“Why, Justin? Why? Why do you have to do that stupid solo album of yours? That is so selfish of you! You are going to cause the downfall of the group! You know that. We know that. Heck! Even the blind knows that! And to think us fans have supported you all along. Well, guess what? You are on your own now, popstar!" "You want to do a solo album? Fine, go ahead, do it, and I'll be watching you fall. You can cry all you want over your failed solo career, but I'll be laughing my heart out! Just the mere thought of it makes the anticipation more worthwhile. I know I won't be the only one who will be more than happy to see your solo album going down the drain. Oh, and before I sit back and enjoy your mini drama, I just want to congratulate you in advance for being successful in making an ass out of yourself, which by the way, is the only area you are good at." "I hate you, Justin! You think you are God! You think you are the most talented one out of the guys and the greatest god's gift ever to be born in this world!! Can your ego be any bigger? Just because you are almost every weenie’s favourite do not mean you are talented! You're just overrated! Hell, they love you for your look, which I'm completely baffled about. I believe there are many people out there who are far more talented and good-looking than you! For one, JC is what I call the real talent. He sings better than you, composes songs way better than you, and most importantly, he doesn't have an ego as big as yours! Let's face it. You're a marketing tool the record company takes advantage of to exploit your fans! And I almost feel sad for you. Almost.” "You're really dumb, Justin. When you go solo, you really think you'll be known as Justin Timberlake? You are in for a rude awakening if you do think so. You'll be always known as Britney Spears' boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, whatever phrase you two are going through! Just look at the newspapers. Is your name mentioned whenever there's an article on you? Yes, but having "Britney's boyfriend or ex-boyfriend" in front of your name go over the fact that your name is actually mentioned. So, you still game for the non-existing fame, Mr. Britney Spear's ex?" Letters. Fans letters, to be exact. They used to hold so much importance to him. Fans used to declare their loves, admiration and supports for him through these letters. Letters that once brought happiness and warmth to his heart. That once assured him of what he was doing was being accepted and applauded for. However, that was before. Ever since he had announced he was going to do a solo album when ‘N Sync was on hiatus, he had suffered backlash, mostly from his fans - ‘N Sync fans - of all people. If the criticism was from the media, he would have handled it. He expected it in fact. What he did not expect was that while fulfilling his dream, he had upset his fans. He thought they understand. He thought that their letters of encouragement and supports would have started flooding in by now. He had been dreaming for that to happen. How naïve! Instead, everything had turned into a nightmare, one that seemed to be worsening with each passing day. The hurt, the anger was slowly stabbing his heart, leaving him in a puddle of pain and confusion. Pain. Hurt. Too much. He could no longer take it anymore. He jerked his chair back, a sharp screech echoed around the confined room. He briefly squeezed his eyes shut before he stood up. He needed sleep. Yeah, sleep it off. That was what he had been doing lately anyway. He hoped that by doing so, the nightmare would go away… “Justin?” a concerned voice poked through the silence. “You alright? Justin!” The strong alto voice finally shook Justin out of his daze. “Huh?” he asked, feeling all eyes were on him. When had he had all of their attentions? “Are you alright?” the brown hair singer voiced out his concern again. “Hmm…yeah, Josh. I…I’m just tired. I’m just going to lay down for awhile. Wake me up when we’ve arrived alright?” without waiting for a response, he headed towards his bunk, still clutching those hateful fans letters tightly in his hands. As he passed by a bin, he threw those letters away without even a second glance to them. Chris, the oldest band member and Justin’s best friend, raised his eyebrows in questions, puzzled by the strange behavior his best friend just displayed. He, followed by Lance, then Joey, turned to JC, hoping he had a clue on what had just happened. However, the brown hair singer just shrugged. He was just as puzzled as them, although he figured Justin was upset about something. In fact, his lover had been upset a lot recently, and he always had that perplexed look on his face. “I’ll go have a look at him.” With that said JC got out of his chair and started to follow his partner’s earlier path. “Wait!” Chris, who was already at the bin where Justin had earlier thrown the letters in, said, holding up the letters and passing them to the guys, “I think I’ve a pretty good idea. Read these! They’re bad man.” “Wow…” Joey and Lance were dumbfounded. They had no idea their fans had held such hatred towards Justin for venturing out on his own. They looked at one another, at where Justin had gone to, and then transfixed their attention on JC. JC, whose jaw was set, said nothing. The first thing that came to his mind was: these are from fans? He was disgusted. He stared at one of the letters in his hands as if they were poison. He could imagine how long this had been going on already. Every time for the past few weeks, whenever Justin was down, it was the letters. No matter what lame excuses Justin had for being upset, which he never believed, it was the letters. He figured out that much now. He could not believe that Justin had kept this from them for so long. He threw them down and walked quickly to the back room where Justin was. He slowly pushed the door open. There, standing next to the window was his lover of six years. He was beautiful, with sunlight casting a golden glow on his stature. If not for the troubled _expression on his face, JC would have drowned his lover in passionate love by now. “Hey.” JC whispered. Justin turned around, startled. He saw JC, and immediately reverted his attention back to the window. JC knew. He, they read the letters. Way to be discreet, Timberlake. He did not want them to find out. He refused to let anybody see how affected he was by the fans scathing remarks. And the last thing he wanted right now was to have his lover be in the same room as him. He felt so belittled in the presence of him. He knew he should not think that way, but the fans remarks about his talent, or lack thereof, came rushing back into his head in full force. JC, leaning against the door, did not make any better. JC had talent. He was the real true God’s gift sent to earth. Not him. “Justin,” JC called out once again, approaching Justin slowly. “Don’t.” was all JC heard. It was a faint murmur, but JC could hear all the hurt and sadness in just that one word. Ignoring Justin’s plea, he reached out to Justin, put his arms around Justin’s waist and brought Justin closer to him. He gave a soft kiss on Justin’s hair and comforted him, “Don’t let them bother you. Do what you want to do. They’re not your mothers.” “But what they say is true…” Justin’s voice trailed off. “What is true?” “You! You is true!! You possess the true talent, while me, I’m just some pretty face that the management deploy to exploit the fans!” Recalling what a fan had said in one of the letters, Justin raised his voice a little and pulled away from JC. “NO! Of course not!!” JC was alarmed. Where was the Justin he used to know? The Justin who exuded confidence and not gave a damn to what others said? “You know it’s not true. Don’t let them get to you! They’re trying to spike you that’s all. If you’re not talented, then all these big-time producers would not even bat their eyelashes at you!” “Then why? Why do they say all those nasty things about me? Obviously they meant what they say!” Justin was trying hard not to cry. A few tears managed to squeeze past his eyes, but before they had a chance to fall, he wiped them away angrily. He would not cry. He would not let the fans had the pleasure seeing him cry, even though they were not there at the moment. “No, Justin. They don’t mean what they say. They just have some insecurity issues they need to be dealt with! Given the circumstances, you’re just an easy target that they can lay their insecurities on and point their fingers at you.” Justin’s shoulders slumped slightly, but JC knew what he said was getting to Justin. The clouds in Justin’s eyes lifted a little and JC was relieved. He pulled Justin back into his embrace and said, “Justin, You’re just as talented as me. The rest of the guys are too. It’s our five individual talents that make what ‘N Sync is today. So don’t go believe those bullshitters okay?” Justin nodded, and a smirk worked onto his face slowly, “You do realize those bullshitters are your fans, don’t you?” JC laughed. He was relieved and glad. His Justin was smiling or rather, smirking now, with a little comeback too. “Of course I do. I just think that they’re not when they start bullshitting about you.” This earned a chuckle from Justin and JC thought it was the most beautiful sound in the world, well, not quite, but it was close. The most beautiful sound in the world had to be the noises Justin made when they were all wrapped up in each other. They just made his body tingled and he would feel like he was floating. JC was suddenly brought out of his daydream when Justin gently shook him. “What are you thinking about? You looked so deep in thought. For a moment, I thought you were gonna take back those words you’ve said earlier on!” Justin joked, although part of him was scared that it maybe true. “Nah, I’m just thinking about how beautiful your laughter is and...” JC grinned, and suddenly, as quick as a cat, he tackled Justin onto their bed. With Justin pinned under him, he continued, breathing each word hotly and slowly into his lover’s ears, “…about all those beautiful sounds you make when I’m in you. And the sounds you’re about to make.” Justin felt colours rushed to his face. Just JC’s words, he was already feeling a sensation that only JC could create. JC had that much of power over him. “And baby,” JC stared at him with such intensity that he could feel his body shook slightly. “I’ll never take those words back. I mean what I say. I’m a man of my words.” Justin smiled. “I know now, Josh. I know.” With that, he leaned in and pressed a kiss on JC’s mouth, staying a while there before JC broke away. “One last thing, promise me you’ll never ever doubt yourself again. Alright?” JC caught Justin’s hands and placed gentle kisses on them. Justin looked into JC’s blue orbs and said, “I promise you, Josh. I believe you and I’ll never doubt myself again.” They both lay comfortably in each other arms, foreheads touching, enjoying each other’s presence. After awhile, Justin spoke up, “Thank you, Josh, not only for just now, but for everything. I love you.” “I love you too.” JC said back passionately. “But enough of all those sappy crap! Can we begin our physical healing session now?” “Crap? You call what I just said crap? Huh! I’ll show you what crap I have up my sleeves!” grinned Justin, before he pulled JC towards him, engulfing their lips in a dance. For the next few weeks, Justin was much happier. The guys could see a slight change, for the better, in his behaviour and they welcomed it. He was still getting some harsh letters on his solo effort though, and as much as they still bothered him in a way, with JC’s and the guys’ help, he managed to put them at the back of his mind. That day, they were getting ready for the recording of TRL. For some reasons, Justin felt nervous doing it. He had done this a hundred times before, so he had no idea where this nervous energy come from. He tried to play it off by whistling, but JC caught on and was beside Justin in no time. “What is it? You seemed pale.” “I…I keep sensing something is gonna go wrong later. I…I don’t know. Maybe I’m just nervous. You know how it is. But I’ll be alright.” Justin seemed to be trying to assure more for himself than for the sake of JC, and JC could see right through it. However, he also knew that Justin did not want to go into it right now, so he just hoped everything would be fine and that Justin was thinking too much. “I’m sure you’re nervous. We’re going to sit through with that pervert Carson again and I’m sure you’re not looking forward to it!” JC mused, remembering the last time when the pervert said something to Justin and Justin went all red. “Oh! That must be it!” Justin laughed, trying to act along because that incident was just too funny. It was not even what JC thought it was, but JC just refused to accept the truth. Carson had mumbled in his ear, “Justin, look at your cute little ass. You must be tight and hot. I can’t wait to shove my fingers up your little hole!” JC was just sitting beside Justin when he heard the whole thing. He was so angry at that time. He just got up from his seat, punched Carson right at his mouth and walked off. Later, Justin tried to explain to him because he did not hear the other part of the conversation. Carson was only teasing Justin about what JC would say to him when they were in bed. And of course, being the stubborn self he was, JC refused to believe him, because that would make him an ass for hitting Carson. That would also mean he had to apologize to Carson, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. “You know, you were just jealous! Admit it! You can’t believe Carson said those things to your hot boyfriend BEFORE you got a chance to!” Justin could not help but bring back the incident up again. It was fun getting JC all defensive about himself. “I was not jealous! I was just petrified that he said those things to you! Who knows what he’s gonna do to you? He’s such a perv!” JC tried to defend himself, although he knew Carson would not try anything on his boyfriend. “Ay ay, whatever you say, jealous boyfriend.” Before JC could retort, the stage manager knocked on the door and told them they were up. As they filed out of the room to get to the stage, JC pulled Justin up and kissed him on the forehead. “Feeling better?” Justin nodded. “And you’re not that hot, boyfriend.” Justin just shook his head and chuckled. Satisfied, JC pulled Justin along before letting go of their clasped hands when they reached the stage. “Hey guys! Good to see you all!! Thanks for being on the show man.” Carson greeted them as they were walking towards him. He eyed JC before pulling him into a hug, not without adding quietly but loud enough for the other guys to hear, “You aren’t gonna beat me up again right? ‘Coz you know, I’m gonna sit pretty Justin right next to me!” JC flushed from embarrassment and the guys laughed. “I said I’m sorry already man.” JC retorted good-naturedly. Carson just grinned before they settled down for the show. They answered questions, as usual, talking about their music, relationships and influences. They were enjoying the show so far. Justin was starting to relax. His anxiety earlier on began to fade away. “So guys, after this tour, you all will be on hiatus right?” Carson got nods from all the guys, so he continued, “What’re you all planning to do? Justin, I know you’re gonna put the ‘N Sync identity temporary aside and do a little venturing out on your own in this music industry. Can you tell us a bit more?” Justin tensed up immediately when he heard that question. He did not know how to answer that question. He dreaded that question and had hoped and prayed that Carson would not ask that. He was scared of the fans’ reactions. The last thing he wanted was to have the fans blowing it up again. JC noticed Justin’s discomfort and tried to catch Justin’s eyes. Justin caught on and JC was silently urging him on to say what he wanted to say. Gaining strength from JC, Justin slowly turned back to the audience and spoke earnestly, “Yes, I’m doing a solo album. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of ‘N Sync. Each of us just have different dreams and this hiatus allows us to….” Justin had not even finished explaining, the fans had already started booing him. He tried to explain again but the booing was getting louder and louder. Soon they drowned out his voice. To say the guys were shocked was an understatement. They knew some of the fans would not be happy but to express it so openly? They did not know what to feel, or say in that matter. “Justin, you’re breaking the group up!”, “you think you can make it?”, “your talent is to look pretty”, and all other nasty comments were flying around the small studio. Justin was trying to absorb the scene in his head, trying to make sense out of it. He could not understand why they were doing this to him. It was not like he was the only one doing his own thing when they were going to take a break. Why? All he could ask himself was why? It had been a permanent question stamped on his mind lately. All those emotions that were left hidden somewhere a few weeks ago came flooding and suffocating him at an alarming rate. He felt thousands of daggers stabbing his heart, and he had no control over them. HIS fans were discouraging him from doing something he had dreamt all along. They were denying his dream. Finally registering what was going on, he sat there, numbed, tired, and defeated.