Welcome to Funkville
Because all that is funk, is me.
My name is Chris and this is my Journal*
Please ignore the AD's... they're stupid and they suck.
Hoojaz
bradfitz - This man should die.
10/10/10 -
The answer to the Universe
I'm so sorry diary. I have neglected you for so long. Where did I go wrong? I know not, but oh, OH where thou hast gone wrong! I have chosen a new lover. A lover that is a lover of love. The one known as Facebook (no, one word, not two). So, as a mock to my funk-o-fied page o' funk, I will profess my love to Facebook, an open love letter to my sweetheart: Facebook, I want to thank you for being my best friend and lover. You tell me what is going on in, and help me interact with, a world that I just don't have time to live in. Interaction with people, friends, acquaintances, used to be so difficult. I used to practice a form of communication called speech. When I wanted to interact with a friend I would speak to them. To speak to someone uses 72 muscles just in your face! That's not counting all the muscles used in body language cues if the speaking is actually in person!! There could be 100's of muscles used. What a waste of energy. Now with a few strokes of a keyboard I only need to use about 50 muscles in my fingers and arms (and maybe 7 in my neck if my chair doesn't have a head rest) to convey my thoughts and feelings to another person. And it doesn't just stop there! I can post my "status" that tells the whole world how I'm feeling. No need to ask me. No need in visiting me, shaking my hands, looking into my eyes. What a waste of time! A simple click of the mouse and my friends know all. It's so easy. When I'm feeling angry or frustrated with a friend, I'm just too busy and tired at the end of the day to call them up, or even crazier, see them in person. It's much easier to leave an ominous "status" update for them to read later. And hey, if I change my mind later on, or if it's too emotionally draining to actually address the problem with the friend (imagine all the chemical synapses and mental reasoning that my brain would have to perform to go through one of these conversations...how exhausting!), I can just tell them the status meant something else, taking away that evil, taxing enemy of mine called accountability (Booo! Hisss!) And that way I can easily vent to my other 100's of friends. Can you imagine how much time and energy it would take to call up each one of these people, let alone the time it would take to find out all of their phone numbers, to vent any frustrations I have about someone? I just don't have time. There's photo's to be posted, there's groups to create, there's people to stalk, there's Myspace. So much to do, so little time.
And getting to know new people is so much easier. I can visit a person's profile and know their friends, relationships, email address, social statuses, political views, religious views, favorite everythings, hobbies, world views, education and employment information, even phone number and address (like anyone uses these anymore!). I can form an opinion and decide if I even like the person or not without even meeting them.
You're so sensitive to my time and needs, Facebook. I just want to thank you for all that you've done for me. I can't live without you, Facebook, because you live for me.
6/29/07 -
Youth-in-Asia
Jake and I entered this contest. It was a contest of strength; A contest of Valor; A contest of gallantry and virtue…..none of which Jake and I have. None-the-less this was our destiny; to really take the bull by the horns…so to say (unfortunately the last time Jake “took the bull by the horns” I had to remind him that bulls are male, not female. Not to mention the “Bull” was actually an ambulance….this is why I don’t drink…). Anyways, the challenge was to expose my ex. I would rather “dispose”(of) my ex(s), but “you can’t always get what Jake wants,” as the song goes. So we decided the best way to accomplish this feat was to have someone jog around in circles until either Jake or I was prettier (what does this have to do with exposing the ex?….everything.) So we held auditions and ended up choosing Mark McGrath and an ugly alien (we think it was female…and/or Russel Crow) to write us a new song to jog (or dance?) to. After that, and a long ride to St. Anthony Ville, the only one who ended up getting prettier was the alien (thank you movie magic), who crapped out a bunch of I-Pod memorabilia. What about the $5000? What about the fame and glory? I guess not enough of our ex’s were exposed… so we did end up taking the "bull(crap)" by the horns.
4/20/07 -
I think this is what I mean
Imagine this as you are reading: you're listening to early 90's dance song "Wanna Be My Lover" , except you're singing "Wanna be Danny Glover." So, yeah, with that in mind, today I went to fix my car at the car fix it place and decided that this time (and yes I DO mean "this time") I was going to wear paper instead of clothes. Now, I know what you're thinking...what if there are termites....with lighters......because in that case I would show myself into quite a nasty pickle (or my nasty pickle would be showing...yeah), but no need to worry, I think these things out ahead of time, or so my "BS" in "college" would lead you to believe. You see, I'm actually wearing a squirrel underneath, so no worries. So I make it to the car fixer place and the guy with the name tag "MIKE" used what he referred to as their "car plugger thingie" to plug my car into a large talking computer, which actually, as I came to find out later, was a cardboard box he put on his head as he talked like a robot. I had no reason to doubt, though, I mean, it said "talkin' cumputor" on the side of it, written in marker....I think it also had a Metallica sticker on it too. So the computer (or rather, Mike) said my car was bing eaten out from the inside by little "Gremlin Gnomes." I asked him to explaing the problem to me and he explained that he would have to send his army of Dwarfs in to take care of the problem...and it wouldn't be cheap...after all, the Gnomes only travel by albino pterodactyls, and those need to be fed as well as the gnomes and...blah, blah, blah. About that time I quit paying attention and said "okay, that's fine" I just couldn't listen to him talk anymore. So 76 hours later I woke up on the floor of the waiting room and asked if there was any progress. Mike gave me a very blank stare and said no. Suddenly his eyes turned red and his head started to to make full 360 rotations on his shoulders. Also, the letters on his name tag started to spell "Minion" instead of Mike. This is where the squirrel came in handy. Little known fact: Squirrels eat both possessed people and Dwarfs, so the day was saved. I got in my car, finding that the problem was that I just wasn't pushing in my clutch far enough, and drove away; but not before stealing their talking computer, which I figured I could get at least $20 for on Ebay.
1/29/07 -
Where am I?
Well, that took longer than I thought it would. Anyways, I completely forgot what I was talking about. In fact, I just practically woke up from a coma. I had the strangest dream: I was eating potatoes and suddenly they came to life. They had smiles on their faces and were singing children's songs. I could no longer eat the potatoes because they had a personality and I may be mean, but I'm not about to eat little singing potatoes as they scream for mercy while I sink my teeth into their tiny pimpled body. So instead I became a potato myself, but they had to make me a potato suit to fit in, because I am not a potato and some of the old timer potatoes were a little prejudice toward us "humanoids". This dream continued on for about 2 years as I dwelt among the "potato people" (they hated it when I called them "the potato people" because they're not people....they're potatoes). So now I woke up and I have no car, no job, no money, no life.......basically nothing changed. I need to find some money. Yes, find. It's time to go on a treasure hunt, I'll have to find my old pirate friends and the ship. OH that ship, where did I put that thing?
4/03/04 -
I kind of forgot important stuff
I sort of wanted to take a trip today. A long LONG trip. I forgot it was the test of the century, the test of my manhood, which unfortunately I couldn't study for, because I thought, "Oh I can put it off."....Hey, hold on just a minute guys, I have to go on a mission, I'll be right back.
3/31/04 -
What happened to March?
Today I won the lotto! Ha, and I lie again, score one for the home team. I had big plans for March: Get my laundry done, pay my bills on time, write 23 songs (one hate song for each movie appearance Russel Crow has made), overthrow the local sock museum, squeeze out 2.3 puppies and call it a life. None of these were accomplished, but instead I decided to make a photo album of my friends.
3/27/04 -
What a day it has been
I decided I was going to get up early today and make a change. So I got up early at 12:37(snooze only pushed 13 times) and went up to my goal hat. You see, Journal, I have a hat of goals on small little pieces of paper (actually they're ripped up magazines, and it sucked one day when I drew out a picture of Russel Crow because I knew that death would ensue in tiny bite-sized morsels, mmmmmm....) and I draw out of my hat. So today, I draw out a piece of magazine paper that says: "Naked. It's time to get naked Chris. Take off your clothes and wear this fish. Ha the fish was just a joke, just like your face" at which point I promply placed the magazine sheet in the toilet and urinated all over it.
My roomate, Adam, then asked me, "Is it too wrinkly?" (as he held up his shirt in front of me, pervert). The shirt was sparkly and purple and I realized he had no pants on. I ran.
3/25/04 -
Hi Journal {I hate you :) lol brb A/S/L bbl WTF?}
A poem:
I see the trees
The soft touch, the scent, the gentle blowing wind.
The tree, it limps, it glistens
Surrounds my soul, with song, embraces my entity.
Your touch
like those rubbery leaves.
How I need for them to hold me
But, will I push thee away
my past had made me so often
I ambiguously hurt again.
I'm feeling sort of sensitive right now. Everthing just seems to be messed up. I don't know why...It might anonymously have something to do with a girl. I don't know, this is all sheer speculation.
LOL, BMGWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am here to write a journal.
I will assume no one reads it.
The names will not be changed, because there are no innocent, only victims.
Hoojaz
Here are some cool images for all ya pimps:
Hoojaz!
Mr. T, fool
smile
Links
The Best Page in the Universe- This site is gave me the inspiration and should take credit. Heil to Maddox.
Chris Makes a Movie
Java/HTML - This is a reminder for me on how to do this crap. I am a beginner at this stuff.
My E-mail - kinkycandy77@hotmail.com
*Note: I hate online journals. They mock me, therefore, I mock them. It's only fair.
