The hottest band of yesteryear, and still number one on the charts, ALTAiR, has stated in a recent interview that they will no longer be performing. Mind you, not because they are aging, but because the tremendous demand for them is so... tremendous!

This news was so shocking to their numerous fans that 911 switchboards around the world instantly filled up with suicide calls. But all is not lost for the greatest Shadow Synth band Ever! Thanks to the immense ingenuity and the amazing foresightedness of Erik, the band's head flesh fabricator, the world may soon be populated with ALTAiR clones! Back about twenty one years ago, Erik created the world's best and most accurate human cloning device. He immediately set out sampling Casey and Aaron's dna and inserting it into the machine. And now, apparently, the clones have arrived, a perfect 21 years old. According to last count, there are currently fifty sets of the trio about. They reside in the secret ALTAiR training headquarters, where they are taught how to be nearly as good as the original. This is a simple task because ALTAiR's dna is superior to all. Even with the enormous demand for ALTAiR's performances, the addition of the new clone versions should reduce the per- person ticket price to a mere $1500.

Curious World News Network reporters questioned the REAL ALTAiR following the discovery.

WNN: What's this all about? Are the rumors true?

CASEY: Well, yes. Yes they are. I mean, there's no way for three guys from Tacoma to play at hundreds of shows a month across the globe, is there? Flying here, driving there. It's all really tiring.

WNN: So I hear you have fifty duplicates of each of you?

AARON: Yup. Well, if you don't include the failures...

WNN: Failures?

ERIK: In the beginning, I had a lot of trouble aligning the dna copier. I tweaked quite a few settings, but things didn't come out right.

WNN: So there's mutant ALTAiRs running around?

CASEY: Sure. But the thing is, all the mutations merely gave them superhuman abilities. Ya know, things like throwing lightning bolts, turning invisible, flying, and stuff like that.

WNN: You're pulling my leg, aren't you?

ERIK: Yeeah. Ha ha.

CASEY: Heh, whadda sucker!

WNN: Yeah, right. So are you guys the real ALTAiR?

ALTAiR: Of course we are!!! heh heh...