11.10.02 - oh well. I'm not too sure of the date right now but hey that's alright. Today Ryan came over and he is just the coolest guy. He took the train in and helped me out with organizing and cleaning my room the whole day. Since I just got my walls painted a really nice red and got some new wood furniture from my parents, I had to clean out some clutter and make it all neat and "undusty" (Amanda's language is rubbing off on me, even ryan made up a new word today in the car). He helped me out a lot and I had quite a fun day. We walked to Arby's, which just opened by Francis Lewis, it was mighty good. I felt like we were living together because we were alone almost the whole day. It was so nice.
... You know sometimes I don't understand why most people have this look on their face like "why are you doing this to yourself?" when I tell them I've been going out wth the same guy for 8 months. I just don't see why... because it's the best thing in the entire world. Honestly, it really is. "You're only 16, keep your options open" "you're so young, don't tie yourself down" but there is a difference between tying yourself down and being committed to someone. I'm committed to Ryan because I love him and I see beauty in him that I don't see in any other person. I guess sometimes i think back to when we first met and those first months and how crazy we were about eachother... and we still are.. but it's just so hard to explain.. it's like.. after we got through those first months, we became closer, the kind of closer where I can pick my nose and burp really loud and he wouldn't care... and the kind of closer where things that I have never really said to anyone before.. things that I didn't even know I thought about so much, were expressed and this sort of understanding between us formed. Strange. but I know why I'm committed, it's because I could never leave something this amazing. Someone who is just bursting with everything I love aout him. It's something indescribable, yet I try my best everyday to understand more and more. Sometimes when I walk down the forest hills station steps or I am in the back of the cab coming home from is house, I close my eyes for a second and I think "you know I really love him" and then I know it's at these moments that I do understand. Today was probably a day I will never ever forget... not because we did anything special, but because it was just an ordinary day with Ryan, a day that I found myself sitting down by my desk staring up at him and thinking "this is what I want every day forever and ever"