Yesterday, ALTAiR, the greatest Shadow Synth band, returned from a top-secret mission to planet-X. According to declassified information regarding the trip, the three guys from Tacoma made contact with an alien race, known as the "Vulcans". There were very few details on the Vulcans, but apparently they are a super-intelligent race of humanlike beings. Luckily, it would appear their intentions are benign.

The Vulcans provided many significant technological datas, as well as information on life forms in surrounding star systems. In return, we are told, ALTAiR taught the Vulcans the nuances of the English language. The Vulcans were so captivated with this new method of communication, they dispatched a messenger to their homeword, and days later the language was adopted as their official tongue. After parting ways with the Vulcans, ALTAiR encountered an undiscovered wormhole. The gravitational pull was too intense to escape, and their ship fell in. They emerged on the other side, in another part of the galaxy. There they met many new alien races, whom they befriended and eventually taught English. They spent decades there, helping out wherever they could. Eventually, ALTAiR rediscovered the opening to the wormhole and returned, only to find that a mere 12 seconds had actually passed.

Descending to Earth, the three guys from Tacoma met with the leaders of the Liberian government and explained their strange tale. The officials thanked them for their technological information and gave ALTAiR a huge sack of gold-plated "American" coins. In an interview shortly following the meeting, we learned that dozens of races adopted English as their official language.

Erik, who was the first to comment, said "I'm really not sure what to make of it. They all seemed to love English so much, especially the Klingons."

Casey followed up with "Yeah, it was like a big huge galactic fad. It was great! English is spreading like wildfire over there."

Aaron thoughtfully added "Boy, it sure will make talking to those people a LOT easier if we run in to them in space!"

Although many details remain undisclosed, it would seem the Human race will have many new friends as we move into the next century. We can only hope they all want to be our friends too...