Justin opened the refrigerator and grabbed the box of milk, blinking sleepily at me as I let the sausages roll onto the plate. "Good morning." I greeted him, and he just nodded and plopped himself on the chair with the words: I'm hungry. Heh. Usual Justin. He was never really a morning person. I'm just glad I didn't wake up to the aroma of coffee, which could only mean two things: Chris sneaked in the house before either of us woke up, or Justin wanted to sniff caffeine again and then give everything to me, cold and icky, to finish up. Sniffing caffeine always wakes him up, he just doesn't like to drink it. Not that I was complaining. It wasn't that bad. I just had to put three tablespoons of sugar and more cream when he wasn't looking. Then he'd smile sweetly when I drank it all straight. Waking up cheerfully that morning, I decided to make breakfast. I made ham omelettes and even took out the sausages that we bought two months ago. Ha. "We're out of milk." I told him, sitting in my usual place. I grabbed a carton and shook it in front of his face, then set it back on the table again while he just looked at the food on his plate. "Yes, I get the idea." Justin said, rolling his eyes. "That's why I wasn't able to put some milk in the eggs." I shrugged and stabbed a piece of sausage with my fork and brought it to my mouth. "Ewww! You put milk in our ham omelette?" Justin asked me, cringing at the thought. I just laughed at him and told him I *always* did that. He was just too sleepy to notice. I raised an eyebrow, pointing my impaled sausage (haha) towards him threateningly. "You never complained before! Now c'mon and *eat*!" I smiled triumphantly when he took two sausages and half of one omelette, gingerly eating it like a small kid forced to eat vegetables. "Good boy." I grinned while he just stuck his tongue out. I looked out the window and saw the sun's soft morning rays streaming into the kitchen. It didn't hurt my eyes that much but it was a bit glary. Looking back at Justin, I noticed that he was happily eating the omelette. It was his favourite breakfast. He was still wearing the bright red shirt he slept in last night. He looked a bit rumpled, his hair messy, and I was sure he hadn't even washed his face yet. "What are we gonna do today.." I wondered out loud more than asked Justin. Sniffing, I took another bite off my sausage and said, "We're out of salt, eggs, cereal, hotdogs, bread, jam, canned mushrooms, instant noodles-" "Yes yes. I get your message. We'll go to the supermarket after breakfast!" He said, a little less grumpy than before. I guess Justin was *almost* awake now. He continued chewing his food, reaching for the milk and pouring what was left in his glass. "It's your turn to pay for the groceries." I replied before gulping down my juice. And he just glared at me. *** We got ready after breakfast, well, after we argued about who would do the dishes. But as usual, we never really got anywhere with that so we just agreed we'd do it together after shopping. So I went to the bathroom and took a shower. Actually, it was more like half a shower, before Justin banged the door and accused me of hogging the bathroom, forcing me to get out. I was dripping wet and only clad with a towel. But, I'm telling you... that boy takes *much* much longer than I do! But anyways, after a short while, we were zooming in Justin's Mercedes. Since Justin insisted, we stopped by the Video Game shop before the supermarket. It took Justin *hours* to decide on which game to buy. And if I hadn't shove that new fighting game in his face, he would've stayed there for a couple of hours more... It was already a little before noon when we arrived at the supermarket. "HEY!! Get that out of the cart!" I hissed at Justin who was smiling cheekily with four bags of Ruffles Cheddar Cheese in his hands. I pointed at the Doritos, Lays and other junk food in the cart, telling him to just get some boxes of cereal so we could leave. Some girls were looking at us, giggling at how we were arguing. They were probably thinking how FINE Justin was. He looked great in blue, always did, and always will. Sigh. "Awww... Pleaaasse, Joshhh?" Justin pouted with another one of his puppy looks that always made me smile. Today he was wearing an ordinary blue shirt and low waist baggy pants. His hair was all curly and neatly brushed, his bright blue eyes pleading as he cocked his head to the side. "Fine." I said finally relenting when I realized that he was paying anyway, and wondering why I always gave into to his childish antics. We were walking in the canned food section when my cell phone rang. I felt my jeans pocket and my jacket for my phone, and automatically answered the call when I found it. "Jaycee!!!!" the voice greeted cheerfully. It was Tony. "Hey Tony. What's up?" Justin looked up at the mention of our close friend's name as I walked towards him pushing the cart with my free hand. Tony laughed then told the person he was talking to `to quit it' before answering me. "Uh, where are you?" I gripped the hand of the cart and steered it to the left to avoid the Shampoo Display. "Hey, Justin, hand me that red shampoo, please?" I pointed towards the other end of the rack. "Yeah, that's the one." Grabbing the medium sized bottle, Justin threw one towards me. "Here. Catch!" I cringed as I watched the bottle fly midair, praying I wouldn't drop it. It went straight to my hands, and I sighed in relief. "Uh... You and Justin in the shower or something?" Tony laughed at the other end of the line. "No, no, no! Hell, NO!!!" I immediately reacted to his comment. Oops. I think I was a bit defensive there. "We're in the supermarket. Kitchen's almost empty." "Ohhh, playing husband and wife again, huh?" He continued to tease me. Tony loved teasing me with you-know-who. Actually, he was the only one who knows about me liking Justin. If I hadn't even confessed to him, he wouldn't have even guessed. I think. "Dude, Shut up!!" I said, chuckling as Tony laughed, knowing how I must've been blushing again. "Anyways, wanna go clubbing tonight?" Raising my eyebrow, I answered. "Sure. Where are we going?" I heard some voices in the background, a guy's voice. And Chris shouting, "HEY JC!!!" "Hey Chris." I smiled, as the other man took the phone. "Hey man!" He said. "We're going to Lighthouse! So can you and Justin make it?" Chris asked. "Yeah we'll be there." I replied, getting two cans of Cream of Mushroom Soup from the rack. Justin just looked at me, wondering who `we' and where `there' was. "Cool! Oh, and tell Justin we're bringing Britney!" Chris added before handing the phone back to Tony. My heart skipped a beat, and I suddenly felt... weird. Britney? ... Of all girls... Not like I hated her.. She's nice.. just.. nevermind. I sighed and told Tony we'd just see them later. "Okay. Bye!" Tony hung up. I slid the phone inside my jacket, my mouth forming a grim line. "Everything okay?" Justin asked, seeing my frown. Forcing a smile, I tried to be as cheerful as I could get, just to convince him everything was alright. "Oh, yeah, yeah! Uhm, by the way, we're going to Lighthouse later with Tony and the others." "Oh yeah, Okay, that's nice.." He nodded slowly, not quite convinced. Britney. Huh! I just shrugged the thought out of my mind and decided not to let such a small thing bother me. I grinned when we neared the counter, and wiggling my eyebrows, I motioned towards the long line. "Hey Justin. Better line up!" There were around 6 customers per cashier... Justin looked at the long line, looked at our cart, filled with junkfood and softdrinks, then at me, then looked at our cart again and finally stopped on the queue. "Aww... shit. Forgot I was paying." "Yep..." I said, laughing. *** The instant we got home, Justin ran towards the TV and brought out the XBox. I just shook my head and chuckled lightly when he handed me the 2nd controller wriggling his eyebrows. Justin was obviously itching to check out the new game. "Hey, go wash the dishes first." I reminded him, while he took out the game and stuck in the CD. "Aww...c'mon! Let's play first!" He pleaded. I just sighed and nodded my head, pressing the START button so we'd finish as soon as possible. "Fine. But only a couple of rounds." I said, choosing which player to use. "Yeah. And I'll beat you this time!" He added, his fingers quick on the keypad. I just laughed at his comment and experimented on the controls. It took me a while though, before I could get the exact sequence for the special moves, and before I could block the rest of Justin's attacks, my character had been beaten. And as always, Justin congratulated and cheered for himself then stuck out his tongue at me "You lose!!!" He grinned triumphantly. "I know!! If I beat you three times, *you* have to do the dishes." He challenged me. "Blah." I rolled my eyes, and waited for the next round. "And if I win, you'll do the dishes again tomorrow." I added to the bet, my eyes on the screen. I was not going to let him win easily. *** "You cheated!" He accused me as he grabbed the plates and dishes from the table, and placed them in the sink. Sulking, he carelessly flung in the spoons and forks, noisily clanging when they hit the glasses and plates. "Hey! Watch it, Justin! Those are expensive you know." I semi-scolded him, leaning on the counter, my arms over my chest. Justin just pouted and opened the faucet, letting the water wash off the leftover food on the plates. He looked like he was being punished in hell, while he scrubbed the plates clean, cringing every once in a while. I let out a small chuckle and he just glared at me, his eyes piercing and irritated. I walked closer to him, my smile never leaving my lips. "You look pitiful.." I commented, and stopped beside him, ignoring his evil eye. "Here, I'll help you." Grabbing a towel, I took the newly washed plates and dried them. His eyes brightened, and he said, "Hey... let's trade places. You wash, I'll wipe them clean." I stuck out my tongue at him. "Nice try, Justin. But,no." We were silent for a while. Justin continued washing the plates, while I took them from him and dried them. A couple of times, our fingers would brush but I had to fight back my blush. I had to ignore the tingling sensation on my fingers by keeping myself busy. One time, I almost dropped the plate! But I apologized saying it was still a bit slippery from the soap. "So what are we doing this break? We have 6 weeks to waste!" He suddenly asked a few minutes later. I looked up from wiping our drinking glasses. "Dunno. What are you planning to do?" He looked thoughtful for a while, then scrunching up his nose, he shrugged. "Maybe go back to Tennesse for a couple of days. Haven't visited my folks in a while now. Heh... and Mom's been bugging me to be there during Jon's birthday. What about you?" He grabbed the soaped utensils and let the water run through them, the white foam and bubbles going down the drain. "No plans yet." I shrugged, setting the clean glass down. Silence consumed the both of us again. But it was a comfortable silence, it was just one of those times when we didn't have to say anything to each other. I was just content being with him, and I guess he just tolerates my presence. We've been living together for almost four years now. Ever since I moved from Maryland to study here in Chicago, and Justin had moved from Tennesse . It was Chris who introduced us both, and suggested we rent one apartment so it would be cheaper. I agreed then, not knowing I'd fall in love with my roommate. We're both guys for god's sake! And guys aren't supposed to like guys. Right? Anyways... As long as he's here. As long as he doesn't know, I guess that's okay. *** Later that evening, we were getting ready to go to the club and I was in front of the bathroom mirror, blowdrying my hair. Justin knocked and asked if I was 'decent' before he entered. "Hey! That's enough! Your hair looks good already. Get out, get out, it's my turn!" He was wearing his black long sleeve, which was unbuttoned, giving me a nice view of his bare chest. His smooth white skin… and the abs on his stomach…. And.. Reverting my gaze back to the mirror, I ignored him and continued styling my hair. "Wait." He stood beside me and faced the mirror as well, buttoning up his shirt. "Who's your date anyways?" he asked. "Huh?" I looked at him confusedly. "You know I'm not interested in anyone right now." I lied. `Except you!' I added to myself. "Why not? I'm sure with your good looks you can easily get a girl." He teased me. I mock-repeated his question, "And where's *your* date?" "Nada. I'll get one when we get there." He grinned cheekily. I just rolled my eyes and concentrated on my hair. He put his hands on his hips, impatiently waiting for me to finish. "Now hurry up, will ya? I don't wanna look stupid when we get there." I though to myself how that was close to impossible. "Okay!! Here. It's all yours." Laughing, I turned around, getting out of the bathroom. It was getting a bit hot in there. *** Soon after that, we were in front of the hyped up club, loud music blaring from inside the glass doors. The bouncer let us in, and I looked around, letting my eardrums get used to the strong beat of the song. The dance floor was packed and bright smiles and laughter surrounded me. I was gonna loosen up tonight, I decided. We scanned the room for our friends, finding them in a table in the right area. As we neared them , I saw their familiar faces, Tony, Chris, Joey, Lance and...Britney. She stood up gracefully, her short black dress swishing several inches above her knee. *** "The two finally arrived!" Tony grinned at us, making space so we could all fit in the curving upholstered seat. I slid in next to Tony, Justin squeezed in beside me. He was barely sitting, considering the little space left. I leaned closer and asked. "You wanna trade places?" But he just shook his head and smiled. "No, that's okay. I'll just grab a chair and sit there." He motioned to the space beside Britney. The latter glanced at us and flashed us a brilliant smile – or maybe it was directed to Justin. But I politely smiled back anyways. She wore a simple black dress her hair put up in a half ponytail. Even I would agree she was really pretty. A lot of guys courted her, but it looks like she already had her eyes set on a certain someone. I glanced at Justin, only to catch his brief flitting smile, as he greeted Britney. My heart sank. She was a *lot* lot more attractive than I was. And it wasn't just a BIG plus that she was a girl -- But she was also a model. With her deepset brown eyes, her smooth tanned skin and her flawless smile, she could practically get everything. Probably even Justin, I told myself bitterly. "I'm gonna get a drink." Justin announced after he got a chair. "What do you want Josh?" He stood up and asked me, eyebrows raised in query. "Super Dry." I said, turning to Tony who nudged me, a big smile on his face. Chuckling to himself, he whispered. "Why didn't you ask for a BlowJob (s the name of a drink)?" My cheeks flared red, I instantly whapped his arm, a bit too strong I think. "Shut up!" Tony winced, "Hey… Was just playing man!" "Sorry." I cleared my throat. "Besides, that was so corny!" I hissed at him. He merely rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. A small giggle made me turn my head, only to see Britney walking with Justin to the bar. Her hand was suspiciously on Justin's lower back while she leaned closer to hear what he was saying then giggling again. My eyes narrowed as I watched them. "Hey Jayce!" I heard someone call me. I reluctantly tore my gaze away from the two and looked at my other friends, big smiles on their face. "Mm?" "Where's your date?" Chris winked at me. I groaned inwardly. Why does everyone keep asking me that? I forced a small smile and told him I hadn't really meet anyone that I liked. I'm getting pretty good at that lie of an answer. "Oh really? Thats too bad! But don't worry. I'm sure you'll find someone interesting in the club!" I shot Tony a "shut-up-or-I'll-kill-you" look before he could comment on that, and he did keep his thoughts to himself. That, I am so glad of. I couldn't afford to let anyone else in on my secret. The less risk of Justin finding out, the better! "Anyways…I'll see you guys later! I'm gonna look for my dancing partner for tonight!" Tony grinned cheekily, as he stood up, searching the dimmed room for a pretty face. "Me too!" Chris declared, eyes scanning the dancefloor too. "Aha! There's a group of finnee women." He straightened his shirt before walking away. I stood up and let Tony pass, then smiled at Lance who had this amused expression on his face. "What are you smiling about?" I asked him, and he just shook his head and gulp of his beer. "Nothing really. It's just cute how hyped up those two are." He finally answered. I nodded. "Yeah. It's like they haven't clubbed in ages." Lance wasn't really the talkative type. Unless he was drunk. Then he'd start babbling, but then again, I'm like that too. Although it takes a lot before I even get tipsy. I smiled as I remembered that one time, when it got really out of hand, and I was really drunk. For a change, Justin had to haul me out of the place, drive me home and carry me up to my room. While I seemed to be in my own world, blabbing, singing and giggling. That was pretty embarrassing and it had been a week before he stopped teasing me about all the crazy stuff I did. "Here's your beer!" Distracted from my thoughts, I looked at the bottle Justin set in front of me. I thanked him, but he was already facing Britney again who was telling him something that made them both laugh. And I just looked at the bottle in my hands, cool droplets on the palm of my hand. Bringing the brown bottle to my lips, I drank the bubbly liquid, its bitter taste burning down my throat. My lips were wet with beer, and I just loved the feeling. Smiling to myself, I took another long drink. "Aahhh." I licked my lips. I didn't remember how long it was after that but there were four empty bottles in front of me when we all stood up and went to the packed dancefloor. I wasn't really tipsy yet, but I was getting near it. I fingered the top few buttons of my shirt and undid them, it was getting a bit hot. We danced in a big circle, with the others guys and their partners. But it wasn't long before they all paired up and the circle became smaller. There was only me, Justin and Britney left. But they seemed to be having a great time with each other. And as much as I hated to admit it, hints of jealousy warmed my cheeks. There was this girl to my left, though, who threw me a supposedly seductive smile and tried to chat me up despite the loud music. "You alone?" She smiled, grooving beside me., her long unbound hair swaying like silk. "Yeah." I nodded, knowing my answer was inaudible, but she got it anyways. Pretty soon we were facing each other, moving our bodies to the beat as if music ruled over us. But all the while, I was staring at Justin who didn't seem to mind, because he was terribly busy dancing with Britney. Fuck, her arms were wound around Justin's neck and they were dangerously close to each other. I just left the dancefloor, and the girl, whos name I didn't even catch, stood there stunned by my rude exit. I didn't care. I was thirsty, I was tired. And I was hurt. Besides... it didn't feel right to be there, and I guess I wasn't able to take it anymore. I found myself on the tall stools in front of the bar, and I was taking my second shot when Lance sat beside me. "What are you drinking?" "Tequila." I said, offering him one shot. "Thanks." He took it and drank the chaser afterwards. I motioned the bartender to fill up our shot glasses. "So where's Jamie?" Asking about his long time girlfriend. "Oh, uh, she has an assignment to rush in tomorrow, but she might follow meet us here if she finishes reviewing early." Lance spoke. "Oh. I see." I said before drank another shot straight, without any salt nor chaser to follow. "Anyways, why'd you leave that girl there on the dancefloor?" Still slightly wincing at the strong liquor, I looked at Lance and his eyebrows were raised in query. Maybe there was even a knowing look there, but I shook my head and chuckled. "Nothing...I'm tired and I just want to drink." *** "Will you be okay, J?" Tony asked Justin, an eyebrow raised questioningly at Josh who seemed like he was about to fall flat on the ground. Justin, who had become Josh's makeshift crutch, nodded, trying to keep Josh upright. He was as good as knocked out, his weight heavy as he leaned on Justin's shoulders. "Justinn..." Josh murmured, his eyes half closed. His words were slurred as spoke, obviously drunk. "I can walk by myself." Contradicting his own words, he held onto Justin tighter as he took attempted to walk forward. He took a couple of steps, but after the third, Justin wouldn't budge. He lifted his gaze to the other boy's wondering why they stopped moving and noted Justin's amused expression. "Josh, that's the kitchen. Your room is here." He turned Josh to the left, who slumped against Justin again. He laid his head on Justin's shoulder, his eyes fluttering close. "Okay." Josh pouted, his eyes remained closed. "...but I'm thirsty." He giggled. Tony chuckled as well, shaking his head. "C, we just washed your face and made you drink water." "Mmmm." Josh replied, his arm tightly around Justin's neck. "Right." "Okay, Josh, let's go to your room." Justin grunted as he drag-carried the brunette further down the corridor. They stopped before Josh's door and Justin opened it with his free hand. "Just tell me if you need help!" Justin heard Tony's voice from the kitchen. Not bothering to switch on the lights, they walked inside the room, Josh's weight heavy on the other boy's shoulders. Justin shook his head in slight guilt, realizing how many times he must've done this to Josh. It was usually him who got dead drunk, and who had to be hauled out of the bar into someone else's car to be driven home. And it was always Josh who would carry him to his room and even change his clothes when he vomited all over them. `Justin Justin...' He shook his head. Josh took care of him all the time especially when he gets too intoxicated with alcohol. But that night, it seemed as if their roles were switched. Now he knew why Josh would sometimes be mad at him after he wakes up from clubbing and getting drunk. Next time he'd be more grateful to Josh, he decided, to lessen the awful feeling he had. Soft light flooded from the door they had left open, helping Justin find his way towards Josh's bed. One last step and he could gently lay down Josh – "Ack!" Justin yelped as he stepped on something, causing them to lose their his balance. The two of them fell forward onto the bed. It creaked in protest as their bodies landed on its cushion, slightly bouncing. "Uh..." Josh moaned as his head hit Justin's jaw, but despite the impact, he still remained asleep, or at least it was like he didn't care that he had just hit his head. His arms were still tightly around Justin. Rubbing his jaw, Justin hissed at the slight ache. He tried to squirm out of Josh's tight embrace but his arms were firmly locked around his neck. "Josh..?" He softly whispered, trying to wake up the other boy. "Josh." He spoke louder, poking JC's side, but the other boy was still oblivious. "Great. He's dead drunk." He reached for the hand at the back of his neck and lifting it so he could get out of Josh's grasp, but the angle made it a bit difficult. Josh moaned in protest, a sleepy smile on his lips as he snuggled closer to Justin, his breath warm on the other boy's cheek. It was a highly uncomfortable position for Justin. `Should I call for Tony's help now..?' Justin bit his lip. `Hell no! This is too embarrassing a situation.' He answered himself. He could just imagine how that cheeky boy would laugh at him first before helping him. That was Tony Lucca... Crossing out that option, he had one option left: to wait. Justin looked at Josh's peaceful face, his hair covering his left eye. His skin was fair, in contrast to his pink lips. `He looks like an angel.. Really.... Well, okay... A bit feminine looking too.' Justin thought, his gaze subconsciously lingering on Josh's lips. "Right. I'll wait.... But what if Josh decides to make me his teddy bear for the whole night." Justin muttered under his breath, at a loss for what else to do until Josh loosened his embrace. With one last attempt, Justin shook his friend. "Josh, lemme up." "No." A soft reply came from Josh's slightly parted lips. "What.." Justin blinked. `Had he been awake all this time?' He thought. `Nah, impossible... Besides, he was just asleep a few minutes ago. Is he awake now?' "I need you.." Josh spoke once more. "You're talking in your sleep again Josh." Justin told the other boy, lightly chuckling. It was cute how Josh would sometimes talk in his sleep, sometimes even rap -- Hey! He had seen it with his own eyes and heard with his ears. "Now.. let go." "Don't leave me.." The supposedly sleeping Josh repeated. "I won't." Justin replied, a bit puzzled by his words. `Don't leave me...? What was he talking about?' He shrugged off the thought when Josh did let him go, loosening his clutch. Sighing in relief, Justin carefully lifted his arms as he slowly got up and headed for Josh's closet. Grabbing a red shirt, he looked at the bed, observing Josh as he turned to his side, sighing in his sleep. `The least I could do is tuck him in.' He rolled Josh onto his back and reached for the end of his shirt, taking it off. It wasn't an easy task at all since he had to lift Josh's upper torso, raise his arms, and pull the shirt over his head all a the same time. He gave up after a few tries, only able to lift his shirt up to his chest, semi-revealing his slim body. Justin's eyes flitted over his abdomen... his white skin... He was thin, although you could see his slightly developed abs, and ... `What the fuck are you staring at Justin?!' He scolded himself, forcing his gaze upwards. His cheeks slightly warm, he decided to take off JC's pants first. He fumbled with the first two buttons the pulled down his fly, revealing Josh's black cotton boxers. Blushing even more, Justin realized what he was doing, and well, it was pretty absurd taking off another guy's pants. It was *worse* than staring at another guys' muscles... He coughed, embarrassed. `But what the heck. This is Josh anyways. And not like I'm gonna...' He paused, noticing the outline on Josh's boxers. `...nevermind!' He pulled the baggy jeans carefully, making sure the black boxers didn't follow. Which wasn't really hard since the pants were big and loose. Imagine if Josh wore tight jeans.... Well, Justin didn't want to imagine. After successfully pulling off his pants, Justin put the red shirt on Josh's lap, sighing in relief, his warm cheeks gradually cooling down. "Okay. Back to his shirt." He tried making Josh sit up, but the sleeping boy just fell back on the bed. `Maybe talking would help again...?' Justin shook Josh's shoulders. "Josh..?" He said softly. He smiled when Josh moaned in response. `Good. It's working so far.' "Josh, can you sit up for me?" He helped Josh sit up, and this time, he stayed upright. Justin grabbed the ends of his shirt again and raised Josh's arms before he could successfully pull it over his head. He grabbed the clean shirt and put it on like how a mother would dress her child – arms first, then the head. He leaned down to make sure the shirt didn't bunch up at the back. "OK." He smiled, patting Josh's stomach. Just as he was about to pull away, Josh's arms wound around him once more, pulling him onto bed with him. "Oh no... Here we go again..." Justin bit his lip as he tried to pull away. He was on all fours on the bed, in a very awkward position as he hovered near Josh's face. "Don't leave." Josh's mouth quivered into a pout. Justin shook his head, not knowing what to do. Josh was talking in his sleep, yeah, but he was still sleeping! It was kind of stupid arguing with someone asleep. Besides, he couldn't stay like this. It was....too weird. Absurd! "But I need to change my clothes and go to sleep too, Josh.." "I can't let you go." He said moaning. Concern crossed Justin's face, and he started to get worried about Josh. `Were drunk people really like this? What was bothering Josh? He was just fine this afternoon.' He looked at the other boy whose facial expression seemed troubled even when his eyes were closed. "Is something wrong, Josh?" "...." Josh didn't respond, but his deep frown relaxed. Taking that as a `no' and as a good sign, he started to get up again. "Goodnight, Josh." But the arms around him tightened reflexively. "I need you..." With a sigh, Justin lied on the bed beside Josh and just closed his eyes. He was exhausted as well and even though it was weird when someone's arms was fixedly around you while lying down, the cold bedsheets and the soft pillow under his cheek was nice. He faced Josh, feeling the other boy's warm breaths against the his face. He sure as hell wouldn't be able to sleep like this, but he at least wanted to rest. And maybe think – "I can't go on if you leave, Justin..." Josh's words were barely above a whisper, but Justin heard them clearly. His eyes blinked open at Josh's statement, staring at the other man, wondering if his mind was just playing tricks on him. Josh's face seemed like he had been sleeping peacefully for a long time now... `Why did he say that all of a sudden?' *I can't go on if you leave...* Confusion washed over his sobering mind. But no matter how much he repeated twisted those words, they only meant a single thing to Justin. `Josh...? Can you actually.... ?' Justin's heart skipped a bit at his conclusion. But he couldn't -- We couldn't. It wasn't normal... right? *Don't leave....* `Do you actually feel... for me...?' His mind was preoccupied with the new thoughts that he was also able to form, until tiredness won over his body. He eventually got used to Josh's warmth, close to his... Justin inhaled deeply, trying to concentrate on getting some rest. *I need you...* *** A couple of hours later, Justin's eyes blinked open as he found himself in Josh's bed. He turned to his side and saw Josh still sleeping, his hands under his head. Justin carefully sat up, trying his best to avoid moving the bed as he got on his feet. He slowly trudged towards the door to head to his room for a change of clothes and for more sleep. But he turned around and leaned on the doorframe, observing Josh deep in sleep, with even breaths. He remembered the other boy's words again, and his pleas to stay with him. *Don't leave me.* Frowning, Justin's brows furrowed in thought as well, still confused by Josh's words, only able to derive at one conclusion. He shook his head, thinking how complicated things had gone. He had always thought that the stories like these didn't actually happen... stories wherein drunk people profess their love – He straightened his posture and crossed his arms over his chest. `Love? Who said anything about love. Attraction maybe. But love?' He shook his head, laughing inwardly... although his heart pounded against his chest at that thought. "Josh..." He said under his breath. ` I'm all confused... What did you mean by your words? And why am I feeling this way?' `How do you need me? .... I know I need you too. But not like....or is it.. ' He let his mental voice trail off... He had never though of Josh in that way. He shook his head and pushed his thoughts aside, promising he'd reflect on it more. He need time to think about it some more – what Josh had meant, and why it had provoked certain feelings from within him. He walked towards Josh again and grabbed the bedsheet that covered him up to his waist, pulling it up so that the boy wouldn't be cold. His eyes lingered on Josh's face for a couple more seconds before exiting the room. With one last glance, Justin carefully shut the door behind him. "What a night." `Or morning, rather' He corrected himself mentally. Justin exhaled deeply, adjusting his eyes to the bright glare that came from the television. On the couch laid a sleeping Tony, the remote control in his hand. He turned off the TV and headed for his own room. After he changed into his more comfortable clothes, he looked at his watch and decided he'd sleep a couple of hours more. Then he'd get up early to brew Josh a pot of nice strong coffee for his expected hang over. `Hopefully, after that, everything will be alright?' His mind had told him that a cup of coffee wouldn't solve anything. It still wouldn't explain to him the other boy's words. `Nothing or no one could except for Josh himself.' Justin sighed tiredly. ...But deep down inside, he knew what Josh had meant. And even though he wasn't aware of it yet, he felt exactly the same way.. *** My eyelids were too heavy, and I just laid on the bed, contemplating whether I should fight my grogginess or be a lazy butt like what Justin usually is. `Justin!' I gasped, bolting upright, trying to remember last night's events, but instead, pain filled my head, like hammers pounding on my temples. "Fucking hangover." My hand on my face, I waited until the rushing pain slowly subsided. When it had subsided into an annoying, but tolerable headache, I blinked my eyes open and trudged towards the toilet, disoriented. No matter how my condition was, I always made sure I washed my face and brushed my teeth before I went out of my room. The cool water felt great, and helped wake me up. "Joshua Joshua...what did you do last night...?" I remembered drinking tequila, several shots, maybe even more. My mouth felt really dry, and looking at myself in the mirror, spaced out, I lightly slapped my cheeks and let out a low growl before heading for my door. I couldn't remember anything! I'll have to ask Tony later. Or maybe Lance, since he was my drinking buddy last night. Good thing I got drunk with tequila. There wasn't any terrible sick hangovers like nausea, and that uncomfortable feeling you can't seem to get rid of. Laughter greeted me as I entered the kitchen, finding Justin and Chris seated on the dining table. "Your coffee is ready." Justin grinned, pushing the black cup towards me as I sat down with them. "Good morning." I managed to croak out. I looked at Justin, then stared at the barely-warm drink in front of me, its strong aroma filling my nostrils. Ah yes.... black, black, black coffee that Justin loved to sniff. I grabbed the spoon and opened the big jar of sugar. Stirring in two generous scoops, I commented, forcing half-hearted chuckle. "I'll definitely be able to get rid of this hangover after finishing this." I sipped the black liquid then cringed, the bitter taste so strong that it sent shivers all throughout my body. "Make, that half a cup." Trying to swallow, the aftertaste was stuck in my throat. "Sorry man, Justin wouldn't let me brew the coffee this time." Chris said sympathetically. Justin looked at me crossly, his tone threatening. "Now, Joshua, are you saying you don't like my coffee?" I just laughed and shook my head, taking another sip. Maybe some cream would help. I stood up and grabbed the white carton on the far side of the table. "Hey listen, I need to go. Mom's been paging me all morning already." Chris stood up, finishing his glass of water. "Mama's boy!" Justin teased him, ducking when Chris tried to pinch his cheek, which he always did when Justin was being funny, acting all cute. "Alright, curly boy, I'll see you later. Bye, Jayce, next time we go out, I'll make sure to keep you out of the bar." He laughed, leaving the room. Knowing pretty well what he meant, I kept my eyes on my cup, feeling Justin's gaze on me. Why the hell is he staring at me?! I was starting to feel uncomfortable under his scrutiny. He was watching every move I made... As I stirred with my teaspoon, and brought the cup to my lips to take a sip... Setting it down, I looked up at Justin and blinked at him questioningly. His expression was of one in deep thought, but his eyes were on me. When he realized I was staring back, he snapped out of his thoughts and stood up, clearing Chris's cup. "You okay?" he asked me, referring to my hangover. "I'm fine yeah. Thanks for the coffee." I said. His back facing me, Justin carefully put the cup in the sink, "You don't have to drink it if you don't want to." He murmured, almost inaudibly. "What?" I asked, wondering if I heard it right. Clearing his throat, he replied. "Nothing." He turned around and looked at me weirdly. "So what do you want for breakfast?" he thought about his words for a moment noting how *I* asked him that *every* single day, before we both burst out laughing. It was strange, I thought. What if our roles were changed, and I was the outspoken, charming guy and Justin... Justin would be the quiet, shy one, who liked to keep his feelings to himself most of the time. What if he was the one who longed for me, while I was naive and unsuspecting. A blush crept up my cheeks, `Stop daydreaming you dork!' "Nah, it's okay. I'm not hungry." I sighed, sipping my coffee. "Then again, maybe an apple would be nice." I decided, standing up. I opened the black door, the cool temperature from the refrigerator chilling my arms and my face as I reached for an apple inside the drawer. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up to see Justin, looking at me, worry in his eyes. "Yes?" I asked him as I closed the door and faced him. His hand was still on my shoulder, warm, yet reluctant. "Are you.. really okay..?" He slowly drew back his hand as I flicked my long fringe, but they fell over my eyes again. "What do you mean?" I looked at him, puzzled by his question. Justin was acting a bit strange, and it's making me nervous about last night. What if I did something stupid? What if I accidentally told him... "Hey guys!" Tony yawned, stretching his arms a bit as he plopped down on the chair I was sitting on earlier. Justin took a step back, and just shook his head, his lips in a grim line. "Nevermind." He whispered. I just continued to stare at him, then deciding to let it go, I faced Tony, who was blinking at us. "Hey buddy, I didn't even know you were here." "Hah!" Tony smiled. "Of course you wouldn't! You were already knocked out in the bar. We had to drag you back home." Blushing, I put on a frown and sat on the nearest chair. "I guess drinking one champagne glass of tequila straight wasn't such a cool idea." I looked at Justin who was washing the glass Chris used, and sighed, wondering what he had meant earlier. I turned away from him and looked at my best friend, only to see him drinking two big gulps of my coffee – or should I say, Justin's special brew. Before I could say anything, he slammed the cup down, his face twisting as he tried to think of words to describe the taste. He coughed, almost choking on the coffee. "Man... that was onehelluva caffeine fix!" He said, all teary eyed. I stifled a giggle as Justin tried to glare at Tony but failing to do so as we both laughed out loud. "Justin," I said, "Your coffee seems to be quite popular today." "Meanie!" He stuck out his tongue like a cute little kid, then sobered up. My lips curved in a big smile. Justin was just damn to cute sometimes. My baby boy... I sighed. A loud ringing tone interrupted my silly-Justin-thoughts. "I'll go get that!" Justin wiped his hands. "Josh, go make Tony something for breakfast." He said before heading out of the kitchen. "Hey no fair!" I pouted. "You're today's designated chef!" I complained, but I doubt he heard it since he was already in the other room, talking on the phone. "So..." "Pancakes, bacon, and eggs!" Tony immediately answered, flashing me a big smile. I rolled my eyes. "Lazy bum!" *** Tony, who was now fully awake, tapped me while I was mixing the batter for the pancakes. "Yeah?" I asked, slightly turning my head. "I'm sorry about earlier, did I disturb you and Justin? I mean," He grinned. "You both look... uh... serious and intimate." "Stop teasing!" I whined, and continued to mix the creamy mixture. "I'm nervous about last night. Would you know if I slipped and told Justin, uh.... that...?" I left the question hanging. Tony shook his head. "Nope. But Justin was the one who brought you up your room. So I wouldn't know what happened there." He winked at me. "C'mon! Quit playing!!!" My eyes slowly widened as I realized I wasn't wearing last night's clothes. I looked down and saw my blue pajama pants and red shirt. "Oh my god. That's embarrassing." `Justin undressed me.' My cheeks grew hot. `Fucking good thing I wasn't awake, or else I might've....' I bit my lips, not wanting to get into that. I turned towards the stove and poured a laddle-ful of hotcake mix on the greased pan. "So uh... did I vomit or something?" I heard Tony let out a silent chuckle as he headed back to his chair. "Yeah, in Justin's car." "Oh, damn…" I frowned, wondering how Justin reacted, and I was actually sorry I wasn't awake to see his face, his eyes probably like big round saucers... that would be too cute. Ha. "Don't worry, You had a plastic bag stuck on your face the whole ride back here." Justin's voice interrupted me. I turned around and saw him leaning against the doorframe, obviously done with his phonecall. Actually, he was already dressed up. He had put on a clean shirt and his blue jeans. I turned back to my pancakes while Tony just giggled to himself. "How many pancakes you want Justin?" "Oh, no thanks, I need to go somewhere." I could hear him head towards the door, his car key jangling. "Where to?" I managed to shout out before he left. Justin paused, for some weird reason, hesitating. "Uh, somewhere! I'll be back in an hour or something." He replied, but didn't answer my question. Before I could ask him why he couldn't tell us, he was already out of the apartment. Tony and I looked at each other, puzzled. Why was he acting so strange? Now he's keeping secrets from me?? "What's up with him?" Tony asked, drumming his fingers on the table. Shrugging, my pout remained on my lips. "I dunno. He's being weird this morning Tony… Maybe something *did* happen last night…" I bit my lip, looking at him as I started to panic. But Tony just laughed, and said in between giggles, "In your… dreams... Jayce!!!" "Oh shut up!" I stuck out my tongue at him and his cheeky grin. He sobered up after a few minutes, then it was silent in the kitchen, save for my cooking pancakes. "He's just probably not having a good day." "Yeah…" I hoped. *** I didn't bother asking Justin where he went when he arrived a little over an hour later. He seemed too preoccupied anyways. Tony and I looked at each other with puzzled expressions when he flashed us a fake smile when he arrived, plopping on the leather sofa, and closing his eyes. Something was really bothering him. And I felt betrayed and hurt that he couldn't tell me. The only reason I could come up with was because it was too personal a problem, or it was about me. `Pfft. Don't flatter yourself, JC.' I rolled my eyes. `He's not really your lover or boyfriend or.. so don't expect him to just pour everything out to you.' I sighed. I might as well pretend I didn't notice anything. I didn't want to irritate Justin by nagging him with what was up since he clearly showed he didn't want me to know. We left for the mall after Tony and I finished dressing up, this time to the mall. Tony was the one who suggested we go out, and Justin just shrugged and mentioned he needed to buy something anyways. Justin acted like he didn't have any problem on the way to the mall. He even cracked jokes every now and then, but it was obvious that all his smiles were half meant. After a couple of hours of shoping for clothes and accessories, we ended up in McDonald's our shopping bags crowded around our feet. "Hey Tony, that necklace you bought earlier, that's my birthday gift, right?" Justin grinned like a child, sipping his coke. Tony threw a french fry at him. "It's mine! Go buy one if you like it." The fry hit Justin on the cheek, as he laughed with the other boy, brushing off the salt on his face. "Which one did you get for me then? The cool Tommy pants? I think we're about the same size. `Cept my waist is smaller." He stuck out his tongue, dodging the fry Tony was also threatening to throw at him. "In your dreams, man! Besides... your birthday isn't up until next week." My dark-haired friend shook his head. Justin's birthday... I sighed, wondering what to get him. I'll just have to shop again within this week for his present. I scratched my cheek then rested my chin on my hand. I wish he'd tell me what's wrong. I looked at Justin as he opened a packet of chilli for his fries. He ate them slowly, his gaze downcast. Sometimes he would have this faraway look while eating, as if he was in deep thoughts, probably contemplating on his situation – whatever it is. I hoped it wasn't that serious. `Dammit! Tell me Justin!' I frustratedly shut my eyes, sitting back on the chair. I glanced at Tony who was looking at me curiously, and a bit worriedly. I just flashed him a small smile, assuring him I'd be okay. Tony just nodded, and cleared his throat, bringing Justin back from his thoughts. "I need to go." He said, grabbing his shopping bags, making sure he didn't accidentally get mine and Justin's. "I promised Damien I'd go work out with him today." He thanked Justin for the ride, and said goodbye to us. "Hey, are you sure you don't want us to bring you to the gym?" Justin offered. Shaking his head, Tony declined. "No thanks... It's gonna be out of the way. I'll just go get a cab." Justin nodded and stood up to give him a hug. I stood up as well. "Take care, Tony." Justin and I remained standing after Tony was out of view. He was staring at me again, and I, not finding anything else to say, just stared back. I knew my face was expressionless, and he probably couldn't read it, that's why his brows were slightly furrowed. "Let's go home." Justin finally said, bending to reach for the bags by his feet. I nodded and got my stuff as well, then followed Justin who was already walking towards the door. *** I dug the apartment keys from my pocket as we both stood in front of our door. I could feel Justin patiently waiting for me, holding all the bags, even the ones I handed to him so I could look for the keys in my pants. Finally, after going through all my coins, and receipts in my pockets, I found my keychain, and opened the door. There was still the uncomfortable silence between us, but now that we were home, there was less tension. I really could feel it was getting tense in the car. Justin was even distracted from driving... So I just decided to put off all my questions until we got home. I didn't want to annoy Justin *especially* when he was in control of the wheel. "Want something to drink?" I asked him. He just shook his head as he dumped our stuff on the dining table before heading towards his room. I shook my head as well, wondering how long this thing will continue. What the hell was happening here? It seems as if everything changed after that night at Lighthouse... I shut my eyes tightly, frustrated why I couldn't remember what happened. I'll never figure this whole thing out.. I guess it was really up to Justin to solve everything. I followed Justin's retreating form. Tell me what's wrong... "I'm gonna make myself some tea..." I sighed. It was later that evening, and I was clearing out the table for dinner. I peeked into each bag to see which was mine and his so I could put them away. There was this small red bag I didn't notice earlier, lying beside Justin's stuff. Maybe it was Tony's? But then Justin would've mentioned earlier he accidentally got Tony's stuff so... maybe not! "When'd he get this?" I wondered looking at the name of the store on the bag, but there was none. Curious, I peeked inside, but the item was wrapped in white tissue. I quickly set it back down when I heard some noise from the hallway, Probably Justin coming from his room. The last thing I wanted to do now was to annoy him even more with my snooping. I waited for him to enter the kitchen, but he didn't, so I just shrugged and forgot about the red bag. I grabbed his stuff and passed by his room first before I brought mine to my room. "Justin...?" I knocked on his door. I heard a soft moan and I opened the door poking my head in. "Dinner." I said, finding him on the bed, blinking at me sleepily. "Yeah. Thanks." He replied, smoothing his curly hair with his hands. "Oh! ...here. Your stuff." I went inside and put his bags beside the foot of his bed. I heard him mumble a thanks as he got up and went to the bathroom. I went to my room after that then dumped my shopping bags on my bed. I changed into comfortable clothes as well, grabbing an oversized black shirt and basketball shorts. Justin was already in the kitchen when I got back, opening the refrigerator to get some water. He looked really worn out. His eyes were obviously troubled and he looked very tired. Maybe I was just imagining it or something... But it still hurt to see him like this. I watched him silently as he got his glass of water and sat in his usual place. He licked his lips before he brought the glass to his mouth to drink. Justin's eyes were set on the table, as if I weren't there staring at him. He knew my gaze were fixed on him, he must've sensed while I watched him wordlessly. `Justin.. Speak to me.' I whispered in my mind. I took a seat across the table my gaze still on him. And when he finally lifted his eyes, I opened my mouth to ask him how he was. Hesitating, I closed my mouth again, pursing my lips grimly. He raised one eyebrow, waiting for me to speak... "Justin..." I started. "You can talk to me if .. y'know..." He remained silent and continued to look at me with an expression I could barely read. Depression? Confusion? I really couldn't tell. But it was far from happy, or joyous. Sighing, I leaned forward and rested my chin on my arms. "Please tell me what's wrong." I asked again, almost begging, then closed my eyes. It was getting really frustrating. I had to know what's wrong. It affected me so much to see how troubled Justin was. I didn't want him to be sad. "I want to help, Justin." I opened my eyes, and found Justin looking at his finger as he traced something on the wooden table. "I'm here to listen. So please don't keep everything inside." "Nothing's wrong... Really..." He denied, but his expression never changed. `Not very convincing.' I thought, rolling my eyes. Why couldn't he tell me? It did kind of hurt to know your best friend can't talk to you anymore, can't tell you their problems, can't share with you a part of themselves. "I just need to think about `it' some more..." He said, then he got up and trudged back to his room. I sat there, sighing. "If you say so..." After that, I didn't feel like eating at all. I just stood up and put away the dinner that I cooked. *** The next morning was hella better. And thank god, Justin had probably sorted everything out. I woke up, did my morning wash, and went out of my room to discover scrambled eggs and uh... that's about everything edible that Justin cooked on the table. He grinned sheepishly as he scraped off the burnt pancakes and the charcoal black hotdogs he probably forgot he was frying... I was quite surprised. He never attempted to cook breakfast before... `Maybe everything was better now,' I hoped. "That's okay!" I told him, grabbing last night's un-eaten dinner from the refrigerator and popping them in he microwave oven. "We've got lots of left over from last night." He sighed then plopped down on the nearest chair, exhaustedly running his fingers through his hair, his eyes closed. I looked at him thoughtfully, noting how tired he was. He probably couldn't sleep last night, so he decided to get up early and DO something to get his mind off of things... Did he even sleep at all? "I'm sorry about last night." He said, setting his gaze on me as I waited by the microwave. One more minute to go... "Uhm. I understand. Don't worry about it." I half-lied, leaning on the counter. We were both silent for a while. Nothing was really on my mind at that time... I was always kind of braindead in the morning... Besides, I was happy that Justin seemed to have solved his problem... Thirty seconds... "Everything's a bit clearer now..." I heard Justin's voice. I looked up and saw him looking at me with a refreshed look in his face despite the dark circles around his eyes. His lips were slightly upturned in the smallest smile, but it was enough to make me smile back. "Really? That's good.." I replied, nodding my head. His gaze went down towards the microwave, watching the green numbers change rapidly. Fifteen seconds... "Yeah..." He nodded too, a bit later. He was half in deep thought, the way his gaze was set faraway again, but his mind present enough to understand what I was saying. Five seconds... Justin mumbled something, but it was too low for me to hear. I looked at him, my brows shot up. His eyes flickered towards me briefly, then back to the microwave. Did he say something? Or was it just my imagination? I know I heard my name or something... Two... "What...?" I asked for him to repeat his words. One... Justin looked at me while the oven beeped then automatically shut off. He slowly parted his lips, as if still deciding what exact words to say... "I know... Josh..." *** I had been caught. My heart pounded against my chest but I still tried to maintain my cool composure, leaning back as calm as possible on the counter. Justin knows... *What* did he know? Was it why he had been acting so strangely all this time... Why he had been troubled? Was it because of me... Was it because he knew...? I thought I reacted quite carefully, (which was good!) raising my eyebrows in query, waiting for him to continue. But behind me, my knuckles were probably turning white as I gripped at the tiles tightly, wishing I'd just disappear there and then. I waited for his rejection, the words that would pierce through my heart. Justin knows.... His gaze flickered away from me, accompanied by a slight shake of the head. "No.. Nevermind." He said barely above a whisper. I looked at him a bit confusedly. "Huh...?" Nevermind!? I continued to looked at him in confusion. Maybe he didn't know after all.... Maybe it was something else. Oh god, I wished it *was* something else! All the while I had silently been praying that he did not know. I almost sighed in relief. "But I do have something to tell you..." "What's that...?" I asked slowly, trying to hide my nervousness as I opened the microwave to take out the food. His tone told me I wasn't gonna like what he was about to say. But what choice did I have anyways? "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier." He looked at me guiltily. "But I'm leaving for Tennesse soon." "Oh." Was all I managed to say. "When are you leaving?" I sat down beside him. "Tomorrow morning." I stared at him in disbelief. Tomorrow...? I was hurt that he didn't tell me sooner. Why would he keep such a thing a secret? It wasn't like I would've stopped him... Justin would leave tomorrow. But until when? Would he be away that long? I know this sounds corny but I wouldn't know if I can last long without him. It was one thing he had no idea about. How much I longed for him. But everything would be entirely different if I weren't with him. You do have that feeling of emptiness when you're not with the one you love right? It felt like everything was so dull, and you have no motivation to do anything except to wish he was near. Pssh! I am overreacting again.... I *can* live away from Justin for a while. It would be a hella boring and dull time but I really wouldn't die. Shaking my head mentally, I cursed myself for being too dramatic. Maybe this was just the after-effect of the near- nervous breakdown I was about to have earlier – If Justin had known and continued. ...But for how long will he be gone? "Josh are you even listening?" Justin's voice cut my mental argument. "Quit going off into lala-land!" He grinned, poking me. "Oh, I'm sorry." I told him. "I was just thinking of something." "Aha! So you weren't listening at all!" Justin pretended to give me the evil eye. "Fine." He continued, crossing his arms over his chest and turned away from me. "I won't repeat all that I've said." I reached out to scoop some rice from the bowl. "Aww c'mon. Like your mind doesn't wander off when I'm talking!" I said back, pointing the serving spoon at him. "Well, I said, my dad wasn't feeling well, and I'd probably be there for a week." Justin sobered up. "Oh." I looked at him, my own expression becoming serious. "What's wrong?" "Uhm... He's been having constant chest pains.. I dunno. Mom didn't exactly want to tell me all the details through the phone. Just wanted me to get back as soon as I can.." He shrugged. So was that why he has been troubled and sad lately? I bit my lip. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Why'd you only tell me now? It's been frustrating to see you all quiet and depressed without knowing why... I thought you..." "I was what...?" I looked up, finding him staring at me with those piercing blue eyes again, waiting for me to reply. "Uh... nothing. I just thought I did something wrong and you were mad at me." "I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I just didn't want to bother you with my problems." I was a bit relieved he didn't know after all, but I was guilty because his dad wasn't well. And I was sort of hoping those many years we've lived together, he'd have no trouble telling me his problems... I shook these thoughts out of my mind and just hope his father would get better soon. "Hey, you know you can always tell me anything." I gave him a small smile, despite my disappointment. "Yeah. I know...." We were silent for a while, both of us probably glad the tension was gone, and things looked better. "So you'll help me pack later?" He cocked his head to one side. "Yeah sure..." I nodded, at least I'd could spend all he time with him before he left. We had the whole day free... I really didn't want him to leave. One week could be a really long time... *** We were laying on Justin's carpeted floor, sleepily, not really doing anything. Justin and I had just finished packing all his stuff in one big suitcase, and it was around three in the morning. His flight was 10 AM which meant we had to leave the apartment at around 7 so he could check his luggage in early.... Forgive the math. I have been anxiously checking the time as it seemingly quickly ticked towards his departure. "Wanna see what I bought in the mall yesterday?" I twisted my neck so I could look at him. Justin was holding up a silver chain, with two silver tags hanging from it. "That looks nice." I said, assuming it had been the one in the red bag last night. "I got it from that new jewellry shop beside the Nike outlet." He told me, letting it dangle above his head, the silver pendant swaying back and forth. "Is that silver?" I asked, rolling to my side so that I faced him, my elbow propped up for support. "Yup." He answered, his eyes on me as I reached out and took the necklace from him. I examined the item in my hands, appreciating the crude style of the chain, and the simple yet `pretty' tag. There wasn't anything engraved in it yet, and as if answering to my thought, Justin spoke up. "The store's engraving service was closed yesterday... And I'm thinking of giving that as a gift anyway." I blinked at him, unbelieving. "Eh..? Justin Timberlake buying an expensive necklace for someone aside from himself?" I joked, my teasing interrupted by the phone ringing. Justin stuck out his tongue then smiled. "I only said: I was thinking about it." He lightly chuckled as he stood up to answer the phonecall. Wondering who the hell would be calling at 3 in the morning, my gaze followed Justin who answered the phone on the bedside table. "Hello?...Trace! What's up, dude.. " Justin continued. A smile forced the corner of my lips to curve upwards as I looked at him plopping down on the bed as he talked to Trace, who had supposedly just arrived back from Britain a couple of days ago. "Yeah, yeah man. No! That's OK. Just take Brian home, and you rest too... Sure. I'll talk to you later man!... Aiight. See ya!" With that, Justin carefully replaced the receiver, then laid down on his stomach, the bed creaking. He faced me, a goofy grin on his lips and amusement in his eyes. "Trace says hi." I just nodded and waited for him to continue. "And Brian's dead drunk...." Justin finding it absolutely interesting, was about to continue but just shut his mouth and changed the subject. "Anyways, Trace just called mainly because he wouldn't be able to drop by to say bye to me." The reason obvious... Curious, I asked. "Why's Brian drunk?" "Heh.. I dunno all the details.... Gotta squeeze that out of Trace first." He told me before rolling onto his back with a loud sigh. I couldn't see him from my position... I was on the floor and he was on his bed... But I could imagine him tiredly closing his eyes, feeling the drowsiness sweep through his body. Still on my side, I closed my eyes, too. Maybe he had that feeling of excitement in his chest too... He hadn't been to Tennesse in a long time. What the hell am I talking about? He's going to Tennesse to visit his sick father. The least I can do is to pray for his health... "Josh..?" I heard Justin's soft whisper. I forced one lid open and wondered why the tone of voice. "I want some hot chocolate... and bananas." I just laughed at his sudden craving, telling him we didn't have any of the two. "Then let's go buy!!" He half-whined. The bed creak once more beside me. "Mmmm...." I cracked my eyes open and found him sitting on the floor, giving me his puppy eyes, of course complete with the childish pout that could melt anyone's heart. Justin was really cute like that. God! I was complete hopeless... "Okay.." I smiled. "I'm sure we can find some at 7-Eleven or something..." *** We ended up in the nearest 24-hour store a couple of blocks away from the apartment, with cups of hot chocolate in our hands. Justin was contentedly eating his banana. "Want some?" Justin offered me. We were standing by the counter while I added some more milk in my drink. I stopped stirring my chocolate and mock-gasped. "Now you're *sharing* you food!?" "Cos it's good! And it's only a banana not like some real awesome cereal..." He stuck out his tongue again after swallowing his food. He was a real sucker for cereal. God knows why...! He'd finish a huge box by himself at once! "Sometimes, Justin, I really think you're the missing link..." I teased some more. "Aawww! And a hella fine specie I am!" He gloated as I rolled my eyes but thought how damn right he was. An awkward silence consumed both of us and I wondered why we were always running out of things to say to each other lately... "I really hope your dad gets well soon." I decided to break the silence. He sobered up a bit then nodded. "I'm sure he will be. Probably by the time I'd get there, the first thing he'd do is to tell me that I'm too thin, then threaten to keep me there until I'm all plump and round!" He grinned. "Shows how much he misses you!" Haha! That would just be too cute! A chubby Justin, - Just like the Justin I had met five years ago... I thought he could really use some weight gain. "...Don't you miss your family?" I asked. He nodded again, sipping his chocolate. "I did. A lot. Before. But now it's okay... Since you take care of me a lot... and all of our friends have been great, I don't get homesick that much anymore." He confessed, his face coloring a bit. I could feel my cheeks grow warm as well but smiled back. It wasn't everyday that Justin thanked me for things like that... I always thought my efforts went unnoticed. "Yeah, yeah. I'm your Dad and your Mom here in Chicago." I grinned. "What more could you want?" Although inside, it ached a bit. This would be as close as I could get to Justin, no matter how much I loved him. It would always depend on what he wanted. "Uh... Thank you, though. Josh.." He looked at me seriously. My grin dissolved as well, and I nodded slightly. `You don't have to thank me, Justin. I do this out of my love for you...' I thought, wishing I had the courage to really tell him. *** We packed the rest of Justin's stuff. We were running a couple of minutes late already and Chris and the others hadn't arrived yet, so we decided to go ahead. We were putting Justin's luggage in the car already when Chris's vehicle pulled up beside the Mercedes. "Hey you!" Chris peeked from his open window. "Leaving us without saying goodbye?" He pouted. Lance was in the passenger seat waving to us, and Joey was fast asleep in the back. "Haha, sorry. I didn't want to miss my flight." Justin waved back after he closed the trunk. "So I guess you're all set, then? Let's go?" Chris shut the engine and stepped out of the car. Lance got out as well then opened Joey's door and woke him up. "Hey Lance..Joey." I said as I jogged down the stairs of the building towards the car. "You guys finally arrived!" "Sorry man, Joey wouldn't wake up." Chris flash me a half-apologetic grin. "And he still isn't awake." Lance grunted. "....I... am....." Joey murmured, his face buried on Lance's shoulder. Justin and I laughed at Lance's desperate glance, Joey choking him with his tight arms around Lance's neck. Justin helped Joey out of the car and into the backseat of the Mercedes. I got in the passenger seat as Justin started up the engine. "Hey Justin, you got your passport, ticket and other stuff with you?" "Yep! Triple-checked." Justin nodded, then backed up from the driveway. The drive to the airport was just like the usual ride to anywhere else. Justin and Chris bickered about everything, and Lance would often add something, and me and Joey remain quiet, keeping our thoughts to ourselves, or throwing in a brief comment here and there. But this time, I didn't speak, lost in thought, dreading the nearing of the airport. "Eeeww. He *actually* drooled on meeee!!" Lance almost shrieked, hastily grabbing for the box of tissue on the floor. He pushed away Joey's head a bit strongly, and it accidentally banged against the glass. We heard the loud thump on the window, followed by Chris's sudden burst of laughter. "What...??" Joey blinked sleepily, rubbing his head. Lance then patted Joey's head then kissed his dark hair. "Sorry, Joe," He grinned at the boy who was still pouting, despite the apology. "But you were drooling all over me." "Dude, my head hurts!!" Joey complained and we all laughed at his delayed reaction. "At least you're fully awake now!" "Yeah..." Justin butted in, gradually deccelerating until we stopped in front of the airport building entrance. "We're here." *** It took us, more or less, an hour to have Justin's baggage checked in, his ticket confirmed and his boarding pass secured. And before we knew it, we were already in the waiting area, just waiting for Justin's plane to depart. Me and Chris were with him while Lance and Joey already said goodbye to Justin earlier, at the gate. After bidding Justin farewell, they got in the car and parked it somewhere. Chris would just ring Lance after Justin's plane had taken off. "Oh yeah, and I hope your dad gets well soon too." Chris said, standing up to give Justin a hug. "...Repeat. Attention, passengers of flight SIA 156 to Tennesse: You may board the plane now. Thank you." The female voice blasted through the speaker once again, as I stood up as well, inhaling deeply. "No girls in the house Josh. Don't throw a party while I'm gone. And be a good boy!" Justin joked, giving me a fake `evil eye'. "Hey!" I protested, "I thought I was *your* dad and mom?? Now, I want YOU to take care of yourself. And listen to everything your father tells you!" I imitated his `evil eye'. But my eyes had threatened to water, and I had to turn away quickly before it actually did. I didn't want them to notice. Damn! Why was I being so affected? Just a week,Joshua. Not like he's leaving forever.... I inhaled deeply and tried to get a grip of myself. I heard Chris saying goodbye, then suddenly felt someone's arms from behind me. "I'll be back soon.." Came Justin's low whisper. Too surprised to react, I stood there unmoving, even after his arms left my side. I turned around later and saw Justin walking towards the gate. He turned around and looked at me. And I just smiled, and raised my hand in a paused wave. "Don't forget to call me on my birthday!!" He grinned. "I wont!" I replied, my smile widening as I shoved my hands in my pocket. Dang. I'd miss him so much. `I can't wait till next week, when we come and pick you up.' I thought, as Justin boarded his plane. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned my head, finding Chris's big round eyes serious. "You okay, C?" "Yeah.." I nodded. "Let's go...?" His eyebrows raised in query. I looked out the window and realized it wouldn't be taking off for at least five more minutes... "Uhm. Let's go..." *** "Let's eat!!!" Lance stretched his arms as he got out of the car and transferred to the back. I was driving. I started the car and drove away from the Airport, gradually increasing speed as we entered the highway. "Yeah. How bout at Dannys?" Joe yawned, while everyone nodded and agreed. It was already 10AM when we arrived, parking in front of a diner. It was a popular place, and it was one of our favourites as well. We came here so often that the people who worked here already knew us. "Hey boys!" Luke called out from behind the counter as we entered the familiar joint in that same order. The place was fairly packed. Most of the tables were occupied and chatter and giggles floated in the air. Although you could notice that when Lance entered the diner, some giggles stopped and eyes stared. I just smiled and shook my head as Lance pretended to ignore the attention he was getting and waved at Luke. Modest boy. "What's up Lukie?" Chris flashed him a grin. I sat down in the empty booth near the counter. "Where's Justin?" I heard Luke ask. "Hey guys!" Danny walked out from the kitchen, taking off his baby blue apron. Streaked brown hair parted in the middle, a pair of thin-rimmed glasses on his face, the owner of the diner walked towards the table. The place became quieter, eyes reverted towards him. "Haha! Nice apron Danny." Chris teased lightly, poking the blue cloth bunched up in Danny's arms. "Yeah and nice shirt, Chris." The taller man commented, poking Chris's side. The latter looked down at his shirt. "What? I like pink!!" He protested, flashing everyone a `But I look cute in pink~!' pout. "Yaa.. yah!" Danny chuckled then looked at us. "Where's Justin?" Probably noticing my best friend wasn't with us that morning. "Just left for Tenn." Chris answered, playing with the tissue holder on the table. "I see..." Danny nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. But he shook his thoughts away and raised his eyebrows in query. "Double pancake orders, my special sausage, ham-n-cheese omelettes and OJ for everyone...?" "Haha, yeah! Been waiting for that all morning." Joey said. "Yeah, the usual, Danny." Lance said. "Of course. I am starving!" Chris said. "No thanks." I said. Everyone looked at me curiously. "Just coffee for today, please." I ordered. "You okay, C?" Chris asked, cocking his head to the side. I simply nodded, ignoring the other's confused stares. I *was* okay. Not like I was missing Justin already. God! It's been less than an hour. I just... wasn't hungry. Yep. All the others shrugged then continued to chat with each other while I slowly tore at the paper napkin I was holding. *** A day passed, another one, and yet another one. And I was struggling to survive with Justin away. Okay okay.. So I'm overreacting. But it wasn't really a problem right? I mean, let me sulk, for chrissakes! I'll get 110% better when Justin returns anyway... I sighed as I laid on his bed, not really sleeping. But rather, waiting for the next day to come so I could hurriedly call Justin to wish him a happy birthday. I did promise Justin I'd do that. Lying on my side, I looked around Justin's room, seeing the stuffed toy on Justin's table. I smile, remembering how much I teased him when he got that as a gift from Chris. Anyways, yeah. I was in Justin's room.... mopping. Tony called earlier, nagging me to go to a party later but I just turned him down and told him I wasn't in the mood. I really wasn't! I knew I'd only end up sulking in one corner, wondering how Justin was. I reached for the nearest pillow and hugged it. Hesitatingly, I buried my face in the pillow, inhaling deeply. It was Justin's favorite pillow and I could smell Justin's scent, and I sniffed even more and sighed, thinking how corny and stupid I probably looked. No.... Pathetic! That was the word. But I didn't really care. I had a right to be pathetic even once in my life right? I lightly smacked myself in the head and sat up in one quick motion. I felt the blood rush up my face, causing my head to throb for a while. I swung legs on the side of the bed and stood up just in time when the door to Justin's room opened, Tony's head peeking inside. I froze in place, thanking god he didn't barge in a few second earlier. I could just imagine how he'd never let me live it down if he caught me acting all lovesick and sentimental, hugging my crush's pillow, missing him like crazy! Covering my surprise with a clueless expression, I blinked at Tony and asked him why he was here. "Nothing... What are *you* doing in Justin's room. JC...?" He grinned knowingly. Shit. It's really bad when someone can see right through you. I sighed inwardly. "... Nothing..." I fought the blush on my face. "What's up?" I asked instead, walking out the door, passed my friend. "You have to come with us! Damien's holding a party... and you know how fun that always is!" He got hold of my arm and tried to drag me towards my room to get dressed, but I shook off his gasp and irritably trudged towards the living room and plopped on the leather couch. "I'm sorry pal, but I'm really not in the mood!" I pouted, reaching for the remote. "Awww, c'mon, C! How long will you be like this? He'll be back! Go have fun and try to forget about him in the mean time." He sat down beside me. "You don't understand." I shook my head. "It just seems dull when I know Justin won't be in the party. I mean, what's the point of having fun when my concept of `fun' is being with him?" He just shook his head. "Dammit you better do something about this soon Josh, it's eating you.." Tony *finally* gave up on convincing me to go out... I just crossed my arms over my chest and looked at him. He then grinned. "Don't worry. You can stay home and wait till 12 midnight, so you can call him on his birthday." I blinked at him, wondering if he could really read my mind or what! But he patted me on the back, telling me it was okay and that he understood, then said: "Wish him a Happy Birthday from me too!" before leaving the apartment Justin and I shared. I slowly shook my head, not believing how Tony could predict my actions. He was the only one who could. A smile crept up my lips and I slouched down and flipped open the TV, settling on an old movie. I felt my lids growing heavier and heavier, my mind slipping into the darkness. A nap wouldn't hurt. I had a couple more hours left before 12 midnight. *** The phone rang loudly, rousing me from my sleep. I blinked around, wondering where the hell that shrilling noise came from, then realized it was the phone. "Pssh!" I rolled my eyes, wondering who the fuck it was, calling me at... I looked at my watch: 11PM? I thought it was only nine in the evening... I must've dozed of, noticing the TV was tuned into the movie channel. The phone rang, probably for the ninth time, before I reached for the receiver and answered it. Crap! If it was Tony still nagging me to go to Damien's party I'd kill him! "Hello!?" I answered quite crabbily. "MMmm..." The person in the other end yawned. "Who's this?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. "Josh..?" The voice was familiar. Justin...? My brain jump-started and functioned immediately after I recognized his voice. "Justin!" I said, hoping I didn't sound *that* excited... "Yeah! Happy birthday to me!" "Hey! It's not your birthday yet..." I smiled, happy that Justin called. See? If I had partied with Tony, I would've missed his call... "It's not?" He asked. "Isn't it supposed to be 12 midnight there?" "No Justin. You're an hour early." I grunted, stretching my arms, feeling my muscles ached a bit. "Doesn't matter! As far as I'm concerned, it's my birthday already." He replied firmly. "I needed to tell you something anyway. So..." His voice trailed off. "What's up?" He was silent for a while. And I started to wonder what was so important that he had to tell me as soon as possible. "Mom's asking if I could extend another week, Josh. Is that okay with you?" I blinked, making sure that I heard that correctly. I think I did...didn't I? Four more days and another week before I would be able to see Justin. That seems like forever. "Yeah. Of course." I answered automatically, despite the heavy tugging feeling at my chest. Justin would be gone again for another week, and it has only been three days and I already felt miserable. "...But I'm still thinking about it, since Dad is doing fine and..." He said, uncertainty in his voice. "Oh. We'll, it's okay, really..." I really didn't want to cause him his rare time with his family just because little old me missed him terribly. I sighed inwardly. "I can take care of myself, Justin." "Yeah..?" Justin asked. No! I sighed, closing my eyes as I laid my head on the arm of the sofa. I need you! But I couldn't tell him that. not right now. I fought myself from blurting those words out. "So how's everyone there?" I decided to change the topic. Well.. I'd have to really learn how to live without Justin. Or I could gather all my courage and actually do something about my situation. But what could I do anyways? Everything still depended on him. Everything relied on him... Since when did I become a coward...? I sighed defeatedly. It was better this way. Better if I keep quiet and just keep him close, rather than telling him and scaring him away.... It was better if he didn't know. *** It wasn't so bad after a while. I got over my, ahem, `Justin-withdrawal' syndrome, and hung out with friends more so I wouldn't have to miss him all the time. I knew he was probably very much needed with his family now. And it was selfish of me to want him to stay here in Chicago at this time... Pretty soon, I forgot the time and several days had passed already. One more week to go... I frowned. Justin hasn't called since that last time for his birthday, and it saddened me a bit, even though I didn't want to acknowledge it. I glanced at the watch: 11:30 in the morning... It was probably 10am there or something. Justin should be awake.. Should I call? Looking away from the phone, I shook off the thought and went to the kitchen to get myself a drink. I was halfway through my glass of Orange Juice when the phone suddenly rang, excitement flashed through me at the thought of Justin calling me again. I gulped down the rest of the juice as fast I could, slamming it a bit too hard on the table and sprinted towards the phone. "Hello?" I answered calming myself down. "Jaycee!" My face fell. "Oh." I said disappointedly. "Hey Tony!" I followed up with more enthusiasm, not wanting to sound mean. He was a close friend after all, and I knew he was just trying his best to keep me from getting depressed over my situation. I actually owed this guy a lot. "Got any plans for today?" He asked. The answer glaringly apparent, I rolled my eyes, "Nope." I knew he'd drag me out and try to keep me occupied anyways. "But I need to go to the supermarket." "Hmm... Okay. I'll go with you." Tony said. "Can you wait for me? I'll be there in an hour." "OK Tony." Chuckling, I added jokingly. "Besides you're the one who eats everything, so help me restock on food." "Blah!" He just replied before hanging up. I grinned slightly shaking my head as I slowly hung up. My eyes fluttered towards the yellow post-it I had stuck on the side of the phone, a number sloppily scribbled down in Justin's handwriting. Just before Justin went out the apartment, Justin dropped all his baggage by the door and hastily ran back to his room. He came out a few second later, waving a piece of paper. "My number." He grinned, slapping it behind the door before picking up his stuff. "Call me cause I know you'll miss me." He kidded around. "Mmph." I just grunted, bending down to help him carry his stuff. I hope he hadn't noticed my blush. I looked at the number again, sitting down in the leather couch. ShouldIcallShouldIcallShouldIcall??? I frowned. It wouldn't hurt if I did, right? Riiiiiigght -- I told myself and picked up the receiver. My fingers felt cold as I dialed, the coldness spreading toward my whole body as I pressed each number. I blinked, wondering why I was _this_ nervous, as I waited for my call to be processed. After a while, I heard the phone ringing, and thumping in my chest became faster. Sheesh! I acted like a girl ringing her crush or something.... Well, that's not entirely wrong... I told myself, biting my lower lip as it rang for the fourth time. Maybe they were still sleeping? Or they're probably out.. I thought, and actually hoped cowardly. Man, get a grip on yourself Josh... "Hello?" Someone picked up. I didn't exactly recognize the voice.. "Uh....Hello. Can I.... speak to Justin ... please." I was useless. The person in the other line, slightly chuckled, but didn't say anything. Shit. Was this the wrong number? "Hello?" He giggled this time, then spoke. "Aww... you sounded cute, Josh!" "Justin!?" I blinked, confusedly. "Yeah. Sorry, I had to swallow what I was eating. Apologies for not speaking sooner." He cleared his throat. "Oh. I'm sorry, did I disturb you?" I almost sighed in relief though. Arg~ How I missed his voice. "No, no... It's okay." He replied. "What's up? How's everyone?" "Oh... Nothing much. Everyone's okay. They're asking why you're not here yet. So I told them you were extending." "Thanks. I'm sorry about that. But I think..." His voice trailed off. "What?" I asked, hoping he'd continue what he was about to say, but Justin quickly changed the topic and asked what I was doing today. I sighed, then thought about what I was gonna do for today. "I dunno..." Then I remembered the my earlier conversation. "Oh yeah, Tony should be arriving soon. We're gonna go out. How bout you? What have you been doing?" I asked in return. "Ahh... A LOT! Dad's been better, so we've been out alot. Went shopping for clothes mostly. Then for jewelry, and a new watch. And I got my tag engraved. Heh. It's real nice." I could imagine his smile as he talked about shopping. Justin loved to shop -- Especially if he's buying for himself. I shook my head at his raves. "Sheesh. How much you spend?" "Uhh, nevermind that!" Grinning, I laughed with him. I knew. He blew all his money again, in less than 1 week... Not answering my question again, he continued with his plans. "Then tomorrow, I'll be meeting up with my friends and just hang out with each other." I could sense the excitement in his voice. "Haha. Have fun. So your dad's been much better huh?" "Yea.. much better now... He has already began nagging on my weight and my eating habits." Justin said, chuckling. "That's good to know..." The line became silent as we thought of what to say. Me, I was just content with knowing he was on the other line, thinking about me at least... Deciding to end the phone conversation, I managed to croak out, a bit hesitantly. "Hey... I better go. I just called to ask how you were..." "Yeah.. okay... Have fun Josh.. Thanks for calling." His voice was serious. "Okay.. I'll see you." "Yeah. Sorry I haven't called lately. It's been hectic here. So many things to do in such a short time." I grinned instead, and told him he didn't have to apologize. "Nah, I understand how you're in demand. But I'll talk to you later.. Take care alright?" "Yeah I will. Byebye." "........" I didn't say goodbye, but instead waited for him to hang up. I didn't like saying goodbye. It sounded like he wasn't coming back anymore. I bit my lip and just blurted it out. "I.. I miss you Justin.." *** My heart skipped a beat, longing to hear the same words from Justin. And I waited for a few more seconds but no one spoke in the other end. Justin had probably hung up after he had said goodbye. I sighed -- Of relief or of disappointment, I do not know.. "Hello?" I asked again. But the line remained silent. There was no one there. I hung up, then trudged towards my bedroom. Tony would be here soon. *** Tony and I went to the grocery store after lunch. Then afterwards, he convinced me to go to the parlor and I had my hair trimmed. Tony, on the other hand, had his hair colored brownish blonde. It was.. a lil weird at first. But it grows on you after a while. Anyways, along with the other things he has persuaded me to do, I ended up working out in the gym with him and Trace the next day. I wasn't used to weight lifting and bench presses, so I just tried the machines. Laughter made me turn towards the duo, as Trace added another five pounds to Tony's set of weights. "C'mon Lucca, you can do it." Trace's grin was from ear to ear as he assisted Tony. The man grunted loudly, his face tomato red as he lifted the weights with all his might. His hair stuck to his face. "Trace... can't.... help..." Trace immediately lifted the weights with his both hands, but you could notice he didn't exert much effort. Tony on the other hand, wheezed and puffed, breathing heavily as he sat up, his face still flustered. I couldn't help but laugh at the scene especially when Tony pouted, whapping Trace, who was teasing him how he needed to loose his flub and start building them muscles. "Hey! I don't wanna be big sized like y-o-u!" He just stuck out his tongue. I grabbed my towel and wiped my face, feeling how hot my cheeks were. "How bout you JC?" Trace asked, one eyebrow raised, in a sort of challenging way. But I wasn't one who let's his pride get the best of him. I knew how to turn down a challenge and how to admit that I couldn't do a certain task. Shaking my head, I grinned at him. "No thanks! But I'm worse that Tony." "It's cool..." Damien nodded, handing Tony a towel. Afterwards, Tony turned up the stereo and stuck in a CD collection of his fave dance songs. And he fell into the beat, his body moving smoothly as the fast music flowed. Trace and I started dancing as well, showing each other what we could do. Tony was hilariously showing off his ruffian moves. It was a lot of fun, being able to move like that, dancing until our muscles ached. But because we were already drained from weight lifting and machines, we didn't last long, as we laid in a helpless heap on the floor after an hour. "JC..." He turned to me. "I'm hungry." "What time is it?" I blinked. "Past six." Trace replied, looking at the wall clock. "You guys wanna eat? There's a nice restaurant near here. And it's quite cheap too." *** It was already around 9 when I got home, and I felt like gravity pulled me down a hundred times more the normal 9.8 meters per second as I trudged towards the apartment, my big heavy bag slung over my shoulder. Actually, It was Justin's bag because I couldn't find mine. And if it *was* mine, I would have dragged it all the way from the garage to my room already. Oh wait, did I tell you that I reeked of alcohol? After eating in that restaurant, we ordered some beer and drank, for a while a few more hours, just joking around and talking about stuff. Did I have fun? I don't know. I started to feel better though after a couple of bottles of beer. But I'm not drunk. I got home safely right? Sometimes though, my head felt like it was whoozing forward and sideways. But I could still think clearly. See? I didn't even have a problem using my apartment keys. I was sober. *Hiccup!* Mmm. I just needed to drink a glass of water! And I'll be fine. But my legs didn't want to and I just dropped the bag on the couch and went straight to my room. Or wait. This isn't my bed sheet. And I don't have a stuffed toy on my bed. But I hugged it anyways and smiled, curling my body in a fetal position. I closed my eyes, sleep claiming me just as soon as blackness filled my sight. *** I stirred in my sleep as the doorbell chimed throughout the whole apartment. `Mmmm?' I blinked, looking at the time. It was 3am. Very dark. And I stood up, I felt like I was walking on clouds. I wondered what kind of dream this would turn out to be.. Yeah. I was dreaming all right. Everything seemed blurred and I felt like I was floating, I moved around the apartment in liquid steps. No! I wasn't on crack. (Never tried and never will.) The doorbell rang again and I wondered why the hell anyone would bother me at this time? I slowly opened the door and a slim silhouette filled my view. It looked like Justin's and I cocked my head sideways. He had bags by his feet, and he stepped into the apartment. "Justin?" I blinked, seeing his familiar chiselled face in the light. He just smiled, and stood there, like an illusion. A fantasy. Yeah that was it. This was a dream, remember? "Oh, wow. Now I'm dreaming about you coming home earlier." I murmured to myself pathetically. "What dream?" He asked me, the smile on his lips dissolving into a thoughtful line. "This dream!" I answered, pinching myself. "Ouch." I blinked. But that's how it worked right? You dream, and you pinch yourself to prove that it's a dream? I pinched myself again, harder this time, and the pain shot through my arm. "Oww.!!" "Josh, why the hell are you pinching yourself!?" He said almost chuckling. He stepped closer, taking my arm for inspection. His touch very much felt real. This was a weird dream alright. I felt his hand warm on my arm, and I looked at him. His eyes travelled from my arm to my face, locking gazes with mine intensely. It was actually as if Justin was here. It felt so real. A wave of emotions washed through me, my heart filling with longing and pain. I missed Justin so much. And what I would do for this dream to come true, that he was actually in front of me. I closed my eyes, the corner of my lips upturning into a bitter smile. "I dunno.... I don't even wanna wake up from this dream actually." I stepped forward and hugged the figure that resembled Justin, standing before me. It felt like the right thing to do. I sighed deeply, inhaling his scent, that was very much like Justin's. I could feel his arms slowly wrap around me, hugging me back. "You're drunk, Joshua.." He whispered into my ear, his warm breath tickled my skin. I didn't quite get it at first, and I had to ask myself afterwards if I heard it right. A minor headache had managed to make itself present, and my head started to throb slightly. Drunk...? I was drunk? And at that point of realization, my eyes grew wide, my mind felt like it was being cleared of all the alcohol intoxication I had. My other senses became oblivious to the surroundings and were only focused on two things. All there was, was me and Justin. Our arms around each other. *** This wasn't a dream? I blinked, frozen in my place. Justin must've felt me stiffen, because he moved back and I just let my arms fall to my sides. "Wha-What are you doing here?" My cheeks were a deep shade of red, but I ignored it, my eyes fixed confusedly on Justin's. Wasn't he supposed to be in Tennesse for another week? Not that I didn't want him here. Now. Ahh! No one could possibly guess how much I longed for his presence... He blinked at me, then grinned, saying as-a-matter-of-factly. "I'm home." Okay. This definitely wasn't a dream as I felt my blood rush up my already blushing face. And Justin was *definitely* standing in front of me. "Yeah.. But..." I racked my brain for something intelligent to say: Nuh-uh! None. Sorry. I was simply too confused. But I couldn't deny the fact that I was ultimately happy to have Justin back again. It was just too unbelievable. "Aww... Not happy to see me?" Came his words, his face slowly shifting into one of his puppy looks. "Oh I am..." I assured him, nodding and we just stood in the doorway staring at each other... And stared until I blinked out of it. "I-Im sorry. I'm still ... uh... waking up." I told him sheepishly. "Let me help you with your stuff." "Thanks." I heard him mumble as I bent down to get his luggage. My arms ached as I helped carried his bag into the house, following Justin to his room. He was carrying a backpack and a small plastic bag, as he turned his head, looking at me. I flashed him a smile, and kept quiet about the pain my arm muscles were giving me. I stepped inside his room, setting his bag on the floor, beside his bed. Justin looked at me, his eyes unreadable, and I looked at the bed, it's ruffled sheets spilling over the side. The blush never left my cheeks. "Uhm, sorry, I think I fell asleep on your bed earlier." I bit my lip. "Nah... That's okay.. Justin waved his hand dismissively, closing the door before walking towards the bed. He sat down sighing tiredly. He must be exhausted.. My gaze fixed on him, Justin closed his eyes and resting his head back against the wall. His hair, smooth and silky, begging to be touched... I stared... Okay okay, I admit: I drooled at him for a few seconds more... before exhaling my breath, mentally banging my head against the wall to rid of my dreamy thoughts. `I have to let him rest for now and I'll just talk to him tomorrow.' "You must be tired." I said, headed towards the door. "Goodnight, Justin.." "Josh." I heard him call my name. My hand on the doorknob, I turned my head, eyebrows raised in query. Justin cracked open an eyelid, and asked me to stay. And said that he'd like it if we could talk. ...Talk? I blinked, waiting for him to start. But he didn't, and kept on either staring at me or staring on the floor. I sat down on the other end of the bed, facing him. He was still silent, as if he was still in deep thought, so I decided to go first. "Why didn't you call me so I could've picked you up?" The question only entered my mind now since I was more sober and less groggy. Really... He could've just called me up and asked me to get him at the airport. Even at such a late notice, I would've hurried to get there. "I wanted to surprise you." A smile creeping up his lips. "And besides.." More words followed. "You can't drink and drive, especially with my Merc." He glared at me, his smile disappearing into something like a failed attempt to sneer. I tried laughing it of, telling him I wasn't drunk, and that I *was* able to drive home safely. "It was Tony who got drunk this time." I chuckled, telling him how Trace had to carry him out of the bar as the man clung on to him. Pretty soon we were talking about the time when Joey walked into a tree after coming him home from Justin's birthday celebration... When Lance kept talking to the tree, thinking it was his mom, and telling her he was sober... And when he also puked all over Chris who was trying to nurse him out of his drunkenness. ....And Chris did succeed. Because soon after that Lance was all flustered, apologizing non-stop to a grumbling Chris whom we didn't know was pissed because he smelled like crap or because his date got grossed out and ditched him. "Haha... Anyway..." I breathed heavily as our laughter died down after recalling all those drunken scenarios. "I... I still don't understand, Justin..." I said shaking my head, trying to switch to another topic. My stomach hurt from all that laughter already. "What don't you understand?" Justin cocked his head sideways, the remains of a small smile on his lips. I carefully chose my words, thinking of the best way to ask without sounding like I didn't want him where he was right now: Back here...in our apartment.. beside me. Actually, the best way was not to ask at all. But I had to know... "Why did you come back this early?" He was silent for a while, thinking about something I was clueless about. Was it that hard a question to answer...? I guess he was thinking of the best reply to give. As the seconds ticked, I felt even more confused. It was just unexpected how he showed up in front of our door a week earlier than planned. Something must've happened at home. Or maybe – "Cause somebody said he missed me." He said simply. I felt myself breathless, at a loss for words. All I had were thoughts. He heard.. he said... I said... I missed him...? He was on the line, after all... That time I blurted out how much I longed for him to come back. And maybe even how much I was disappointed I was that he would be staying longer than intended. I'm sure all of those were obvious in my words. In my voice. All he had to do was to listen. So he must know by now. My lips were set in a taut line... Still not able to find the words, I just continued to stare at him from behind the mask I had slipped on. I knew my face was unreadable. It has always been. But I started doubting it as I saw Justin's eyes slowly soften and they sort of sparkled too. Dark blue eyes that could easily suck you in. Eyes that have always mirrored all his emotions, all his feelings. Eyes that was filled with mirth, or gleaming with mischief, or blazing with anger... They were always so alive. A frustrated laugh itched in my throat... As I realized: my mask was slowly cracking. I had no idea what to say. Except to wait for what else Justin wanted to tell me. Wanted to do, before he probably says how I was being weird and queer, feeling for him like that. I had an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach... "Well..." He said barely above a whisper, continuing as I snapped out of my thoughts. His voice was faltered "I also realized.." He cleared his throat, as if to sum up courage, and so that he talked louder. "... I realized how much I missed you too, Josh.." *** My eyes focused on Justin as he slowly crept closer to me, his words soft and solemn. "... I've also been thinking about you a lot." He added. And I remained dumbfounded by his words, trying to convince myself I was just dreaming that I wasn't dreaming about Justin actually confessing--Believe me, I am more confused than you. "What do you mean..?" I managed to get out, making sure I had heard everything correctly. He stopped in front of me, the bed creaking as he kneeled. He then sat on his legs then sighed. "I think.... I really like you... alot Josh." Oh. My. God... Justin, you're not just kidding around right? This isn't one of your jokes right? It's nothing like one of your `Fuck me, Josh's, or your `Don't we look cute together, Josh?'s, RIGHT? *Please* Justin, don't do this to me... I waited for him to burst out laughing, telling me what a stupid-ass expression I had on my face or how he had me fooled. But he remained still, in front of me, his gaze intense, his lips slightly apart as if he was holding his own breath in anticipation. My throat felt dry, and I knew he awaited my reply. Was it my turn to profess my feelings now? But me being the cowardly person that I was, I didn't. "What are you saying?" I bit my lip hard afterwards, feeling the pain of my lips. All I wanted to do was to cry and reach out to Justin. He loved me too. But why couldn't I bring myself to tell him how I feel? Why the fuck was I denying it now? "Josh, please dont..." He blinked a couple of times. His face inching closer to mine while I remained frozen in the spot, frantic and freaking out inside. I could feel his breath, smell his strong scent as he leaned forward, his lips dangerously close to mine, but not touching. Neither of us moved. Tell him you idiot! No. But you love him, right? Yeah... Then this is your last chance... ...I can't. Following that last thought on my mind, I moved away from Justin. Seeing the brief flash of hurt in his eyes, I felt utterly low and guilty. It was as if I was rejecting him. But I really wasn't. It was just.... too much and too fast for me. I laughed in mockery inside... Who would've thought I, Joshua Chasez who has been in love and lusting after Justin for years now... couldn't even kiss him, nor tell him my feelings...! It was ridiculous, I know. "You...You don't know what you're doing, Justin." I said, avoiding his confused gaze. I sighed painfully, as if my heart was cut by my own betraying words. God.. I let out a bitter chuckle. I oopened my mouth and thought of how to start. But before I lost my courage again, I just started already. "I don't *like* you Justin...." Okay. That wasn'r so bad... But that wasn't what I meant to say either. "I.. love you.... Do you think you can handle that? " Justin's puzzled look morphed into somewhat of relief, but tinged with uncertainty. I finally told him! You didn't think I would, now did you? I didn't either. Although I've never felt so vulnerable all my life. My mask was gone. My guard was down. My heart was out. One blow and that would surely leave me devastated. My eyes implored into Justin's, waiting for him to tell me `Yeah, He loved me as much, and he wanted to be with me'. But... I just couldn't see it in his blue eyes. All I could read were confusion and uncertainty. And once again, I felt crushed. So he wasn't ready for my love after all. I should've just kept my mouth shut and pretend it wasn't true. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and I just wanted to get out of there. Justin remained silent for another minute, until I couldn't wait any longer. I stood up and left, despair in my eyes. I knew he saw it. But still he didn't do anything, he didn't even tell me he was sorry. I'm such a loser. I always mess up at times like these. All I wanted to do was to bang my head on the wall repeatedly. Death seemed like a nice option at that time. I thought bitterly, my lips were somehow upturned as my heart was drowned in frustration. "Ha. ha. ha..." I cynically told myself, slumping on my bed as a tear rolled down my cheek. What the hell happened to this friggin happy fluffy story? Why the hell did he have to know? I was fine admiring him from afar, and now, everything was messed up. I ended up driving him away despite how much I longed for him. Justin...You didn't even reply. Silence didn't necessarily mean yes, you know...It was more like a, N O. But still.. I couldn't help but feel guilty. I should've just accepted what he was offering, and not flooded him with all my emotions, that I knew would be too much for him. Closing my eyes, I hoped the turmoil within me would just disappear. And I hoped tha they'd be gone by the time I wake up. Highly unlikely... But I wished everything would just be back to normal later that day... `...I missed you too, Josh.' His words reverberated in my head until I fell asleep. *** The next morning felt real awkward. Of course it would. I was cooking late breakfast, and Justin came out while I was setting the table. Once he saw me, he went back in his room again, as if he was avoiding me. Oh but I understood him. Of course I did. He was still probably scared of me: His obsessed fruity roommate. He probably thought every time I looked at him with raw emotion in my eyes, I was thinking about how badly I wanted to fuck him. Or to make him mine with all that commitment and crap. And, Fuck! I'm starting to freak myself out too, becoming all paranoid and rambly. I smirked wondering how everything turned out to be such a mess. I had to fix these all up soon before I totally drive him out of my life. Around an hour ago, I woke up deciding I'd start by apologizing to him when he thought over things and wasn't that confused anymore. Then afterwards, I'd tell him it's okay if we only stayed as friends first, and get to *really* know each other.... Yada, yada.. You know the whole story already! "Your scrambled eggs are brown already." He spoke beside me ,bursting my thought-bubble. "Oh!" I looked down at the pan and turned off the heat. "Sorry." I said, smiling at him sheepishly. Weird though: He smiled back! ...Maybe things weren't as bad as I thought. Maybe nothing has changed at all. I mentally crossed my fingers. "Oh. And Chris called up earlier while you were still sleeping. He said he'd drop by with the gang this morning. You know... maybe eat together or something." I nodded, and started thinking about what to feed the `gang', namely Chris, Lance, Joey, Tony, Brian Trace ,Luke and Damien. I bit my lip. And as if reading my thoughts, Justin laughed. "Don't worry. They must've eaten breakfast already. And I think we'll go out for lunch. Is that okay?" Justin flashed me a grin. "But *I* am starving.." He said, rubbing his stomach, that oh-so flat stomach... And as if on cue, his tummy growled in complaint. Loud enough for me to hear. I chuckled and shook my head. Wondering what else I could make aside from eggs, sweetened ham and left over macaroni salad. He'd have to be content with this food. "Hah. Eat up." I smirked motioning towards the pan of nearly-burnt egg, giving him no reason to object. He just stuck out his like a spoiled kid and plopped on the chair as I put the contents of the pan on his plate. "Pfft..you're mean." His shoulders slumped, pretending he didn't liked what was served. Grinning at his childish antics, I was glad. Nothing has changed. *** "You know..." Justin said chewing his food. "Hmm?" I looked up from my own plate. "This actually tastes good." He suppressed a grin while eating. "The egg ish kinda crishpy." He chewed his food, his eyes slitting as if he was critiquing it. Raising a sardonic brow, I hid a smile. "Are you telling me you like your eggs like that from now on...?" I asked, laughing when he choked on his food. "UH......No thanks!" He blinked. "I really prefer your omelettes!" He immediately protested. "Uh huh." I chuckled while sipping my apple juice. "So how was everything back home?" I asked, trying to start a conversation -- I never really got around to ask him that last night.. "I don't know. I left in a hurry without even explaining to them why I was leaving." Justin bit his lip. "What?!?" I looked at him in puzzlement, not believing how rude he had been to his family. "Jus' playing.." He grinned cheekily, then told me how he waited for his dad to be really well first before he asked for permission, but he had already set his mind on it, so even if they said no he still would came back. "You doofus.." I told him, but inside I was happy. He really did mean everything he said last night. It was good too, that he's not avoiding me now, as I thought I had scared him away. "No. For real." He became serious. "I really wanted to be here." Shaking my head, I wouldn't accept that reason. I felt awfully guilty for being at fault why he spent less time with his family. Especially when I knew how much they missed each other. But knowing Justin, he'd just be stubborn and do things his way – in this case, come back here. "But you don't see them often! Besides, I could've waited a week more." But we all know that's a big fat lie, ha! I felt like I was about to DIE of boredom and loneliness. Heh... but Justin really didn't have to know that. "Really? Chris said you were acting like a hermit, not going out, and just staying here by yourself." He cocked his head to the right, one eyebrow raised. His grin was taunting. "He WHAT?!" I almost shouted. My blood rose up to my cheeks. Justin knew I was miserable without him. How embarrassing! But I thought of it some more and realized that Justin called up other people to check up on me. That's sweet yea. And it's all just wishful thinking... BACK to my supposedly enraged thoughts: So what if I was being antisocial!?! It was just temporary! Later, *I'll* show Justin how to party! I sort of grinned to myself, my mind flitting at the thought of Justin and I going out and clubbing together, as a coup--- `Snap out of it Josh.' Now isn't really the time for daydreams... Ending my mental argument, I noticed Justin's amused grin at my previous outburst. I had to admit, I had reacted to that quite weirdly. "Hey.. I went out a couple of times." I rationalized. `Even though they had to drag me.' I added to myself. "...I just didn't feel like it..... without you." I said instead my voice becoming softer as I let that last statement roll off my tongue. "..." He remained silent, deep in thought...His grin became a frown. "I'm sorry... about last night." I said, his attention back to me. Justin slowly shook his head, disagreeingly. "Why? I'm the one who's supposed to be sorry." "No. Me." I insisted, knowing I really was being pushy, asking for more than what he was giving. "Pssh.. Me!" He insisted, leaning back on his chair, his feet on the horizontal bar supporting the legs of the table. He flashed me a `it's-me-and-thats-final!' look, his eyes twitching. "Fine! Fine!" I rolled my eyes, deciding to just give up, else we'd be arguing the whole morning. I just pouted and decided to finish my food. "Yeah..." He grinned, satisfied that his stubbornness won again. "Anyways... I gotta tell you something." I continued eating, and finished chewing my sausage before answering him, setting my gaze onto his piercing blue eyes. "What's that?" He opened his mouth, but no words came out. And when he finally decided on what to say--- the doorbell rang. Justin and I bought looked at each other, then to the direction where the apartment door was supposed to be. "I'll get it." he sighed, probably mentally cursing the person to arrive at such an inopportune time. He disappeared from view, and I heard him unlock the door and opening it. "Justin!! Dude! It's so nice to see you!" The visitor exclaimed, his companion greeting Justin softly. Justin let them in, and they went straight to the kitchen, seeing me sitting on the table. "Hey JC!" "Hi, Chris. Hey Lance." I looked up, giving them a small smile. They were early. Chris flashed me a bright grin that went well with his yellow shirt and dark blue baggy pants. Lance, on the other hand, was in all blue, but he looked good nevertheless. Justin entered the kitchen after them , his face a mixture of excitement, yet tainted with frustration. I assumed it was because our *cough cough* .."heart to heart" conversation had been postponed again. "C'mon go get dressed and let's go!" Chris suggested, not aware that we were in the middle of eating breakfast. I blinked at them. "Where?" "To that new cafe they opened near Brian's place. We're meeting everyone there in a little more than an hour." Lance replied, sitting on the chair beside me, while Chris raided the fridge for some milk. "Oh okay. .. But we're not dressed yet." Justin said, combing his fingers through his blonde hair, as if to say he still had to shower, and blowdry his hair. Well I had to too, but Justin needs twice as much time as I do to get all that done. "Then hurry up and just take a shower together!" Chris butted in while he grabbed a glass and poured his drink. "Ha ha. Very funny." Justin scowled at Chris. The latter seemed to be really proud of his joke, beaming as he gulped down his milk. Oh but he was afraid of Justin's wrath too. "Just kidding!" Chris giggled, flashing a peace sign at Justin who was still glaring daggers at him. I blinked confusedly. By any chance... did Chris know...? I bit my lip wondering if I had been that obvious all along... I mean if Tony guessed how I felt, then I guess other people would be able to as well. I bit the insides of my cheek. Nah, Tony was different, I guess. He was the only one who could read my actions, and decipher my words. I kept silent as I stood up and headed towards my room to get ready, hoping no one would notice my blush. "Uh, yeah... I think I'll go ahead and use the bathroom before Justin hogs it..." I mumbled then left. "Hey!" I heard Justin protest, and Chris and Lance just laughed. *** "Wait!!!" Justin stopped in his tracks just before going out the door and felt his pants pockets. "What?" Chris asked, and we all looked at him. He grinned and shook his head. "I just forgot something. You guys go ahead downstairs." And with that, he ran back to his room. Shrugging, I followed Chris and Lance towards the elevator. After a couple of minutes, Justin came down and we all left in Chris's car. It was quite a long drive since traffic was heavy that Wednesday afternoon. And my mind sort of wandered from one topic to another, but dwelled mostly on Justin – what do you expect? He's been driving me crazy with his `I need to tell you something's... And the way he keeps staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable and nervous. Okay! Excited too... and somewhat giddy. Besides, it *was* inevitable, since he was sitting in front of me, the top of his head peeking from the seat's headrest. Lance and I were in the back, listening to the two talk about cars, music and new clubs to go to. It took us 30 minutes to reach the cafe. It was indeed brand new, spotless glass windows and freshly painted walls. There were still banners and colorful balloons tied to the roof from the recent inauguration. The place was packed, but we were lucky enough to get the last vacant parking slot. The ambience inside was pretty good, it was very cozy but it was sophisticated as well. It was well designed, the table and partitions neatly arranged. Music, chatter and laughter filled the place, but the loudest table – or should I say, 3 connected tables—were from the left area of the cafe. We *really* crowd the place whenever we go out as a group... "Hey JustinCLanceChris!" They shouted collectively as we headed towards them, causing a lot of heads to turn. "What's up guys?" Justin greeted everyone, sitting beside Brian. I took the empty seat next to him with Damien on my right. "Oh nothing. We were just talking about how you guys were taking so long." Damien grinned. "Haha. Sorry. Anyways, Nice hair!" Justin remarked, referring to Tony's newly colored hair. "Thanks." Tony replied, soothing it with his hand sheepishly. "How bout my hair? You like it?" Brian grinned at him boyishly, turning his head to `model' his new color for Justin. "Always cool, Bri." He chuckled, shaking his head at the other boy's silliness. "I'm hungry!" Joey complained, leafing through the menu, already choosing what food to order. "Blah! You're always hungry Joe!" Luke teased. "Bite me!" He grinned, choosing from the Cafe Specialities section in the menu. Lance and Trace peered over his shoulder, one on each side, and started conferring what they thought would be nice to get. This cafe seemed like they served good food, I thought as I looked around, people happily talking or eating. Justin called a waitress who more than gladly whipped out her light blue notepad for our orders. It probably took a whole 10 minutes before she could jot them down, all because of Trace and Lance who couldn't decide what they wanted. Joey bit his lip, whimpering and nagging them to hurry up and decide already. Luke and Chris suggested random dishes just so they could choose already. I grinned as Trace scrunched up his nose, deciding whether to get steak or pasta, and while Lance subconsciously did that habitual thingie with his nails when in deep thought, probably considering Chris's suggestions. "What do you think?" Lance looked up, asking no one in particular. He looked around, asking for the other's opinions. "Goodness..." I could swear I saw a vein about to pop in Joey's forehead. Good thing Justin and I got to eat a little before we left the apartment... *** "Oh yeah..Brian! How's that hairdressing job going?" Damien asked, everyone's gaze directed to Brian. The three of them: Brian, Luke and Trace decided to make some money during the short break we had before school started again. They ended up with three really different jobs: One working in a parlor, one as a waiter at Dannyz, and the last one as a lifeguard. "It's great!" Brian replied, putting on his usual dorky grin. "I've even been practicing these snipping moves at home. I wanna impress them all!" He added. "Dang. You sure you don't wanna be a cool lifeguard like me?" Trace raised an eyebrow, a big grin on his face as if he was offering the best deal no one could resist. Brian shrugged. "Sorry Trace. How bout Luke?" Shaking his head vigorously, Luke said, "No way! Part time at Dannys is good enough." "Pssh.. " Trace rolled his eyes and said in a sing-song voice. "You guys don't know what you're missing..." He looked at all of us, one by one, until he finally stopped, his eyes on Chris. "Stop it you dork!" Chris laughed. Trace pouted. He stuck out his tongue and teased Chris "Oops! Sorry bro. Forgot you couldn't swim." The rest of the gang laughed, mostly because Chris's face turned beet red as he tried to jab Trace hard on the ribs. It was really a funny site when Chris was the one being teased. "Food's here!!" Someone shouted, and the group almost immediately quietened down, eyes on the waitress who set up two big trays filled with plates and drinks. They served huge amounts in blue and yellow platters, which seemed to be the Cafe's motif. The waitress had a pretty hard time distributing the heavy plates, but it was impressive how she remembered who ordered what. And pretty soon we were passing around the plates to their respective owners. "Thanks." Justin smiled, as I handed him his grilled chicken. Our fingers brushed for a second but I just ignored the sensation to avoid blushing. I was so sure Justin looked at me after that, probably waiting for my reaction. That was a good sign, right? Him curious about my reactions. I mean, instead of Justin snatching his hand away or something... Ugh! I told you I had to stop my wishful thinking and just face the stupid *unfair* reality that he and I were men. And that men were supposed to *be* with girls. I blinked as I looked up and saw a very familiar bubbly girl headed towards our table. Her skirt high up above her knees, her blouse fitted, emphasizing her *ahem* assets, as if shoving it to my face that she had one and I didn't. Britney... I felt my expression literally fall, a frown on my lips. Okay, so maybe I'm just being too sour here. She liked her Justy. And *I* liked Justin too... Damned boy was just too likeable, I tell ya! "Hey Justin! I haven't seen you in a long time!" She flashed a special pretty smile for him as she sat down across the table, between Luke and Trace. "I hope you don't mind that I dropped by. Luke mentioned that you guys were coming here so I thought I'd come since I was near already." `Yeah right.' I rolled my eyes while pretending to eat my steak. I looked up and glared at Luke who was too busy eating his Lasagna to notice. It was his fault she was here! He didn't have to tell her everything about Justin you know... Tony was looking at me strangely from across the table, his eyebrow raised in query. But I just shook my head and cut a piece of my steak, straining my ears to listen to Justin and Britney talk. Good thing I've been growing out my hair, and it's long enough to cover part of my face. Then I wouldn't be obvious.. right? "So... Britney, What have you been up to lately?" Justin smiled, chewing his food while making a casual conversation. Britney blabbed about herself, but I was looking at Justin from the corner of my eyes ,and listening to his smooth voice as he conversed casually. I wasn't really listening to *Britney*, duh! I mean, okay so I DO want to know what they're talking about, but.. well, nevermind! All of a sudden, Justin leaned closer to me, his voice whispering. "You want us to speak louder?" He grinned cheekily. My face feeling warm, I looked away from them and just concentrated on eating this time. `Damn that was embarassing...' I cursed myself for being too jealous. *** Wait. Hold up!! ...Jealous...? No! NO!! I wasn't jealous. I was really just curious about what they were talking about. My eyebrows furrowing in thought, I argued with myself mentally. Besides... What was there to be jealous about? Justin did already say that he liked me. But I looked at them and saw Justin smile at her as she said something supposedly funny, giggling. Justin pretty much was acting like he was interested in her too. Okay... so maybe only a little bit envious... because she could easily flirt with him and I couldn't. That would be just damn too awkward right now --Laugh all you want. But I could really flirt with Justin if I wanted to. I mean, why not? So...Yeah, I could. Uh huh. I stabbed the slab of meat on my plate, the fork a bit too loud as it scraped against the platter. "Uh, sorry." I looked up finding everyone's gaze on me. I threw in hints of a sheepish smile too, and everyone shrugged it off and continued chatting – except for Tony of course. He looked at me amusedly, one eyebrow raised, as usual, knowing what was up. Sometimes, I think he actually knows more than I do. It was weird. Really... "Justy, I thought you'd be staying in Tenn for another week. What happened?" Britney asked, tilting her head to the side. Her soft brown hair cascading down her shoulder. As if she didn't even notice me staring at her, her gaze was continually fixed on Justin, an innocent smile on her lips. `Nosy hoe!' I snorted to myself,rolling my eyes. `And innocent my ass. Anyone could tell she's been scheming on how to get Justin since they first met!' Justin leaned back on his chair, setting down his fork and knife on the plate, swallowing his food. "Yeah. But something came up so I thought it was best if I returned earlier and fixed it A.S.A.P." He nodded. It took me a couple of seconds for his answer to register in my mind, and I was a bit surprised by his words. Did he mean what I think he meant...? When I looked at him, he was already looking at me, a secret smile on his lips. I frowned, not sure what he was up to... But still, his choice of words... It was as if he had been thinking about it for a long time now. Justin turned to Britney once more, and I sighed, looking away, observing what the others' were talking about. At least I had to stop this wishful thinking. "Oh... is everything alright now, Justy?" I heard Britney's voice. `Yeah so is everything alright now...?' I wondered what Justin would answer this time. I reached for my iced tea, leaning forward so that I could drink from the straw. I froze when I felt something warm on my left hand, but I didn't have to look to know what it was. My heart beat faster, my mind raced as well, until it halted with one thought and forgot about everything else: Justin..Justin was holding my hand. I didn't care that my cheeks were probably flushed. Or that I was strangely leaning forward, unmoving, like a robot low on battery. All that mattered was the feeling of his callused fingers on my skin, the warmth radiating from his palm covering mine. He was holding my hand. I sat up straight and lifted my eyes to Justin, biting the insides of my cheek. I knew *why* .... I didn't need to ask. But I had to ask him again. To make sure he knew what he was doing. `Can you love me back, Justin?' I asked him mentally, and I was certain he had gotten my response through my intense gaze. My heart wanted to scream out! I was expecting that uncertain look in his eyes again, just like last night. Justin's beautiful blue eyes bored into mine. His eyes were the same dark orbs that I always fell into, just like what was happening right now. It was like, not knowing what to say or do -- Looking deep into his eyes always took my breath away. It's a mushy feeling, yeah! But it goes with love... I waited for his decision, looking into his eyes, imploring. Searching. But I did not find a single trace of hesitancy, nor reluctance, nothing unsure. Although, his eyes were full of emotion. They were full of honesty. Hope...and ....... dare I say – .... love? His hand remained on top of mine unmoving. `Justin...' My eyes softened as I understood his gaze... understood his touch. I looked at our hands, slowly moving mine, turning it so that my palm was facing his palm. And I entwined my fingers with his, our hands clasped together. It felt nice, and it felt so right. The warmth from our hands spreading through my arm, I couldn't even hide my smile when he grinned happily at me. "Justy..?" The moment interrupted, Justin and I looked at Britney, who was frowning from being ignored. "Justy.. I asked if everything was okay now?" "Oh..." Justin bit his lip, I assumed, to keep himself from giggling. "Yeah. Everything's all right now. Everything's great." He nodded. Britney smiled, glad that she got Justin's attention back. But not for long... You should've seen her face when Justin leaned towards me a bit, and spoke quietly. "I gotta talk to you." Justin then smiled at Britney again and said. "Britney, why don't you order something first? I'll be right back." "Okay Justy.." Britney pouted, disappointed that Justin was leaving. "Hey Chris, can I borrow your keys for a sec? Imma get something." *** We sat in the backseat of Chris's car, me sitting on the left side while Justin positioned himself on the far right, his back against the door so that he fully faced me. His foot was on the seat with his knee folded as he semi-hugged it. He had that grin on his face. Neither of us said anything, and it was really getting weird for me. I leaned back, and looked at Justin as he continued to stare at me. Blushing, I couldn't take it anymore. "What?!?" Wondering if I had something on my face, or if he was waiting for me to start. I told you before how he can make me squirm with his stare, right? "You look cute when you're blushing." Justin remarked. "Dork.." I rolled my eyes, bending my knee so that I could twist my body towards him too. "You like it when I'm all uneasy and uncomfortable, don't you?" I joked. "Exactly." He grinned evilly. "Huh.." I blinked back confusedly. "And why so??" He chuckled, brushing his hair away from his eyes. "I dunno. Cos you're always firm and in control when around other people. It's one side of you I rarely see." "Aww, stop it!" I crossed my arms over my chest. I hated to admit it, but I always fail to keep my guard up when Justin was around. "I'm serious here!" Justin still continued to grin though. "Then BE serious! You act as if you're high." I chuckled but it sort of sounded like a nervous laugh. I shut up when Justin's expression did sober up. He moved so that he sat close to me, his eyes never leaving mine. I could feel his arm touching my knee. Oh shit. I asked for it. I held my breath again as he stared at me with his piercing gaze. I lost the smile on my lips as well, waiting for what would happen next. I hoped I wouldn't mess things up even more. This was my second chance already. "I really thought about it last night." He started, a small smile forming on his lips again. "I know how you feel. I guess I always have...." He paused and gave me a small lopsided grin. "But it was only recently that I saw the meaning behind your smiles. Or when your eyes sparkle. And how you've been good and patient with me." Justin reached out and brushed the bangs away from my eyes. Tucking them behind my ear. "I'd like to thank you." He continued. "And to ask if you'd accept my love." Everything went blank. I just didn't know what to say. I guessed I had been waiting for this for so long now, that it had seemed like it was only going to happen in my dreams. I never really thought about how I'd react. In my dreams it just came naturally. But now, I felt like my heart was going to explode because of the million things I wanted to tell him but just couldn't. The only thing I could do was to hug him. And I did. Tightly... inhaling his scent... feeling his arms around me as well. I closed my eyes, and we just stayed like that for a few more seconds. And I don't know if he heard me, but I whispered that I loved him too.... I guess he did because he embraced me tighter. I smiled. When I pulled back, he squirmed and dug inside the pocket. "I've got something for you." He wriggled his eyebrows grinning. Just like Justin to act all serious and mushy, then silly all of a sudden. I bit back a giggle. "What?" I asked, looking as he pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to me. It was a small paper bag. I opened it slowly, careful not to tear the bag, and let the silver square thingie drop onto my hand. It was a silver pendant. Actually, it was the tag he had bought a couple of weeks ago, although there was only one of two. And it had something engraved on it. "Thank you." I smiled at him then read the inscription. It said: JRT "Haha... Why would I want to wear your name around my neck like I'm your property?!" I joked. Justin's facial expression morphed from smiley to shocked. The astonished look on his face was *so* cute, his mouth was even hanging open. I was afraid that my remark had hurt him... I was just kidding! And I was about to take it back. But he closed his mouth, his lips taut in a grim line. Then the corner of his mouth curled upwards in a lopsided grin. "Well. Cos I have *your* name on me everywhere I go, like I'm *your* property, Joshua Chasez." He reached for the silver chain under his shirt, pulling out the other tag. It did read: JSC Again, I was rendered speechless. I let him reach behind my neck and unlock my silver necklace. He put the tag on the chain as we watched it slide down beside the cross I always wore. Justin locked the chain and fixed it around my neck as I toyed with the two pendants I was now wearing. I smiled back at Justin. My heart was pounding against my chest, my mind hazy with all that has happened so far, making all these seem like a dream. I let my face drift closer to his, my eyes that were fixed on his lips were half-closed. But I stopped... I hesitated. I lifted my eyes to meet his. "So... are you going to kiss me?" Justin asked as if he was even daring me if I could make the first move. And heck! I had been waiting for this for so long now... I'd be damned if I couldn't. "Yeah..." I leaned forward, closing my eyes to better focus on the sensations I felt as my lips softly caressed his. I grinned into the kiss as I licked his lips, my tongue darting out to wet them until they were soft and sweet. I opened my eyes and saw him heavy lidded and blushing, and I felt flush on my cheeks as well. Then I sucked on his lower lip for a while, making Justin moan softly, before brushing mine ever so softly on his in a feather light kiss. I wanted to be gentle, to show him my love. I wanted it to be sweet and pure. I wanted it to last forever. He murmured something, the corners of his mouth curving upwards. I slightly pulled back, feeling my eyes water a little. I whispered back his same words and gave him a soft peck on the lips before embracing him tightly again. He chuckled a bit and hugged back as he whispered into my ear. "Are you crying?" I shook my head even though a tear slid down my cheek. "Liar." He smiling at me as I shamefully lowered my head. It was pretty embarrassing you know. I never really cried in front of anyone. I was supposed to be the older,composed guy remember? He cupped my face and kissed my cheek, feeling his lips on my wet skin. A small smile tugged at my lips as he still held my face, kissing the tip of my nose then briefly, but gently, placed his lips on mine. "You want to go back in now?" He asked. ....The others were probably looking for us now. Wondering were we had gone off to. Giggling, I shook my head. "Not really." He chuckled too, letting his fingers fall down, tracing the sides of my face as he leaned forward for yet, another kiss. *** You couldn't wipe the grin off my face that day no matter what you do or say. All I did was smile and smile, even if I was staring into a blank space. I guess you could call it one of the happiest days in my life. Even as I sit back on our couch, watching old sappy movies, I had the barest hints of a smile on my lips. Very un-Josh-like...I know. We stayed a couple more minutes in the car before reluctantly going back inside. That instant we entered the cafe and sat down at the table, Tony noticed my goofy smile, but was wise enough not to comment. Britney continued to `charm' Justin, but then I couldn't care less. Justin sitting closer to me, his hand holding mine sometimes, and his frequent glances were enough to assure me it was only me he was interested in. It was even funny how Tony pulled me aside when we were about to leave, dragging me in the restroom where it was empty save for me, and him. "Jayce! So you and Justin finally got together, huh?" He grinned while washing his hands. Ahhh.. There he goes again. "Yeah. Finally." I blushed, fixing my hair. "How'd you know anyways?" He chuckled, shaking his head. "Let's see... Aside from that necklace literally proclaiming `Private Property of Justin Timberlake,' there's that stupid grin you can't even wipe off your face. And I've never seen you grin that much, C." I just laughed, eyeing the necklace from the mirror. "So how does it feel?" He looked at me curiously. "I dunno. It's feels great. I'm so..." I shrugged, turning off the faucet then grabbing a bunch of toilet paper to dry my hands. "... happy." "Yeah. Well, I was kinda getting frustrated how you guys couldn't realize sooner." He stuck out his tongue. I raised a brow, pausing as I was about to throw away the paper in the trash. "What do you mean?" "Haha... Nothing, Hyukie. Let's go." He waved his hand, disregarding his last statement and headed towards the door. "Mmm.." I shoved my hand in my pocket and followed him out the restroom. *** So, it's been a couple of days already and I still think I'm dreaming.... Here I was, on the couch, with my boyfriend, cuddled up next to me, fast asleep. Twisting my neck to the right, I checked if he was really sleeping. Justin's eyes were closed, his face soft and beautiful. His breathing was deep and even, his shoulders moving with every slight rise and fall of his chest. It was already late. Probably 12 midnight or something. That night, though, I didn't want to tuck him to bed. I was content to just sit beside him, his head on my shoulder, his warm breath on my arm. I had to stand up and go get a blanket though, or we'd be cold and sick in the morning. When I came back from the room, he was laying on the couch, his hands under his head. I had to reeeaaalllyyy carefully move him so that his head was on my lap, but I still stirred him awake. Justin sat up, blinking at me sleepily. "You wanna go to bed now?" I asked him. He replied with a nod, his eyes fluttering close. I guess he was still too tired from that day's basketball game. And he did mention he wasn't able to get enough sleep last night because of a headache. I let him curl up beside me again, then I put the blanket over our bodies. I leaned towards him and he shifted for a more comfortable position. The TV flickering in the dark room, the volume really low. I continued watching the movie but after half an hour I got sleepy as well. "Justin? I'll bring you to your room now, k?" I slightly shook him, but he didn't budge, and just continued to clutch the cloth of my shirt. "Only if you sleep beside me." He murmured, a smile on his lips. I shook my head and chuckled quietly. I turned off the television, the only light in the room disappearing within a second. I wrapped my arm around the figure snuggled close to me, kissing the top of his head. He slightly giggled, holding me as well. "I love you, Josh.." `I love you too Justin..' I closed my eyes with that single thought lingering in my mind as I let sleep claim me. The End
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