GOD do these people suck! I wish I were lucky enough to have a job where I could work at home because I FUCKING HATE COWORKERS!!! There are several kinds of assholes to be found at work. I’ll list a few here.
(1) Supervisor’s Pet These brown-nosing bastards…ugh. You know who they are. These are the idiots who always have to say something (usually a lame-ass joke) every time they walk by a supervisor. When they take a 15 minute break, they go chat it up with the supervisor who doesn’t notice the 15 minute break stretches to 20 or 25. And on top of that, the supervisor’s pets are the ones who can sit at their desk talking to other coworkers for the entire shift and never get yelled at, while the non-pets get screamed at after only thirty seconds. In a way this leads into the next type…
(2) The goof-off with an eternal streak of good luck Flat-out nauseating. These are the ones who, in an eight hour shift, do maybe one hour of honest work…and the big boss is walking by while their ass is in gear. At one job I had, I saw this girl who was constantly leaving her desk to answer her fucking cell phone. She’d be on the phone before she even left the room, chatting it up at an obnoxiously loud volume…and we weren’t even supposed to have cell phones in the BUILDING let alone the office. Wanna know the punchline? At the very same job I got called in by the big boss to be asked why I took a SIXTEEN minute break…as opposed to, you know, fifteen minutes ‘cos we all know losing one minute is a tragedy….yeah, MY tragedy because this is my curse. I goof off (not even on purpose…I went to take a leak at the end of my break and it took longer than I expected) for one minute and I get taken into the office to be verbally sodomized…but THIS BITCH GETS TO WALK AROUND FOR HOURS ON END ON A CELL PHONE SHE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE IN THE BUILDING EARNING THE SAME PAY AS ME??? These fuck-knockers need to die. Better yet, give ‘em lobotomies using rusty tin cans to slice out their frontal lobes.
(3) The fucking bitch/asshole who assumes either (a) everyone else in the world is deaf or (b) everyone in the world wants/needs to hear their conversation I’m willing to bet my left nut that every job has a cockwad like this. You know, the type who talks to the person sitting next to them as if they are a football field’s length away! GODDAMMIT why do these people exist? Now I have to suffer because these knuckleshufflers’ mommy and daddy didn’t pay enough attention to them when they were little, so now they make EVERYONE pay attention to them by being loud and annoying!
(4) THE ANNOUNCER This is the kind of dickhead that comes in a couple different flavors. I can’t decide which is the worst. One kind of announcer is the person who’s constantly saying, “Wow, I can’t believe it’s only (insert time here) o’clock.” Hey, thanks for mentioning the time, fuck-stain. That really helps the shift go by.
Or how about these meat-munchers whose shift is coming to an end just as yours is beginning, who sit there yawning and stretching, saying shit like, “Oh, man, just one more hour. When I get home I’m gonna lay down and take a nice long nap. God, I am so ready for bed.”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep it to yourself, asshole! You lousy bragging prick! Okay, okay…so you get to work an earlier shift because you stuck it out at this crap job long enough to either pay your dues or blow enough managers to let you get out of evening shift hell. Well I guess we should all drop to our knees and service YOU now since you’re obviously so much better than the rest of us; otherwise you wouldn’t be so privileged, right?
By the way, pardon me if I touch your genitalia with my fist instead of my lips.
And last but not
least…
(5) Supervisors You know, the assholes with half of your intelligence who talk to you only when you fuck up, NEVER when you do a good job, while they coast along on their salaried asses and do as they please…which includes coming in at whatever fucking time they want (why not? They have a guaranteed 40 hours).
