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Saturday, 23 July 2005
learning how to smile...
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: angel of mine by monica
im feeling alittle lost. alittle scared too. i get the impression its not supposed to be this way. as i tried to peer deeply into that sirty mirror i got stuck. theres an image inside thats distorted and ungly and screams and wails from down the hall and down in hell to be let out. i feel as though my soul is trapped inside aswell. maybe i just placed it there for safe keeping.

i am weighed down by this frosted addiction of a girl named crystal and the shine of sharpened steel. i find myself triggering the idea of splattering my grey matter on the wall behind me and painting an ugly picture of truth for all the world to see. the same wall where that picture of you hangs.

im scared of what might be hiding inside me is more than my dirty thoughts and selfish deeds. something too good to be there. the lack of latex can change someone''s life forever and i''m not strong enough to take on the responsibility. i am cold, heartless, and helpless. how can i love anyone else truely and faithfully until i learn to love myself first? i''m just now learning how to smile.

Posted by emo2/burningwithlividity at 5:53 AM CDT
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