JEWISH SCHOLARS DISCOVER SHOCKING INFORMATION!

Today, it was released that Israeli students located a hidden message in the Bible! After centuries of research, no one yet has found it. But apparently, somewhere in Leviticus, there is a backward code that if translated from early Sumerian reads: "And lo, I saw ALTAiR, and the sons of ALTAiR, and their parents, and their parent's parents. And ALTAiR descended from heaven, upon the earth. And the beasts of the earth cried in terror, and the birds wept, and the fishes of the sea did turn and eat themselves. And behold, I saw ALTAiR upon a beam of pure light. And they brought grains, and barley, and all manners of seeds. And in their hands, they held a shining device. And the voice of ALTAiR did speak, saying "Mercy to you all. We do bring for the people a solution." Their faces glowed like the sun, and the device was given unto Israel for all time."

The discovery has created a violent debate amongst those in the field. Some even speculated that ALTAiR themselves wrote and inserted the piece, but the idea was quickly retracted when it was shown they would have had to simultaneously break into millions of homes to pull it off. While rumors abound, no decision has yet been made. More on this in the next issue.