DEAR CORPORATE PUNK BANDS…

 

To all the Green Days, Good Charlottes, and Newfound Glory-holes who hate being called “corporate punk,” here’s a suggestion…

 

STOP BEING CORPORATE PUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Here’s another idea: make some rough-on-the-ears trash talkin’ raw rock instead of listener-friendly pop tunes that you call “punk rock” just because your guitars are distorted and you play only three chords per album. Or how about you hate everyone and their mother, including your own bandmates.

 

Hate politics! Hate war! Hate the Church! Hate God! Hate God’s Mother!

 

And while you’re at it, how about you hate music too, and stop making it?

 

Punk rock bands aren’t built to last. They implode within a year or so. They don’t become multi-platinum acts for a decade or longer, and they don’t have fans who are also into Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys. So fuck you, Billy Joe Armstrong.