FAT PEOPLE

Fat people don’t piss me off just because they are fat…unless of course they are the metric ton kind of fat…the kind that makes you nauseous ten minutes before you even see them. No, most fat people sicken me because of their excuses. Just be straightforward about it: you’re a pig! None of the following bullshit should exist:

(1)   I’m big-boned. Like comedian Dom Irrera once said, “Yeah, that sure is one big ass bone that you have there.”

(2)   I have a thyroid problem. Fuck you, you fat pig. There’s no such thing. Work out and diet.

(3)   But I don’t have the time to work out. Yet you have plenty of time to stuff your face. Very interesting.

Please note that in and of themselves I have nothing against fat people (except for the above-mentioned repulsive ones, and the kind who wear clothes made for thin people). In fact, one of my favorite people in the world is this heavy-set girl at work, who will remain anonymous here. I think she’s one of the sweetest, friendliest people in the world. Whenever she walks in to work I can’t help but smile, and if anyone tried to fuck with her I’d beat the shit out of them. And you know what else is great about her? She doesn’t make excuses about her weight. If these idiots would drop the excuses, their annoying rating would drop dramatically.