken by how long you lasted
Grandma! Grandma! Your husband isn’t just a spare tire
I know that your cancer is spreading like wild fire,
But grandpa still needs your love and affection
It has been ages since his last erection!

I forgive you grandmother
At least he wasn’t your brother.
Accidents are prone to happen in life
But, you can’t cut steak with a butter knife.
In fact, you shouldn’t be chewing meat.
Replacing your dentures isn’t quite so cheap.

Historian or not, she uses Vidal Sassoon shampoo. She can use my marbles anytime.

My marbles.

My marbles.

My marbles.


Anytime.